No Wonder Why People Are Angry

Wouldn't you be angry if you went through the types of things
that I go through? That I shouldn't have to?

Seriously, "Were you drinking last night?" WTF.

Yet I can't even outwardly express my anger
Or they'll assume I've been drinking...
Or haven't taken my medication...
Or just have mental illness...
Or whatever else.

EXCEPT ANGRY ABOUT WHAT I'M ANGRY ABOUT.
THAT I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE ANGRY ABOUT
AND I AM ALLOWED TO BE ANGRY ABOUT.

JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
JUST LIKE THEY WOULD BE.

I feel like a big part of my life was a lie. 
And it makes me feel sick. 
I can't describe how it feels.
Like a hollow feeling in my gut.
But there's a kind of rage that I'm holding down
because I know nothing good would come of me acting on it.

And I already tried going about it the "right" way.
That's what I'm supposed to have done.

But that's what I get for doing that.
The assumption of being "drunk."

WHY? Because I have a right to be upset
that "the system" is BS
but not just that...
People acting like they can say whatever they want
They can argue with me about things they don't know about...
Then they say they aren't there to argue with me...
Then they tell me to "de-escalate because all I'M doing is amping it up."
Amping it up.
Not being upset.
Because they're talking to me like I don't know "the law."
And they "told me twice already."
"We're just talking in circles." Then GTFO.

Would have been outside the police station until 2AM

And the girls who got let into the building.
I was literally right behind them. 

It's like they are literally out of touch with reality. 
So if a serious crime or emergency was going on, 
and they ran to the nearest police station, but it was CLOSED
AND YOU HAD TO WAIT HOURS.
TO BE TOLD THAT YOU'RE JUST TALKING IN CIRCLES?

The cop taken aback that I would ask her
that if I was the COP and she was me, 
how SHE would like ME to respond to HER.

She looked at me like I was the problem
FOR EVEN ASKING HER THAT.
AND LOOK HOW RUDE SHE WAS TO ME!

Would she want me to be rude to her?

Pretty rude of the other guy asking if I'd been drinking...

Do they not know this? Or do they just not care
because they can be as rude as they want
and look at me for being rude
for pointing out their rudeness.

Wouldn't you be upset having to live like that?
When you shouldn't have to?

Like being treated like a "Karen"
for having concerns, 
then treated like those concerns aren't concerning at all, 
and I just don't know "the law" and THEY DO.
And talking to me about it, 
JUST TO SAY WE TALKED.

NOT TO REPORT ANYTHING, THOUGH.
JUST TO SAY WE TALKED.

Then act all surprised when I don't like
the way I've been treated
because they didn't have to treat me like that...
ALL OF THAT WAS VERY UNNESCESSARY.
LIKE WHY BOTHER WITH ANY OF THAT?

JUST TO SAY WE TALKED?
WE DID OUR JOB! WE TALKED TO HER!

No investigation, nothing. 
No report, nothing. 
Just like: You deal with it.
Because WE did OUR jobs. 
WE TALKED TO YOU.

NO, YOU ARGUED WITH ME
PATRONIZED ME,
TOLD ME WE WERE TALKING IN CIRCLES.
THEN TOLD ME YOU WERE CHECKING ON ME.
BECAUSE YOU HAD TO RESPOND TO MY COMPLAINTS.
JUST TO SAY WE TALKED, AGAIN.

Do you understand what this is like?

WE HAD TO "MAKE SURE" SHE UNDERSTANDS "THE LAW"
BECAUSE SHE MUST NOT UNDERSTAND.
HOW THE SYSTEM WORKS IN CANADA FFS.

Perhaps it's time for better laws.
THAT ACTUALLY PROTECTS VICTIMS.

THAT FORCES THE POLICE TO INVESTIGATE.
But even so, WOULD THEY?
Or are they too busy pretending to take issues and people seriously?

IF THEY TOOK ME SERIOUSLY
THEY WOULDN'T HAVE ASKED ME IF I WAS DRINKING.

These are the kinds of things that p*ss me off. 

In the hospital, it was pretty bad, too.
One guy had BOTH hands bandaged
and all he was asking for at the nursing station
WAS FOR SOMEONE TO HELP HIM TIE HIS PANTS.
BECAUSE HE COULDN'T USE HIS OWN FINGERS.
And they IGNORED him. 

And a time a woman, a grown adult was asking for something
at the nursing station, and she got upset that they were ignoring her.
Instead of talking to her ABOUT WHY SHE WAS UPSET, 
THEY TEAMED UP TO CARRY HER TO HER ROOM
SO THEY WERE LIKE DRAGGING HER DOWN THE HALL
TO HER ROOM
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH HER.

And another guy, who had RECENT SURGERY.
THEY THOUGHT IT OKAY TO LITERALLY RESTRAIN HIM
EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, 
HE WAS HIDING FROM SECURITY IN MY ROOM, 
BUT AS SOON AS I REALIZED HE WAS IN THERE, 
I LEFT THE ROOM AND DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

That's all he did. He hid from security, 
and they restrained him for it. 
Maybe that's why he was hiding out.

The dude had staples in his stomach.
They didn't have to be so rough and careless. 

Isn't it cruel and unusual punishment
for just even being there
to ignore someone who's just asking for help
TO TIE HIS PANTS BECAUSE HE CAN'T USE HIS HANDS?

I get things are online, now. But that doesn't negate the facts
THAT THINGS GO ON IN THE REAL WORLD
AND WHEN YOU ARE SPEAKING TO SOMEONE
TO THEIR FACE, 
IT'S NOT THE SAME AS REACTING TO SOMETHING
ON A SCREEN. 

It really bothers me. Each time it happens to me. 
Each time I see it in general.
I feel like a big chunk of me is just gone somewhere
and I've now seen where my choices lead me. 

Very poor choices over decades
all the times I didn't think things through.
All the delayed responses to things
that needed an immediate response.

Not only that, but a lot of things
have been very jarring.

A lot that I can't even talk about.
I've only told one person, most of it.

And I feel like I traumatized him
even just telling him about everything.
Well, almost everything. 

Some things are even hard to admit to myself.
That's not a good feeling to wake up to.
Day after day. 

Then have to sit with day after day...


Last night was wild. 
Must have been a lot of lightning.
The strikes must have been close.

It woke me up, it was so loud.
I woke up scared thinking we were being bombed.
Then I realized it was thunder.

But it was the loudest I ever heard it.
Usually, it's in the distance
so you can still hear it, but not up close.
If that makes any sense.

Waking up in a panic because a really loud noise...
In the middle of the night
because you never heard it before,
but it does kind of sound like you heard it before...

How close were the strikes if it was THAT loud?
It happened at least twice.

Did you ever see the video of the guy
who got hit by lightning 3 times?
And he lived through it...

Just in case, here it is: 
Lightning Guy