Have You Been Drinking Lastnight?

So after the cops left this morning...
I made a call to a 'resource' because I needed to talk about it.
They talked to the police on my behalf. 

They came again. 
To "check on me."
I wasn't asking to be "checked on."
Then they basically told me what they told me before. 
ALL THE THINGS THEY CAN'T DO. 
SAID NOTHING ABOUT WHAT THEY CAN ACTUALLY DO.
LIKE MAYBE GO CHECK OUT THE VICTIM?

THEN ONE OF THE OFFICERS ASKED ME IF I HAD BEEN DRINKING?!
LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK!!!!???

HOW DOES WHETHER OR NOT I HAD BEEN DRINKING
(BEEN SOBER FOR 10 YEARS AND I TOLD THE D*CK
THAT I JUST WOKE UP AND I TAKE MEDICATION TO SLEEP).

BUT HOW DARE HE ASK THAT!!!!!

This is the type of sh*t I'm really p*ssed off about.

Sure, now I know everything you CAN'T DO.
THAT WAS TOTALLY HELPFUL
AND TOTALLY ACKNOWLEDGING THE SITUATION. 

NOBODY JUST WENT OVER THERE AND CHECKED ON HIM. 
WHY CHECK ON ME? IT'S NOT ABOUT ME FFS!!!

They said "we understand you haven't had a good response."
WELL NO SH*T!
WERE YOU DRINKING OFFICER?
NO? SEE HOW THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

SEE HOW YOU'RE:
1) INSENSITIVE F*CKTARD
2) NOT GAF

Like it still did not raise any EYEBROWS!
SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS THIS.

BUT NO, "CHECK ON" ME. 
NO REAL MENTION ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.

Thanks for telling me all the things you can't do
and patronizing me by asking me if I understood what he was saying. 
AND PATRONIZING ME ABOUT DRINKING?!!!!

Can you ride unicorns? No? I don't UNDERSTAND!!!
DRINKING TOO MUCH, OFFICER.
YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.
YES. FREAKING. SIR.
 
And it's the male cops doing this sh*t. Mostly. 
They can't put themselves in anyone else's shoes. 
Not for ONE second. 

Because how would they want me to respond?
That's the question I really wish they would ask themselves.
Just once is their "career."

All the things we can't do... Do you understand?
They literally walk up to me automatically assuming sh*t.

WE BETTER MAKE SURE SHE UNDERSTANDS.
SO SHE STOPS CALLING US...
SHE'S CRAZY. OUR "FILES ABOUT HER"

THE ISSUE IS THAT THEY AREN'T GETTING IT.

IT'S LIKE THEY'RE LITERALLY TRYING TO GASLIGHT ME.
MAYBE SHE WAS DRINKING.
I BETTER SPEAK EXTRA CLEAR
TO MAKE SURE SHE UNDERSTANDS "THE LAW"
THIS TIME.
SHE PROBABLY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.
BECAUSE WE ALL ASSUMED SHE WAS DRINKING
BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T LIKE OUR RESPONSE
SINCE WE PATRONIZED HER AND GASLIT HER.
INTO THINKING SHE'S THE PROBLEM.
BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND "THE LAW."

WE SUGGEST YOU GET IN CONTACT WITH HIM.
They are suggesting that I do their job for them. 

Just leave him there to deal with it himself?
Bravo police.

BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO LISTEN TO ME
BECAUSE YOU ASSUME SHIT ABOUT ME
INSTEAD OF ASSUMING THINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION
BECAUSE THEY DON'T SEEM TO BE CONCERNED, AT ALL.

BUT "ALL WE'RE DOING IS TALKING IN CIRCLES."
YEAH NO KIDDING. 
BECAUSE ALL I GET IS BULLSH*T.
"Do you understand?"

"No, officer. Give it to me one more time."
"We already told her!" *Sigh*
Yeah when you were busy TELLING ME
I WAS TELLING YOU.

SO WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
SINCE I TOLD YOU 3 TIMES, OFFICERS.

I've seen 6 officers telling me the exact same sh*t. 
Only one didn't say anything, at all. 
Let officer drinker talk. 

But no, don't even LOOK AT HIM. 
DON'T EVEN LOOK HIM UP OR ANYTHING.
DON'T GO CHECKING HIM OUT.

AFTER I TOLD YOU WHAT I TOLD YOU.
3 TIMES. 

INSTEAD CHECK ON ME.
MAKE SURE I HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING.
MAKE SURE I UNDERSTAND
ALL THE THINGS THEY CAN'T DO.
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THE LAW...

I'M NOT THE ONE BREAKING IT.
I TOLD YOU WHO DID.
SO WHAT WILL YOU DO ABOUT IT?

What have I heard that they WILL DO?
Anything? What? Too much PAPERWORK?

See how frustrating it's been?
WE'LL ASSUME SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND!!!
WE WERE ALREADY OVER THERE!

And what did we all talk about?
What you will be doing?
What you could do?
What you actually do in situations like these?
Anything?
Or did you come by "just to say we talked."
"We talked to her about it, AGAIN."
The fact that it happened isn't the issue???!!!

That's what the issue is.
NOT WHETHER OR NOT I WAS DRINKING
NOT WHETHER OR NOT I UNDERSTAND
ALL THE THINGS THEY CAN'T DO.

BECAUSE IMMEDIATELY: "WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT."

With the mentality that I don't understand THEM.
That my "mental illness" makes it hard for me to "understand" THEM.
DO THEY UNDERSTAND ME?

If they did, they wouldn't talk down to me
And ask me if I understand what they are telling me.
And ask me if I had anything to drink!

Like the issue was whether I'd been drinking?
Because I don't want to be spoken to like I'm the one
who doesn't understand!!!!!!!!!

Whether or not I'm upset has nothing to do
with whether or not I have been drinking.

The dude I actually quit drinking because of
used to do that to me. 
Whenever I got upset with being treated like
being upset was about being "drunk"
instead of what I WAS UPSET ABOUT.

I quit because if I was sober, as a matter of fact,
he couldn't try to use that against me.
Ever again.

How dare he! 
So professional to assume things about ME.
Because it's not about the situation, itself, right?

"We already told her, we can't do anything about it."
Not even check on him?
Not even question him?

But how many cops does it take to go:
"We don't know what you want us to do."
And they get paid to do this bullsh*t.
That's not what p*sses me off, though.

"Look at the time... It's pretty late to go over there, so..."
"Because we got here at 2AM."
"She'll still be up, we think she drinks."
"Oh great! This should be fun..."
This is my life...  

"Ask her if she's been drinking."
WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!

It's like the time that I injured my knee. 
I slipped in some water on the floor in the bathroom.
My knee snapped and I dislocated my kneecap.

When it happened, I'd just stopped to use the washroom
on my way taking my son to school, in the morning.
As bad of a drinker I USED TO BE,

IT WAS LIKE 7AM, IN THE MORNING. FFS.

Anyway, I got physio appointments with a physio therapist.
The appointment was at 10am, 
and I was bracing myself for PAIN
because my knee wasn't healed, yet.

So I stopped to have a couple of beers before the appointment.

So during the appointment, the therapist asks:
WERE YOU DRUNK WHEN YOU HURT YOURSELF?!!!

It's none of their business for one thing,
and who are they to ask?

Does that have anything to do with why I was there?
If not, why ask that?

It's like all the people asking me questions
trying to embarrass me when it's embarrassing to themselves.
For even trying to do that.
Instead of looking at themselves as to why they do that.

I was asked something once.
Because the girl was trying to embarrass me
so she could laugh or snicker at me or whatever. 
But in front of everyone so they could, too.

So I asked her: Does it matter?
She says no, hoping I'd answer HER question. 
For the exact reasons I just stated. 

So then I asked her:
"If it doesn't matter, why are you asking me?"
And she couldn't admit that she was trying to embarrass me, 
but she knew I knew.
So she dropped it.

That was a satisfying moment. 

But I get those questions all the time. 
Trying to make me seem or look stupid. 
I know what the point of that is
Because I'm not stupid.

Also, because I know the point of that, 
it's pointless, to me.

So who's the bigger person?
The one patronizing the one who
Doesn't understand "the law"
who "must have been drinking"
because she's upset with us
for how we're responding to her.

BECAUSE YOU'RE TRYING TO PATRONIZE ME
AND IT'S EXTREMELY INSULTING
TO THE INTELLECT
YOU ASSUME THAT I DON'T HAVE.
FAIR, ENOUGH?

I know what your bullsh*t version of "the law" is.
"BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT US TO DO!!!!"

SHE MUST BE SLOW SO WE BETTER TALK TO HER
LIKE SHE'S A CHILD,
INSTEAD OF A GROWN ADULT
WHO WOULD WANT THE SAME RESPECT
AND DIGNITY THAT THEY WOULD WANT.

THEN THE ONE GUY THERE
OBVIOUSLY FOR BACK UP
BECAUSE HE'S NOT EVEN SAYING ANYTHING.
DIDN'T ASK ME ANYTHING
DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

NOT EVEN WHEN HIS PARTNER
ASKED IF I HAD BEEN DRINKING.

BACK UP BECAUSE I GOT UPSET
AT THE GUY WHO WAS TRYING TO PATRONIZE ME TO MY FACE
BECAUSE I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE UPSET
WHEN THEY ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME
WOULD RATHER ASSUME I'VE BEEN DRINKING.
BECAUSE ALL OF THIS HAS BEEN BULLSH*T.
THAT THEY WOULDN'T APPRECIATE EITHER.

But if he were me, he would be livid. 
So tell me exactly why I would be livid?

Explain that to me since I don't know "the law"
Since I'm the one who doesn't understand?

Maybe I should get fluent in it, too
So they get the hint when they try to do it to me?
I don't waste my time on that sh*t.
That's why I get what it's about, but it rubs me the wrong way.
Not just because of what it's about, 
but having that pulled on you, constantly. 

Like I could go tell a biker this situation.
Any of them. They'd understand. 
Even criminals have a code of conduct. 

So the cops can just spew bullsh*t?
When we're supposed to go through that?
"We don't know what you want us to do."!!!!
"Have you been drinking?"

All you're doing is "amping it up"
No, all you're doing is trying to purposely p*ss me off
so you all can go back and report
that it was just the stupid crazy ones being stupid and crazy. 

Because "we don't know what you want us to do."
We can't even talk to you like an adult.
"Do you understand?"

He knows, they all know.
Are they doing anything about the situation?
Or are they too busy sitting around assuming sh*t
and talking about it together, and laughing, 
because they think they know me.

BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE CAME HERE TWICE.
SHE CALLED THE DISTRESS CENTER WHO CALLED US. 
AND YES, I DID COMPLAIN ABOUT THE RESPONSES I GOT.
Because if it was him, he would be livid.

Yeah? Why? Why would I be livid?
Then treat me according to WHY I would be livid.

INSTEAD OF TREATING ME LIKE I MUST HAVE BEEN DRINKING.
BETTER BE EXTRA CLEAR TO HER, THIS TIME.
SO THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO COME BACK HERE, AGAIN.

But no, assume I was drinking ffs.
Assume I must be "delayed"
Talking down to someone like they are a child
IS INFURIATING BECAUSE IT'S INSULTING.

If you're taking something seriously,
you're busy taking it seriously instead of plastering it
with assumptions. It's bullsh*t.

But time and time again it gets shifted onto me.
I don't even care about that, 
the way that it goes down and why, bothers me.

The fact in reality, cops shouldn't be assuming
that I was drinking.

Shouldn't be assuming mental illness.
Shouldn't just be giving these excuses as to why they "can't" do anything.
Or assuming someone doesn't understand "the law"
"We're talking in circles now."

Instead of telling me, and trying to argue
like you know everything...
And trying to make me look like I know nothing...

"We don't know what you want us to do"
Maybe I want you not to say sh*t like that to me.
Maybe that's what I want.
Not to be treated like that.

Not to come into my house
and me telling you to your face
and you not acknowledging at all what I said.

Then tell me "don't get upset at us."
For speaking to me like I don't understand?
Would you want to be spoken to like you don't understand "the law"
"here's resources, deal with it."

The response after the response, though.
WERE YOU DRINKING LAST NIGHT?

BECAUSE THE COPS WERE HERE AT 2AM
AND I WAS STILL AWAKE WAITING FOR THEM TO SHOW UP
ALL NIGHT?

AND THEN ARGUED WITH ME
THEN "WE DIDN'T COME HERE TO ARGUE WITH YOU."
THEN WHY WERE YOU?

Why are you here, then?
Just to say you talked to me?
When nothing was mentioned about what I said, at all?

No, how about how I react to their "response"?
And then getting the exact patronizing BS.
Like I don't know how clearer I could be than tell them.

Do they want it in writing?

One guy really pissed me off.
So much!!! On purpose. 
Then he goes "put it in writing"
AFTER I HAD WRITTEN EVERYTHING DOWN
AND ASKED HIM TO PLEASE UNDERSTAND
WHY I WOULD BE UPSET ABOUT THIS...

I gave it to him, didn't bother reading it. 
And asked me the next DAY to put it in writing. 
I JUST DID!!!!!!!

None of the police officers even took notes. 
Not a one. 

Just assumed things about me.
Because how they're acting is insulting.
And I'm not pleased about being insulted constantly.

"We better go and make her understand..."
Because she complained 
About their "response."

How dare I do that?
How dare I complain about how the police treated me?
In response to what I told them

LOOK at the resource I haven't given you, yet.
You don't know the law, I'm a cop, I do.
These people will listen, they'll care.
We don't know what you want us to do.
Don't get mad at us, you're amping it up.
We didn't come here to argue with you.
Do you understand?
Were you drinking last night?

Are those the questions you should be asking me?
Or maybe ask me something more pertinent.

It's to get me to react so they can respond to how I react.
So that it's no longer about what I told them,
it's how I react to the way they treat me
AFTER I SAID WHAT I SAID.
It gets turned into how I react,
not how they do, just how I do.
So they don't have to say how they are being.
Just how I am being.

It p*sses me right off.

Grown adults. Police officers.
Teachers, CAS workers, 
pretty much all of them.

Over and over again. 
By people who should know better than that.

Never how they are to me. Never about that.
How dare I make them look bad when they do it to themselves.

I know "the law" and everything else that I "think"
so I must be "right" and you must be "wrong"
and I should treat you and talk to you
like you were drinking last night.

Because you all talk about
how I reacted to what you said to me
AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH RESTRAINT
NOT TO COMPLETELY LOSE MY SH*T
ABOUT HOW THEY PRETEND TO GAF
WHEN IT'S TOO INSULTINGLY OBVIOUS THEY DON'T.

THEY WOULD, IF THEY WERE ME.
THEY WOULD BE LIVID.

But let me take your name right in front of you
to make it look like I'm doing something.

When he already had my name
because he knew where I was "in line."
It's not hard to get the information they have access to.

That p*ssed me off "were you drinking last night?"
Why? Because you say sh*t like that to me?
That's why you think I'm drunk?