Being Wise

It's frustrating with certain people. 
THEY SEEM TO LIKE TO TRY TO PUSH BOUNDARIES.
Concerning what I will and won't tolerate. 

THEY WANT ME TO TOLERATE THINGS
THAT THEY ENJOY, BUT I DON'T.

And when it comes to me NOT LIKING IT, 
AND SAYING I DON'T LIKE IT, 

AND WANT IT TO STOP, 
THEY GET MAD.

AT ME FOR WANTING THE BS TO JUST FKN STOP.

After I told someone I didn't want him to touch my ears anymore, 
and telling him to leave my ears ALONE, 

HE SAID, "I CAN LEAVE ALL OF YOU ALONE ;) "

SO I SAID, "IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT AFTER TELLING YOU
I DON'T LIKE IT AND TO STOP IT."

HE SAID THAT FOR A DIFFERENT RESPONSE
TO HIM VIOLATING MY FKN BOUNDARIES. 

HE WANTED ME TO BACKTRACK
AND LET HIM KEEP DOING IT. 

I DOUBLED DOWN AND HE DIDN'T RESPOND.

THEN..... ON SUNDAY:
"DIDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO DO?"

LIKE I WAS EXPECTED TO MAKE PLANS WITH HIM.
HE DIDN'T MAKE ANY WITH ME.

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY PLANS.

HE HADN'T SPOKEN TO ME ALL WEEK, EITHER!
HOW WAS I TO KNOW HE EXPECTED TO SEE ME ON THE WEEKEND?

YOU CAN'T JUST EXPECT TO SEE SOMEONE
YOU DIDN'T MAKE PLANS WITH!

JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT THEM
TO BE AVAILABLE!

HE GOT BORED, BY HIMSELF, 
AND TURNED IT ON ME.

I DON'T LIKE THAT SH*T!

IF HE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING, 
HE COULD HAVE SAID THAT AND MADE PLANS WITH ME. 

INSTEAD OF ACTING LIKE THAT!

ESPECIALLY AFTER HE ACTED LIKE THAT
AFTER I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE MY EARS ALONE!

I'M NOT HIS FKN GIRLFRIEND!
SO WHY TF DOES HE THINK THAT'S OKAY?
JUST BECAUSE I TOLERATED IT TOO MANY TIMES?

I TOLD HIM I'D BEEN TOLERATING IT, 
BUT I DON'T WANT TO TOLERATE IT ANYMORE. 

AND TO JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE. 

IF I were a male, HE'D LEAVE MY EARS ALONE. 
THERE ARE CERTAIN PEOPLE
HE ALREADY KNOWS THAT HE WOULD NOT GET AWAY WITH
DOING IT TO.
AND WOULDN'T DO IT TO THEM!

HE DID IT TO ME TO SEE IF HE COULD GET AWAY WITH IT.
AND I TOLERATED IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW HOW HE WOULD REACT
IF I CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT IT.

CHICKS SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE CONCERNED
ABOUT A DUDE'S REACTION
TO BEING TOLD TO STOP DOING SOMETHING.
OR BEING TOLD NOT TO DO IT AT ALL. 

AND THEY SHOULD NOT BE DOING SOMETHING
TO TEST WHETHER THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH DOING IT. 

PEOPLE WHO ARE SAFE TO BE AROUND, DON'T DO THAT, 
DON'T REACT LIKE THAT, AND DON'T TREAT ME LIKE THAT. 
WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE THAT. 

And then to EXPECT me to find something to do for us
WHEN HE MADE NO PLANS WITH ME.
DIDN'T EVEN SAY SORRY FOR FKN DOING THAT TO ME.
OR REACTING LIKE THAT WHEN I TOLD HIM TO STOP....

AFTER HE SAID: "DIDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO DO"
I SAID "I'M BUSY THIS WEEKEND, MAYBE NEXT WEEKEND..."
HE TRIED TO PUT HIMSELF IN MY AREA TO TRY TO COAX ME OUT
TO HANG OUT WITH HIM....
TO SEE ME EVEN AFTER I TOLD HIM I WAS ALREADY BUSY. 

THEN HE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OUT OF CURIOSITY."

TOLD HIM I'M WORKING ON A PROJECT.
HE GUESSED WHICH ONE, but it wasn't that one. 
I TOLD HIM IT WASN'T THAT ONE, BUT WOULDN'T ELABORATE.
HE JUST GAVE ME A THUMBS UP.

I DON'T OWE ANY EXPLANATIONS OR DETAILS. 
"I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW." IS ALL I NEEDED TO SAY.

HE COULD HAVE ACCEPTED THAT.

HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, I DON'T OWE HIM
EVERY DETAIL OF MY LIFE. 

HE'S ACTING LIKE THIS, AND WE'RE NOT TOGETHER FFS.
IF WE WERE TOGETHER IT WOULD LIKELY BE EVEN WORSE.
I WOULD NOT BE HAPPY. 

HARD TO IMAGINE WHY I'D RATHER BE ALONE THESE DAYS?

BEING TREATED LIKE THIS? FK THAT SH*T.

BUT AFTER TELLING HIM THAT IF HE WANTED TO MAKE PLANS
FOR NEXT WEEKEND, WE COULD, BUT...

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY FOR THIS WEEKEND. 
SO EXPECTING TO HAVE SOME WITHOUT MAKING ANY...
IS ASSUMPTIVE SH*T. 

I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE ASSUMING ANYTHING ABOUT ME. 
LIKE ASSUMING IT IS OKAY TO JUST TOUCH ME
BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE IT.

IF YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME
THAT MEANS I AM OFF LIMITS. 
IT MEANS YOU HAVE LESS THAN ZERO RIGHT TO TOUCH ME.
EVEN MY EARS.

IF I CONSENT, OKAY.
BUT TOLERATING SOMETHING
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR FKN REACTION WILL BE
WHEN I TELL YOU TO FKN STOP...

IS NOT CONSENT.

HE'S TRIED TO KISS ME, 
HE TRIED TO TOUCH MY BOOBS FFS.

AFTER I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS ONLY WILLING TO HANG OUT
IF HE WAS OKAY WITH HANGING OUT AS FRIENDS ONLY!!!!!!!!!

HE SAID HE WAS OKAY WITH THAT!

THE FIRST TIME HE MET ME, 
I DRESSED LIKE A DUDE AND I USUALLY DO.
HE NOTICED.

"NEXT TIME, DRESS MORE FEMININE.
YOU LOOK LIKE A DUDE/ROOFER."

HE WANTED ME TO DRESS MORE THE WAY A CHICK DOES
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE LIKES.
I'M NOT DRESSING TO TURN ANYONE ON. 
FK THAT.

IF YOU DRESS LIKE A DUDE AND THEY STILL
DON'T WANT TO RESPECT FKN BOUNDARIES?

THAT'S WHY I DRESS LIKE A DUDE!
TO TURN DUDES OFF!

BUT EVEN THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK!

TELLING THEM:
ONLY AS FRIENDS...

DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK!

TELLING THEM I AM BUSY
ON A WEEKEND THEY DID NOT MAKE PLANS WITH ME
DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK.

BECAUSE ALL THEY CARE ABOUT 
IS WHAT THEY WANT, IT SEEMS. 

WHAT WORKS? TELL ME!
WHAT GETS GUYS TO BACK TF OFF
WHEN IT COMES TO CHICKS?

CHICKS TELLING THEM TO STOP DOING SOMETHING
THEY SHOULDN'T BE DOING.... 
KNOWING THEY ARE TESTING BOUNDARIES
VERY FKN EARLY... NOT COOL. 

THEN GETTING MAD WHEN YOU HAVE BOUNDARIES...
NOT FKN COOL.

SHOULD I LIE AND TELL HIM I HAVE A D*CK?

BEING FKN HONEST WITH HIM....
DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING.

IF IT ONLY SEEMS TO MATTER WHAT HE WANTS
I'M NOT OKAY WITH THAT.

HE WANTS TO "PLAY WITH MY EARS."
WHY WOULD I WANT HIM TO?
HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!

HE WANTS ACCESS TO ME
TO LET HIM DO WHAT HE WANTS.

I'M NOT OKAY WITH THAT.

AND WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT
HE GOT MAD RIGHT AWAY. 

AND THEN EXPECTED TO HAVE ACCESS
TO ME RIGHT AFTER THAT?

WITHOUT AN APOLOGY?
WITHOUT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT?

WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT?

AND THEN WANTED DETAILS ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING?
BECAUSE I TOLD HIM I WASN'T AVAILABLE FOR HIM?

NOTHING ELSE AFTER I DIDN'T GIVE HIM DETAILS, EITHER.

"GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, TALK WITH YOU LATER"
NOTHING BUT A THUMBS UP.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.

IF I FELT LIKE EXPLAINING WHAT I WAS DOING, I WOULD HAVE.
MAYBE I WOULD RATHER BE DOING IT
THAN EXPLAINING IT.

MAYBE HE ALREADY TOLD ME THAT STUFF
DOESN'T INTEREST HIM. 

IF IT DID, MAYBE I WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM MORE, 
BUT IT DOESN'T, AND I'D RATHER JUST BE DOING IT.

TRYING TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH ANYONE
WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT.....

IS WHAT?

PRODUCTIVE?

AND MOST PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT
BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

THEY FEEL STUPID AROUND THINGS
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND
AND DON'T LIKE FEELING STUPID.

BUT IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND CERTAIN THINGS
AND YOU CAN'T SEE CERTAIN THINGS
AND YOU DON'T KNOW CERTAIN THINGS, 

YOU CAN THINK YOU ARE EDUCATED, 
BUT YOU REALLY REQUIRE WISDOM. 

BEING EDUCATED IS NOT THE SAME THING
AS BEING WISE.

It Bugs Me

It bugs me TRYING TO COMPROMISE WITH SOMEONE
AND BEING IGNORED AND INSULTED!

AND TREATED LIKE I AM THERE
TO JUST "BE THERE" FOR FKN EVERYONE....
WHEN I NEED TO BE THERE FOR MY KID, FIRST. 

I am not desperate for friends. I have friends. 
I have been meeting new people. 

BUT NOBODY IS ENTITLED TO MY TIME!
NO MATTER HOW THEY FKN THINK OR ACT
OR FEEL ABOUT THE FACT
THAT THEY AREN'T!

AND THEY TELL THEMSELVES THEY DID NOTHING WRONG!

SURE, IT'S NOT WRONG TO HAVE FEELINGS, 
AND TO WANT SOMEONE TO CARE!

BUT WHY INSULT SOMEONE FOR BEING EXHAUSTED?

It's not fair to ME to be ignored when I tell them:
"I can't right now, but I will tomorrow, after I get proper rest
SO I CAN SHOW UP FOR YOU AND ACTUALLY BE "SUPPORTIVE."

IF I AM TOO FKN TIRED TO THINK STRAIGHT....
HOW FKN "USEFUL" AM I GOING TO BE?

I'LL BE LISTENING, BUT WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO "OFFER"
BECAUSE THAT TAKES FKN ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!

AND SHE WANTS SPECIFIC RESPONSES!
"WHY DID YOU SAY THIS? THAT'S NOT...."
"WHEN YOU SAID THIS BEFORE, IT'S NOT LIKE THIS..."
HOW TF AM I SUPPOSED TO FKN KNOW!?????
ALL MY EDUCATED GUESSES ARE FKN EDUCATED GUESSES!!!

SHE EXPECTS ME TO FKN KNOW SH*T I DON'T!
SHE WANTS ME TO HAVE FKN ANSWERS I DON'T FKN HAVE!
THAT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE!
ESPECIALLY AFTER JUST FKN MEETING!

COULD WE..... EASE INTO IT? MAYBE?

WHY WOULD I WANT EXTRA FKN STRESS? 
WOULD THEY WANT EXTRA STRESS FROM ME?

WOULD THEY WANT ME TO INSULT THEM?
WHEN I DIDN'T GET WHAT I WANT?

YOU THINK CALLING ME IGNORANT?
A LIAR?
OR WHATEVER ELSE....

MAKES ME WANT TO GIVE YOU MY FKN TIME?

IT'S FKN IGNORANT TO CALL ME IGNORANT
FOR PROTECTING WHAT LITTLE FKN ENERGY I HAVE LEFT
FOR THE FKN DAY!

YES, I'M AVOIDING SPENDING ALLLLLL THE ENERGY I HAVE!
JUST FOR YOU!
ON PEOPLE WHO FKN DEMAND IT!

FK OFF WITH DEMANDING FKN ANYTHING FROM ME!

ESPECIALLY RIGHT AFTER MEETING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TF DO I FKN "OWE" YOU?
ANYTHING?
LET ALONE MY TIME?

NOT JUST MY TIME, MY FINITE FKN ENERGY!

IF YOU HAVE A HUGE EGO, 
AND IF YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH GETTING YOUR OWN WAY.... 
FK OFF!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE! 

I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE FFS!

NO FKN REASON TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT!

DID I SAY I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK AT ALL?
NO!

I SAID I HAD TO GET UP EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SAID I WANTED TO GO TO BED EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SAID I WAS EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEEDED REST AND RESPECT! 
I WASN'T FKN ASKING FOR FKN MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I RARELY ASK FOR FKN ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

"YOU MADE ME BEG FOR 5 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME...."
"MY PAIN'S NOT SUPPOSED TO WAIT...."
"MY PAIN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR REST..."

HAVE I EVEN KNOWN YOU FOR 48 FKN HOURS THOUGH?
WEREN'T YOU SURVIVING BEFORE YOU MET ME?

I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF FOR FKN 2 HOURS!
WHILE TRYING TO FKN COMPROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I COULD HAVE JUST BLOCKED HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ESPECIALLY AFTER THE FKN INSULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND SHE SAID, "WHERE DID I INSULT YOU?"
EXCUSE ME?

CALLING ME A BAD FRIEND BECAUSE I CAN'T JUMP ON A SECOND CALL?
I JUMPED ON A CALL WHEN I GOT HOME!
AFTER MEETING HER!
FOR 3 FKN HOURS!

I WAS ON A CALL WITH HER FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!
I WAS SPENT AFTER THAT!
I HAD TO END THE CALL TO ACTUALLY FKN SLEEP!

AND THEN WHEN I SAID NO, THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO JUMP
ON ANOTHER CALL....

SHE TRIED TO CALL ME OUT!
ON WHAT?

THERE'S NOTHING TO CALL ME OUT ON!

I HAD A LEGIT FKN REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR WANTING TO GO TO BED EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT COULD HAVE BEEN RESPECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST BECAUSE SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO IN THE MORNING, 
DOESN'T MEAN I DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHE ALREADY KNEW TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I TOLD HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEFORE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T UNSEE THAT VERBAL FKN BACKLASH
FOR NOT MAKING MYSELF "AVAILABLE"
IMMEDIATELY!
FOR HER INSTANT GRATIFICATION.

IF SHE SAID TO ME:
"A***, I WILL MAKE TIME FOR YOU.
BUT TOMORROW, I AM EXHAUSTED."

SHOULD I BE MAD?
THAT I CAN'T GET THAT "ATTENTION"
IMMEDIATELY?

SHOULD I START INSULTING THEM?

GETTING MAD AT THEM?
CALLING THEM NAMES?

BECAUSE THEY AREN'T AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY?
LIKE I WANTED?

I AM NOT ENTITLED TO ANYTHING I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO I EVEN GET TO FKN REST? EVER?

WHEN I ISOLATE MYSELF, YES.
HARD TO DO WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO CLING TO ME. 
FOR "EMOTIONAL SUPPORT"
AFTER JUST MEETING ME... 

WHAT IF I ACTED LIKE THAT?
SHOULD I ACT LIKE THAT?
WOULD SHE FKN APPRECIATE THAT SH*T?
AFTER GIVING ME LIKE 10 HOURS OF HER TIME?

WHEN SHE HAS OTHER SH*T SHE COULD BE DOING?
LIKE SLEEPING BECAUSE THEY ARE A HUMAN
WHO NEEDS TO SLEEP
AND RECOVER THEIR ENERGY?

EXCUSE ME FOR BEING A HUMAN WITH A LIFE!
EXCUSE ME FOR NEEDING REST!
EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING SOME OF MY OWN TIME
FOR MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"YOU'RE SELFISH!"
IT'S FKN SELFISH TO WANT ME TO FKN LISTEN
AND BE THERE WHEN I CAN'T. 
AND EVEN WHEN I COULDN'T, 
I SAID I WOULD MAKE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST NOT FKN IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN RESPECTED!
APPRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT WHEN YOU MAKE FKN TIME FOR PEOPLE, 
MOST TAKE YOUR TIME FOR GRANTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND IF THEY DO THAT WITH YOUR TIME, 
THEY WILL DO THAT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOUR TIME DOESN'T FKN MATTER
UNLESS THEY FKN WANT IT.... 

AND YOU'RE A "JERK"
WHEN THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT.... 

WHY FKN BOTHER?
WOULD YOU?

OR JUST LET THEM THINK WHATEVER TF THEY WANT?

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE THINKS THEY SHOULD BE
EVERYONE'S PRIORITY, 
DOESN'T MEAN THEY NEED TO BE ONE.

I HAVE PRIORITIES. 

WANTED ME TO "FIGHT" WITH HER
OVER WHO GETS MY TIME AND WHEN?
OR EVEN WHY SOME WOULDN'T BE?

IF YOU ACT ENTITLED TO MY FKN TIME, 
YOU DON'T FKN DESERVE IT. 

IF I WANT TO GIVE YOU MY TIME, I WILL!
BUT DON'T DEMAND IT
THEN INSULT ME WHEN I SAY NO.

IT SHOULD BE A CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not A Miracle Worker

I'm frustrated. Really. I'm tired and frustrated. 
I'm even angrier! 

When people don't respect me or my time, 
What am I supposed to say?

When people accuse me of ARGUING WITH THEM
WHEN I TOLD THEM MY STANCE!

I TOLD SOMEONE WHO WANTED MY TIME
THAT I WAS TOO TIRED
TO CONCENTRATE ON HER, 
TO LISTEN, TO HER STUFF....
BECAUSE I NEEDED TO REST.

I HAVE TO BE AWAKE EARLY.
TOMORROW.

AND NOW, I'M GOING TO GET VERY LITTLE SLEEP
BECAUSE SHE LITERALLY REFUSES
TO UNDERSTAND
THAT I HAVE HUMAN NEEDS. 

AND I DON'T WANT TO LET HER BE SELFISH
WITH ME AND MY TIME. 

I HAVE ALREADY BEEN GENEROUS.
WITH MY TIME. 

TWICE IN A ROW.

I gave into her a bunch of times
SO SHE WANTED ME TO KEEP DOING IT.
WHEN I TOLD HER NO, SHE GOT MAD.
BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T GET WHAT SHE WANTED
WHEN SHE WANTED IT.
OR WHY SHE WANTED IT.

WHICH IS NOT MY PROBLEM.

DO I EVER GET WHAT I WANT?
SOMEONE TO HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME?
TO UNDERSTAND ME?
TO APPRECIATE ME?

Imagine telling someone:
"If you need anything...."
AND WHEN YOU NEED TO REST
OR GO TO BED EARLY, YOU'RE NOT "ALLOWED"?

WHEN YOU ARE TELLING THEM
WHAT YOU NEED
YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO SAY IT?
LET ALONE HAVE THAT?

JUST TO REST?
BECAUSE YOU ARE NEEDED SOMEWHERE THE NEXT DAY?

But spin it however you want to!

Make me a B*TCH FOR BEING TOO TIRED
TO PROCESS ALL OF EVERYONE'S STUFF!
WHENEVER THEY WANT ME TO!
JUST FOR THEM!

DO I GET TIME TO PROCESS MINE?
ONLY YOURS?

BUT ASSUME I AM PLAYING GAMES
BECAUSE I LITERALLY CANNOT
PROCESS ANYONE'S CRAP
WHEN I AM TIRED AND OVERLOADED. 

WHEN YOU EXPECT TOO MUCH FROM ME
AND I CAN'T EVEN EXPECT
ENOUGH RESPECT FROM YOU
TO JUST ALLOW ME TO REST....

AND YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD
FOR NOT GIVING INTO YOU.....
TO TRY TO MAKE ME GIVE INTO YOU.....

SO THAT YOU CAN BE A VICTIM 
OF MY EXHAUSTION.... 

LIKE I AM CRUEL AND DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR "PAIN."

YOU THINK I DON'T HAVE ANY?
SEE ME DUMPING IT ON YOU?
RIGHT WHEN I JUST MET YOU?

NO?

FELT COMFORTABLE TELLING ME, I LISTENED. 
BUT NOW I HAVE TO PROCESS ALL OF IT,
ON TOP OF MY OWN STUFF. 

I CAN'T PROCESS IT FOR HER. 

AND THEN SHE'S LOOKING AT MY PICTURES
AND SAYS I LOOK DIFFERENT IN TWO PICS, 
"IS THAT YOU?"

LIKE I'M PUTTING UP FAKE PICS OR SOMETHING. 
I DON'T FKN KNOW. WHY EVEN ASK ME?
BECAUSE I MUST BE TRYING TO "SCAM" HER SOMEHOW.... 

EVEN THOUGH I MET HER IN PERSON, 
WAS NICE TO HER IN PERSON. 

MADE TIME FOR HER. 
TWICE. 

BUT NOT THE TIME SHE WANTED ME TO....
BUT SHE DIDN'T LET ME REST LIKE I WANTED TO. 

I'M STUBBORN AND SELFISH FOR BEING TIRED
AND NOT GIVING IN TO HER. 

I DON'T HANG OUT WITH CHICKS. 
THIS IS WHY. 

NOW I AM P*SSED OFF. 
HAVING TO DEFEND MY FKN EXHAUSTION
FKN EXHAUSTED ME EVEN MORE!

I NEED TO BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW!
I NEED TO BE OUT AND ON THE ROAD EARLY!

I PROBABLY WON'T BE GETTING ANY SLEEP NOW. 
I SHOULD HAVE JUST LET HER ARGUE WITH HERSELF. 
AND GONE TO BED. 

FKN ENTITLED TO MY TIME? AFTER JUST MEETING ME?

I HAVE TO BE STUBBORN WHEN PEOPLE DON'T FKN LISTEN!
THEY EXPECT ME TO LISTEN TO THEM!
BUT WHEN DO THEY LISTEN TO ME?
WHEN I TELL THEM I AM TIRED?
WHEN I TELL THEM I NEED SLEEP?
WHEN I TELL THEM I WANT TO REST?
BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE UP EARLY?

IT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO HANG OUT WITH GIRLS!
IF THEY ACT LIKE THIS.... WHY WOULD I WANT TO?

I'M NOT HER FKN BOYFRIEND. I JUST MET HER FFS.
SO WHY AM I RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE'S FEELINGS?

ARE THEY RESPONSIBLE FOR MINE? OR AM I?
PRETTY SURE I AM! NOT THEM!

INSTANT GRATIFICATION. 
BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO TALK IMMEDIATELY. 
AFTER WE HAD SAID "GOOD NIGHT."

EVEN CALLED ME A LIAR!
WHAT DID I LIE ABOUT?
ANYTHING?

LYING ABOUT MY PICS?
BECAUSE I LOOKED DIFFERENT IN THEM?
THEY WEREN'T TAKEN ON THE SAME DAY!
OR THE SAME YEAR!

WANTS TO DISTRUST ME AND HUMBLE ME....
FOR WHAT?
FOR NOT JUMPING ON A CALL WITH HER!
BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO!
DID I? NO!
I WANTED TO GO TO BED!
THE NIGHT BEFORE I WAS UP TO 6AM!
BECAUSE I LISTENED TO HER!
FOR 5 HOURS!
MET WITH HER IN PERSON FOR 3 HOURS!
SHE GOT 8 HOURS OF MY TIME!

TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT.

SHOULD I WANT TO CONTINUE? NO?

IF I DID THAT CRAP TO HER, 
AFTER SHE GAVE ME 8 HOURS OF HER TIME.... 
BECAUSE I WANTED EVEN MORE OF HER TIME
AND FKN ENERGY..... 
AND EXPECTED IT BECAUSE I WANTED IT.
AND PUT HER ON A GUILT TRIP ABOUT
NOT HAVING ENOUGH ENERGY FOR MORE, IN ONE DAY.... 

WITH NO REAL BREAK IN BETWEEN... 
I SLEPT, BUT THE NEXT DAY WE MET UP.

I CAN'T HAVE ANYONE BEING POSSESSIVE OR NEEDY WITH ME. 
MY SON NEEDS ME MORE THAN ANYONE. 

AND THEN SHE TRIES TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD. 
"THAT'S NOT A REAL FRIENDSHIP."

REAL FRIENDS WILL UNDERSTAND THAT A FRIEND
NEEDS REST AND SLEEP TO SHOW UP FOR THEIR KID.
THE VERY NEXT DAY.

AM I SUPPOSED TO SHOW UP FOR EVERYONE ALL THE TIME?
SHOULD I TOLERATE IMPATIENCE?
AND PEOPLE BEING INCONSIDERATE?

I LET HER DOWN AND "HURT HER"
BY SAYING NO. 

BECAUSE IF I GOT ON THAT CALL WITH HER, 
SHE WOULD HAVE KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT
LIKE THE NIGHT BEFORE.

SHE SAID I WAS ASSUMING SHE WOULD, 
BUT SHE ALREADY DID!

IT'S NOT AN ASSUMPTION WHEN SHE PUSHED ME
TO MY LIMIT!

BUT SHE DOESN'T "DESERVE" TO BE TOLD NO!
I'M MEAN AND CRUEL FOR SAYING NO!

FOR SAYING: "I NEED REST TO SHOW UP FOR YOU
THE WAY YOU FKN WANTED ME TO ANYWAY."

IF YOU WANT ME TO BE SUPPORTIVE, 
LET ME FKN SLEEP! REST! PROCESS!
FCK THAT P*SSES ME OFF!

"YOU MADE ME BEG FOR 5 MINUTES!"
AFTER GIVING YOU 8 FKN HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!
MORE LIKE 10 FKN HOURS!

BECAUSE I HAD TO "DEFEND" MYSELF, YET AGAIN. 
FOR 2 FKN HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!

INSTEAD OF LETTING ME FKN SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT NO, LET'S BE DRAMATIC ABOUT IT.....
ABOUT ME BEING TIRED.
AND NOT AVAILABLE
WHEN YOU WANTED ME TO BE.

IF IT WAS AN EMERGENCY, FINE.
BUT IF IT IS SOMETHING THAT CAN WAIT....
WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"MY PAIN ISN'T SUPPOSED TO WAIT."

I HAVE FKN PAIN TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AM I BEGGING?
AM I ACCUSING ANYONE OF ARGUING?
WHEN THEY TELL ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN
THAT I NEEDED TO SLEEP?

I AM NOT CO-DEPENDENT.

"I CAN'T FORCE YOU."
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU CAN'T. 

SO WHY GO FOR OVER AN HOUR ABOUT IT?
AND ACT LIKE THAT TO ME?

AFTER ACTUALLY BEING THERE?
AFTER ACTUALLY SHOWING UP?
MORE THAN ONCE?

BEING GENEROUS WITH MY TIME?

If you are too generous with your time....
THEY WILL TRY TO TAKE ANYTHING THEY "CAN."
WHEN YOU DON'T LET THEM... 
THEY ACT LIKE YOU "WRONGED" THEM.
BECAUSE THEY ARE ENTITLED TO WHAT THEY WANTED.

AM I ENTITLED TO SLEEP?
TO REST?
TO UNDERSTANDING?
APPRECIATION?
CONSIDERATION?
OR JUST FKN BS?

I DIDN'T MAKE IT EASY TO JUST TRAUMA DUMP ON ME
FOR A 3RD TIME TODAY. 

FIRST TIME, OKAY.
SECOND TIME, OKAY. 
AFTER SAYING GOOD NIGHT TO ME....
TELLING ME THEY WOULD LET ME REST.... 
AND THEN GETTING ANGRY AT ME.... 
FOR NOT TAKING A HUGE TRAUMA DUMP, AGAIN. 
FOR THE 3RD TIME. I AM TIRED!

BUT WHEN YOU LISTEN, THEY GET COMFORTABLE
AND THEY LIKE IT AND WANT IT ALL THE FKN TIME....
EVEN BLAMING YOU FOR BEING TOO TIRED
TO FKN PROCESS EVEN MORE CRAP.

GOT USED TO WHAT I WAS GIVING.... WANTING THAT....
AND NOT CARING WHAT I NEEDED.
WAS TO BE LEFT ALONE FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT
JUST TO FKN REST!

I AM NOT EASY TO "REPLACE."
SO IF YOU PUSH ME BECAUSE YOU DON'T "GET IT."
AND PUSH ME AWAY... 

I WILL WALK AWAY! I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!
AND THEN "EVERYONE'S LIKE THIS!"

EVERYONE WALKS AWAY WHEN PUSHED TO THEIR LIMIT?
GEE, I WONDER WHY!

AND SHE WILL TELL WHOEVER ABOUT ME
AND THAT I SAID NO.
AND THAT SHE COULD NOT CONTROL ME. 

JUST LIKE I HEARD ALL ABOUT THOSE WHO WRONGED HER.
DID THINGS I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE, 
BUT, THAT IS HER SIDE. NOT THEIRS.

WHOEVER WANTS TO SAY FKN ANYTHING ABOUT ME, 
CAN FKN SAY WHATEVER ABOUT ME.

She had a sh*tty breakup. 
I understand those. I've had some. 
SHE HAS HAD ONE.

Hard to get over a relationship when it was your ONLY ONE.

SHE WILL TELL EVERYONE I WAS "BAD" FOR SAYING NO.
FOR BEING TOO TIRED TO PROCESS 3 HUGE TRAUMA DUMPS.
AFTER JUST MEETING HER.

AND THEN HAVING TO DEAL WITH IMMATURITY. 
MATURITY LOOKS LIKE:
"I HEAR YOU NEED TO REST. I WILL LET YOU."
INSTEAD OF FORCING ME TO TELL THEM 10 TIMES!
THEN TRYING TO GUILT TRIP ME!

WHY WOULD I MAKE EVERYTHING EASY?
"SURE! TRAUMA DUMP ON ME A BILLION TIMES!
I DON'T HAVE A LIFE OR NEED TO SLEEP!" DA FUQ?

THE IMMATURITY FKN P*SSED ME OFF.
REALLY FKN DID.

DO I GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE?
AFTER THIS SH*T?

TAKERS HAVE NO FKN LIMIT!
SHE WOULD HAVE TAKEN ALL MY TIME, ALL MY ENERGY
AND DRAINED ME. 
I NEED MATURITY AND BALANCE. 

FROM ANYONE WHO WILL EVEN BE NEAR ME.

IF I GAVE HER 5 MINUTES,
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LONGER THAN 5 MINUTES.
I KNOW THIS. 

AND THEN SHE CREATED A WHOLE NARRATIVE
BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T GET WHAT SHE WANTED FROM ME
WHEN SHE WANTED IT.

AND I'M "AVOIDANT" AND WHATEVER ELSE
BECAUSE I SAID NO TO GETTING ON A CALL.
THAT I KNEW WOULD NOT BE 5 MINUTES.
AFTER I TOLD HER I WANTED TO GO TO BED EARLY. 
AFTER I TOLD HER I WAS TIRED.
AFTER I TOLD HER I WANTED UNDERSTANDING.
AFTER I TOLD HER SHE WAS THE ONE BEING FKN SELFISH.

Wanting to talk isn't doing something wrong. 
Having feelings isn't doing something wrong. 
Wanting someone to care isn't doing something wrong. 

I care, until people PUSH ME.

WHEN PEOPLE ARE BEING FKN UNFAIR TO ME.
IF YOU VICTIMIZE YOURSELF
BECAUSE YOU DRAIN ME
AND I NEED TO RESTOCK MY ENERGY....
AND YOU DON'T WANT TO LET ME....
ARE YOU THE VICTIM?

81 Million

I've been contacted by guys a lot on social media lately. 
More than usual. 

I told my neighbor this, and he said that it's because it's spring. 
And these dudes are "rutting."

Gross. 

CAN YOU TREAT A FEMALE LIKE A PERSON?
NOT A POTENTIAL FLING?

BTW, THE 62 MILLION VIEWS IN FEBRUARY....
ROSE TO 81 MILLION VIEWS IN MARCH.

AND SOME DUDE SAID TO ME....
30% OF THOSE VIEWS ARE WOMEN..... 

MAYBE WOMEN WANT TO AVOID BEING R@PED!
SO THEY WANT TO SEE WHAT THESE "MEN"
ARE "TEACHING" EACH OTHER!

WHAT'S 30% OF 81 MILLION?! 
NOT 40 MILLION.... LESS THAN 40 MILLION....

THINK ABOUT THAT. 
WHY SHOULD WOMEN WANT TO BE INFORMED
ON HOW THESE FKRS ARE DRUGGING AND R@PING?
TO AVOID THE BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT TO BECOME A VICTIM IN A FKN VIDEO!

When I meet a guy, and he asks me if I'm single....
I HAVE TO SET BOUNDARIES RIGHT AWAY!

TO SEE WHO WILL RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES!
TO SEE WHO WILL RESPECT ME AS A PERSON!

IF THEY AREN'T OKAY WITH BEING FRIENDS ONLY, 
I'M NOT AVAILABLE TO "HANG OUT" WITH THEM.