The guy who I was seeing is pissed off at me. He won't talk to me. I think it's because he wanted me to have sex with him and I wouldn't. I'm still skeptical of guys. Even more so now. I'm just going to give up. I'm scared to date now. I want to find the right guy, but no matter how hard I look, I just can't find a guy who wants to be with me for me not because of what I have on my chest or between my legs.
Anyway, I took my profile off that stupid dating site because I'm not going to find the right guy for me on the internet. Guys seem to use the internet as a tool to get laid. This is one thing that I have learned. I'm not saying all guys are horny dogs, I'm saying that most guys put too much emphasis on sex. They say and do the things a girl want them to just to try to get her into bed.
Ok, enough with that. I go to work all day and I come home. I thought that the internet was the only way to meet guys. It's not. I'm just scared that I'll meet someone and it's all going to happen again. The problem with the internet is that cyber space is like a fantasy land and the chat rooms are like meat markets for people to prey on the lonely and hopeful. I was hopeful, but I am still lonely.
Sometimes I do something just to amuse myself. Some stupid little thing that I think is very funny in my childish ways. Tonight I took handfuls of peanuts and threw them off the balcony at cars parked in the lot behind the building. I discovered that the peanuts are too light to set off car alarms. That would have been funny at first, but after it goes off for an hour, it's not so funny anymore. There are two peanuts on the hood of one of the cars. I wonder if they will get noticed. It would be funny if the squirels find them before the people get to their cars to go to work and the squirels attack them thinking that they have more peanuts. I also threw peanuts at the people walking to the door. I thought that was amusing. I didn't hit anyone, but I came close. I think it would have been funny to pour water on them, warm water... I heard some guy pissed off his balcony and hit someone a couple of balconies down. I thought that was funny.
I threw some peanuts into the planters a couple of floors down. It would be funny if they found them or if they didn't find the peanuts and they started to grow amongst the flowers into peanut plants or trees (whatever they grow into).
It's weird. As much as I wanted it to work out with that guy, it's probably for the best. I asked him to call me and he wouldn't call. I mean, he has my number. I don't know. I shouldn't care, but it does hurt a little bit. I'm wondering if all the things he told me were lies or if he ever meant any of it. I'm disappointed. I feel used. I just want something real and when I think I get what I'm after, it falls apart. Mostly due to my insecurities, but also due to the fact that people don't seem to communicate. Trusting someone is hard when you want to get to know them and they don't seem to want to get to know you. But as for meeting guys from the internet, there is no point. I don't know if I could ever trust again. I want to, but I can't even trust myself.
3 comments:
That sucks!
It reminds me of my first internet dating experience. The first girl I met off the internet got mad at me and said I was gay because I wouldn't have sex with her. That's happened to me a couple times. The second time it happened with another girl, she made her intentions pretty clear and I did have sex with her and tried to make it more. That was a bad idea...No regrets though.
Anyway, The internet is an easy way to meet people...but you meet all sorts of people just like in life. It doesn't get any better when you meet a bad apple no matter what the medium.
Anyway, I'm sorry to see you go. I personally think you should reconsider how you use the internet. Sure, get off the dating sites if that's what you feel you have to do but keep writing either in your blog or journal, keep posting photos. The internet is an incredible tool for connecting with people. You've formed a connection with your regular readers and while that's not what you're looking for right now it seems to count for something based on what I've read here.
Anyway, Hopefully you reconsider but if not, then take care!
Peace in the hood! (Bayshore)
Uncle Sean...aren't you gay?
If you say no, then what about last night?
hehehehe
The internet is the same as the real world, unfortunatley.
In the real world, guys want to get in girls pants. The internet is just another medium to do so. I don't bash those types if they make their intentions UBER clear: "I'm just looking for a sexual relationship".
Where men are sexually driven by nature (and it is our nature...It is the way were are built), women are "nesters". Of course there are exceptions both ways, but on the whole...that is the nature of things.
That being said, the lines in the sand are easily blurred. Ex:
- Guy wants sex
- Girl wants a relationship
- Guy sleeps with girl without revealing he just wants sex
- Girl expects a relationship and is let down.
Truth of the matter is, most guys at some point get tired of "the game" and want a relationship too. If they are lucky, they will find a girl who is not too jaded or guarded because of her past relationships.
Also, men have the fear of relationships because when we find it, women get "comfortable". Comfortable means less sex. To a woman, that's no big deal. They say that their relationship has "evolved" and is "more grown up". For guys, this is the worst thing that could ever happen. Sex, for a man in a relationship, is affection because he has given up his past for a stable (and loving relationship).
No sex = no affection
No affection = Wondering if they are not attractive
So your arguments are very true, Canadian Chick. I hope that you have always been clear with those you have dated that you are searching for a partner, not a fling (I'm sure you have).
If you have, then it is strictly jackasses that have abused of your position telling you "what you want to hear".
Uncle Jamie's got it mostly pegged...
Except for the Uncle Sean is gay part cuz I told him last night it was just a one time thing. He gave me 50 bucks though..I guess that kinda makes him gay too...:P
Actually, You can't be too general about girls and guys...there are girls and guys alike that fit the situation Jamie described. However, the tendency does lean more to guys behaving as Jamie described.
Most people (girls and guys) want sex and a lot of them will "behave badly" to get it or anything else they happen to want. That's just the way people are. This is also yet another one of the reasons that I'm glad that I come from the planet Zorkon.
yep-yep-yep-yep-yep-yep-yep uhhuh-uhhuh-uhhuh ;);) (oh man! I hope I'm not dating myself with this reference)
Anyway, There are jerks out there and a lot of them too but it's not all bad all the time.
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