For Pretend (Part 3)

It bugs me. It really bugs me. 
HOW SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO WANT TO ACT TOWARD ME.
EVEN THOUGH I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's natural to think:
"All I have to be is nice and kind to them...."
FOR THEM TO BE KIND TO ME.

BUT IT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK LIKE THAT.

SOME PEOPLE AREN'T WIRED TO BE CONSIDERATE.
SOME PEOPLE ARE TAKERS, NOT GIVERS.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T NOTICE OR VALUE EFFORT.
SOME PEOPLE ONLY RESPOND WHEN IT BENEFITS THEM.

I WAS TOLD THIS: "YOUR INSTINCT ABOUT HOW
PEOPLE SHOULD TREAT EACH OTHER... IS RIGHT."

AND THIS: "YOU'VE BEEN DEALING WITH PEOPLE
WHO DON'T LIVE UP TO THAT."

BUT WHAT BUGS ME IS SEEING THEM TREAT EVERYONE ELSE
THE WAY THEY COULD HAVE TREATED ME, TOO.
HAD THEY WANTED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAD THEY JUST WANTED TO DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY COULD HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF THEY WANTED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT THEY DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And someone was trying to tell me:
"It feels like rejection...."

MAYBE TO SOME IT MIGHT......
I'M JUST REALLY DISAPPOINTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOU DON'T "NEED" THEM...
THEY WANT TO "HURT" YOU FOR THAT?????????????
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????????????

For Pretend? (Part 2)

Lying about me doesn't change any TRUTH ABOUT LIARS.
THEY MIGHT THINK IT DOES, 
BUT THEIR TRUTH
IS THEIR TRUTH.
THE TRUTH.

Pushed aside because of what?
BECAUSE YOU ASSUMED SOMETHING ABOUT ME?

Treated like an option because of what?
BECAUSE YOU ASSUMED SOMETHING ABOUT ME?

AND? Were they right about me?
ABOUT THEIR ASSUMPTIONS?

WERE THEY? OR NOT?

SO WHEN SOMEONE IS PROJECTING "NICE GUY...."
TO EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE....
AND THEY HAVE A MOB MENTALITY.... 

BUT DISMISSING AND IGNORING SOMEONE....
AS SOMEONE WHO NEEDS ATTENTION ALL THE TIME....
THAT WOULD BREAK THEM.
BEING IGNORED AND DISMISSED THE WAY THEY DO TO ME.

IS THAT WHY THEY DO THAT CRAP?

TO ACT LIKE THAT?

So I don't go... TRYING TO TALK TO THEM ANYMORE!
I DON'T GO TRYING TO CHASE THEM!
I DON'T GO TRYING TO BEG ANYONE!

WHY WOULD I DO IT?
JUST BECAUSE THEY WANT ME TO?????????

TO BEG FOR A CONVERSATION????????????????

AND THEN CREATE A WITCH HUNT? ON ME?

SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT ABOUT ME!
FOR NOT NEEDING YOU!
OR ANYONE!

For Pretend?

When you don't "fit in" easily....
Like most people can and do....
BECAUSE THEY HAVE A SIMILAR MENTALITY....

THEY WANT YOU TO DO MORE!!!!!!!!!!
TO "FIT IT" EVEN THOUGH YOU WON'T!
BECAUSE THEY WON'T ALLOW YOU TO!

When they act one way... WITH SOME PEOPLE...
AND TREAT YOU DIFFERENTLY.....

AND YOU SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THAT....
ABOUT BEING TREATED LIKE THAT.....
WHEN THEY DON'T DO THAT CRAP....
TO EVERYONE.....

RIGHT?

THEY JUST WANT ME TO "LOOK LIKE" XYZ.
AND PRETENDING TO BE NICE....
BUT I'M THE "SACRIFICE."

BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTHERED THAT I DON'T "NEED" THEM.
NO, I DON'T! 

IF I "NEEDED" THEM.... THAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT?

I was minding my own business, the other day.... 
I made a comment in a group....
Someone in the group thought my comment was funny....
We talked.... I invited him over to play NES with me. 

AFTER HE LEFT, I TAGGED HIM IN A PHOTO
OF THE NES.
NOT OF ME. I WASN'T IN IT.
IT WASN'T A PIC OF HIM AND I.
I NEVER ASKED TO TAKE ONE OF HIM AND I.
IF HE WANTED A PIC OF HIM AND I, 
MAYBE HE WOULD HAVE ASKED TO TAKE ONE, RIGHT?

AND WE JUST MET! SO WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

BUT... IT'S COOL IF OTHER PEOPLE TAG HIM, 
BECAUSE HE LET THEM DO IT.

SO I DIDN'T THINK IT'D BE A BIG DEAL.
IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A BIG DEAL TO ME.

WASN'T A BIG DEAL WHEN OTHERS DID IT, RIGHT?
BECAUSE THEY WERE ALLOWED TO TAG HIM!

SINCE IT BUGGED HIM SO MUCH, I UNTAGGED HIM!

BUT HE GAVE ME EXCUSES WHY HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO.
"THERE'S GOING TO BE DRAMA!"
"WHY WOULD THERE BE DRAMA?"

IT'S BECAUSE OTHER GIRLS WOULD SEE IT!

DO I WANT TO BE A "SECRET" FRIEND?

ONLY OKAY TO BE MY FRIEND IF NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT IT?
WOULD THAT BE COOL WITH YOU?

BUT WHAT I'M NOT COOL WITH IS "I'M A NICE GUY..."
"UNLESS I CHOOSE TO XYZ TO YOU..."

AND THEY WANT EVERYONE TO THINK THEY ARE A "NICE GUY"
SO THEY WILL DEFEND THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU CAN'T DEFEND OR JUSTIFY SOMEONE TREATING YOU!!!!!!!!
THE WAY THEY TREAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT THEY WOULDN'T TREAT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT THAT "I'M A NICE GUY" CRAP....
IS SO PEOPLE CAN BE LIKE: "HE'S A NICE GUY, EVERYONE!"

IS HE? BECAUSE IF HE WAS ACTUALLY A NICE GUY....
HE WOULD HAVE TREATED ME LIKE HE TREATS YOU!!!!!!!!!
BUT HE DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!! CORRECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO IF HE IS TREATING ME DIFFERENTLY
THAN HOW HE TREATS YOU........
HE IS TREATING ME DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVEN IF YOU SAY HE ISN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OR HOW "NICE" HE WANTS EVERYONE TO THINK HE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE WANTS YOU TO THINK HE IS "NICE!"
SO YOU WILL BE HIS "FRIEND."

IF HE WANTED ME TO BE HIS "FRIEND."
HE WOULD HAVE BEEN "NICE" TO ME, TOO!
AND HE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME HIMSELF!
HE WOULD HAVE TREATED ME THE WAY HE TREATS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT..... IS HE DOING THAT?
OR..... IS HE NOT?

AND SINCE HE IS NOT......
HE GETS TO SAY FK ALL.....
ABOUT ME SAYING SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miffed

Well, I have had a so-called friend for over 10 years, 
Probably closer to 14 years... 

Met him online. 
We hung out before. 
I've slept at his place before. 

But... I'm so miffed at this guy...

So many fkn times he's been shitty to me.

A bunch of sh*t has really been grinding on my gears.
ABOUT HOW HE TREATED ME.
AND THINKS IT IS OKAY.
IT'S NOT.

I told him that I realized he treats me differently
THAN OTHER PEOPLE. 
I HAVE SEEN THAT.

HE DENIES IT.
EVERYTHING SH*TTY HE'S DONE
OR SAID TO ME.... 

It's been building up.... For a while. 

One time, he invited me to a party
of his friends and got invited to another party.
So he said he would meet me at the party
I was supposed to meet him at.
BUT DID HE SHOW UP?
I LEFT AND WENT HOME.

After that... He got a guitar.
HE WOULDN'T LET ME EVEN TOUCH IT...
BUT... HE TOOK PICTURES
OF SOME GIRL PLAYING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT I COULDN'T TOUCH IT.

THERE AREN'T ANY PICTURES OF HIM AND I.
TOGETHER AS FRIENDS.

BUT MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE THIS...
AND CAN TAKE PICTURES WITH EVERYONE ELSE!

One time, I was waiting for him at his place.
I don't have the password for his main computer.
That he would have let me use, 
and he wasn't home to ask him...
He had another computer open...
I DID NOT TOUCH ANY OF HIS WORK CRAP.
BUT HE... DIDN'T "YELL" AT ME ABOUT IT
BUT WASN'T HAPPY...
AND HIS FRIEND WAS WITH HIM
WHEN HE GOT BACK
AND WAS LIKE ALMOST BERATING ME ABOUT IT
IN FRONT OF HIM.

DID I NEED THAT CRAP?

THE LATEST THING.... I WROTE SOMETHING
ABOUT GROUP MENTALITY...
HE WAS USING AN EXAMPLE I USED
AS AN EXCUSE TO ARGUE WITH ME
LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES...
HE PICKS ONE THING....
THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
MY MAIN POINTS.............
AND ARGUES WITH ME ABOUT IT.

HE CANNOT HAVE A CONVERSATION. 

ANYWAY, IT BUGGED ME THAT HE WASN'T LISTENING, AGAIN!
HE NEVER DOES!

I CALLED HIM ON IT. HE UNFRIENDED ME....
DIDN'T KNOW HE DID IT....
THEN SENT ME A NEW FRIEND REQUEST!

I SHOULD HAVE REFUSED IT!

WEREN'T YOU MY FRIEND UNTIL
YOU UNFRIENDED ME?

But I accepted it... BUT I DON'T WANT TO TALK 
WITH THIS GUY ANYMORE. 
I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT.
WHAT'S THERE TO TALK ABOUT?
HE CAN TALK TO HIS GIRLFRIEND. 
AND ALL HIS FRIENDS.

I'd rather HAVE REAL FRIENDS
WHO LISTEN TO ME.
AND TREAT ME LIKE THEY APPRECIATE ME. 

Anyway, I'm very disappointed WITH MOST PEOPLE I KNOW.

I DON'T LIKE HAVING MY TIME WASTED!
BY ANYONE.

So I just... DON'T REALLY CARE ANYMORE.

MIFFED ME TO THE POINT
OF NOT CARING ANYMORE.

SHOULD HAVE CARED WHEN I DID...
BECAUSE NOW I DON'T. 

I feel like walking away FROM EVERYONE
WHO TOOK ME FOR GRANTED, EVER.

I'm not going to be AROUND FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
PEOPLE WHO TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
TREAT ME LIKE I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO
THAN WAIT TO JUST BE TREATED
THE WAY THEY TREAT EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY SHOULD I?????????????

WOULD THEY WANT ME TO TREAT THEM LIKE THAT?
NO? THEN WHY TREAT ME LIKE THAT?

I shouldn't have accepted his "friend" request.
HE'S NOT A REAL FRIEND!