There Are Limits (Part 2)

If you read that example... I gave you the choice not to.
The one from part 1.

As extreme as that was... The same points applied.
It was the first one that came to my mind...

AS AN EXAMPLE OF SOME THINGS TO LOOK AT.

Things about himself that he could have... Looked at.

Pretty much that. If anything.

The clam example, too.
It is AS bad, yes.

Those 2 examples of...
THE STATE OF THE WORLD TODAY.

DOES IT HAVE TO BE.... LIKE THAT? NO.
IT REALLY DOESN'T. 

BUT.... WHEN WILL.... PEOPLE
WHO SHOULD LOOK AT THEMSELVES.....
LOOK.... AT... THEMSELVES?

WHENEVER.... THEY "THINK" THEY "SHOULD"?
ONLY THEN? IF EVER?

EVEN AS FKD UP..... AS THE THINGS THAT I DID....
WERE... TO DO.... 

I ALREADY KNEW.... THERE WERE LIMITS.
AND THAT THERE WERE....
SUPPOSED TO BE... LIMITS.

AND THAT I COULD.... STOP DOING....
WHATEVER TF I WAS DOING.

REGARDLESS OF "WHY" I EVER DID IT.

I've seen some fkd up stuff recently....
STUFF I CAN'T UNSEE.

KNOWING.... THAT I COULDN'T UNSEE IT.
CALL IT.... MORBID CURIOSITY....
OR WHATEVER...

And when I think: This might not be so bad....
It's usually WORSE than I thought it was going to be.

WHY I EVEN BOTHER WITH IT... I DON'T KNOW.

When I was a teenager... There were GORE sites....
It's like that, I guess...

STUFF THAT YOU CAN'T UNSEE.
IT STAINS YOUR BRAIN.

It's not that I get any SATISFACTION out of it...
Or anything like that...

A lot of su*c*des lately.... Actually.

Not sure why some people think of the most grusome ways to go out.

I knew someone... His mother... Was fkd up...
HER MOTHER....
CUT HER OWN HEAD OFF....
WITH A TABLE SAW.

YEAH... THAT'D DO SOMETHING TO MOST PEOPLE.
THAT IS UNDERSTANDABLE.

Some things "affect" people...
FOR THEIR WHOLE LIVES.

That's not how my father went out.
At least he didn't do anything crazy like that.

At first? YES... IT DID AFFECT ME.
FOR MANY YEARS.

PROBABLY OVER A DECADE.

Do kids know what to "do" with that? No.

So??? I DRANK. A LOT.

Anyway, brought it up... Because of a bunch of stuff...
I've seen recently.

AND SOMETIMES.... I THINK ABOUT IT.

MOSTLY... I THINK: WHY?

"WHY DID DUDE JUMP OFF THE BRIDGE?"
"WHY DID CHICK DEC@P*T@TE HERSELF?"
"WHY DID DUDE SHOVE HIS D*CK IN A GIANT CLAM?"
"WHY DID DUDE JUMP FROM HIS BALCONY?"

JUST A LOT OF THAT. WHY.
WILL I EVER KNOW WHY? NO.

"WHY" ISN'T THE POINT.

The point is... WHAT ARE THEY NOT SEEING?

I'm tired... I'll have to sleep and write more tomorrow....

------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I'm awake now... I had to sleep. Sleep is a thing.

Anyway.... Where was I? #4.... I think.

#4...... I DIDN'T SEE HOW I WAS STRUGGLING FOR NOT DOING IT.

This is connected to.... Alcoholism.... And other types of -isms....

When I was busy being an alcoholic.... 
I didn't see HOW ALCOHOL WAS ACTUALLY AFFECTING ME.

I WASN'T LOOKING AT IT.
OR AT MYSELF.

I WAS LOOKING AT ALCOHOL AS A "CRUTCH."
A "CRUTCH" I DIDN'T ACTUALLY "NEED."

But.... The point is.... 
THERE WERE WAYS THAT I WAS STRUGGLING.
I WASN'T JUST STRUGGLING.

Still... There are some ways that I still struggle...
BUT NOT IN WAYS I USED TO.
BEFORE I LOOKED AT THOSE THINGS.

But.... What I'm saying is....
THAT I DIDN'T KNOW....
BECAUSE: I COULDN'T SEE IT...
BECAUSE: I WASN'T LOOKING AT IT.

Does that make sense?
ABOUT STRUGGLING WITH THAT?

IF IT DOES, YOU CAN APPLY IT...
TO MANY OTHER THINGS.

#5............ I WAS TOO BUSY LOOKING AT OTHER THINGS!!!!!

Not just adding this because of being OVERLOOKED, MYSELF.
SURE... I HAVE BEEN.... BUT?

I, PERSONALLY, HAVE.... OVERLOOKED... MANY THINGS.
MOSTLY.... INTENTIONALLY.

When I "prioritized" dating....
I PRIORITIZED IT.... OVER OTHER THINGS.

I made some things "more important"
THAN OTHER THINGS
THAT ACTUALLY ARE MORE IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!

And..... By doing that.....
I couldn't seem to see....
THAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY MORE IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!

WHEN I STOPPED DOING THAT.....
GUESS WHAT I SAW?????? ANY GUESSES??????

THE IMPORTANCE!!!!!!!! OF THOSE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!

Does that make sense?

And a question came to mind:

WHY DID I HAVE TO STOP DOING THAT.... TO SEE THAT?
COULDN'T I HAVE JUST SEEN THAT?
WITHOUT DOING THAT?

Like competition, as an example....
I don't like "competing."

I WON'T COMPETE FOR A GUY.
IF HE EXPECTS ME TO.....
HE CAN FK OFF.

AND I WILL LET A HOE THINK SHE "WON."

BECAUSE: I SINCERELY NEVER GAVE A FK.
ABOUT HER "COMPETITION."

YOU WANT TO "WIN"? GO FOR IT. 
YOU'LL "WIN" SOMETHING THAT ISN'T WORTH IT, TO ME.
ENJOY!

And.... THEY ONLY WANT TO "WIN."
THEY NEVER GAF ABOUT THE DUDE!
IT WAS ONLY ABOUT "WINNING"!!!!!!

On top of that.... I've had some dudes "competing" with me.
I NEVER THOUGHT THEY WOULD... BUT....

When a dude talks DOWN to me....
IT'S BECAUSE HE THINKS HE IS "BETTER" THAN ME.

OR????? WHY TALK DOWN TO ME?

BECAUSE I SAID SOMETHING INSIGHTFUL?
THAT HAPPENS TO MAKE SENSE?

"BETTER CUT HER DOWN FOR MAKING SENSE!"

AND WHEN YOU "DON'T LET THEM DO THAT"
WHAT DO THEY DO?

1) THEY TRY TO COME AT YOU EVEN HARDER
2) WHEN COMING AT YOU HARDER DOESN'T WORK....

THEY GET "BIG MAD."

AND "BIG MAD" LOOKS FKN RIDICULOUS.

GO AHEAD AND "PUFF YOUR CHEST OUT" AT ME....
LET'S SEE HOW THAT MAKES YOU "BETTER" THAN ME...

I SEE THIS SH*T ALL THE TIME.

TRY to convince me that PUFFING YOUR CHEST OUT AT ME
MAKES YOU "BETTER" THAN ME.

HINT: I DON'T HAVE TO "CLAIM" TO BE "BETTER"
THAN ANYONE.....

BECAUSE.... IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT.... FOR ME.

IT'S ONLY ABOUT THAT.....
FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE ABOUT THAT.

If I WAS about THAT...
I'D ACT LIKE THAT TOO!!!!!

BUT I DON'T!!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!

TRYING TO COMPETE WITH SOMEONE
WHO ISN'T ABOUT THAT....

IS FUTILE.
AND JUVENILE.

It grosses me out... 

What bugs me.....

1) DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE NOT ABOUT IT... IF YOU ARE ABOUT IT!
2) BEING ABOUT IT IS A CHOICE!
3) I DON'T HAVE TO BE ABOUT IT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE!
4) I CAN CHOOSE NOT TO EVEN WANT TO BE ABOUT THAT BS!
5) IF YOU WANT TO BE ABOUT THAT BS, TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!

Pretty much as simple as that. Okay?
Should be that fkn simple.

Although I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed... 
I'm not the "broken" tool in the shed.

And anyone TRYING TO ACT.... LIKE I AM....
ARE FKD TO BEGIN WITH.

SHOULD I BE TREATING THEM....
LIKE THE "BROKEN" TOOL IN THE SHED?????

JUST FOR ACTING LIKE I AM?????

SHOULD I DO THAT? YES OR NO?
DO I HAVE TO? YES OR NO?

IF I DON'T HAVE TO.... DO THEY?????
YES OR NO?

That's pretty much THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!

And I DGAF who understands that or NOT!!!!!!

MOST PEOPLE CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT THAT AT ALL!

LET ALONE "LONG ENOUGH"
FOR IT TO "MAKE SENSE."

CAN YOU.... MAKE SENSE.... TO THE SENSELESS?
ALL THAT MAKES SENSE TO THEM....
IS SENSELESSNESS!!!!!!!!!!!

They think that "sense" is the 5 senses!!!!!!!!

What about.... SENSE OF SELF?
SENSE OF SELF-CONTROL?

OTHER SENSES.... THEY DON'T THINK ABOUT?

EVEN SENSE OF DIRECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOU HAVE NO "SENSE OF DIRECTION"
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO LEAD YOURSELF?????????

Let's talk about sense of direction for a moment.... Just a moment. Okay?

I'm not just talking about "sense of direction" to navigate by....
That is only ONE sense of that sense.

I'm talking about:
HOW DO PEOPLE.... DIRECT.... THEMSELVES?

AUTOPILOT.... MOSTLY.

Asking for everyone who has ever been BETRAYED
BY SOMEONE WHO NEVER GAVE IT A THOUGHT!

BEFORE OR AFTER!

PREFERABLY BEFORE....
SO THEY MIGHT THINK:
THIS BS ISN'T WORTH LOSING A*** OVER....

BUT IF THEY DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.....
CHANCES ARE????
THEY JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!

WITHOUT EVER GIVING A FK ABOUT IT!

I'll give an example....

A cop got fired... FOR PUNCHING
A RESTRAINED FEMALE....
IN THE FACE 5 TIMES.

DID HE THINK ABOUT IT?
"I COULD GET FIRED FOR DOING THIS"?
"I SHOULDN'T BE PUNCHING A RESTRAINED PERSON
IN THE FACE"?

AT ALL.... LET ALONE 5 TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he THOUGHT ABOUT IT.....
BEFORE DOING IT....

MAYBE.... HE WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT!!!!!!!!!

BUT????? HE WANTED TO!!!!!!!!!
DIDN'T HAVE TO!!!!!!!!

WASN'T REQUIRED TO!!!!!!!!!!!
AS PART OF HIS "JOB."

AND.... 12 YEAR DISCARD....
WANTED TO "WIN."

TO HIM.... TELLING HIM....
THAT I PREFER MY SOLITUDE....

AND HE WAS ARROGANT
FOR THINKING I'D CHASE HIM....

AND FOOLISH FOR THINKING
I'D SEE HIM THE WAY I USED TO....

WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN "ARGUMENT" TO "WIN."
HE "WON" BY BLOCKING ME LOL.

NO, I WON. 
BECAUSE IT WASN'T AN ARGUMENT.

IT WAS A FKN STATEMENT.
NOTHING TO "ARGUE" WITH.

AND I DON'T GAF IF HE DOESN'T "AGREE."

I WASN'T EXPECTING:
"A***, YOU'RE RIGHT."

BECAUSE: IT WASN'T ABOUT BEING "RIGHT."

IT WAS ABOUT BEING DONE WITH THAT SH*T.
AND NOT INTERESTED IN THAT SH*T.

THAT'S WHAT IT WAS ABOUT.

THAT'S WHY HE HAD TO MAKE HIMSELF "RIGHT"
ABOUT HIS BS PROJECTIONS...

AND I WAS "WRONG" ABOUT MY STATEMENTS.

*BLOCK* I "WIN"! OKAY!!!!! DO THAT.

SEE IF I GAF. 
GO FOR IT.
I'M COOL WITH YOU NEVER "TALKING TO" ME AGAIN.

I'M NOT GOING TO "MAKE YOU LOOK GOOD."
YOU LOOK HOWEVER TF YOU LOOK.
TO ME AND EVERYONE ELSE.

I'M NOT HERE TO "FIX" YOUR IMAGE.

ESPECIALLY AFTER TRYING TO SH*T ON ME.
MORE THAN ONCE.

WHY SH*T ON SOMEONE...
AND TRY TO COME BACK 12 YEARS LATER?

"I FORGOT I TRIED TO SH*T ON YOU."
WELP, I DIDN'T!

IF I SH*T ON HIM...... AND BOUNCED....
I WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO COME BACK AT ALL.

EVEN IF I WAS EMBARRASSED FOR DOING IT!

BECAUSE.... AFTER I BOUNCE....
THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO LIVE THEIR LIVES
WITHOUT ME IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO P*SS RIGHT OFF!!!!!!!!!
RIGHT????

I THINK SO!!!!

AND IF YOU DENY ACCESS TO YOU....
TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T DESERVE IT.....
LOOK AT HOW THEY ACT!!!!!!!!!

DO THEY PROJECT?
DO THEY DEFLECT?
DO THEY TRY TO "WIN"?

OBSERVE HOW THEY ACT.

ALL I DID WAS DENY ACCESS.
WHY?????
WHAT DID HE DO WITH IT WHEN HE HAD IT?

SO I WOULD DO THAT AGAIN?????
BECAUSE HE FORGOT ABOUT SH*TTING ON ME?

AND THOUGHT I'D FORGET, TOO?

WATCH.... HOW.... PEOPLE..... ACT.
WHEN THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY "WANT."

I'M "TOXIC" FOR NOT WANTING TO RE-INVEST.
AFTER ALREADY WASTING MY TIME.

And my EFFORT.

ON SOMEONE WHO WASN'T INVESTED
ENOUGH NOT TO SH*T ON ME.

NOT TO THINK IT WAS A "GAME."

So.... Excuse TF out of me....
FOR NOT WANTING TO INVEST IN THAT SH*T AGAIN.

SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO JUST... NOT FKN WANT TO!

LIKE THEY SHOULD BE ALLOWED!!!!!!!!
NOT TO WANT TO!!!!!!!!!

AFTER SH*TTING ON THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIGHT?

Should they be surprised???? Or should I????? 

There Are Limits

Recently, someone I know has been dealing with an ex of hers.
HER EX IS TRYING TO MANIPULATE HER.
AND THEN GETS MAD WHEN SHE SAYS NO TO HIM.

IF HE'S GOING TO HEAR "NO" AND ACT LIKE A FKTARD...
WHY SHOULD SHE SAY "YES"?

She got CLEAN & SOBER.
SHE DOES NOT "OWE" HIM HER "HELP" TO GET CLEAN & SOBER.
SHE IS NOT "OBLIGATED" TO HELP HIM.
NO MATTER WHAT HE WANTS FROM HER.

12 Year Discard..... Approached me.....
SAID HE QUIT DRINKING.

I QUIT DRINKING BECAUSE OF HOW HE THREW IT IN MY FACE.
IF I QUIT, HE COULDN'T DO THAT SH*T ANYMORE.

HE WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO THROW IN MY FACE!

But..... 12 years later..... AFTER NOT HEARING ANYTHING FROM HIM....
FOR 12 YEARS.....

WHAT WAS HE "LOOKING FOR" FROM ME?

Did I "owe" him anything? After he discarded me? NO!!!!!!!!

MY FRIEND BROKE UP WITH THAT GUY.
HE TREATED HER LIKE CRAP!
AND WHY SHE SAID NO TO HIM.....
LOOK HOW HE ACTED!

LOOK HOW 12 YEAR DISCARD ACTED!
WHEN I TOLD HIM I'M NOT INTERESTED IN BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE DISCARDED ME AGAIN! FOR WHAT?
BECAUSE I'M NOT INTERESTED IN BS?!

SO THEN?????? GO AHEAD AND DO THAT.

He wanted some sort of BENEFIT FROM ME.
PROBABLY BECAUSE HE RAN THROUGH
WHOEVER ELSE
DOESN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH HIS SH*T, EITHER!

"I HAVE NOBODY ELSE NOW.... LET'S SEE WHAT A***'S DOING."

NO.... YOU DISCARDED A*** AND NOW.... A*** ISN'T INTERESTED.
AND WHEN A*** ISN'T INTERESTED....
IT'S PROBABLY FOR A REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways.... My friend broke up with her ex a few years ago.

And their daughter still lives with him. 

She was getting "hate" from their daughter...
FOR NOT HELPING HER FATHER.

AND HOW WOULD SHE KNOW THAT?
FROM HER FATHER!

BECAUSE MY FRIEND IS XYZ.... FOR "NOT HELPING" HIM.
WHEN SHE IS NOT OBLIGATED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT IS THE POINT!!!!!!!!
SHE IS NOT OBLIGATED TO HELP HIM!

1) They are not "together."
2) LOOK AT HOW HE ACTS WHEN TOLD "NO."
3) TRYING TO USE THEIR KID AGAINST HER.

YOU THINK MY EX DIDN'T TRY TO DO THAT TO ME?
WANTED MY KID AGAINST ME?

1) WHY DID HE WANT THAT? HMMM?
2) IT TOOK YEARS TO JUST BE ABLE TO TALK WITH MY KID.
3) Even just to see him!!!!!!!

PARENTAL ALIENATION IS A THING!

1) IT IS IMMATURE
2) IT IS MANIPULATION

I had to let my kid find out what kind of a person his father is.

DID I WANT TO DO THAT? NO?????
BUT I HAD TO.
BECAUSE THAT'S HIS FATHER.

HE HAD TO MAKE UP HIS OWN MIND ABOUT HIM.
ABOUT THAT GUY.

HE LIVED WITH HIM LONGER THAN I DID.

Was it my job to "make up his mind" FOR HIM? NO!!!!!!!!!!

BUT THE POINT IS MY EX DID THAT SH*T
WHEN HE WAS VERY YOUNG, 
AND STILL DIDN'T KNOW ME VERY WELL, YET.
AS A PERSON.

HE KNEW ME AS A MOTHER.... 
AND AS AN ALCOHOLIC....

BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW ME AS A PERSON.
WHY WOULD HIS FATHER WANT HIM TO?
HE DIDN'T.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE XYZ....
WHATEVER HE SAID I WAS.
HE DID THAT TO KEEP US APART.

BUT.... WHEN MY SON REALIZED....
THAT WE CAN ACTUALLY TALK....
WE TALKED.
AND KEPT TALKING.

NOW HE IS BACK IN MY LIFE.

Years ago.... When all this sh*t was happening....
IT WAS VERY HARD.... VERY.

1) I couldn't be there for my kid
2) Showing up for him.... When I couldn't show up for myself....
THAT WAS A STRUGGLE.

HOWEVER, I GOT SOBER.

WITH ZERO HELP FROM MY EX.
WHY WOULD I WANT HIS HELP?
WAS HE HELPING ME?
WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER?
PART OF WHY WE BROKE UP????

HE HATED HAVING TO DO IT ALL ON HIS OWN!
LIKE I WAS DOING IT ON MY OWN!

BUT DID HE HAVE TO?
DID I?

WERE WE NOT.... "TOGETHER"?
AT ONE POINT?

But..... TAKE SOMEONE'S KID....
THEN CRY THAT YOU "HAVE TO" DO IT 
ON YOUR OWN??????

WTF?????

Someone has been writing a lot about "isolation."
And some points about why it is "bad."

I don't "isolate" to "hide."
OR BECAUSE I WANT TO BE "ALONE" AWAY FROM MEN ETC.

SURE, I DON'T GAF ABOUT DATING...

But..... DO MONKS ISOLATE???? YEAH?
AND NOBODY GIVES THEM ANY CRAP ABOUT IT!

AND DO THEY DO IT TO BE "SOFT"?
OR TO "HIDE"?

OR DO THEY DO IT.... FOR THEIR OWN REASONS?

Maybe.... They do it.... BECAUSE THEY CAN!
AND WANT TO!

SHOULD MONKS BE ALLOWED TO "ISOLATE"?
DO PEOPLE "UNDERSTAND"
THAT MONKS DO THAT? YEAH?
AND WHY?

AM I A MONK? NO.

BUT MONKS ARE "ALLOWED" TO "ISOLATE."
HERMITS.... DO THAT, TOO.

AM I A HERMIT? SOMEWHAT.

But.... WHAT AM I "HIDING" FROM? AM I?
HIDING FROM ANYTHING?

JUST BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL LIKE....
PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE "ALL THE FKN TIME"?

IF I'M GOING TO BE "ASSUMED AT" 
WHY SHOULD I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE?

JUST SO PEOPLE CAN MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME?
WHAT I WOULD DO? OR SHOULD DO?
WITH MYSELF AND MY LIFE?

SO THEY CAN "TELL" ME WHAT I AM DOING AND WHY????
WHEN I ALREADY KNOW THIS?

DO I HAVE TO HAVE "AN EXCITING LIFE"
IF I AM ALREADY "CONTENT"?

WITH THE LIFE I AM QUIETLY LIVING?
BY MYSELF?

DO I HAVE TO "SHARE" MY ENERGY WITH EVERYONE?
BECAUSE "ISOLATING" IS JUST A TOOL?

Sure, it can be a "tool."
IF YOU LOOK AT IT THAT WAY.

MAYBE..... SOLITUDE....
IS SOMETHING.... OF A COMFORT.... TO SOME.

AND IF IT IS COMFORTABLE....
WHY SHOULD I FORCE MYSELF.......
OUT OF MY SOLITUDE.....

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE THINKS:
"SHE'S USING ISOLATION AS A TOOL TO HEAL."

SURE.... PEOPLE CAN THINK THAT'S WHAT I'M "DOING"
IF THEY WANT TO THINK THAT....

BUT.... IS THAT "REALLY" WHAT I'M DOING?
OR???? IS THAT WHAT THEY THINK I'M DOING?

BECAUSE WHAT I'M ACTUALLY DOING....
DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE TO MOST PEOPLE....

DO THE THINGS THAT MONKS DO....
MAKE SENSE TO MOST PEOPLE?

PROBABLY NOT!

BUT NOBODY LOOKS AT A MONK....
AND THINKS THEY SHOULD BE MORE "TRIBAL."

DO MOST PEOPLE HAVE A TON IN COMMON WITH MONKS?
NO? WHY WOULD THEY?

WOULD THEY "UNDERSTAND" A MONK?

WOULD THEY "GET" WHY MONKS OFTEN ISOLATE?
AND LIVE AWAY FROM MOST IN A MONASTERY?

AND NUNS.... OKAY FOR THEM TO ISOLATE
WHEN THEY AREN'T ACTIVELY WITH
THEIR SISTERHOOD....

RIGHT?

PEOPLE SEEM TO PROJECT....
WHAT THEY THINK ISOLATION IS ABOUT....
WHAT KIND OF "TOOL" IT IS....
HOW AND WHY PEOPLE USE IT....

WITHOUT "UNDERSTANDING"
THAT IT ISN'T "THE SAME"
FOR EVERYONE.

IS IT "THE SAME" FOR MONKS?
IS IT "THE SAME" FOR NUNS?
FOR HERMITS?

FOR "REGULAR" PEOPLE?

"SHE MUST BE HEALING HER TRAUMA!"
MAYBE.... SHE HEALED A LOT OF IT ALREADY.

NOT BECAUSE SHE IS ISOLATED....
SURE.... ISOLATION.....
OR "SOLITUDE".....
YOU HAVE THE PEACE AND SPACE TO DO IT.

BUT ONLY AS MUCH AS YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO HAVE.

ONLY AS MUCH "PEACE" AS YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO HAVE....
MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY...

BECAUSE.... I COULD "END MY ISOLATION"
AND DISTRACT MYSELF AS MUCH AS I WANT TO, RIGHT?
JUST TO MAKE IT "SEEM"
LIKE I'M NOT "HIDING."

HIDING FROM WHAT????
WHAT AM I SUPPOSEDLY "HIDING" FROM?

Maybe.... I am AWARE that people who think......
ALL KINDS OF THINGS ABOUT ME....
WILL RUN FROM ME.

WHY WOULD I RUN TOWARDS ANYONE.....?
WOULDN'T I JUST....
LET THEM THINK WHATEVER THEY WILL ANYWAY????

About why I "isolate"?

OR ANYTHING ABOUT ME?

When people are like that.....
BEFORE GETTING TO KNOW ME.....
IT'S MORE ABOUT WHAT THEY THINK.....
THAN ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW ME.

I KNOW THIS.

But something else that I know....
WHAT AND HOW PEOPLE THINK....
IS ABOUT THEM.
NOT ME.

AND IF THEY DON'T "KNOW" ME....
THEY AREN'T ABOUT TO.

They aren't "about" getting to know me.
Which is fine...

AND PEOPLE THEY ARE ATTACHED TO....
INFLUENCE THEM.

OFTEN.... ABOUT ME.

I know this, too.

But... If my "isolation" BOTHERS SOMEONE....
THEY HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHOULD THEIR "ISOLATION" BOTHER ME?
SHOULD THEIR SOLITUDE BOTHER ME?

Should I "have to" distract myself?
TO "SHOW" THAT I'M NOT "HIDING"?

OR SHOULD IT JUST BE "OKAY"
TO DO MY "HEALING" ON MY OWN?
AWAY FROM MOST PEOPLE?

PEOPLE WHO NEVER REALLY "UNDERSTOOD" ME?
BECAUSE THEY NEVER REALLY "KNEW" ME?

AND WHY DID THEY NOT KNOW ME?
TOO BUSY ASSUMING WHY I DO WHAT I DO?

OR OTHER THINGS ABOUT ME?

Let's get very real.... 
About some things....

WHY DO MANY PEOPLE STRUGGLE SO MUCH?
I'LL TELL YOU.

1) There are some things.... THAT THEY REFUSE TO SEE.

Mostly that.

I'm a stubborn CAPRICORN.

Very fkn stubborn....
THAT IS WHY IT TOOK ME AS LONG
AS IT TOOK ME.... TO SEE SOME THINGS.....

ABOUT LIFE, ABOUT MYSELF.... AND MORE.
It took..... BEING BY MYSELF....
TO LOOK AT SOME THINGS....
I WASN'T LOOKING AT.

WHY WAS I NOT LOOKING AT THOSE THINGS????

1) I DIDN'T WANT TO!
2) DIDN'T THINK I HAD TO!
3) DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD SEE IF I DID!
4) DIDN'T SEE HOW I WAS STRUGGLING FOR NOT DOING IT!
5) TOO BUSY LOOKING AT OTHER THINGS!

When I used to want to "belong" and "fit in"
AND BE A SOCIAL PERSON...

WHAT DID I HAVE TO DO? I HAD TO FILTER IT ALL.
A LOT TO FILTER. ALL THE TIME.

AND I LEARNED THAT....
MOST PEOPLE HAD PRIORITIES THAT I DIDN'T.
WE WERE NOT AS ALIKE.....
AS I THOUGHT WE COULD BE.

AND WANTED TO BE.

WHAT I WAS "SEARCHING" FOR....
WASN'T OUT THERE....
IT WAS..... WHAT I NEEDED....
FROM REALIZING SOME THINGS....
I HADN'T REALIZED YET....

AND WASN'T GOING TO....
BY SOCIALIZING WITH PEOPLE
WHO HADN'T REALIZED THOSE THINGS, EITHER.

IS SOCIALIZING "BAD"?
NO.

JUST.... ISN'T.... A PRIORITY.
TO ME.

AND PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND.....
WHY IT ISN'T.....

I DON'T FEEL LIKE.... I COULD EXPLAIN IT....
TO THEM.... IN A WAY....
THAT THEY WOULD.... UNDERSTAND.

SO I JUST.... DON'T.
UNLESS I'M WRITING ABOUT IT.

And when people read this....
THEY CAN THINK WHATEVER THEY WANT TO.

About me, about what I write about....
And WHY I WRITE ABOUT IT.

SHOULD IT BOTHER ME....
IF THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND?
IF I DIDN'T "EXPLAIN" IT WELL ENOUGH?

IF THEY AREN'T "CONVINCED"?

WHEN IT WASN'T MY JOB TO CONVINCE THEM?
ABOUT ANYTHING ABOUT ME?

EVEN MY REASONS?

Okay... I said that part.... 

The next part is linked to it....

About the things I wasn't seeing AND WHY.

1) I DIDN'T WANT TO!

There were a lot of things I didn't want to see.
DID I WANT TO LOOK AT MY FLAWS?
DID I WANT TO REFLECT ON SOME THINGS? NO?

ON MY OWN MISTAKES? NO.
I DIDN'T.

WHY? I WAS FKN ASHAMED OF MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR FKING UP IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!

WHY WOULD I WANT TO LOOK AT ANY OF THAT?????

BEEN THERE? STILL THERE?
UNDERSTAND THIS?

If I looked at it... WHAT WOULD I SEE?
I'D SEE MYSELF AS A FK UP.

DID I WANT TO SEE MYSELF AS THAT?
OR WORSE THAN THAT?

NO? DOES ANYONE?

But.... That was ALL that I could see at that time...
About looking at myself.

Being "alone" isn't supposed to be "lonely."
ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE PAINFUL.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO JUST BE.....
A MEANS.... TO.... JUST...... BE.

BECAUSE WHETHER YOU ARE "ALONE"
OR AROUND MANY PEOPLE......

YOU ARE.... BEING.
JUST THAT.

IF YOU HAVE A "PROBLEM"
WITH JUST BEING....

WHAT IS IT? WHY IS IT A "PROBLEM"?
BECAUSE OF HOW IT "FEELS"?

LET ME ASK YOU:
DOES IT HAVE TO FEEL ONE WAY? 
OR ANOTHER?

IT DOESN'T AND NEVER "HAD TO."

WHY HAS IT?
BECAUSE: WE GOT "USED TO"
HOW WE THOUGHT
IT SHOULD FEEL.

I'm aware that many people DO HIDE.
FROM THEMSELVES, MOSTLY.

SO MUCH SO....
THAT THEY MIGHT NEVER "KNOW"
THEMSELVES.

DID I KNOW MYSELF?
WHEN I PRIORITIZED KNOWING OTHERS?
OVER KNOWING MYSELF?

NO? NOT THE WAY I DO NOW?

Here's something.....

I WAS SOMEWHAT FORCED....
INTO MY SOLITUDE.

DID I WANT TO BE? NO.

BUT WHAT DID I GET FROM IT?
THINGS THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE?
WITHOUT IT?

I can't really "explain" what I got from it.
Not in a way that most would understand....
The IMPORTANCE of those things.

How would one explain the SIGNIFICANCE?
OF SOMETHING
THAT MOST DON'T UNDERSTAND?

AND HOW DO I KNOW THAT THEY DON'T?

BECAUSE THEY ACT LIKE THEY DON'T!

THEY LIVE AS THOUGH THEY DON'T!

THEY LIVE AS THOUGH THEY MIGHT NOT
EVER UNDERSTAND.

AND.... UNDERSTANDING....
ISN'T SOMETHING.... THAT MONEY....
CAN BUY.

MONEY.... HAS FK ALL.....
TO DO....
WITH A LOT OF THINGS.

ESPECIALLY THE THINGS....
THAT IT CAN'T BUY.

So.... #2 now.... Remember what it is?
Let's look at it for a moment....

#2.... I DIDN'T THINK I HAD TO!

This one is double-edged... 
Maybe even triple-edged...

A) Most people think that they have to do
WHAT OTHERS ARE DOING.

NOT TRUE.

DO MONKS DO WHAT THE MAJORITY
OF THIS PLANET ARE DOING?

NO? WHY IS THAT? 
THEY REALIZED.... THAT THEY DON'T HAVE TO.

Most people want to be like other people....
FOR THE CHANCE THAT OTHER PEOPLE
WILL ACCEPT THEM AND VALIDATE
THEIR EXISTENCE.

DOES YOUR EXISTENCE.... NEED TO BE....
VALIDATED.... FOR YOU TO.... JUST.... EXIST?

Why am I asking you this?
There is a reason I am asking you this....
Similar to the reasons I ask you many other questions.

- To get you to think about the question, YOUR answer....
(YOUR ANSWER IS FOR YOU, NOT FOR ME!)

Because.... There are more than ONE WAY....
TO LOOK..... AT.... VALIDATION.

There are so many things YOU COULD LOOK AT!!!!!!!
HONESTLY!!!!!!! THOUGHTFULLY!!!!!!!!!!
IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR MANY REASONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT..... IF YOU DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO........
WILL YOU?????!!!!!!!!!

THAT IS THE POINT.

IF YOU THINK.... THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO.....
WILL YOU?

AND.... IF YOU DON'T......
WHAT WILL YOU SEE?
IF ANYTHING?

YOU WILL SEE.... ONLY....
WHAT YOU ALREADY SEE.
IF ANYTHING.

THAT IS ALL THAT YOU WILL SEE!

It reminds me of that song...
THE BEAR CLIMBED OVER THE MOUNTAIN.

EVER HEARD IT?
IT GOES LIKE THIS:

"THE BEAR CLIMBED OVER THE MOUNTAIN" X3
"TO SEE WHAT HE COULD SEE."
"AND ALL THAT HE COULD SEE" X2
"WAS THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN"
"THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN" X3
"WAS ALL THAT HE COULD SEE."

SOMETHING LIKE THIS. I AM GETTING OLD.
BEEN A WHILE.

Did the bear "have to" climb the mountain? No?
But how would he know what was on the other side of it?

So then if he wanted to see what was there...
He had to see the other side of it.

And to see the other side of it...

HE "HAD TO" CLIMB OVER IT.
TO GET "THERE."

A BEAR.

Yes.... You probably already know....
THAT IT IS AN ANALOGY.

1) WHAT is the "mountain"?
2) WHAT is the "other side"?
3) WHAT is "all that he could see"?
4) WHAT is the "bear"?
5) WHAT is the "climbing"?

Awareness.... Is something that INCREASES.
IT'S NOT JUST HANDED TO US.

BECAUSE... THE MORE THAT WE DO SEE....
THE MORE THAT WE CAN SEE.

THE MORE THAT WE DO LOOK AT....
THE MORE THAT WE CAN LOOK AT.

That is how.... It increases.

NOT FROM: "I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS."
SURE.... WHEN I WAS TOO BUSY THINKING:
"I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS...."
I WASN'T LOOKING AT THOSE THINGS.
TOO BUSY LOOKING AT OTHER THINGS....

Like thinking:
"I WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP."
OR:
"I WANT TO BE MARRIED."

OR I WANT "TO BE ACTUALLY LOVED."
AND THINKING: THAT'S ALL I NEEDED.

INSTEAD OF:
"MAYBE I SHOULD LOOK AT.... WHY I THOUGHT THIS."

AND THE PEOPLE I THOUGHT....
ACTUALLY LOVED ME....
DID THEY KNOW ME?

OR? WAS THERE ANOTHER REASON....
THEY WANTED TO BE WITH ME?

Maybe someone thought:
PEOPLE WILL BE IMPRESSED
TO SEE ME WITH THEM.

LIKE AN EGO BOOST.

WHEN IT HAS FK ALL TO ACTUALLY DO WITH ME.

WHY WOULD IT? DID THEY KNOW ME?

Maybe to them:
Being in a serious relationship....
WILL MAKE ME LOOK LIKE XYZ.

IS IT SUPPOSED TO?

Is it supposed to be an IMPRESSIVE ACHIEVEMENT?
TO "LAND SOMEONE"?

IS IT SUPPOSED TO BOOST ME UP?

MAYBE THINKING THAT WAY....
ISN'T THE WAY THAT I THINK....

AND MAYBE THAT'S AN "ISSUE" FOR ME.

THAT ISN'T.... COHESION.
NOT TO ME.

Cohesion..... DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THAT TO ME.
IT SHOULDN'T HAVE TO.... EITHER.

So..... Maybe.... Being "alone"
IS SO THAT I CAN MAKE SOME INFORMED DECISIONS.

A LOT OF CHANCES.... I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE.
FOR THE SAKE OF TAKING THEM.

SHOULD I LET MY "FEELINGS"
BLIND ME TO CERTAIN FACTS?

I DID THAT BEFORE.

AND NOW.... I OBSERVE.
FOR A REASON.

For many reasons, actually.
More than ONE reason....
But for A reason.

TO SEE WHAT I NEED TO....
TO MAKE DECISIONS.

For myself.

About keeping the door OPEN, 
OR TO KEEP IT CLOSED.

When people THINK that I'm PLAYING HARD TO GET....
IT'S NOT THAT.

I'M.... OBSERVING.
SO I CAN DECIDE.

NOT DECIDE TO STOP PLAYING HARD TO GET...
BECAUSE I WAS NEVER PLAYING HARD TO GET.
SO IF THEY THINK THAT... THEY CAN.

BUT... NOPE.

JUST... OBSERVING.
"TO SEE WHAT I CAN SEE."

So then.... What do you think the "climbing" part is?
Is it actual climbing?
In the song, yeah....
But in the analogy.... Is it?

It actually depends.... 

It depends on what you think you will see....
On what you want to see...
On what you already see...
On how you see...

On many things like this.

That's why.... The "climbing"
Is more about????? LOOKING!

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO
PHYSICALLY CLIMB
TO GET "THERE."

YOU HAVE TO LOOK!!!!!
TO SEE!!!!!

"ALL THAT YOU CAN SEE."

To see THAT.

But.... HOW WOULD YOU KNOW....
WHAT THERE IS TO SEE.........

IF YOU THINK:
"I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS."

Would you KNOW????? NO.

BUT WHO TF AM I TO TELL YOU
WTF TO SEE??????????? ANYONE????? NO?????

SO WHY WOULD I??????

Okay.... Ready for #3 now?????
Let's do it.

#3 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD SEE IF I DID LOOK

This is true for EVERYONE.
THEY DON'T KNOW.

DID I? NO. I DIDN'T.

AND IF I THOUGHT:
NOTHING TO SEE HERE....
WOULD I LOOK THERE?

The KEY is..... NOT KNOWING.

Because... If you DID know....
WOULD YOU HAVE TO LOOK
TO SEE IT?

OR WOULD YOU ALREADY KNOW?

So then.... If you DON'T know....
Are there things TO know? YES?

THINGS THAT COULD BE GOOD TO KNOW?
THINGS YOU COULD DO WITH THOSE THINGS?

Let me put it this way:

DID I KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE SOBER?
AND NOT "NEED" ALCOHOL?

DID I KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD LOOK LIKE?
OR WHAT IT COULD LOOK LIKE?

DID I THINK I HAD TO LOOK AT "ALCOHOLISM"?
AT MY REASONS FOR THINKING I "NEEDED" ALCOHOL?

DID I THINK I NEEDED TO LOOK AT THAT? NO.
DIDN'T THINK I HAD TO!
SO???? I DIDN'T!!!!!
FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS....

There was something.... That I read today....
AS AN EXAMPLE OF SOMETHING TO LOOK AT.

But... I don't know.... If I should use THAT as an example....
Because what I read today....
WAS PRETTY DISTURBING....
ON MANY LEVELS.

AND IF I WRITE IT....
AND YOU READ IT....
YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO....
UNREAD IT.

Fair?

I'll use a similar... Less.... Extreme.... Example:

There was a diver in Hawaii....
HE FOUND A HUGE CLAM....

AND FOR WHATEVER REASON....

HE THOUGHT:
I'M GOING TO PUT MY D*CK....
IN THIS GIANT CLAM.

1) HE DID IT BECAUSE HE WANTED TO
2) HE THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA, I GUESS...
3) HE WASN'T LOOKING AT WHY HE WANTED TO
4) HE WASN'T LOOKING AT WHY HE THOUGHT IT'D BE...
"A GOOD IDEA."

HE WASN'T LOOKING AT THIS GIANT CLAM....
AS AN ACTUAL LIVING CREATURE....

TO HIM: "FLESHLIGHT."

Maybe it was his first time doing something like this....
MAYBE IT WASN'T.

NOT THE POINT.

THE POINT:
HE COULD HAVE.... LOOKED AT SOME THINGS....

LIKE... WHY DID HE WANT TO?
WHY DID HE THINK IT WAS A "GOOD IDEA"?

COULD HE HAVE.... LOOKED AT WHY HE WANTED TO?
INSTEAD OF.... DOING THAT?
TO AN ACTUAL LIVING CREATURE?

HE HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL.
THE CLAM... CLAMPED DOWN...
ON HIS D*CK.

THEY PROBABLY.... HAD TO K*LL THE CLAM....
TO GET IT OFF HIS D*CK.

A CLAM THAT WAS JUST....
LIVING ITS BEST LIFE....
WITHOUT HAVING ANY D*CKS...
SHOVED INTO IT...
UNTIL.... THAT GUY CAME ALONG.

Anyway, maybe I can give another example...
I probably shouldn't... But if you want to skip it....
BY ALL MEANS, DO THAT.
OKAY?

Because it is similar, but more FKD UP.

I WAS READING.... A POST....
WRITING BY SOME GUY....
ABOUT A HORSE.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT....
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.....
I CAN.... "BLOCK IT"
SO THAT YOU CAN SEE WHERE IT STARTS AND ENDS....
SO YOU CAN SKIP IT...

********* STARTS HERE ****************

IN THIS POST.... A GUY WAS SAYING THAT...
HE HADN'T SEEN ONE OF HIS FRIENDS....
FOR 6 YEARS.

SAID FRIEND INVITED HIM TO HIS FARM.
HE HAS FARM ANIMALS ON HIS FARM.

INCLUDING... A FEW HORSES...

THE GUY WHO WROTE THE POST....
HE WAS SAYING..... HOW HE CAUGHT A GLIMPSE
OF A HORSE'S V@G*N@.

AND BECAME OBSESSED WITH IT.
AND WANTS TO FK THE HORSE.

HE EVEN ADMITTED TO WANKING....
TO PICTURES OF ANOTHER HORSE'S V@G*N@.

************** ENDS HERE *****************

If you DID read it... You can likely see why....
I hesitated about THAT example.

And how although the first example....
WAS PRETTY FKED UP....
THAT ONE... WAS.... TOO.

SAME POINTS APPLY.
HE WAS NOT LOOKING AT WHY.

"WHY AM I ATTRACTED TO A HORSE'S V@G?"
"WHY DO I WANT TO.... XYZ....?"

DID HE WANT TO LOOK AT IT?
DID HE THINK HE HAD TO?

IF BOTH ANSWERS ARE NO.....
WOULD HE LOOK AT IT?
NO.

THAT IS THE POINT.

I'll save #4 and #5....
For another day... 

I think I should end it... On that note for tonight.

I Wouldn't

I think that some people wonder if I will say something about them.
1) The things they told me in confidence, I wouldn't tell anyone.
2) Even if they think I will.

Did Mirror Smasher tell me things in confidence? Yeah?
Did I tell him some things, yeah?

BECAUSE HE TRUSTED ME?
AND I TRUSTED HIM?

WITH THOSE THINGS? YES?

AND EVEN IF HE USED THOSE THINGS AGAINST ME.
DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO OR WANT TO DO THAT SH*T TO HIM.

SURE, I CAN STILL BE "LOYAL" ABOUT THAT.

LIKE HE COULD HAVE BEEN.

Just because we aren't "friends" anymore
DOES MEAN I NEED TO USE ANY OF THAT
AGAINST HIM.

Not like I'm even using his real name on here, either, right?

He knows who he is.
That's good enough for me.

I can talk about FAIRNESS.
WHILE TRYING MY BEST TO BE FAIR.

Like the person who ended their friendship with me recently, 
he told me some things, sure, 
but only because he was comfortable enough to tell me.

And THOSE THINGS NEVER MATTERED TO ME.
So they shouldn't matter to anyone else.

The things that I do bring up are for a reason.
I don't have to bring up things for no reason.

And thinking I will doesn't mean I have to or want to.

Even when some people, not all people, try to alter
something about me....

Doesn't mean I have to or want to do that to them.
Or anything to them.

THEIR BUSINESS IS STILL THEIR BUSINESS.
EVEN AFTER OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OVER.

OUR FRIENDSHIP BEING OVER....
JUST MEANS THAT OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OVER.

THAT IS ALL THAT IT MEANS.

If they think it means something other than that, 
or that I think that it does, no.

Some of the things I write about....
Are just to explain why some things upset me and why.

I get that people talk... 
But I could just explain why our friendship ended.

Because there were reasons for that happening. 

I can say how I took that.
I can say a few things about it here and there...
From my own side... 

But I don't really see any point in going beyond that.

I don't have to "ruin" people.
Or try to. 

EVEN PEOPLE WHO TRY TO GASLIGHT ME.

INSTEAD OF JUST BEING HONEST.
LIKE THEY COULD BE.

The ones who were honest with me, 
I APPRECIATE THAT. I RESPECT THAT.

EVEN AFTER OUR FRIENDSHIP ENDS.

THAT'S MATURITY.

But I guess most people don't know me very well...
WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW...
THAT I LEAVE THINGS ALONE.

EVEN AFTER OUR FRIENDSHIP ENDS.
BECAUSE I CAN.
AND I CHOOSE TO.

Sometimes I vent about something specific.
Mostly because I'm processing it.

And because of other reasons.
Maybe if I put it in a specific way....
Maybe it might be possible to identify why.

That's about it.

I don't use their names.
Nobody outside my head knows who I'm referring to.
Not that it matters exactly.
That's only context anyway.

NOT THE FOCUS.

But anyway... 

As for politics....
There are many people in this country
WHO DON'T REALIZE MANY THINGS
THAT THE GOVERNMENT IS DOING AND NOT DOING.
THEY WANT TO LOOK ELSEWHERE.
LIKE AT THE OPPOSITION.
AT THE GLOBAL STAGE.
ANYWHERE OTHER THAN....

WHO????? GUESS!

AND WHY LISTEN TO ME ABOUT IT?
OR ABOUT ANYTHING?

It's pretty much cognitive dissonance. 
I have FAMILY who are SO AGAINST THE OPPOSITION....
THAT THEY ARE FOR THE PARTY
THAT ISN'T FOR... US.

Always, Not Always

I have a male friend who has had similar social struggles
AS I HAVE HAD.

He tries. He puts himself out there.

He meets people.
He does his best.

But... As he has experienced.....
THE PEOPLE HE MEETS ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.
IF THEY WERE, THEY'D MESH.
EXTREMELY WELL.
EQUAL EFFORT ON BOTH SIDES.
APPRECIATION.
CONNECTION.
EASY. SIMPLE.

LIKE IT COULD BE.

IF..... THEY ARE COMPATIBLE.

NOT WHEN THEY AREN'T.

CAN I HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT....
POLITICS....
WITH SOMEONE....
WHO HAS DIFFERENT VIEWS THAN I DO....
WITHOUT IT TURNING INTO
AN ARGUMENT?

Only sometimes!

As an example.... 
My son sees the riots in France as a protest.

So I am asking him questions about his views...
Only ask questions.

HE USED TO GET SO DEFENSIVE ABOUT HIS VIEWS
THAT WE MOSTLY "FOUGHT"
INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING ABOUT IT.

BUT NOW? I FRAME IT AS.... JUST ASKING.
FOR THE SAKE OF ASKING.

BECAUSE HOW WOULD I KNOW....
UNLESS I ASK?

ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS AND WHY....

HE'S ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
WITH ME.

VIEWS ARE JUST VIEWS.
THOUGHTS ARE JUST THOUGHTS.

DEFENDING A VIEW OR A THOUGHT
DOESN'T HAVE TO = DEFENDING YOURSELF
FOR HAVING THE VIEW OR THOUGHT.

I already told him this before.
I think he understood what I meant.
Because we can speak more openly now....
Without the defensiveness.

I told him that I appreciate that.
It's easier and better just to talk about it.

We don't have to AGREE for anything we think
to be valid or make sense to us.

But how are we supposed to be able to "understand"
HOW WE THINK IN THE SAME WAYS
AND HOW WE THINK DIFFERENTLY
IF WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT?

IF WE KNOW, THAT IS A GOOD THING.
BETTER THAN NOT KNOWING.

Then maybe he can look back and say: "I knew my MOM, 
probably a lot BETTER than I used to....
Or thought that I could....
BECAUSE WE TALKED ABOUT THINGS."

"I USED TO HATE TALKING TO MY MOM, 
SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ME."

"BUT SHE TRIED TO. SHE ASKED ME ABOUT MYSELF."

IS MY MOM ASKING ME?
HARDLY EVER DOES.

HARDLY EVER EVEN SAYS: HELLO.

I gave up trying to have a relationship with some of my family.
IF THEY WANTED TO HAVE ONE...
THEY COULD HAVE HAD ONE WITH ME.

And that is why I'm trying to SHOW my kid....
I'm trying to have a relationship WITH YOU.
BECAUSE I WANT TO.
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

He's asked me questions, too.

"Mom, do you understand what XYZ means from XYZ point of view?"

I want him to know that he can TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM.
BECAUSE THAT MATTERS.
WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM.

SHOULD I ONLY CARE WHAT IT MEANS TO ME?
OR SHOULD I CARE WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM?

BECAUSE I COULD TELL HIM
WHAT XYZ MEANS TO ME
FROM XYZ POINT OF VIEW....

SURE, BUT TELL ME.... SON...
FROM YOURS.

HOW DO YOU SEE IT, KID?

SO I CAN ASK MORE QUESTIONS.
FROM THERE.

AND YOU CAN ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS, TOO.
FROM THERE.

AND WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT.

See what I'm saying?

Isn't that worth LOOKING AT?
WITH YOUR OWN KIDS?

IT SURE IS!

WITH YOUR FRIENDS, TOO!
NOT JUST YOUR FAMILY!

Just, especially YOUR FAMILY.

Not just BECAUSE they are your family.....

BECAUSE IT GETS YOU TO THINK.
ABOUT THE QUESTIONS
AND WHY THEY ARE BEING ASKED MATTERS!
AS MUCH AS THE QUESTIONS DO!

My son brings up philosophies with me. 
THAT'S HOW I KNOW THAT HE THINKS PHILOSOPHICALLY.

THAT IS ONLY ONE WAY TO THINK, THOUGH.
NOT THE ONLY WAY TO THINK.

JUST ONE WAY TO LOOK AT THINGS.
NOT THE ONLY WAY.

I look at some things with analogies.
For example. 

NOT EVERYTHING....
BUT SOME THINGS, SOMETIMES.

There are so many WAYS to look at something.
So many ways that we haven't even STARTED 
to CONSIDER all the ways that we even COULD look at something.

And have we considered THAT?

THAT THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO LOOK AT SOMETHING
THAT WE HAVEN'T EVEN CONSIDERED HOW MANY
THERE ACTUALLY ARE?

BECAUSE??????? I'LL TELL YOU!!!!!!

BECAUSE:
WE ARE TOO BUSY....
LOOKING AT THINGS....
THE SAME WAYS....
WE ALWAYS HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TO EVER.... CONSIDER.... THAT THERE ARE.....
SO MANY OTHER WAYS....
TO LOOK AT SOMETHING.
ANYTHING.

and..... Here's a HUGE ONE.... READY?

IF WE ARE TOO BUSY DOING XYZ.....
TO CONSIDER XYZ....
HOW ARE WE TO.....
CONSIDER XYZ?

AS IN.... COULD BE ANYTHING?
TO EVEN......

CONSIDER......
CONSIDERING......
ANYTHING! 

BOOM!

BUT...... THEY ARE ALLOWED
TO END A FRIENDSHIP WITH ME
BECAUSE THEY HADN'T CONSIDERED THAT.

OR MY FRIENDSHIP.
OR ME.

OR WHATEVER ELSE THEY COULD HAVE.
HAD THEY CONSIDERED IT.

CONSIDERED.... CONSIDERING IT.

And that is where a lot of people get hung up on...
And that is okay.

I got hung up on it a bunch, too. 
I fkd up because of it and other things.

It wasn't until I got to my 40s that I even got to THIS POINT.

And if my son's in his 20s and he's having big thoughts like
IMPERIALISM....

Then... That is worth asking him about.