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Canada Day's been alright. 'Cept the neighbors dog ran away. Everytime her heard a bang he'd get nervous. Seems like people don't want to wait 'til it gets dark.
It'd be nice if this day had a semi-romantic tinge to it, but I don't believe in pipe drams anymore. We have fireworks to set off tonight. Should be fun.
It's safe to say that I've already had a couple of drinks today. Why not? Something Canadians do on Canada Day. Canadians are known for their Canadian breweries. Beer or Wine. Ice Wine is Canadian. Wine made from frozen grapes. Expensive since they can only make once a year. I think. I'm not a wine maker. My Grandfather grew his own grapes in the backyard to make his own wine with. I thought about making my own wine, to, but then I'd be drinking more than I do. Which isn't often. Special occasions.
Canada has so many cool things that other countries don't have. The natural wonders like Niagara Falls and lots of natural resources. The gold in the Yukon, Uranium in Saskatchewan... Health Care. A society where people are generaly accepted. We are the immigration capital, in my opinion. Well, yes, people immigrate to the U.S as well. But for some reason they like to come to Canada. We just need to seriously reform our government, I think. Get all the coruption out of there. Do things properly. For the good of our country. Do you think that politicians realy have the future of our country at heart? I don't. I think they are mostly pocket liners.
But anyways, I'm just going to focus on having a god time and not think about the strike in Toronto, or the gold heist at the Mint, the corruption in the government, or anything else. For today.
Sometimes I'm really close to achieving a goal, but then I realize that if it seems too good to be true, it usually is. So to keep it simple, I have to just let that stuff go. Get it off my mind. The less problems the better.
I have to look for the warning signs and take them seriously. Trust my gut instinct. I think, OK, this will be different this time around. I'm ready for it this time. I'll be happy this time. But no, it doesn't work that way. I seem to be disappointed. Because yes, I have expectations. I know I shouldn't, but I don't deserve to be treated the way I've been treated by guys. So in my mind, I think that I deserve much more out of life in general. Like being treated with respect. Is it so hard for people to have faith in others? I guess trust has to come before faith.
In any case, it's a learning experience. It always is. Sometimes it really is an eye opener. The way some people speak to me sometimes. I'm not a kid and I'm not an animal. I don't take commands. Maybe requests, if they are worded politely. It's not what people say, it's how they say it. I do have feelings. If people do not respect my feelings, hurt my feelings, and then pretend as though nothing happened... Yeah, it shows that they don't really care about me in the first place. You know? If I'm crying and someone is making me feel bad for crying, then obviously it'll make me feel worse because, again, they don't care.
I don't know why guys have to get angry when there's no reason to get angry. Is that the only emotion they can show? Other than happiness after they get what they want? Yeah, I can be happy and all of that. It's just unrealistic to be happy all the time. And if someone only likes me when I'm happy, then they don't really like me at all, as a person. Just as someone who's fake. Because if I were happy all the time, I would be faking it. I can't be fake. I only know how to be real.
Tomorrow is Canada Day. I'm going to be at my Mom's again tomorrow. I was going to be here today, because I was supposed to take someone to dinner for his birthday, but if he's going to treat me like crap, he doesn't deserve it. I almost bend over backwards for people to show them I care, but then I never get anything back. I'm not talking about THINGS. All I ever needed was affection. To me, affection = appreciation. That's all I ever needed. I don't need or want THINGS just simple gestures. Just it doesn't seem like guys understand any of that. They think if they buy a girl something she'll be happy. It doesn't make me happy. Hugs make me happy. Kisses make me happy... Simple.
