That's Why

Writing's a decent release. The last few days...
I just want it to make sense
that nothing that's been happening makes any sense.

Why would they ask if I had been drinking?
Because I got upset?
Because I was told "we don't know what you want us to do."
Why bother treating me like that?
Then they came to "check on" me?
They got a complaint. They had to address the complaint.
Not what the compliant was about.

When it's not about me.
It isn't me they should have been checking up on.

Does it seem like I'm being gaslit?
That's what I want to know.

Would others be upset about these types of things?
Constantly, throughout their lives?
Only for the ridicule that fuels these types of things?

Would the things that come out of their mouths
be things they would want to hear?

If not, don't bother saying it.
Should be simple enough. You'd think.

And I'm not the one "responding"
to serious things with "we don't know what you want us to do."
And it took 3 of you to come to tell me
"we're just talking in circles now."

If you're going to be THAT rude, GTFO.

That's the response I get.

"we're just talking in circles, now."
Obviously because we're not getting anywhere, are we?
We'd be getting somewhere
NOT TALKING IN CIRCLES, RIGHT?

AND WE'RE NOT TALKING IN CIRCLES 
BECAUSE OF ME.

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN VERY CLEAR WITH WHAT I SAID.

But how dare I be clear about what I said?
How dare I make them look bad with complaints
about their "response"?

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT US TO DO.
HOW ABOUT DO WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING.
THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.
BECAUSE IT SHOULD GO WITHOUT ASKING OR TELLING.

Like do you want me to beg for you to do your jobs, desperately?
Is there some sort of programming code
where you speak a certain way 
to get desired results like hypnotically?

So they never speak to you that way again?
So they get their heads out of their @ss?
And actually act with some semblance of normalcy?

It would be assumed that you could freely express yourself,
your dislike for being spoken to like you're "wrong" all the time.
By people who ought to know better.
Because would they want a cop to come over at 2am, 
a herd of them to tell you how wrong you are,
and argue with you, not take notes about anything,
not ask you any pertinent questions. 

Say things like "we don't know what you want us to do."
Say things like "we're just talking in circles, now."
Say things like "do you understand?"
Say things like "were you drinking?"

Excuse me? Would you want to be spoken to like that?
Are they spoken to like that?
Do they speak to everyone like that? Or just me?

Would they be p*ssed?
Then try to act like I shouldn't be?

Because they came at 2AM, 
they would have had me waiting
OUTSIDE THAT DAMN STATION UNTIL 2AM FFS.

Even people they interrogate get to sit in a room
and get a glass of water and use of the washroom ffs.
Murderers, at that.

AND THEY DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE THERE!
HOW CRAZY IS THAT?

THAT I WENT TO REPORT SOMETHING
THAT NEVER GOT REPORTED
BECAUSE "WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT US TO DO."

THEY WANTED ME TO WRITE A REPORT LAST TIME.
I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO TALK TO ANYONE.
THEY JUST TOLD ME TO WRITE A REPORT. 
SO HOW IS IT THIS TIME THEY DIDN'T?

YOU WOULD THINK THIS MIGHT WARRANT THAT.
Might warrant more than that.
TOO. MUCH. PAPERWORK.

"Suspected of being inebriated"
Sober for 10 years.

That's the thing, they put the suspicion on me
and don't look at anyone else.
Definitely not the people I've told them about
or themselves.

Never what anyone else is doing because they're always justified, 
but that's as far as it goes, for them. 

We're using "the law" as an excuse to turn our eyes away from facts.
Because it will make her seem like she knows what she's talking about
and only we get to seem like we know what we're talking about
because we know "the law."

Yes, I have to say it mockingly to illustrate the point.
How dare I make a point?
How dare I have a point to make?
How dare I try to make a point?

Because it makes them seem the fools they are.
A biting dose of reality.
That doesn't feel or look good.
I know because it bites me, too.
All. The. Time. But I know why, at least.
I can acknowledge it now.

But how they act is out of line.
"We don't know what you want us to do"
is what they say and how they act.
And with that being how you're going to act, 
WHY F*CKING BOTHER?

THEY WERE GOING TO MAKE ME WAIT
UNTIL 2AM OUTSIDE THE DAMN POLICE STATION.

"We can't do anything about that..."
"This is why we're right and you're wrong."
"This is why we're going to act like that never happened."
"This is why we're going to talk down to you."

ASK ME AGAIN IF I'VE BEEN DRINKING.

When you get back to your 'apartment'...
Every time I replay everything, it gets me so steamed.

Patronizing people isn't the way to go about it.

Saying stupid sh*t, acting stupid 
because you assume the person you're talking to is stupid...

This has been what I've gotten. 
But it'd be very different if it had been different then, right?

Dealing with this level of complete ignorance is exhausting.
Because it's infuriatingly insulting. 
A lot of things have been.

It makes me bother why I should keep trying.
Because of people who make simple things harder than they should be.
So much harder than they should be.
JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN.

I COULD TOO, BUT AM I?
I'm p*ssed that I would have been waiting
outside the damn police station until 2am ffs.

I'm p*ssed I was just patronized and was given "resources"
that when I used, they came to check on ME.
When the situation isn't about me. 
The complaints are justified. 

They didn't come to check on me.
They came to address my complaints.
As simple as that.

Because they wanted to make sure I understood.
WHAT THEY WERE TELLING ME.
WHAT THEY CAN'T DO.
TO JUSTIFY SPEAKING TO ME
THE WAY THEY CHOOSE TO SPEAK TO ME.

That's why they were here.