I Swear!

I'm fkn tired!!!!!!!!!! Okay?
Of being fkn EXPECTED to do/be/have xyz.......

WHEN I GET FKN CRUMBS
OF WHAT I FKN DESERVE.

IT SHOULD NOT BE A FKN FIGHT
FOR BASIC FKN RESPECT.

AND I WON'T BEG FOR IT.
SHOULD I MAKE OTHERS BEG FOR IT FROM ME?
NO?

THEN WHY SHOULD I?

Things like courtesy, consideration, respect.... 

CLASS FFS!
FKN CLASS!

Wouldn't it be disappointing coming from me?
Then how is it not disappointing to me, COMING FROM THEM?

SHOULD IT TAKE PISSING ME OFF?

SINCE THEY CAN'T PUT THEMSELVES IN MY SHOES?

FOR EVEN ONE FKN DAY?
FOR ONE FKN INSTANCE?

AT ALL?

THEY WANT THE EMPATHY FROM ME!
WHERE IS MINE?

THEY WANT UNDERSTANDING FROM ME!
WHERE IS MINE?

THEY WANT RESPECT FROM ME!
WHERE IS MINE?

Would they want excuses from me after the fact?

OR WOULD THEY WANT ME TO SHOW UP?

My bro has been storing his stuff at my place
because he has nowhere else to put it.

So I said, "okay."

He wanted to come over to cut the mattress
to fit his shed thing he's building. 

BUT HE LEFT ME HANGING, WAITING, ALL DAY.
HE CONTACTED ME AT 10PM
"SORRY I DIDN'T TEXT U."

HE INTENTIONALLY DIDN'T.
BECAUSE HE FKN CHOSE NOT TO. 
NOT TO TELL ME HE WASN'T COMING. 

MADE ME WAIT INSTEAD.
I FKN HATE THAT SH*T.

AND THEN FKN: "SORRY I DIDN'T DO
THE THING I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO
THAT YOU EXPECTED ME TO DO
BECAUSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO IT
AND IF I RESPECTED YOU, 
I WOULD HAVE JUST FKN DONE IT."

RIGHT?

AFTER ALREADY KNOWING
THEY WOULD NOT WANT ME
TO TREAT THEM LIKE THAT.

SO WHY DO IT TO ME?

JUST TO SEE HOW MUCH SH*T I CAN TAKE?
BEFORE I GET P*SSED OFF ABOUT IT?

AND WHEN I GET P*SSED OFF ABOUT IT, 
YOU WANT TO TURN IT AROUND ON ME AGAIN?

LIKE I'M NOT BEING FKN TOLERANT ENOUGH?

FK OFF!

"YOU'RE NOT LETTING ME DISRESPECT YOU!"

NOT ANYMORE!

GET MAD ABOUT IT!

YOU WANT ME TO DISRESPECT YOU?
AND THEN GET MAD AT YOU THAT I DID THAT TO YOU?

IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!

DON'T DEFLECT YOUR SH*T ONTO ME!
I ALREADY TOLERATED WAY TOO MUCH FROM WAY TOO MANY!

YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO TOLERATE IT
JUST BECAUSE IT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU!

FK OFF WITH THAT SH*T!

Leveling Up

It's not that I'm anti-social. 
I'm anti-BS.

If I met someone who was more like me, 
we'd get along. 

The people I've been meeting....
DON'T KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE.
AND DON'T SEEM TO CARE.

DON'T WANT TO CHANGE.
DON'T WANT TO GROW.

EXPECT ME TO CHASE THEM.
TO BEG FOR THEIR ACCEPTANCE.

NO. I WON'T BEG FOR ANYTHING.

NOT EVEN FOR THE FKN APOLOGIES I'M OWED.

But the reason people try to hurt me
IS BECAUSE THEY ARE HURT.

IF YOU BURN SOMETHING DOWN TO THE GROUND
WITH ME....

AND GET "HURT" IN THE PROCESS OF DOING IT, 
IT'S NOT MY FKN FAULT.

IF YOU ARE THE ONE SETTING IT ABLAZE,
THAT HAS VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH ME.

TRYING TO BLAME IT ON ME, 
IS NOT TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY.

IF I WENT AROUND ACTING THE SAME WAY
MOST PEOPLE ACT TOWARD ME, 
HOW WOULD THAT LOOK ON ME?

THE SAME WAY IT LOOKS ON THEM!
FOR DOING IT TO ME!

But do they think about that or anything else?
OR ONLY WHAT THEY WANT
FROM ME IN THE MOMENT?

AND WHEN I SAY I DON'T LIKE IT, 
AND WANT THEM TO STOP, 
THEY TREAT ME LIKE I DON'T EXIST TO THEM.

FOR WANTING THEM TO STOP DOING IT.

NOTHING ELSE ABOUT ME "MATTERS."
JUST WHAT THEY WANTED FROM ME
THAT I'M NOT OBLIGATED TO GIVE TO THEM.

I tried to put it this way:
If an old lady.... Was wanting s3x from a dude....
AND THE DUDE WAS NOT ATTRACTED TO HER...
AND DIDN'T WANT IT....
HE WOULD WANT TO SAY NO.
AND WOULD WANT THE OLD LADY
TO BE OKAY WITH HIM SAYING NO.
RESPECTFULLY.

THE DUDE WOULD BE TURNED OFF BY IT.

BUT WHAT IF THAT KEPT HAPPENING, 
BUT THE OLD LADIES WERE BEING AGGRESSIVE, TOO.
NOT JUST WANTING S3X.

DOING OTHER THINGS LIKE TOUCHING HIS EARS?
OR SHOWING PARTS OF HER BODY
THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE?
AND NEVER ASKED TO SEE?

BUT THEY THINK IT IS OKAY
TO PUT THEIR ENJOYMENT OVER MY COMFORT.
IF I'M NOT COMFORTABLE, 
AM I ENJOYING MYSELF, TOO?
OR NOT?

BECAUSE MAYBE, 
OUT OF RESPECT, FOR ME, 
YOU'D WANT ME TO BE COMFORTABLE.
LIKE BASIC COMFORT.

LIKE RESPECT MY RIGHTS.
RESPECT ME AS A PERSON
TYPE OF BASIC FKN COMFORT.

IF YOU SEE ME AS "ENTERTAINMENT"
YOU AREN'T SEEING ME AS A PERSON!

IT WOULD BE AWESOME IF PEOPLE
SAW ME AS A PERSON.

NOT AS XYZ.... 

Again, I'm not anti-social....
I'm anti-whatever-tf-society-is-now.

I'M ANTI-TREATING-ME-HOWEVER-TF-YOU-WANT.

TREAT ME PROPERLY OR FK OFF.
SIMPLE.

JUST SAYING THAT IF THEY SAW ME AS A PERSON, 
THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY APPRECIATE
AND VALUE MY GOOD TRAITS.

AND WHEN I TELL SOMEONE TO STOP DOING SOMETHING, 
I'M STILL AWARE OF THEIR GOOD TRAITS.

BUT THE GOOD TRAITS DON'T CANCEL OUT
SH*T THEY SHOULDN'T BE DOING/THINKING/BEING.

TOWARD ME. OR IN GENERAL.

AND COWARDS WOULD RATHER
TOUCH GIRLS UNTIL THEY TELL THEM TO STOP.
AND GET MAD WHEN TOLD TO STOP.

FK OFF AND DON'T TOUCH GIRLS!
IF YOU ARE NOT DATING, DON'T TOUCH THEM!
IF SHE IS NOT YOUR WIFE, DON'T!
IF SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU, LIKE THAT, DON'T!
IF SHE IS ONLY YOUR FRIEND, DON'T!
IF SHE DOESN'T WANT IT/LIKE IT, DON'T!
IF SHE WOULDN'T DO THAT SH*T TO YOU, DON'T!
IF YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT TO A MALE, DON'T!

AND THE DISMISSIVE BS AFTER THE FACT
IS JUST AS GROSS AS ACTING LIKE THAT IN THE FKN FIRST PLACE!

THE GUYS WHO TEST AND PUSH BOUNDARIES
GET MAD AT GIRLS WHO HAVE AND ENFORCE BOUNDARIES!
AND WE HAVE TO HAVE BOUNDARIES!
BECAUSE A LOT OF GUYS THINK IT'S OKAY TO DO THAT!
IT'S NOT!

AND WHEN YOU CALL THEM OUT, 
THEY DON'T APOLOGIZE OR SEE ANY WRONG....
THEY DOUBLE DOWN WITH THEIR BS
OR THEY RUN AWAY.

OR DOUBLE DOWN BEFORE RUNNING AWAY.

HOW "MATURE!"

Maybe this is why I rarely date and don't even want to date anymore!
Why should I want to?

FOR MORE BS AFTER I CALL OUT BS?

WHY IS THERE ANY BS TO CALL OUT?

AND I USED TO GET DEFENSIVE TOO!
BECAUSE BEING CALLED OUT ON BS FEELS SH*TTY!
BUT UNLESS SOMEONE ELSE DID....
I WASN'T FKN CALLING MYSELF OUT!

BECAUSE I ACTED LIKE THAT FOR SO FKN LONG.....
THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO FKN ACT!

AND IT WASN'T EVEN AN EXCUSE!
I WAS FKED!

BUT..... AS I REFLECTED ON MYSELF......
I REALIZED A BUNCH OF SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!
IN GENERAL!
ABOUT MYSELF, ABOUT LIFE. 

ABOUT HOW I WAS OPERATING.

IF PEOPLE WANT TO TRY TO GET ME "FEELING"
LIKE I'M THE ONE "MISSING OUT"
AND TRY TO PLAY STUPID GAMES WITH ME
THAT I SEE FOR WHAT THEY ARE, 
THEY CAN TRY THAT.
THEY CAN SEE IF THAT SH*T WORKS.
IT DOESN'T.

BECAUSE:
WHAT AM I MISSING OUT ON?
PEOPLE WHO TRY TO MANIPULATE MY FEELINGS?
PEOPLE WHO AREN'T MATURE ENOUGH
NOT TO PLAY GAMES?

THAT IS WHY THAT SH*T BACKFIRES.
I'VE BEEN CONTENT ON MY OWN FOR A WHILE NOW.

I'VE LEARNED A LOT FROM MY EXPERIENCES.

I'M ALSO BUILDING SOME THINGS FOR MYSELF.
IF OTHERS USE THEM, TOO, COOL.
IF IT HELPS, COOL.

BUT WHEN I TELL SOMEONE, A DUDE, 
IT'S NOT COOL TO ACT LIKE XYZ
TOWARD ME, BUT TOWARD OTHER WOMEN, TOO...
AND WHY....

WHY CARE ABOUT WHY? RIGHT?
WHY TELLS YOU... WHY NOT TO FKN ACT LIKE THAT!

THAT'S WHY..... YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT WHY.
NOT JUST THE WHAT.
NOT JUST THE WTF....

THE WHY!!!!!!!!
WHY IS IT A WTF?!

BECAUSE IT'S NOT COOL?

BECAUSE HAVING RESPECT
MEANS SHOWING YOU HAVE IT?
BY NOT XYZ?
BY CONTROLLING YOURSELF?
BY BEING MATURE?

ALL OF THE ABOVE?

The people who GET IT, GET IT!!!!!!!

THOSE WHO DON'T GET IT, PROBABLY WON'T READ IT!
THEY'LL KEEP PUSHING WOMEN AWAY
AND BLAMING WOMEN!

FOR NOT WANTING TO FKN DEAL WITH THAT BS!

IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND....
WOULD THEY WANT IMMATURITY TO THAT FKN DEGREE?
PROBABLY NOT!

SO WHY SHOULD WE WANT THAT?
IT'S NOT "SEXY!"
IT'S FKN GROSS!
IT MAKES WOMEN WANT TO BARF!

IT TURNS WOMEN CELIBATE.

AND WOMEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE CELIBACY!
WE DON'T OWE MEN OUR BODIES!

WE HAVE FULL RIGHTS TO OUR OWN BODIES.

AND TO GET MAD AT US FOR HAVING THAT RIGHT
IS INSANITY!

IT'S ALSO GROSS AND NOT "SEXY!"

IT MAKES US THINK: "THIS IS WHY I AM SAYING NO!"

IF A MAN WOULD WANT TO SAY NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY SHOULDN'T WOMEN WANT TO????????

AND TO GO AS FAR AS TO DRUG US
SO WE CAN'T?
SO WE CAN'T RESIST OR SAY NO?
OR EVEN FKN REMEMBER?

WTF IS THAT SH*T?

IF WOMEN WERE DRUGGING AND CASTERATING MEN.... 
IT WOULD BE A "BIGGER" DEAL
THAN MEN DRUGGING AND ASSAULTING THEIR PARTNERS FFS!

MEN WOULD BE ENRAGED THAT WOMEN
HAVE THE "BALLS" TO DO THAT, RIGHT?

SO WHY ARE THEY BEING SILENT
AND DEBATING AND ARGUING OVER FKN SEMANTICS
WHEN IT'S ABOUT WOMEN?

BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO ACT?

MAYBE LEARN HOW ELSE TO FKN ACT!
IN GENERAL!

TOWARD WOMEN, THOUGH.
BECAUSE WOMEN ARE SO P*SSED OFF
THEY ARE TURNING ON EACH OTHER
FOR NO FKN REASON.

IT'S FKD UP.

I HARDLY TRUST OTHER WOMEN AS IT IS...
BECAUSE THEY CAN GET REALLY FKN PETTY
AND AGGRESSIVE OVER BS.
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY THINK THEY'VE BEEN "SCORNED."

PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THEIR MIND!
EVEN IF THAT IS PAINFUL!

I DENIED ACCESS TO ME, TO SOMEONE.
THEY RAGED ABOUT IT, AT ME, FOR HOURS.
UNTIL I BLOCKED THEM AND THAT P*SSED THEM OFF, TOO.

IF SOMEONE DENIES ME ACCESS TO THEM, 
IT IS FOR A REASON. 

I AM NOT ENTITLED TO ACCESS TO ANYONE.
NOT EVEN JUST "TO BE NICE."

THE ONLY ONE ENTITLED TO MY TIME
IS MY KID. 

HE IS THE ONLY ONE ENTITLED TO MY TIME.
AND HE DOESN'T ACT ENTITLED TO IT.
HE ASKS FOR IT, HE GETS IT
WHEN HE WANTS IT.
WHEN I CAN.

I MAKE MYSELF AVAILABLE FOR HIM.
BECAUSE I'M HIS MOM.
HE GETS ACCESS TO ME.
BEFORE ANYONE ELSE.

ANYONE WHO DOESN'T LIKE/ACCEPT/RESPECT THAT....
CAN FK OFF.

WHY WOULD I EVEN WANT TO BE AROUND PEOPLE
WHO ACT P*SSY WHEN THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT?
RIGHT WHEN THEY WANT IT?

WHY DO THEY WANT ACCESS TO ME?
WHEN THEY NEVER APPRECIATED HAVING ACCESS TO ME?
OR ANYTHING I DID FOR THEM WHEN THEY HAD IT?
OR ME AS A PERSON?
OR ANYTHING ABOUT ME?

THEY WANT ACCESS TO TRY TO GET
SOMETHING THEY WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YET I AM NOT ALLOWED TO FKN WANT ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

BECAUSE WHY SHOULD THEY CARE?
THAT I WANT BASIC FKN RESPECT?

IF THEY SHOW ME THEY CAN'T LEVEL UP, 
I DON'T HAVE TO STICK AROUND.

SHOULD I BE THERE TO BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED?
TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
DISREGARDED?
DISMISSED?

WHO WANTS TO BE THERE FOR THAT BS?
DO YOU?
WOULD YOU?
WOULD ANYONE?

SO WHY SHOULD I?

Being Wise

It's frustrating with certain people. 
THEY SEEM TO LIKE TO TRY TO PUSH BOUNDARIES.
Concerning what I will and won't tolerate. 

THEY WANT ME TO TOLERATE THINGS
THAT THEY ENJOY, BUT I DON'T.

And when it comes to me NOT LIKING IT, 
AND SAYING I DON'T LIKE IT, 

AND WANT IT TO STOP, 
THEY GET MAD.

AT ME FOR WANTING THE BS TO JUST FKN STOP.

After I told someone I didn't want him to touch my ears anymore, 
and telling him to leave my ears ALONE, 

HE SAID, "I CAN LEAVE ALL OF YOU ALONE ;) "

SO I SAID, "IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT AFTER TELLING YOU
I DON'T LIKE IT AND TO STOP IT."

HE SAID THAT FOR A DIFFERENT RESPONSE
TO HIM VIOLATING MY FKN BOUNDARIES. 

HE WANTED ME TO BACKTRACK
AND LET HIM KEEP DOING IT. 

I DOUBLED DOWN AND HE DIDN'T RESPOND.

THEN..... ON SUNDAY:
"DIDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO DO?"

LIKE I WAS EXPECTED TO MAKE PLANS WITH HIM.
HE DIDN'T MAKE ANY WITH ME.

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY PLANS.

HE HADN'T SPOKEN TO ME ALL WEEK, EITHER!
HOW WAS I TO KNOW HE EXPECTED TO SEE ME ON THE WEEKEND?

YOU CAN'T JUST EXPECT TO SEE SOMEONE
YOU DIDN'T MAKE PLANS WITH!

JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT THEM
TO BE AVAILABLE!

HE GOT BORED, BY HIMSELF, 
AND TURNED IT ON ME.

I DON'T LIKE THAT SH*T!

IF HE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING, 
HE COULD HAVE SAID THAT AND MADE PLANS WITH ME. 

INSTEAD OF ACTING LIKE THAT!

ESPECIALLY AFTER HE ACTED LIKE THAT
AFTER I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE MY EARS ALONE!

I'M NOT HIS FKN GIRLFRIEND!
SO WHY TF DOES HE THINK THAT'S OKAY?
JUST BECAUSE I TOLERATED IT TOO MANY TIMES?

I TOLD HIM I'D BEEN TOLERATING IT, 
BUT I DON'T WANT TO TOLERATE IT ANYMORE. 

AND TO JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE. 

IF I were a male, HE'D LEAVE MY EARS ALONE. 
THERE ARE CERTAIN PEOPLE
HE ALREADY KNOWS THAT HE WOULD NOT GET AWAY WITH
DOING IT TO.
AND WOULDN'T DO IT TO THEM!

HE DID IT TO ME TO SEE IF HE COULD GET AWAY WITH IT.
AND I TOLERATED IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW HOW HE WOULD REACT
IF I CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT IT.

CHICKS SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE CONCERNED
ABOUT A DUDE'S REACTION
TO BEING TOLD TO STOP DOING SOMETHING.
OR BEING TOLD NOT TO DO IT AT ALL. 

AND THEY SHOULD NOT BE DOING SOMETHING
TO TEST WHETHER THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH DOING IT. 

PEOPLE WHO ARE SAFE TO BE AROUND, DON'T DO THAT, 
DON'T REACT LIKE THAT, AND DON'T TREAT ME LIKE THAT. 
WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE THAT. 

And then to EXPECT me to find something to do for us
WHEN HE MADE NO PLANS WITH ME.
DIDN'T EVEN SAY SORRY FOR FKN DOING THAT TO ME.
OR REACTING LIKE THAT WHEN I TOLD HIM TO STOP....

AFTER HE SAID: "DIDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO DO"
I SAID "I'M BUSY THIS WEEKEND, MAYBE NEXT WEEKEND..."
HE TRIED TO PUT HIMSELF IN MY AREA TO TRY TO COAX ME OUT
TO HANG OUT WITH HIM....
TO SEE ME EVEN AFTER I TOLD HIM I WAS ALREADY BUSY. 

THEN HE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OUT OF CURIOSITY."

TOLD HIM I'M WORKING ON A PROJECT.
HE GUESSED WHICH ONE, but it wasn't that one. 
I TOLD HIM IT WASN'T THAT ONE, BUT WOULDN'T ELABORATE.
HE JUST GAVE ME A THUMBS UP.

I DON'T OWE ANY EXPLANATIONS OR DETAILS. 
"I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW." IS ALL I NEEDED TO SAY.

HE COULD HAVE ACCEPTED THAT.

HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, I DON'T OWE HIM
EVERY DETAIL OF MY LIFE. 

HE'S ACTING LIKE THIS, AND WE'RE NOT TOGETHER FFS.
IF WE WERE TOGETHER IT WOULD LIKELY BE EVEN WORSE.
I WOULD NOT BE HAPPY. 

HARD TO IMAGINE WHY I'D RATHER BE ALONE THESE DAYS?

BEING TREATED LIKE THIS? FK THAT SH*T.

BUT AFTER TELLING HIM THAT IF HE WANTED TO MAKE PLANS
FOR NEXT WEEKEND, WE COULD, BUT...

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY FOR THIS WEEKEND. 
SO EXPECTING TO HAVE SOME WITHOUT MAKING ANY...
IS ASSUMPTIVE SH*T. 

I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE ASSUMING ANYTHING ABOUT ME. 
LIKE ASSUMING IT IS OKAY TO JUST TOUCH ME
BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE IT.

IF YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME
THAT MEANS I AM OFF LIMITS. 
IT MEANS YOU HAVE LESS THAN ZERO RIGHT TO TOUCH ME.
EVEN MY EARS.

IF I CONSENT, OKAY.
BUT TOLERATING SOMETHING
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR FKN REACTION WILL BE
WHEN I TELL YOU TO FKN STOP...

IS NOT CONSENT.

HE'S TRIED TO KISS ME, 
HE TRIED TO TOUCH MY BOOBS FFS.

AFTER I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS ONLY WILLING TO HANG OUT
IF HE WAS OKAY WITH HANGING OUT AS FRIENDS ONLY!!!!!!!!!

HE SAID HE WAS OKAY WITH THAT!

THE FIRST TIME HE MET ME, 
I DRESSED LIKE A DUDE AND I USUALLY DO.
HE NOTICED.

"NEXT TIME, DRESS MORE FEMININE.
YOU LOOK LIKE A DUDE/ROOFER."

HE WANTED ME TO DRESS MORE THE WAY A CHICK DOES
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE LIKES.
I'M NOT DRESSING TO TURN ANYONE ON. 
FK THAT.

IF YOU DRESS LIKE A DUDE AND THEY STILL
DON'T WANT TO RESPECT FKN BOUNDARIES?

THAT'S WHY I DRESS LIKE A DUDE!
TO TURN DUDES OFF!

BUT EVEN THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK!

TELLING THEM:
ONLY AS FRIENDS...

DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK!

TELLING THEM I AM BUSY
ON A WEEKEND THEY DID NOT MAKE PLANS WITH ME
DOESN'T SEEM TO WORK.

BECAUSE ALL THEY CARE ABOUT 
IS WHAT THEY WANT, IT SEEMS. 

WHAT WORKS? TELL ME!
WHAT GETS GUYS TO BACK TF OFF
WHEN IT COMES TO CHICKS?

CHICKS TELLING THEM TO STOP DOING SOMETHING
THEY SHOULDN'T BE DOING.... 
KNOWING THEY ARE TESTING BOUNDARIES
VERY FKN EARLY... NOT COOL. 

THEN GETTING MAD WHEN YOU HAVE BOUNDARIES...
NOT FKN COOL.

SHOULD I LIE AND TELL HIM I HAVE A D*CK?

BEING FKN HONEST WITH HIM....
DOESN'T SEEM TO BE WORKING.

IF IT ONLY SEEMS TO MATTER WHAT HE WANTS
I'M NOT OKAY WITH THAT.

HE WANTS TO "PLAY WITH MY EARS."
WHY WOULD I WANT HIM TO?
HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!

HE WANTS ACCESS TO ME
TO LET HIM DO WHAT HE WANTS.

I'M NOT OKAY WITH THAT.

AND WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT
HE GOT MAD RIGHT AWAY. 

AND THEN EXPECTED TO HAVE ACCESS
TO ME RIGHT AFTER THAT?

WITHOUT AN APOLOGY?
WITHOUT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT?

WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT?

AND THEN WANTED DETAILS ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING?
BECAUSE I TOLD HIM I WASN'T AVAILABLE FOR HIM?

NOTHING ELSE AFTER I DIDN'T GIVE HIM DETAILS, EITHER.

"GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, TALK WITH YOU LATER"
NOTHING BUT A THUMBS UP.
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.

IF I FELT LIKE EXPLAINING WHAT I WAS DOING, I WOULD HAVE.
MAYBE I WOULD RATHER BE DOING IT
THAN EXPLAINING IT.

MAYBE HE ALREADY TOLD ME THAT STUFF
DOESN'T INTEREST HIM. 

IF IT DID, MAYBE I WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM MORE, 
BUT IT DOESN'T, AND I'D RATHER JUST BE DOING IT.

TRYING TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH ANYONE
WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT.....

IS WHAT?

PRODUCTIVE?

AND MOST PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT
BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

THEY FEEL STUPID AROUND THINGS
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND
AND DON'T LIKE FEELING STUPID.

BUT IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND CERTAIN THINGS
AND YOU CAN'T SEE CERTAIN THINGS
AND YOU DON'T KNOW CERTAIN THINGS, 

YOU CAN THINK YOU ARE EDUCATED, 
BUT YOU REALLY REQUIRE WISDOM. 

BEING EDUCATED IS NOT THE SAME THING
AS BEING WISE.

It Bugs Me

It bugs me TRYING TO COMPROMISE WITH SOMEONE
AND BEING IGNORED AND INSULTED!

AND TREATED LIKE I AM THERE
TO JUST "BE THERE" FOR FKN EVERYONE....
WHEN I NEED TO BE THERE FOR MY KID, FIRST. 

I am not desperate for friends. I have friends. 
I have been meeting new people. 

BUT NOBODY IS ENTITLED TO MY TIME!
NO MATTER HOW THEY FKN THINK OR ACT
OR FEEL ABOUT THE FACT
THAT THEY AREN'T!

AND THEY TELL THEMSELVES THEY DID NOTHING WRONG!

SURE, IT'S NOT WRONG TO HAVE FEELINGS, 
AND TO WANT SOMEONE TO CARE!

BUT WHY INSULT SOMEONE FOR BEING EXHAUSTED?

It's not fair to ME to be ignored when I tell them:
"I can't right now, but I will tomorrow, after I get proper rest
SO I CAN SHOW UP FOR YOU AND ACTUALLY BE "SUPPORTIVE."

IF I AM TOO FKN TIRED TO THINK STRAIGHT....
HOW FKN "USEFUL" AM I GOING TO BE?

I'LL BE LISTENING, BUT WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO "OFFER"
BECAUSE THAT TAKES FKN ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!

AND SHE WANTS SPECIFIC RESPONSES!
"WHY DID YOU SAY THIS? THAT'S NOT...."
"WHEN YOU SAID THIS BEFORE, IT'S NOT LIKE THIS..."
HOW TF AM I SUPPOSED TO FKN KNOW!?????
ALL MY EDUCATED GUESSES ARE FKN EDUCATED GUESSES!!!

SHE EXPECTS ME TO FKN KNOW SH*T I DON'T!
SHE WANTS ME TO HAVE FKN ANSWERS I DON'T FKN HAVE!
THAT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE!
ESPECIALLY AFTER JUST FKN MEETING!

COULD WE..... EASE INTO IT? MAYBE?

WHY WOULD I WANT EXTRA FKN STRESS? 
WOULD THEY WANT EXTRA STRESS FROM ME?

WOULD THEY WANT ME TO INSULT THEM?
WHEN I DIDN'T GET WHAT I WANT?

YOU THINK CALLING ME IGNORANT?
A LIAR?
OR WHATEVER ELSE....

MAKES ME WANT TO GIVE YOU MY FKN TIME?

IT'S FKN IGNORANT TO CALL ME IGNORANT
FOR PROTECTING WHAT LITTLE FKN ENERGY I HAVE LEFT
FOR THE FKN DAY!

YES, I'M AVOIDING SPENDING ALLLLLL THE ENERGY I HAVE!
JUST FOR YOU!
ON PEOPLE WHO FKN DEMAND IT!

FK OFF WITH DEMANDING FKN ANYTHING FROM ME!

ESPECIALLY RIGHT AFTER MEETING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TF DO I FKN "OWE" YOU?
ANYTHING?
LET ALONE MY TIME?

NOT JUST MY TIME, MY FINITE FKN ENERGY!

IF YOU HAVE A HUGE EGO, 
AND IF YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH GETTING YOUR OWN WAY.... 
FK OFF!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE! 

I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE FFS!

NO FKN REASON TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT!

DID I SAY I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK AT ALL?
NO!

I SAID I HAD TO GET UP EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SAID I WANTED TO GO TO BED EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SAID I WAS EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEEDED REST AND RESPECT! 
I WASN'T FKN ASKING FOR FKN MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I RARELY ASK FOR FKN ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

"YOU MADE ME BEG FOR 5 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME...."
"MY PAIN'S NOT SUPPOSED TO WAIT...."
"MY PAIN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR REST..."

HAVE I EVEN KNOWN YOU FOR 48 FKN HOURS THOUGH?
WEREN'T YOU SURVIVING BEFORE YOU MET ME?

I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF FOR FKN 2 HOURS!
WHILE TRYING TO FKN COMPROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I COULD HAVE JUST BLOCKED HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ESPECIALLY AFTER THE FKN INSULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND SHE SAID, "WHERE DID I INSULT YOU?"
EXCUSE ME?

CALLING ME A BAD FRIEND BECAUSE I CAN'T JUMP ON A SECOND CALL?
I JUMPED ON A CALL WHEN I GOT HOME!
AFTER MEETING HER!
FOR 3 FKN HOURS!

I WAS ON A CALL WITH HER FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!
I WAS SPENT AFTER THAT!
I HAD TO END THE CALL TO ACTUALLY FKN SLEEP!

AND THEN WHEN I SAID NO, THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO JUMP
ON ANOTHER CALL....

SHE TRIED TO CALL ME OUT!
ON WHAT?

THERE'S NOTHING TO CALL ME OUT ON!

I HAD A LEGIT FKN REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR WANTING TO GO TO BED EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT COULD HAVE BEEN RESPECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST BECAUSE SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO IN THE MORNING, 
DOESN'T MEAN I DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHE ALREADY KNEW TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I TOLD HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEFORE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T UNSEE THAT VERBAL FKN BACKLASH
FOR NOT MAKING MYSELF "AVAILABLE"
IMMEDIATELY!
FOR HER INSTANT GRATIFICATION.

IF SHE SAID TO ME:
"A***, I WILL MAKE TIME FOR YOU.
BUT TOMORROW, I AM EXHAUSTED."

SHOULD I BE MAD?
THAT I CAN'T GET THAT "ATTENTION"
IMMEDIATELY?

SHOULD I START INSULTING THEM?

GETTING MAD AT THEM?
CALLING THEM NAMES?

BECAUSE THEY AREN'T AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY?
LIKE I WANTED?

I AM NOT ENTITLED TO ANYTHING I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO I EVEN GET TO FKN REST? EVER?

WHEN I ISOLATE MYSELF, YES.
HARD TO DO WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO CLING TO ME. 
FOR "EMOTIONAL SUPPORT"
AFTER JUST MEETING ME... 

WHAT IF I ACTED LIKE THAT?
SHOULD I ACT LIKE THAT?
WOULD SHE FKN APPRECIATE THAT SH*T?
AFTER GIVING ME LIKE 10 HOURS OF HER TIME?

WHEN SHE HAS OTHER SH*T SHE COULD BE DOING?
LIKE SLEEPING BECAUSE THEY ARE A HUMAN
WHO NEEDS TO SLEEP
AND RECOVER THEIR ENERGY?

EXCUSE ME FOR BEING A HUMAN WITH A LIFE!
EXCUSE ME FOR NEEDING REST!
EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING SOME OF MY OWN TIME
FOR MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"YOU'RE SELFISH!"
IT'S FKN SELFISH TO WANT ME TO FKN LISTEN
AND BE THERE WHEN I CAN'T. 
AND EVEN WHEN I COULDN'T, 
I SAID I WOULD MAKE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST NOT FKN IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN RESPECTED!
APPRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT WHEN YOU MAKE FKN TIME FOR PEOPLE, 
MOST TAKE YOUR TIME FOR GRANTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND IF THEY DO THAT WITH YOUR TIME, 
THEY WILL DO THAT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOUR TIME DOESN'T FKN MATTER
UNLESS THEY FKN WANT IT.... 

AND YOU'RE A "JERK"
WHEN THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT.... 

WHY FKN BOTHER?
WOULD YOU?

OR JUST LET THEM THINK WHATEVER TF THEY WANT?

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE THINKS THEY SHOULD BE
EVERYONE'S PRIORITY, 
DOESN'T MEAN THEY NEED TO BE ONE.

I HAVE PRIORITIES. 

WANTED ME TO "FIGHT" WITH HER
OVER WHO GETS MY TIME AND WHEN?
OR EVEN WHY SOME WOULDN'T BE?

IF YOU ACT ENTITLED TO MY FKN TIME, 
YOU DON'T FKN DESERVE IT. 

IF I WANT TO GIVE YOU MY TIME, I WILL!
BUT DON'T DEMAND IT
THEN INSULT ME WHEN I SAY NO.

IT SHOULD BE A CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!