Blood Boiling

I'm not going to go into detail about this. 
Not even on here. It's too personal. 

I'll talk in general terms about it 
because it's really under my skin right now. 

I went to the police station to talk about something, 
of a serious matter... To a police officer. 

And the one guy who "stopped" to talk to me
was of literally NO HELP.

He even said to me: "If I were you, I'd be livid."
HE EVEN F*CKING SAID THAT, TO MY FACE.

When I got there, there were a bunch of girls there.
They were LET INTO THE BUILDING
but the cop LETTING THEM INTO THE BUILDING
Tells me the building is CLOSED.

When I literally just saw him let in like 4 girls. 

So he tells me to use the phone on the outside of the building
TO CALL A COP TO COME TALK TO ME.

Then...I'm explaining the reason I'm calling.
To the damn dispatch and she's like: "He's an adult... 
Then "Is he delayed or something? Lots of people his age
are out on their own...."

DOES IT F*CKING MATTER?
I'M NOT THERE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT
SOMEONE OF ANYONE'S AGE
SHOULD BE OUT ON THEIR OWN OR NOT. 
THAT ISN'T THE DAMN ISSUE. 

Then she's like: "He's choosing to be there..."

When someone thinks they are stuck
and don't think they have anywhere to go, 
then it's not really a choice.

I mean, keep living with someone who'd do that?
And it's assault I'm talking about. 
That's as much as I'll say. 

Like, I put in the call about it.
TO TALK TO A COP ABOUT A CRIME.
OF A SERIOUS NATURE.

BECAUSE ONLY ONE COP WOULD TALK TO ME
AND HE WASN'T LISTENING
OR HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT SERIOUSLY. 

SO HE ASKS ME WHETHER OR NOT I LIVE IN 
A HOUSE OR AN APARTMENT.... 

ONLY TO TELL ME THAT "WHEN I GET BACK TO MY APARTMENT"
TO CALL THEM, AGAIN, 
AND I AM LITERALLY STILL WAITING. 

BUT THE COP GAVE ME "RESOURCES"
I LITERALLY TOLD HIM WHAT WAS TOLD TO ME.
...BUT HERE ARE SOME RESOURCES
-BECAUSE THEY WILL CARE, 
AND THEY WILL LISTEN.-

WHEN I WAS LITERALLY AT A POLICE STATION!

Like you cannot tell me there's not ONE cop
in that damn place that could have actually listened to me
and actually taken me seriously. 

BUT IT WOULD BE VERY DIFFERENT
IF THEY WERE IN MY EXACT POSITION. 

NOBODY WOULD BE TALKING DOWN TO THEM
"DO YOU LIVE IN A HOUSE OR AN APARTMENT?"

THE FUQ DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING
I WAS EVEN TELLING TO THE GUY.

I LITERALLY TOLD HIM SOMEONE WAS ASSAULTED. 
AND SINCE I KNOW ABOUT IT, 
I HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

BECAUSE IF I DON'T,
IT WOULD SOMEHOW MAKE  ME COMPLICIT
WHEN I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

"In Canada, it doesn't work like that..."
Welp, in Canada, you should be allowed to report a crime
and not make it seem like a crime to 
WANT TO TALK TO A COP ABOUT 
A SERIOUS MATTER, SOMETHING AGAINST THE LAW...

Then he has the BALLS to say that everyone gets treated the SAME.
IF I EVER GOT TREATED THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE
I F*CKING MISSED THAT.

WHERE WAS ANYONE TO LISTEN TO ME
AND TAKE ME SERIOUSLY ABOUT ANYTHING?

Maybe that does go to show that 
IF THINGS WERE DIFFERENT THEN, 
THEY WOULD BE DIFFERENT NOW.

If I was treated the same, then, 
I'd be treated the same, now, right?

That's why those girls got to enter the building.
That's why I'm STILL WAITING to even speak on this.

Because what happens whenever I try to stand up?
For myself or anyone else?

NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUSLY. 
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.

AND NOT ONLY DO THEY  NOT TAKE ME SERIOUSLY,
THEY TALK DOWN TO ME LIKE I AM STUPID. 

BECAUSE THEY ARE COPS. THEY KNOW "THE LAW."
Guess what? I'm pretty sure I'm smart enough
to know what is against the law and what isn't. 

And asking me questions THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH
WHAT I'M EVEN BRINGING UP
P*SSES ME OFF.

BECAUSE DON'T PUT YOUR SPIN ON
WHAT I AM TELLING YOU.

LIKE DOES ANYTHING I EVER SAY
EVER REGISTER AT ALL WITH ANYONE?

And getting treated like this over and over and over again
and them not REALIZING the restraint
that I actually have right now. 

BECAUSE IF HE WERE ME, HE'D BE LIVID. 
HE LITERALLY SAID THAT TO MY FACE.

That's as far as I get for any kind of recognition. 

And even my reaction's been delayed, again. 
But, yeah, I have to take it seriously, 
because it's a serious matter. 

BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT A SERIOUS MATTER. 

NOT SPOKEN DOWN TO LIKE I DON'T KNOW THE LAW
BECAUSE I'M NOT A COP. 

I'M ACTUALLY GLAD I DIDN'T BECOME ONE. 
BECAUSE THIS IS THE KIND OF BULLSH*T
THAT GOES ON. 

YOU CAN'T EVEN GO TO THE POLICE STATION
THAT SHOULD BE OPEN 24/7
AND BE ABLE TO TALK TO A COP
WHO F*CKING LISTENS 
WHO DOESN'T JUDGE YOU BASED ON LOOKING AT YOU...
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING
ABOUT PEOPLE MAKING ASSUMPTIONS
THEN JUDGING BASED ON THAT ASSUMPTION... 

BECAUSE THEY DON'T LISTEN.

Do I just stop and not try to do anything about it?
Like it never happened? It did. 

My delayed reaction was because I was in shock. 
And that's what happened before. 
When you really never expected that to happen, 
and you don't know what to do about it
and THE PEOPLE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO TELL
DON'T TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY. 

BUT THEY ONLY SAY THAT SH*T TO YOU
AND YOU GET A BUNCH OF BS EXCUSES
ABOUT HOW "THE SYSTEM" WORKS.
LIKE I NEED A LECTURE ON THAT
INSTEAD: IF I WERE YOU, I'D BE LIVID!

WELL NO SH*T. 

That's literally what I get. 
 "When you get back to your apartment..."
When you get "home" would have sufficed. 
He literally patronized me. 

That's how I seem to get treated. 
Because  "everyone gets treated the same" is a load of SH*T.
And he knows it is
AS IT'S COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH. 

I get it, YOU are busy. 
But YOU don't have to patronize ME.

Would he want to be patronized? Probably not. 
SO WHY IS IT OKAY TO DO THAT TO ME?

AND THE ONE WHO ANSWERED THE PHONE
TO TELL ME THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
BECAUSE HE'S AN ADULT...

BEING AN ADULT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH 
BEING A-S-S-A-U-L-T-E-D. 

AND THIS IS THE REASON PEOPLE DON'T
TRUST THE DAMN POLICE ANYMORE.
BECAUSE THE ONES YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO TRUST
PATRONIZE THE F*CK OUT OF PEOPLE.

It's been hours now and I bet not one cop shows up tonight. 
And if they do, they'll patronize me, too.

If all they do is patronize me, when I have rights, too, 
WHAT IS THE F*CKING POINT?

TO BE TOLD TO MY FACE....
THAT IF HE WAS ME, HE WOULD BE LIVID. 

I was already livid, to begin with,
but what did patronizing me do? Like, why bother?
To feel superior?
because he's a cop and knows "the law"?

And if I don't hear from the cops at all tonight,
then I have to go through the exact bullsh*t I just went through
TOMORROW, TOO?
UNTIL MAYBE ONE COP ACTUALLY LISTENS TO ME
AND TAKES ME SERIOUSLY?
TAKES THEIR JOB SERIOUSLY?

What does it have to take to actually be treated "the same"?
Because if he were ME, HE would be LIVID.

NO F*CKING KIDDING....

But if I were to deal with it, myself, 
things would be very different right now. 

But if I did that, I'd be the 'crazy one.'
But doing NOTHING?
How does that make me look? Seem?
Because if it were THEM, THEY would be LIVID.

So then WHY patronize me?
I get patronized so damn much. 

Even at the knitting group, 
the "leader" singled me out
to apologize to me, for not giving me credit. 
For something I made. 

Why apologize for not doing something
that they had no intention of doing?

Because if she wanted to, she would have
and NOT SINGLED ME OUT
IN FRONT OF EVERYONE
TO APOLOGIZE TO ME FOR NOT DOING IT?

Do you see how I'm not treated like everyone else?
Would she have done that to anyone else in the group?
Probably not. So why do that to me?

I've been treated very wrong by people
and that's really nothing compared to other things. 

But EVEN AT A DAMN KNITTING MEETING.
IF YOU CAN'T BE YOURSELF AT A KNITTING MEETING
BECAUSE OF PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE
BETTER THAN YOU.
WHO WOULDN'T DO THAT TO ANYONE ELSE.
SO WHY DO IT TO ME?

Do you think that cop patronizes everyone?
or do you think he just patronize ME
because I don't look like someone
who should be TAKEN SERIOUSLY?

BECAUSE IT'S NOTHING TO DO
WITH THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION?
JUST HOW THE 'SYSTEM' WORKS?

YOU KNOW WHY THE 'SYSTEM' IS BROKEN?
BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE'S JOB.
OR "WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT"
OR THEY WANT ME TO LISTEN TO THEM...
WHEN THEY ARE ASKING ME IF I LIVE IN A HOUSE OR AN APARTMENT. 
WHEN I'M LITERALLY STANDING 
OUTSIDE THE DAMN POLICE STATION. 

AND THE EXCUSE I GET IS EVERYTHING'S DONE ONLINE NOW...
THE F*CK DOES THAT EVEN MATTER?
IT'S NOT A CRIME BECAUSE THE "SYSTEM" WENT ONLINE?

So yeah, I'm pretty upset. 
Being patronized really p*sses me off. 
Don't EVER talk down to me like I don't know anything. 
Just because I LOOK LIKE I don't
doesn't mean that I don't.

And imagine if it WAS them?
Things would be handled differently.
Would they be patronized?
OR WOULD THAT MAKE THEM LIVID?

Knowing WHY I might be "LIVID"
and STILL patronizing me...

This is literally my life. 
When I even try to do the right thing,
for the right reasons, this is what I've gotten.
My word against everyone's and patronizing BULLSH*T.

Would they want to be spoken to like they are stupid?
and only cops know the law?

DOES IT MATTER IF THE COP HAS A HOUSE OR AN APARTMENT?
NO? THEN WHY WOULD IT MATTER IF I DO
WHEN I'M NOT EVEN THERE TO DISCUSS THAT!!!!???

GET MY POINT? I really hope you do. 
Because this is BS!!! 

You know what else is BS?
When my son ran away from school
and not any cop came to tell me
or speak to me about him being missing... 

THEY EVEN CAME HERE WHEN I WASN'T HERE.
BECAUSE I ALWAYS LEAVE HIS BEDROOM DOOR CLOSED. 

My brother told me because the police put a BOLO on him, 
BUT THEY NEVER CONTACTED ME TO TELL ME.
YOU'D THINK THEY WOULD?

YOU'D THINK HIS FATHER WOULD SAY SOMETHING?

You'd think a lot of things... You would. 
And you'd think you could.
WITHOUT BEING PATRONIZED
WHEN YOU'RE LITERALLY TELLING SOMEONE
THAT SOMETHING ILLEGAL HAPPENED.

This is part of the reason that most people
don't even go to the cops anymore about this stuff. 

IMAGINE if I didn't take anything seriously?
EVEN things of a serious matter?

And just told someone to call "a number...."
Just told them that if I was them, I'd be LIVID?

I'm still waiting to talk to a damn officer?
AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DO?

They go talk to people who are going to deny it?
That's pretty much all. That's it.
Then they'll say "We did all we 'could'"
WHEN WE KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE!

BECAUSE AT THE VERY LEAST
DON'T INSULT SOMEONE BY PATRONIZING THEM. 
 
BECAUSE IT DOES NOT MATTER WHETHER I LIVE
IN A DAMN HOUSE OR AN APARTMENT.
I CAME TO THE STATION FOR A REASON.

BUT IT'S LIKE EVERY TIME I TRY TO DO THE RIGHT THING, 
IT BLOWS UP IN MY FACE.
BECAUSE OF "THE SYSTEM"
AND PATRONIZING BULLSH*TTERS.

Things would be different if I was treated better.
If I didn't get these types of responses and even worse.

LIKE THE COP EVEN HAD MY NAME
BECAUSE HE FOUND OUT WHERE I WAS IN THE LINE.
OF DISPATCH CALLS.

BECAUSE I HAD TO GO THROUGH DISPATCH
TO TALK TO AN OFFICER I'M STILL WAITING TO SPEAK TO
EVEN THOUGH I WAS AT THE DAMN STATION.

And I swear, if I get more excuses and BS
ABOUT WHY THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS...

I WILL LIKELY BE PAST LIVID.

And if I wanted to react the way I want to, right now, 
I'd be the one in jail. 

And I'm betting that this just gets swept under the carpet
like it never happened
because that's seemingly what people think they can just do. 
INSTEAD OF ADDRESS ANYTHING.

AND WHEN THERE IS SOMETHING
THAT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED
AND YOU GO AND TRY TO DO THAT...
AND THEY TELL YOU TO GO BACK TO YOUR "APARTMENT"
AND MAKE PHONE CALLS.
THEY WON'T LET YOU MAKE WHILE YOU'RE THERE.

BECAUSE THEY REALLY COULD HAVE.
IF THEY CARED SOOOO MUCH.

BUT - IF I WERE YOU, I'D BE LIVID....
THAT'S THE RESPONSE I GOT.

Do I even call them back and ask if someone will come TONIGHT?
OR DO I JUST WAIT FOR A COMPLETE LAPSE
IN THE SYSTEM - AND DO THIS ALL AGAIN TOMORROW?

BUT IF THEY WERE ME... THEY'D BE LIVID.
Because YOU WOULD THINK
THAT YOU COULD GO TO THE POLICE STATION,
WHERE THE POLICE ARE...
AND SPEAK TO AN OFFICER ABOUT A CRIME.

WITHOUT BEING PATRONIZED
FOR EVEN WANTING TO SPEAK TO ANYONE
ABOUT SOMETHING
THAT IF IT WERE THEM, THEY WOULD BE LIVID. 
I sh*t you not, those are the exact words he said. 

So then, WOULD IT MAKE SENSE
THAT IF HE WERE LIVID
HE WOULD WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY?

Would THAT make SENSE?
Because YOU tell ME if that makes sense. 
BECAUSE IT DOES TO ME.

But no... I'll let these girls in, 
and then he tells ME to use the phone outside
AND THE DISPATCH COULD NOT CARE LESS.
ASKING ME QUESTIONS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO
WITH THE LITERAL ISSUE. 

And then being spoken to like:
Go back to your 'apartment' and call them from there.
How many calls do I need to make?
To literally tell them the exact same thing?

If you can't tell the cops about something 
OF A SERIOUS NATURE...
WHAT GOOD ARE THEY DOING?

Look at us, we told you to use a phone outside
then dispatch is rude af.
Then the officer trying to act like he gives a f*ck. 

He just told me to go home and call them, AGAIN.
WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO CALL THEM
WHEN I'M LITERALLY OUTSIDE THE POLICE STATION?

DO NONE OF THESE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY?

Because when you think something like that wouldn't happen...
When you put your trust in someone for so long
and you don't think they would...

It does come as a shock and the shock wore off. 
And I want this issue addressed. 

And I don't even have anyone to call to even listen to me about this
except the "numbers" and "resources" the patronizer gave me.

AND THE PEOPLE TO CALL ARE THE POLICE.
WHICH I'VE DONE TWICE NOW.

And spoke to TWO OF THE MOST OBLIVIOUS
OUT OF TOUCH PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY COPS...
I'VE ENCOUNTERED IN A LONG TIME.

If the shoe was on the other foot?
How would it be, then?

If you were met with the SAME AUDACITY I GET...
It's insulting to be patronized. 
 
AND THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
THE WORST IS PRETENDING TO GAF.
WHEN IT'S YOUR JOB TO GAF.

AND AS A PERSON, IN GENERAL, 
IT WOULD BE COOL TO ACTUALLY GAF
ESPECIALLY IF THEY'D BE LIVID!!!!
AND ACTUALLY TELLING ME THIS TO MY FACE!!!!

Yeah, audacity rubs me the wrong way.
Because YOU WOULD THINK THAT YOU COULD
JUST GO TO THE POLICE STATION
AND A COP MIGHT ACTUALLY TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY
AND IF HE COULDN'T ASSIST, 
THEN YOU CAN'T TELL ME THERE'S NOBODY IN THERE.

Yes, you would think that. 
BUT that's not where we're at...
We're in the digital age
where PEOPLE BECAME STUPID OVERNIGHT.

"Everything's just done online now..."
So should I text a cop or what?
Calling does sh*t
GOING OVER THERE DOES SH*T.

AND YOU CANNOT REASON WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE THAT STUPID.
BECAUSE THE STUPID ONES
TREAT ME LIKE I'M THE STUPID ONE.

But if it were HIM, he'd be LIVID, right?
Livid that you're talking to me like you think I'm stupid?!
When I knew he knew what I was saying
BECAUSE HAD HE LISTENED TO ME
WHAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH...
IF SHE HAD LISTENED TO WHAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH.
Literally if MOST PEOPLE HEARD WHAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH
Instead of trying to talk to me like I must be "slow"
because they think they can just treat me like I am. 

THEY DO THAT BECAUSE THAT IS HOW THEY LOOK AT ME.
THEY CHOOSE TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

They don't have to, that is a choice. 
They could treat me THE WAY THEY WANT TO BE TREATED.
WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT.
Or just be another patronizing D*CK
who thinks they KNOW BETTER THAN YOU.

Why? Because I don't outright share EVERYTHING?
NO. Assumptions. Plain and simple. 

HEY, SOMEONE TOLD ME ABOUT A CRIME.
I NEED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT.
USE THIS PHONE AND SPEAK TO PEOPLE
WHO HAVE NOTHING CONSTRUCTIVE TO EVEN SAY.
EXCEPT THEY WOULD BE LIVID IF IT WAS THEM
AND HOW EVERYONE IS TREATED THE SAME.

While they expected me to wait OUTSIDE the station
FOR SOMEONE TO COME TALK TO ME
AND WHAT DO THEY SAY?
TO CALL THEM AGAIN...

Telling me that I have to be "resourceful and find a phone."
BECAUSE I DON'T CARRY AROUND A PHONE.
AND THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ISSUE. 

IT WAS LIKE THE ISSUE IS A NON-ISSUE.
That's literally how that felt, and how that went. 

Like when I wanted to press charges on the guy
who abused me when I was a kid...
Because I was getting to an age where I might have been able to.

But this is what they said...
THEY SAID I NEEDED PROOF THAT IT HAPPENED.
EVEN THOUGH I TOLD THEM EVERYTHING.

Basically, my word against his so THEY DID NOTHING.
My word against anyone's and everyone's.
MY WHOLE LIFE.

I COULD LITERALLY TELL EVERYONE
THAT THE WORLD WAS GOING TO END
AND THEY WOULD JUST SAY:

WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?
WHERE'S YOUR SUCCESS STORY.

AND THE COP TONIGHT....
He'd be LIVID if he was me.

Then to say things like "I know the law, listen to ME."
When I'm TRYING TO TELL HIM SOMETHING.

So I still didn't get to talk to anyone. 
EXCEPT THOSE TWO SH*TS
WHO I WANT TO SUE THEIR PANTS OFF
FOR TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT...

REGARDING THIS ISSUE.
LIKE IT'S INSIGNIFICANT.

Because if it was THEM, 
they'd want to SPEAK TO SOMEONE RIGHT AWAY.
Instead of being pushed away with "resources"
and call us again when you get back to your "apartment."

And how do you tell people
without having to tell people
NOT TO TREAT YOU THAT WAY?

BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE
THEY NEVER HAD TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT.

I'M PRETTY SURE THEY'D WANT TO ACTUALLY
DO THEIR JOBS?
AND NOT JUST TELL YOU TO CALL THEM, THEN CALL THEM AGAIN...
-AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO JUST BE TOLD:
"I'd be livid if I were you..."
Did I ask for even an opinion about the situation?
And that is all I got. Literally. Opinions and excuses. 

But ALL people are treated the same?
So if someone other than me
wanted to tell the police the exact same thing that I did, 
what would you expect the cops to do?
How would you expect them to react?
Or RESPOND.

Even as someone CONCERNED ABOUT THE SITUATION?
IMAGINE BEING CONCERNED
ABOUT A CONCERNING SITUATION... 

No, only if they are concerned.
THEN THEY CAN BE LIVID.

But you're not me. So why care?
Basically what that is.

Then he wanted to take my name 
to "say that we spoke about it."

WHEN HE HAS MY NAME
BECAUSE IT'S AS EASY AS FINDING OUT
WHERE I WAS IN THE LINE OF CALLS...
SO HOW COULD HE HAVE FOUND OUT
THAT I WAS 10TH IN LINE
WITHOUT FINDING OUT MY NAME?

But, no. He wanted to write down my name
IN FRONT OF ME
to make it seem to me, 
that he was taking me seriously.

If he was taking me seriously, 
I would have been allowed in that damn station
and I would have been able to talk to someone about it.
He would have sent someone from inside the station
to talk to me. 

Like "oh, someone got assaulted?"
"Give us a call when you get back to your "apartment."

I wish I could have filmed some of the BS...
All the sh*t people do and say to me in general. 
How they speak to me.

How they push me aside and not listen. 
But they can be livid if they were in my situation. 
"Everyone gets treated the same." No, the, f*ck, they, don't. 

It seems that certain people get preferential treatment. 
But nobody's allowed to say anything about it.
Like if you "look" poor, you're of no significance.
All the way up.

Even if I was up, 
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE PATRONIZED
ALL THE DAMN TIME
FOR NO OTHER REASON
THAN THEY ENJOY IT
BECAUSE I NEVER ASKED THEIR OPINIONS.

Either that, or they literally DO NOT THINK.
But they KNOW exactly what they are doing.
And they know that I know exactly what they are doing, 
YET THEY STILL DO IT.

Even if I was in another 'social class'
doesn't give me a right to look down on people. 

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TELL WHO TF I AM
BY ASKING ME IF I LIVE IN A HOUSE OR AN APARTMENT
AND THAT THE SITUATION ISN'T SERIOUS, 
BUT "IF IT WERE ME, I'D BE LIVID."

And to try to patronize me by writing down my NAME
in front of me, 
BUT NOT STOPPING TO WRITE
ANYTHING I WAS TELLING HIM, 
THE REASON I EVEN WENT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

IT'S LIKE A SLAP IN THE FACE.

Especially!!!!! Because he would be LIVID.

If you knew the details, beyond what I've said, 
YOU WOULD PROBABLY BE LIVID TOO.

Like NOW I have to stay UP ALL NIGHT.
IN CASE THE COPS SHOW UP TO TALK TO ME.

Because you'd THINK you'd be able to go to a POLICE station
to speak to the POLICE.

Not go to the police station FOR F*CKING RESOURCES.
That's not even what I asked for.
"Hey there's be an assault."
"Here's some resources."

He even told me to LOOK at it while he was holding it in his HAND.
Like yeah I will look at it when you GIVE it to me. 
BUT I'M LOOKING AT YOU BECAUSE I'M TALKING TO YOU.

I DON'T GAF ABOUT RESOURCES
THE POLICE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE F*CKING RESOURCE!!!

I'm sorry that this is a long rant, 
I'm trying to show some restraint, 
and I had to use a lot of restraint with those cops. 
I hope the one was recorded on the phone. 
How "Idgaf" she was, to me.
Like it didn't matter why I was there.

I can't go into direct details.
I'm not happy with 'the system.'

The system failed me many times.
Especially when I spoke up about anything.

But it's like they probably heard my name and look at my 'record'
which isn't anything, but I know they do.

I've never been charged with anything. 
But the people who have charges aren't being looked at, 
just totally judging the situation
and judging me.

Like the conscious choice to patronize someone...
IS BECAUSE YOU JUDGED THEM.

YOU WOULDN'T PATRONIZE EVERYONE.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
EVEN ME AND I'M SUPPOSEDLY STUPID.

I know there's some kind of 'record' on me
because there's probably still one at CAS.
Pretty sure they keep records.
Because they used mine against me. 

They used mine against me in college, 
because I was allowed to participate in the RCMP training thing, 
but there was another thing
that I wasn't allowed to participate in because they said
there were 'red flags' and nobody would tell me what that was...

So no, not everyone gets treated the same. That's BS.
It's like I need help TO GET HELP.
Like I can't just outright ask for it.
But if it came from someone else, it would be different.

I swear, I think people put me in situations
JUST TO SEE HOW I REACT.
BECAUSE IF I ACTED THE WAY I FELT TONIGHT, 
I WOULD BE IN JAIL RIGHT NOW. 
THAT COP WOULD HAVE HAD TO ARREST ME.

IMAGINE GETTING ARRESTED FOR ASKING FOR HELP?

That's almost as bad as it gets.
THAT would be a slap in the face.
Nevermind not getting help when you ask for it.
And them saying they can't do anything about it
because this that and the third.
All kinds of excuses not to address the actual issue. 
But I have to stay up all night
in case they decide to show up to 'talk to me.'

To give me excuses and give me more resources?
The biggest excuse "this is how the system works."
But it's different if it were you.
Because you're a cop who lives in a house
(because why even ask me if I live in one or not)?
If I were a cop who lives In a house,
things would be different, right?

BECAUSE COPS CARE ABOUT OTHER COPS?

But let me get your name...
JUST TO SAY WE TALKED?

WHAT DID WE TALK ABOUT?
HOW YOU WEREN'T GOING TO HELP ME
OR EVEN LISTEN TO ME?

He wanted to get my name to say we talked?
BECAUSE HE DIDN'T TALK TO ME
ABOUT WHY I WAS THERE.
I LITERALLY GOT SCOFFED AT
AND WASN'T ALLOWED IN THE BUILDING
EVEN THOUGH OTHERS WERE ALLOWED IN THE BUILDING.

Told me I had to be resourceful and find a phone
WHEN I LITERALLY TOLD HIM
THAT I JUST USED THE DAMN PHONE
OUTSIDE THE DAMN POLICE STATION!!!!

DON'T BE TELLING ME I NEED TO BE RESOURCEFUL
BECAUSE THAT WAS WHY I WAS THERE:
BEING RESOURCEFUL
SINCE THE POLICE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE RESOURCEFUL...

TELLING ME TO BE??? 
DO YOU WANT ME TO DO YOUR JOB FOR YOU?

Because that's what it sounds like to me.

But it's NICE to know you would be LIVID if you were ME.
Nice to know that, eh?

The audacity people seem to have when it comes to me,
BUT IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND
THEY WOULD LOOK AT IT DIFFERENTLY.

IF SOMEONE ELSE TOLD THEM, 
THEY WOULD LISTEN.
THE FIRST TIME YOU SAY IT.
BECAUSE IT WOULD ACTUALLY MATTER
LIKE IT ACTUALLY SHOULD MATTER.

But it seems to only matter if it happens to them?
Only if THEY go to the police station.
ONLY if I'm dressed in sports shorts like those girls were?
Can't let THEM stand outside in the cold...

And you know what? I'D STILL BE WAITING THERE.
OUTSIDE THE DAMN POLICE STATION
FOR AN OFFICER ON PATROL.

It's 12AM now. When are they going to show up? 3AM? 5AM?
Whenever they 'get around to it'?

It's like I'm damned if I don't and damned if I do. 
Sometimes I think things are just meant to get a reaction out of me
so people can judge me on my reaction. 

Like if I do anything about it I'm overreacting, 
but if I don't do anything about it, I don't care?

And when do I actually get to do anything about it?
When does anyone do anything on my behalf?
When do people listen to me?

Do I have to beg for that?
Wouldn't the reaction be: "Whoa! That's not cool!
Let me help you do something about that?"

Instead of he's an adult. Let him deal with it.

Isn't it supposed to be "If you know something, say something?"

Like they both acted like they didn't hear a damn word I said.

If I said: "Hey, I found a dead body."
Would they be like "when you get back to your "apartment" call them again"?
Would they be like "here's some resources
BECAUSE THEY WILL LISTEN AND THEY WILL CARE....

I'M TALKING TO YOU, ABOUT IT, OFFICER.
But no. LOOK at the resources I have for you.
He literally told me to LOOK AT IT.
LIKE I'M A CHILD.

HOW PATRONIZING IS PATRONIZING?
HOW ABOUT BEING SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT?

When you're literally telling a cop about a crime.
That, apparently, you can't report
because no cop at the station will take a report.
GO HOME AND WAIT
SEE IF THEY SHOW UP OR NOT.

EITHER GO HOME AND WAIT
OR SIT OUT HERE IN THE COLD AND WAIT.
BE SURE TO CALL, AGAIN, THOUGH.

Isn't the point of going to a police station to talk to a cop
something that should be allowed?
Should even be expected given certain circumstances?

Like I'm the only one taking it seriously?

If I told you the exact situation, it'd make more sense.
In the context... But it's bad enough without that.