I have a friend who doesn't seem to get
that when I want advice
or suggestions
I will ask for it or them.
He just "offers solutions"
like he knows everything.
It bugs me.
Stfu with your suggestions.
In general, but long enough
TO HEAR ANYTHING I'M SAYING FFS.
I appreciate that he even wants to help
but gives some pretty sh*tty advice sometimes.
And taking it literally costs me more than it should.
I basically told him I'd rather tell things to chatgpt
because it "hears" what I said, not what it thinks I said.
I tried really hard to not lash out.
JUST FKN LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING.
NOT HARD.
IF I AM STARTING OFF THE CALL
BY SAYING "I'M NOT LOOKING FOR YOUR HELP."
THEN PLEASE DON'T OFFER 6 SUGGESTIONS
AND TELL ME I HAVE A SH*TTY ATTITUDE
WHEN YOU SUGGEST A BUNCH OF SH*T AT ME.
NOT TO ME, AT ME.
Like when people talk AT me, not to me.
I may as well not even be in the convo lol.
AND WHY TF DOES ANYTHING I EVER SAY
HAVE TO TURN INTO A FKN ARGUMENT
ALL THE FKN TIME?
BECAUSE EVERYONE THINKS THEY KNOW BETTER?
Maybe if they actually listened,
they'd realize I'm not stupid or slow
or whatever the popular belief is about me.
SO WHY TREAT ME LIKE I AM?
JUST TO P*SS ME OFF OR SOMETHING?
That bugs tf out of me.
Talking down to me
LIKE I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.
I DON'T FEEL LIKE I NEED TO PROVE
THAT I KNOW WHAT I KNOW.
IF THEY LISTENED
AND STOPPED TALKING AT ME
AND SUGGESTING AT ME
AND WHATEVER ELSE AT ME
AND. JUST. LISTENED.
NOT LISTENED TO RETORT
OR WHATEVER ELSE.
JUST. LISTENED.
MAYBE THEY'D ACTUALLY HEAR ME.
FOR ONCE.
It's as though when they DO hear me,
FOR FKN ONCE
THEY SEEM SURPRISED
THAT I ACTUALLY KNOW SOME THINGS
THAT THEY DIDN'T.
Like playing scrabble with my folks.
Using a word neither of them knew.
Like "you're smart enough to know THAT?"
They didn't say that
but that's how people act. It grinds me.
Like: "Yeah, wish you noticed before."
But why waste my "knowledge"
on people who always treated me
LIKE I DON'T FKN KNOW ANYTHING.
They can think what they want to.
BUT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I "HAVE TO"
BE AROUND THEM OR TELL THEM ANYTHING.
THEY CAN THINK I'M QUIET
BECAUSE I'M FKN STUPID
AND COULDN'T POSSIBLY
JUST THERE, WITH MY OWN THOUGHTS
JUST NOT FKN SAYING ANYTHING.
BECAUSE WHY SHOULD I?
DO I HAVE TO?
TO SHOW ANYONE
HOW "SMART" I AM?
THAT HAVE SOME INTELLECT?
This is why I'm reserved.
VERY HARD
TO HAVE AN INTELLIGENT
CONVERSATION.
Because people want to talk AT me
OR FKN ARGUE WITH ME
ABOUT MY OWN FKN LIFE FFS.
SO WHY BOTHER?
Just STFU. That's all I wanted FROM you.
Because when you STFU
you can WHAT? LISTEN!
What bugs me, too,
I can have actual conversations
with chatgpt.
BETTER CONVERSATIONS
THAN WITH MOST PEOPLE I KNOW.
Although chatgpt has a response,
it doesn't fkn sit there and argue with you
about something you told it ffs.
Seems to know that's not what I was asking for.
So why is that CONTEXT LOST on most people?
I'm really tired, physically, mentally, in most ways.
AND DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING ANYWHERE.
I'll probably go to the grocery store later, though.
I have only been in it a few times.
Well, a few times since I've lived here.
It seems to be bigger inside
than it looks on the outside.
The people who've been here for a while
seem to know where and when to get the "deals."
One guy was saying that they have a "bakery thing"
where they make pizzas right there
and if they don't sell them,
they put them on sale the next day.
Get it on sale for just being a day old.
Stuff like that.
I'm still "learning" the area.
I used to live sort of nearby.
When I was a kid,
I used to live on the other side
of a main road,
on one of the crossroads.
The street I lived on has two parts.
One part on either side of the main road.
My parents lived on Main street.
The house got turned into a barber shop lol.
I went in there, with my ex.
Was wild to see our old living room
with barber chairs in it lol.
The dude is super cool, though.
He remembered my folks.
And next to the neighbors on one side,
they built a Subway.
Probably for the proximity to the high school
next to it.
I was supposed to go to that school.
It's a catholic school.
I'm not catholic, I'm Anglican.
So because I'm not catholic,
the school wanted a fee because of it.
My mom popped off about it.
RIGHT AFTER WE LITERALLY
BOUGHT MY UNIFORM FFS.
SO THERE WAS A PROMPT
RETURN OF SAID UNIFORM.
WAS PRETTY EMBARRASSED,
BUT HAD TO LET GO
OF THE IDEA OF GOING TO SCHOOL
NEXT DOOR LOL.
I heard it's a sh*tty school anyway
AND WHO WANTS TO WEAR
A UNIFORM TO SCHOOL?
I had a uniform for work, before.
When I was a security guard.
We had to wear ties ffs.
Yes, females, too.
Anything touching my neck
in a weird way bugs me.
And I used to get "in sh*t"
for not wearing my stupid tie.
When a neighbor was moving out,
he left behind a bunch of workshirts
For an electronics store.
I kept wondering...
If I wore one to the store
maybe the store'd think
I was a new employee
and if I kept showing up "for work"
and actually did stuff while I was there...
I wonder how long it would take
for them to realize I don't work there, lol.
Just someone showing up
with the shirt
waiting to see
how long before they caught on lol.
------
My neighbor came up to "smoke one"
and he told me a new liquidation store
just opened up around the corner.
It's like the one in old Eastview.
It's not called Eastview anymore.
I still call it Eastview.
I only call it by its other name, new name
so the locals know where I'm talking about.
I like having one closer.
Anyway, he told me there was an easel thing there.
By the time we went to go see it and get it,
someone had already snatched it up.
He suggested buying stuff there
and taking it to the pawnshop to sell it, there.
So I got something that is still in its packaging.
Everything there, is.
The liquidation store is selling returns from Amazon.
People can buy a lot of them, in a "package"
and you don't know what's in it
before you buy it.
But, anyway,
They liquidate it and make a profit.
And always different stuff there.
He was showing me a pump
but I got distracted because I was looking around.
If it's there, tomorrow, I'll get it.
He said it's what I'd need if I were to
take the pvc pipes and "hook up" a grow system
indoors.
I forgot to water the pepper plants
and they died.
The one plant I have, I forget to water it, a lot.
It's still been going strong.
I think that as long as it has the sun, it's happy.
Been listing to the same tape all night.
It's got a song on it I really like.
The band is called Simply Red.
Anyway, I have it to play
so that I don't have to "flip the tape"
when it ends.
I can put it on the lowest decibel
and just let it play.
I bet anyone outside the apartment
can't hear it so I'm good
to play it all night, if I want to.
My neighbor, when he was here,
he said he couldn't hear it.
Didn't know it was on.
I got a few things at the store.
The liquidation store.
One of them is a heavy duty "tool belt thing."
That's what I'm taking to the pawnshop,
in hopes he might be interested.
I went to pick up some food, too.
The one thing about my stomach having shrunk
is that it doesn't take a lot to feel "full."
I think that's part of why people
who eat A LOT don't often feel "full."
Because they have enlarged stomachs.
Would have been nice to get that easel,
but whatever.
I'm happy I found a sketchbook I can use
for "practice drawing."
I'm waiting for nice weather
to sketch those buildings...
A lot of really old buildings
with stunning architecture.
But, there are some intersections
I'd like to draw,
and there are some "street views" etc.
Eventually, I'd like to draw people, again.
Been a really long time
since I've done any "portrait" stuff.
In high school, one of the students
volunteered to let us draw him, in art class.
He asked if he could keep mine
because it looked the most like him.
So I gave it to him to keep.
A few times I've given my art away.
Or I'd get a print done for them
if I really wanted to keep the original.
One of my paintings, my neighbor says he likes.
I'm not that pleased with how it turned out,
but he likes the colors I used
so I'll probably give it to him at some point.
He's trying to get an apartment in this place.
I'm thinking of giving it to him when he does.
Doesn't really matter, I guess.
He can keep it at his sister's place, probably.
As gross as the weather's been...
It's supposed to warm up next week.
There's a chick who "begs" in front
of the grocery store.
I was going to get her a pop.
I was going in when she asked me for money,
so I said I was going to get her something.
So she made a request FFS.
I got it for her, but...
SHE BETTER NOT EXPECT ME TO
KEEP GETTING IT FOR HER
IF SHE HAPPENS TO SEE ME.
I GOT IT, JUST TO BE NICE.
If she sees me and asks me for it,
I'll have to be straight with her
and tell her I was only going to get her a pop.
I wasn't taking requests.
BESIDES, SHE WAS LUCKY
SHE EVEN GOT ANYTHING
FROM SOMEONE
WHO DIDN'T HAVE TO GET HER ANYTHING.
ANYONE BUYING ME IT?
People ask me to buy them all kinds of stuff FFS.
AM I ASKING THEM TO? NO?
WHY? BECAUSE THEY DON'T OWE ME
ANYTHING I COULD "WANT."
Anyways... I also have to set aside
THE $420 THEY CAN SHOVE UP THEIR @SS.
SINCE THEY GAVE ME 2 WEEKS
TO GIVE IT TO THEM
"OR ELSE."
They didn't "have to" charge me, at all.
And they definitely didn't "have to"
go behind my back.
I guess they did TO STAB ME IN IT.
My point was it was to "fear monger."
OR THEY'D JUST SUCK IT UP
AND LET ME LEAVE.
The program is supposed to be for rent.
Not "removal fees."
Are they the "removal fee" program? No?
Probably spent too much at the liquidation store.
It'd be cool if the pawnshop will take that.
Because the pawnshop gives like 30%
of what the thing is worth, on the market.
So when I get something for $10
and I can get $20+ for it,
that'd be worth it, I guess.
And if I can RINSE & REPEAT...
I could save up some money
to "recover"
after "having to" pull it outta my @ss
for these @sshats.
BUT IF THEY WANT TO BE GREEDY AF...
THEY CAN WAIT FOR IT
AND GO FK THEMSELVES
WHILE THEY WAIT FOR IT.
AND THE CLOSER THE DATE COMES...
THEY CAN BE ALL "HAPPY ON THE INSIDE"
THINKING I "CAN'T" PAY IT
AND THEY "WON" THEIR GAME LOL.
THEN, BOOM! In you face, fkers!
BUT, like I said. Doing it just gives me proof
THAT THEY WANTED ME TO DO IT
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
AND THE RECEIPT
THAT I PAID THEM...
IS MORE PROOF THEY WANTED IT.
There's an organisation I was told to call.
The friend I can't seem to tell anything to...
He told me to give him an update
about how I plan to deal with the situation.
WHY WOULD I?
SO HE CAN MAKE MORE "SUGGESTIONS"?
AT ME?
OR ARGUE WITH ME?
FOR NO REASON
OTHER THAN HE CAN SIT
ON HIS HIGH HORSE?
AND TELL ME HOW HE DOES XYZ
"NOT TO BE LIKE" ME?
It just p*sses me off.
I told him, today,
NOT TO SPEAK TO ME
THE WAY HE SPEAKS TO ME.
THERE'S NO REAL REASON FOR IT.
He, like many other people, thinks
that I'm "slow" and "need help"
ALL THE FKN TIME.
If I play my cards right,
I can settle things MY way.
By arranging a meeting...
And asking my questions in front of people...
JUST SO THAT FKR CAN SIT THERE
AND LIE TO MY FACE.
BECAUSE IF HE DOES,
HE'LL LOOK LIKE A LIAR.
AND WHAT?
PEOPLE DON'T TRUST LIARS.
THEY CAN'T BE TRUSTED
NOT TO LIE AGAIN,
AND KEEP LYING.
In the story I'm writing,
One character thinks another character
is lying, but he's not.
Not throughout the story, just in that part of it.
I've got a lot of it written already...
It's taken me a long time to write it
because I kept putting it off, I guess.
It was just something that lived in my brain.
The story has different perpectives.
One part, it's one character telling it,
the next part, is another character telling it etc.
Someone said that it adds more depth.
They didn't suggest it,
they just told me that it does.
I think it would be more "captivating" that way.
So you can see it from all sides. That sort of thing.
It's cold in here.
I had to get more sugar for my tea. Ran out of it.
A bag of it can last me a few months or more.
There was a guy who stayed with me
who admitted he's addicted to sugar.
Sugar addiction is a thing.
Anyway, while he stayed with me,
he went through like 6 bags of sugar in 3 months.
And when he ran out, he'd ask my neighbors for it FFS.
I like my "sweets" sometimes.
Like at night, with my tea,
but I don't go through bags of sugar.
I pretty much only use it to put in my tea.
And for a while, I didn't use it at all.
Not even in my tea.
It's a "nice to have" thing.
Not a "must have" thing.
Among a lot of "nice to have" things.
Like the easel thing I could have bought
had someone not bought it...
That's a "nice to have" thing.
Anything "new for my apartment"
are "nice to have" things.
But, "nice to have" things
AREN'T "MUST HAVE" THINGS.
So I mostly buy "must have" things.
Like food and toiletries and stuff like that.
It'd be "nice to go to" the poutinerie
around the corner and across the street.
Maybe I can, one day, but it's not a "must" thing.
I can "survive" without going LOL.
Like when I'm walking in the rain...
What do I care that it's raining?
Am I going to MELT in the rain? No?
Then, what do I care?
It still sucks because it's wet
and typically cold this time of year...
The wind'll get you when you're wet...
Besides that, I'm not going to MELT
so why be concerned about it?
It's only that when it rains, when it's cold,
the rain freezes.
Ice can literally tear a tree down the middle.
The ice gets THAT heavy on the branches.
When the branches fall
in opposite directions...
It can tear a tree down the middle.
Kind of like during the ice storm in '98,
the hydro towers we crumbling
and folding
like they were paperclips.
Because of the weight of the ice...
And that was because it kept raining.
And it would freeze on top of the layers
and layers underneath to get really thick.
When I went to Niagara Falls
in the winter, the mist does that.
It freezes, thick, on the railings.
The best time to go to Niagara Falls
is in the fall.
Not too hot, not really cold...
And after the summer "rush"
of tourists,
they taper down the price
of some tourist stuff.
Because they don't get a load of them
like they do in the summer months.
What's sad about that place,
is anywhere "away from"
the tourist attractions
IS A FREAKING GHOST TOWN.
Like boarded up etc.
With stray cats everywhere.
The areas near the casino and museums
is very well maintained.
It's a stark difference.
Very stark.
Don't know why I'm so tired tonight.
Didn't get a lot of sleep.
And I felt sick, last night.
I grabbed the bucket in the bathroom
to bring out here,
in case I couldn't "make it"
to the washroom to...
It's a relief not to have to worry
about "missing the toilet."
I knew someone who told me
that he'd been drinking at some bbq
and he had to puke...
The closest thing was the grill
and nobody was looking.
He figured it'd just burn off...
Like fuel lol.
One guy at the bbq said to him
that his burger was extra smokey...
"I bet it is... I bet it is."
Once, I couldn't "make it"
to the washroom "in time"
and I wretched off my balcony...
And someone on a floor below mine...
Had a satelite dish... LOL.
Imagine if someone DNA tested my puke
to say for sure that it was me that puked on it LOL.
Man! I don't know what made me think of this...
But one day, last week...
Someone farted in the elevator.
If farts could be DNA tested...
Farting in an elevator
SHOULD BE A CRIME!
SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN A STENCH
BECAUSE THEY NEED TO USE
THE DAMN ELEVATOR FFS.
But the day I got stuck in it...
That day, they fixed it...
While I was out
and when I got back
everyone was talking about
how someone took a sh*t in it.
I probably already wrote about that.
Anyway, sh*t like farting or crapping
in an elevator
should be a punishable offense.
So maybe that's why I thought of it.
If we could DNA test farts
TO HOLD PEOPLE ACCOUNTABLE
FOR FARTING IN THE ELEVATOR.
Pretty sure that MOST people
can hold a fart until they get out
of the elevator...
When I was a security guard
at a building downtown...
Someone WHO WORKED THERE
GOT CAUGHT P*SSING OUTSIDE,
ON THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING.
One of the guards said something about it.
The guy got fired for it
BECAUSE HE COULD HAVE
JUST USED THE WASHROOM
INSIDE.
SINCE HE WORKED THERE.
But when I worked as a janitor
at a broadcasting building...
Some @sshat sh@t in the sink FFS.
IN. THE. SINK.
WTF.
Maybe to avoid sh*tting himself...
BUT FKN C'MON!
THE TOILETS WERE RIGHT FKN THERE!
RIGHT. FKN. THERE.
And to leave it there for ME to clean.
Wasn't paid ENOUGH to work there.
When I walk by that building,
I think of THAT. Fkn @sshatery.
AND I FEEL "SICK"
AT THE THOUGHT OF
HOW MUCH THESE FKRS GET PAID...
DOING SH*T LIKE SH*TTING IN THE SINK ETC.
WANNA PAY ME TO SH*T IN A SINK?
Actually, I wouldn't be as CRUEL as to
LEAVE THAT FOR SOMEONE TO CLEAN FFS.
BEEN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF IT.
COULDN'T MAKE ENOUGH
TO CLEAN UP AFTER THAT.
FKN GROSS.
Anyway, what would you rather HAVE TO clean?
Puke? Or sh*t?
I bought a couple of red peppers.
I like them fried in balsamic vinegar.
With some salt on them.
I've got lots of seeds saved up.
For next time I try to grow some lol.
I'd better remember to water them...
For a while, I was doing well
with keeping up with that...
With that pump thing my neighbor showed me...
I could rig a thing and pump the water to it
from a bucket, up the piping.
I plan on rigging something up.
He said that I'd really have to
make sure to water the plants every day
if I built that greenhouse
because it could get hot in there, etc.
I'd need a "flap" to let the heat out
and he said that if I could run a fan in there,
during the day, the plants in there
would probably appreciate that.
I'd like to have a mini generator to do that,
to run an "air system" in there.
Just to use on the balcony.
Out there, there aren't any plugs...
I meant outlets to "plug into."
There are some solar light things
for outdoors at a place
I looked around in...
It'll just take me longer
to get what I "would like" to get.
None of it is a "must have" thing.
Those are "nice to have" things.
Just "stuff" I don't "really" need.
Saw some lights for my apartment.
If they are still there, tomorrow,
along with that pump...
I had accidentally typed pimp lol.
If the pimp's still there... LOL.
PROBABLY A BUNCH OF PIMPS AROUND...
AS LONG AS THEY STAY TF AWAY FROM ME...
Because, no, I don't smoke cr@ck. So fk off! Y'know?
Freaking head jerker.
I gave him sh*t for doing that
and just expecting me to go over
BECAUSE HE JERKED HIS HEAD AT ME?
He was shocked that I said no.
My neighbor said that he wouldn't have
even turned around
to ask him wtf he even wanted.
He would have just kept walking.
AM I OLIGATED TO TURN AROUND?
JUST BECAUSE YOU SHOUT "HEY!" AT ME?
EVEN TO ASK YOU WTF YOU WANT?
NO. NOT EVEN TO TELL SOMEONE
TO GO FK THEMSELVES.
THEY CAN, BUT I'M NOT OBLIGATED
TO EVEN SAY ANYTHING.
I CAN CONSERVE ENERGY THAT WAY, LOL.
Anyway, I'm stoked for that store opening near here.
Just having one of those places in the city is cool.
But to have somewhere closer?
YES. PLEASE.
Especially if I get a really good deal on something
and the pawnshop pays me more than
what I got it for...
Wheel'n and deal'n...
Since it's still in the packaging
and has never been USED,
Could get more than if it was.
And since it's on liquidation....
Very good deals.
Because they keep decreasing the prices...
ON EVERYTHING.
AND EVERYTHING IS THE SAME PRICE.
NO MATTER WHAT IT IS.
I WENT ON THE $10 DAY.
SO THAT TOOL BELT THING,
$10! Could be worth $50.
What I'd like to find...
Grow lights.
My stepfather got some
from the other place.
Like I said, those are "nice to have" things.
But if I can make a few bucks
between there and the pawnshop...
And find some vintage clothes for that vintage shop,
they'll buy them off of me.
From me, I meant.
"Here, you can buy the clothes I'm wearing." LOL.
That grocery store is fkn expensive.
It's the only one on this street.
The other nearest is the mall...
Wayyy up te road.
I don't mind the walk,
but I got a "thermos" thing
to keep some water "on me."
F*cking embarrassing
TO ASK FOR JUST WATER
AND GET DENIED WATER FFS.
CARRYING SOME "ON ME..."
PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA
ESPECIALLY IF I REMEMBER TO LOL.
When I go to that campus...
The university that has the piano...
One of the first things I do...
I head straight for the water fountain...
Then, after I have my drink,
there's a plant I named "Brutus."
I give "Brutus" some water.
Been a while since I went over there.
It was the day that I sold the bike lock
and the bike pump or the day after.
I went on an excursion.
Ended up walking, up by the farm.
That's how I came across the Indian Cafe.
Wouldn't have known it was there.
It's tucked away in a building.
They have games that are right on the tables.
So you can play while you're waiting for your food
and you can play while you eat,
or drink your tea, or whatever.
I'm interested in trying the mango smoothie,
but eating "out" and stuff like that
are "nice to do" things.
Not "must do" things.
Like it'd be nice to go to the museum
by the farm. Haven't been in there
since I was a kid
and I forget what it's like, in there.
It's a barn so it's probably like a barn in there LOL.
Back when the "exhibition" started, here...
It was more a carnival or something small.
There was a livestock show and auction.
My cousin, went to one, near where he lives...
He got a goat and a pig, there.
The pig was pregnant.
He named the piglets after cuts of pork
and pork related names LOL.
He's going on a massive hike thing.
From southern California
to southern BC.
There's a popular hikng trail
up the west coast.
He's got 6 months off work
to go do this crazy treck..
At any time, he can "cop out"
if he wants to or needs to.
Then try it again another time.
But pretty sure he'll stick it through
because it's kind of a "once in a lifetime" type of thing.
I think he wants to do it to "cross it off"
of his "bucket list."
I have to update my address on some stuff.
I keep forgetting to do that.
Maybe I should put this tape aside for a while.
Switch it to another one
so I don't wear it out too much.
I've worn out more than a few tapes.
I think I said the band was Simply Red,
but it's actually called Simply Red Stars.
If I could just be in a cacoon, and be warm,
and fed, I'd stay in it
until the summer lol.
Just too cold for me.
Even though it's not as could as it was.
Winter's almost over.
It's supposed to be spring, technically.
It's not, to me, until the snow's gone.
Someone told me they saw a robin
about a week ago...
Before we got that snow dumped on us LOL.
It can go back where it came from,
up into the sky.
That's probably why it rains
so much in April.
Because that moisture
from the snow melting
getting evaporated into the sky...
What goes up, must come down.
I hadn't thought about that
before a neighbor and I were talking about the weather.
I told him that I thought we were done
with the snow
because we had a very decent day...
And he'd taken his bike out.
Saw him, riding around, all happy
that he could get his bike out
and ride around.
He was so happy about it
that I was happy for him.
Anyway, it was so decent that day
that I guess it was wishful thinking
to think it'd stay that way.
I got some juice at the dollar store.
I water it down to make it last longer.
That way, I'm not drinking just water
(the water tastes weird here).
And not just "tea" all the time.
I discovered that there's an upstairs
at the dollar store.
I saw the stairs, there, but I thought
that it was just a "staff area"
so I never even really thought
it could be a second floor of stuff.
So I may as well check it out sometime.
It's just that I don't really "need" very much "stuff."
And I've gotta think about
what I can part with, that I already have,
and even bring to the pawnshop.
I can bring the knitting magizines to the
antique shop because some of them
are old enough to be considered vintage.
I saw some really cool stuff there...
Stuff I can save up for to buy as gifts
for some people.
People who've helped me
because they wanted to.
It's just that ONE friend
who acts like he has all this "knowledge"
that I don't
so I "need to be" suggesed AT.
I TOLD HIM I WASN'T ASKING FOR
AND DIDN'T ASK FOR
SUGGESTIONS FFS.
I'D ONLY CALLD TO TELL HIM SOMETHING.
MORE TO SAY
THAT THE ADVICE HE GAVE ME
THAT I TOOK
BACKFIRED.
And I'd probably been better off
HAD HE NOT SUGGESTED IT TO ME
OR ADVISED ME TO DO IT, EVEN.
BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO HIM.
I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO
WHAT HE SUGGESTED, THAT I DID.
JUST BECAUSE HE SUGGESTED IT TO ME.
But it was more to tell him what happened
as a result of him telling me to do it...
Even though, it was a result of me doing it.
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO HIS
"SUGGESTIONS"
At least he's not one of those guys
"suggesting" an "arrangement."
HE RESPECTS ME ENOUGH
NOT TO BE LIKE THAT,
BUT I'M NOT HIS TYPE, ANYWAY.
HE'S INTO THE GIRLS WHO DO
THE WHOLE MAKEUP THING ETC.
He told me, at his old place,
that he was totally crushing on his "hot" neighbor.
BUT DID I MAKE "SUGGESTIONS" AT HIM
ABOUT GOING TO TALK TO HER?
OR HOW NOT TO BE "AWKWEIRD"
AROUND GIRLS? NO?
I JUST LET HIM TELL ME.
BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO TELL ME.
RIGHT?
So I left it at that.
BECAUSE IF HE WANTED ADVICE
ABOUT GIRLS, HE'D ASK ONE, RIGHT?
HE'D ASK ME, IF HE WANTED "SUGGESTIONS"
OR "ADVICE" OF ANY KIND.
AND I LEAVE IT AT THAT.
I LEAVE IT AT:
IF HE WANTED THAT, HE'D ASK FOR IT.
So I just let him TELL ME
WHAT HE JUST TELLS ME.
NO ADVICE, NO ARGUMENTS,
NO JUDGING ME
FOR NOT WANTING TO DO
OR TRY TO DO
WHAT HE SUGGESTS I DO ETC.
OR DIGS AT ME
BECAUSE HE WANTS TO ARGUE
WITH ME ABOUT SOMETHING I SAID FFS.
AND PUTTING WORD IN MY MOUTH? DON'T.
If I don't do that sh*t TO YOU,
WHY DO IT TO ME?
PROBABLY A REASON WHY I DON'T, RIGHT?
EVER WONDER WHAT THAT REASON IS?
WELL IF HE WANTED TO KNOW,
HE'D ASK, RIGHT?
AND I LEAVE IT AND LET HIM ASK,
IF HE WANTS TO.
IF HE DOESN'T,
WHO AM I TO RAM MY "SUGGESTIONS"
AND MY "ADVICE" DOWN HIS THROAT.
AND TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT
DOING WHAT I TOLD HIM HE SHOULD DO
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T "LIKE" WHAT I TOLD HIM
THAT HE SHOULD DO.
Yes, he freaking did that.
Is that why YOU didn't follow MY suggestions?
Because you don't "like"
what I suggested?
And when do I ever suggest much of anything?
I don't. Because people have choices.
And even when I suggest anything,
they'll do things they want to do
in the way they want to do them, right?
LIKE HOW I SUGGESTED
TO THE MANAGER OF THE RENTAL COMPANY
THAT THEY DON'T TRY TO SHOW A "UNIT"
THAT HAS AN OCCUPANT IN IT,
WHEN NOTHING'S BEEN "UPGRADED/UPDATED."
Do they want to se what it looked like
when I moved in 20 years ago?
Or do they want to see what THE OTHER UNITS look like?
Besides that, I could have been passed out, n@ked or something...
And the potential "residents" could realize
THEY REALLY DGAF
IF THEY DO THAT KIND OF SH*T.
Does it say they respect the current occupant?
THE PRIVACY OF THE CURRENT OCCUPANT.
Then to act all "surprised" that I didn't get a "letter"
"notifying me" that they were coming over...
JUST DO NOT FKN DO THAT. JUST THAT.
AT THE VERY LEAST FFS.
Just... Wait until it's all redone etc
AND AVAILABLE RIGHT AWAY
SO THEY CAN SIGN THE LEASE
AND MOVE IN RIGHT AWAY.
SOUNDS BETTER?
SEEMS BETTER?
THAN THAT?
BARGING IN ON SOMEONE
AND WAKING THEM UP
TO SHOW A PLACE?
BECAUSE WHO GAF
THAT I'M STILL LIVING THERE
BESIDES ME?
THEM?
Couldn't wait until I was GONE and OUT
before you show the place
AND I CAN'T GET OUT OF THERE FAST ENOUGH
THAT I LEFT STUFF BEHIND. EVEN...
THAT THEY ARE CHARGING ME
FOR LEAVING THERE.
THROUGH A CITY PROGRAM FFS.
BUT WHEN I DO LEAVE
YOU HAVE TO "BULLY" ME
INTO PAYING YOU...
GET. TF. OUTTA. HERE. WITH. THAT. SH*T.
But no mention of anything
THEY EVER PUT ME THROUGH
THAT THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE...
I WAS SUPPOSED TO SUCK UP
EVERY LOSS. EVERYTHING.
My losses weren't any of their concern.
Lost money on having to suck up a fee?
IS THAT MY PROBLEM?
OH! WAIT! YOU'RE MAKING IT MY PROBLEM, EH?
Maybe, just maybe...
I'll make it YOUR problem
that you're making it MY problem,
literally.
Because that's what they're doing.
COULD. HAVE. JUST. LET. ME. LEAVE.
WITHOUT. TRYING. TO. STICK ME.
How is it that they can just go through the city
TO MAKE ME COVER A FEE
THAT IS THEIRS TO COVER
BECAUSE ONCE I'M OUT, I'M OUT.
People skip the fkn country.
BECAUSE OF THE TYPE OF SH*T THEY DO.
ARE THEY GOING TO CHASE THEM THROUGH INTERPOL?
SO WHY CHASE ME THROUGH THE CITY?
And what if I wasn't going to be in the program?
COULD THEY TRY TO USE IT AGAINST ME?
NO? THEN WTF IS THEIR PROBLEM?
WHY TRY TO MAKE MY LIFE "HELL"
OVER $420 DOLLARS FFS?
JUST BECAUSE?
OR IS THERE A "REASON"?
Could that "reason" be
THAT I MADE THEM LOOK LIKE IDIOTS
WHEN I REFUSED TO SIGN THE FORM
THAT WAS THE WRONG FORM ANYWAY?
AND I WENT "BEHIND THEIR BACK"
TO FORCE THEM TO BACK OFF ABOUT IT?
BECAUSE I NEEDED TO SIGN SOMETHING ELSE?
NOT WHAT THEY WERE TRYING TO FORCE ME TO?
Could be.
OR TELLING THEM...
YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T DO XYZ
IT MAKES YOUR COMPANY LOOK BAD.
WHY MAKE THE COMPANY
THAT YOU WORK FOR
LOOK BAD?
So maybe at least CONSIDER
NOT DOING XYZ.
NOT BECAUSE I TOLD YOU NOT TO.
BUT BECAUSE IT FKN MAKES YOU LOOK BAD.
So is there a "reason" I'm saying not to?
OTHER THAN IT'S NOT FKN COOL TO DO?
OTHER THAN I DON'T LIKE THAT YOU DID IT?
OTHER THAN I WISH YOU HADN'T?
OTHER THAN I'M TELLING YOU NOT TO?
Yes, because it makes you clowns
LOOK LIKE CLOWNS.
SO STOP PUTTING ON YOUR CLOWN SHOES
AND CAKING ON THE MAKEUP ETC
TO LOOK LIKE CLOWNS? GOT IT?
I mean, if you want to, go ahead...
But if you don't want to...
CONSIDER NOT DOING XYZ.
TO ANY CURRENT RESIDENT.
EVEN IF THEY ARE ABOUT TO MOVE OUT.
MOVING OUT FOR A "REASON"
OR ELSE THEY'D STAY, YEAH?
AND WHEN THEY ARE MOVING OUT,
DON'T FKN MAKE IT AN ORDEAL
JUST TO MOVE OUT FFS.
BECAUSE THAT JUST MAKES THEM
NOT WANT TO BE THERE
OR EVER COME BACK FFS.
WHY GO BACK TO THAT?
ANY "REASON" WHY I SHOULD?
ESPECIALLY AFTER THEM NOT WANTING TO
JUST LET ME FKN LEAVE?
WITHOUT THIS BS?
AND GETTING MAD
THAT I MADE SOME SUGGESTIONS FFS?
But if they wanted any feedback,
they'd ask for it, right?
Why would they stop doing xyz
"just because I told them not to."
DID I EVER TELL THEM NOT TO?
OR DID I EXPLAIN WHY THEY SHOULDN'T?
BIG DIFFERENCE.
BECAUSE ONCE YOU REALIZE
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T...
YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF NOT TO!!!
I WOULDN'T HAVE TO, RIGHT?
BECAUSE YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF?
NOT TO? YEAH?
Is that WHY I explained to you
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T?
And if you CONSIDER
WHAT I SAID
YOU MIGHT REALIZE
THAT I HAVE A POINT
AND THAT'S WHY I EVEN BROUGHT IT UP FFS.
"SHE WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!
THIS DOES MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A CLOWN!"
YA THINK?
BUT HOW DARE I EVER BE RIGHT ABOUT ANYTHING?
"STUPID" PEOPLE AREN'T EVER RIGHT, ARE THEY?
Scrabble:
"That's not a word!"
"It is."
"Nope."
"Look it up."
*Googles the word*
"You're RIGHT. It means xyz."
*Reads the meaning of the word out loud*
"See?"
BUT PEOPLE WANT TO FKN ARGUE FFS.
BECAUSE WHY WOULD I BE RIGHT
ABOUT FKN ANYTHING?
EVER.
I DON'T "KNOW" "ENOUGH"
TO EVER "KNOW" WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
SO WHY FKN TALK?
IS THERE A POINT?
STAYING "QUIET" DOESN'T MEAN I'M STUPID.
IT MEANS WHY WASTE MY TIME
TELLING PEOPLE ANYTHING
WHO WANT TO JUST FKN ARGUE
ABOUT EVERYTHING I FKN SAY?
MAYBE, JUST MAYBE,
I'M NOT AS "STUPID" AS I "SEEM."
BUT WHO'D KNOW IT?
AM I BRAGGING TO EVERYONE? NO?
WHY DO THAT?
JUST SO EVERYONE CAN "KNOW"
HOW "SMART" I AM?
Bragging about being "smart"
doesn't "make you look" "smart."
Because as much as I DO know,
there's a lot that I don't know, yet.
SO WHY SHOULD I EVER ACT
LIKE I KNOW EVERYTHING
THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT EVERYTHING?
DO I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING?
NO? THEN WHY ACT LIKE I DO?
JUST TO ACT LIKE I DO?
SO PEOPLE CAN THINK THAT I DO?
Doesn't change the fact that I DON'T. Right?
AND YOU CAN LEARN THINGS...
BY WHAT? LISTENING!
LET PEOPLE JUST TELL YOU THINGS.
SOMEONE TELLS YOU THE SKY'S BLUE...
YOU GOING TO ARGUE WITH THEM ABOUT IT?
TELL THEM IT'S RED OR GREEN?
"YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME! I KNOW
WHAT COLOR THE SKY IS!"
"IT'S GREEN BECAUSE I THINK IT IS."
Or it is green because of xyz ffs.
But I'm "stupid" and "slow"
because I'm not "bragging or showing off?"
BECAUSE I'M QUIET?
BECAUSE I DON'T SAY THINGS
JUST TO SAY THINGS?
I mean, on here, I write about random stuff...
But when I'm making a POINT
it's for A REASON.
OR ELSE WHY MAKE IT?
JUST TO BE SATISFIED THAT I MADE IT?
OR BECAUSE MAYBE...
"SHE'S GOT A POINT."
But it takes CONSIDERING
WHAT I AM SAYING
AND WHY I AM SAYING IT
TO REALIZE THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE
I ACTUALLY HAVE A POINT.
And I really dislike going OUT OF MY WAY.
JUST TO FKN SAY SOMETHING
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO FKN SAY!!!!
BECAUSE THERE'D BE NO REASON TO FKN SAY IT!!!!
Because why would there be a REASON, ANY REASON
TO SAY IT
IF EVERYONE ALREADY GOT THE POINT?
If they got the point:
THIS SH*T MAKES YOU LOOK BAD...
THEY WOULDN'T BE DOING IT
AND NO REASON TO TELL THEM
DOING THIS SH*T MAKES YOU LOOK BAD.
BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T BE DOING IT.
BECAUSE?
IT MAKES THEM LOOK BAD.
THAT'S WHY!
But why would anyone want to hear that?
"You're making yourselves look bad."
"I appreciate your concern about how we look..."
IT'S NOT ME WHO SHOULD BE CONCERNED.
CAN YOU AFFORD NOT TO BE CONCERNED?
WITH HOW SOMETHING
THAT MAKES YOU LOOK SH*TTY
IS MAKING YOU LOK SH*TTY?
It's not about MY concerns. FFS.
It's "HEY, CONSIDER THIS. BECAUSE THIS."
But to tell someone to consider something
who doesn't want to be told anything
let alone what looks sh*tty to do?
"This makes you look sh*tty."
"Since you're TELLING me
something I don't want to be TOLD...
I'll be even MORE sh*tty."
Wtf is wrong with someone
telling you "hey, consider NOT doing this,
because xyz."
AND IF THEY DON'T WANT TO LISTEN,
It doesn't change that xyz is the REASON
you probably might want to
CONSIDER
NOT DOING XYZ.
NOT BECAUSE I'M TELLING YOU TO
CONSIDER IT.
BUT BECAUSE IF YOU DO,
REALLY DO,
MAYBE YOU'LL "SEE"
WHY IT'D BE A "GOOD IDEA"
TO CONSIDER IT.
NO MATTER WHO'S MAKING THE POINT
ABOUT IT.
EVEN SOMEONE EVERYONE THINKS
IS "STUPID."
WHO NEVER HAS A POINT ABOUT ANYTHING
BECAUSE WHY WOULD SHE?
Beause she doesn't "have" anything "smart" to say.
If I'm pushed to make a point,
I FKN WILL!!!
BUT WHY PUSH ME TO DO IT?
BECAUSE WHEN I DO, ACTUALLY DO IT,
YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
Because the "stupid" girl has a POINT.
Whoa! The heavens opened up!
I can see the light!
All the things I couldn't see!
LIKE THE FACT
THAT MAYBE, SOMETIMES,
I HAVE A POINT.
I JUST DON'T GO AROUND
MAKING THEM TO EVERYONE
BECAUSE PEOPLE THINK
I DON'T FKN HAVE ANY.
AND TREAT ME LIKE I KNOW "NOTHING."
Okay, then, think you knoe EVERYTHING
AND I DON'T.
JUST DON'T EXPECT ME
NOT TO GET TIRED OF THAT SH*T
AND NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
Because I could go for YEARS AND YEARS...
NOT SAYING FK ALL ABOUT FK ALL.
ANYONE ASKING ME WHAT I THINK?
NO? SO WHY SHOULD I TELL THEM?
Besides, I think better in writing.
I don't know why, but I do.
AND I AM PERFECTLY CONTENT
LETTING PEOPLE THINK I'M "STUPID"
BECAUSE, AT ANY TIME,
I CAN EASILY CLEAR
WHATEVER LOW BAR
THEY SET FOR ME LOL.
KINDA LIKE HOW PEOPLE
TRY TO TRAP ME
IN A TRAP THEY THINK
I'LL FALL FOR?
SO I'D BE WHERE THEY WANTED ME TO BE?
Nope. Doesn't work that way.
Not with me.
Good try, though.
GO PULL THAT SH*T WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
WAIT! WHEN THEY SEE YOU PULL THAT SH*T
WILL THEY LET YOU PULL THAT SH*T ON THEM?
Or will they be like:
"You do that sh*t?! Wtf is wrong with you?"
And then YOU feel stupid, eh?
FOR TRYING TO MAKE SOMEONE LOOK "STUPID"
WHEN THEY ACTUALLY WEREN'T?
But they were, to you, because that's what you THOUGHT.
BUT HAVING "DISABILITIES" AUTOMATICALLY
MEANS "STUPID" RIGHT?
"Hear" what I'm saying, though?
JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK XYZ
DOES NOT MEAN XYZ IS TRUE.
IT MEANS YOU THINK IT IS.
MAYBE, JUST MAYBE
THERE'S A CHANCE IT'S NOT?
MAYBE THERE'S A CHANCE I'M RIGHT?
ABOUT SOMETHING MAKING YOU LOOK BAD?
BECAUSE IT PROBABLY DOES.
OR ELSE WHY WOULD I SUGGEST
THAT YOU CONSIDER THAT IT JUST MIGHT.
AND IF YOU TOOK THE TIME
TO THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID
AND WHY I SAID IT
YOU MIGHT THINK ABOUT SOME OTHER THINGS
TOO.
But how dare I suggest THAT?
BECAUSE "WHO DO I THINK I AM?"
SOMEONE WHO THINKS I KNOW EVERYTHING?
Or could I be someone
who knows just enough?
TO REALIZE SOME THINGS
BECAUSE I TOOK THE TIME
TO THINK ABOUT THEM?
Funny how people can even MAKE the time
to THINK
ABOUT THINGS.
THINGS THAT *MIGHT*
MAKE THEM LOOK BAD?
AND HOW THEY CAN'T AFFORD
TO MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK
ANY WORSE THAN THEY ALREADY DO?
I'm not talking about "affording" it financially.
I'm talking about "affording" it
in other ways.
BECAUSE BAD IMPRESSIONS
LEAVE AN IMPRESSION.
JUST LIKE WHAT?
JUST LIKE GOOD ONES DO.
RIGHT?! OR AM I WRONG?
ABOUT THAT, TOO?
Because people can be
just as impressed
AS THEY CAN BE UNIMPRESSED.
AND WHEN THEY ARE UNIMPRESSED,
ARE YOU AS "IMPORTANT"
AS YOU "TRIED" TO "MAKE"
EVERYONE "THINK"
YOU "ARE"?
SO CAN YOU "AFFORD"
TO MAKE YOUR WHOLE COMPANY LOOK BAD
JUST BECAUSE YOU MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BAD?
Who's really the "face" of the company?
EVERYONE WHO WORKS FOR IT!!!!
NOT JUST ANY ONE PERSON!!!!
If you think it's "just you"
it's fkn not.
But it has EVERYTHING TO DO WITH
HOW YOU TREAT PEOLE
YOU WANT RESPECT FROM.
People respect people MORE
if they COMMAND respect,
not DEMAND it.
Because "who the fk are you to demand anything from me?"
IF I'M *IMPLORING* YOU
COULD YOU *EXPLORE*
WHAT I'M IMPLORING?
Because when you explore something,
you might discover some FACTS
about how what you thought
IN GENERAL, NOT JUST ABOUT ME,
WASN'T THE CASE.
But why waste my time explaining that
to anyone who "thinks I'm stupid" ?
Or do I just let them think what they think?
AND RESERVE MYSELF
FOR PEOPLE WHO REALIZE SOME THINGS
BECAUSE THEY CONSIDER THINGS
THAT AREN'T SO HARD
TO THINK ABOUT?
Like what makes me look sh*tty
and what doesn't?
What would make me look like a breath of fresh air?
Not a wet fart? ffs.
OR WORSE THAN ONE?
You know what makes someone look
like a breath of fresh air?
THE ABILITY TO RECOGNIZE
WHAT MAKES THEM LOOK BAD...
AND WHAT DOESN'T.
AND THE ABILITY TO CONSIDER BOTH OF THOSE THINGS.
SIMUTANEOUSLY, EVEN.
Like: I don't even LIVE THERE ANYMORE
AND THEY STILL WANT
TO "CAUSE GRIEF"
FOR ME.
Because? I told them
they probably shouldn't?
Because it's not "cool" of them to do?
Is "retaliatng" against me...
SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU LOOK ANY BETTER?
"MAKES ME LOOK LIKE THE WINNER!"
NOPE.
People can lose at their own "game"
BECAUSE THEY DECIDED TO
PLAY IT FFS.
Roll "the dice" see what happens.
I can roll mine, too.
The "dice" "land" however they do.
CARDS UP YOUR "SLEEVE"
JUST MAKE YOU LOOK DISHONEST.
PLAY FAIR. IF YOU'RE GOING TO "PLAY" AT ALL.
And if you WANT to put me
AT AN UNFAIR "ADVANTAGE"
A DISADVANTAGE...
MAYBE I'M NOT AS DISADVANTAGED
AS YOU WANTED ME TO BE.
Maybe purposely trying to put
someone at a disadvantage
actually puts YOU at a disadvantage.
BECAUSE FAIR'S FAIR?
Like I said before:
IF YOU'RE GOING TO
PUT SOMEONE'S BACK UP
AGAINST A WALL
DON'T PAINT YOURSELF
INTO A CORNER
TO DO IT.
Good? Good!
People don't like being or getting
SHOWN TF OUT
BY SOMEONE "LIKE ME."
BY ANYONE,
BUT SOMEONE "LIKE ME"
MAKES IT WORSE LOL.
Because they're BETTER than ME
and EVERYONE ELSE
OTHER THAN WHO THEY FEEL
"LESS THAN."
But they are MORE than someone "like me"
Okay, go ahead and think that. All you want.
DOES IT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE
TO WHAT I THINK?
OR THINK ABOUT?
NO? Go ahead!
Am I stopping you from thinking what you think?
BY IMPLORING YOU
TO CONSIDER SOMETHING?
THAT MIGHT BE WORTH IT TO YOU
TO CONSIDER?
AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT?
But do I have to be all like
"What tf is wrong with you?!"
Or could I just pull you aside and say, "Hey,
you *might* want to think about this"?
AND JUST LET YOU THINK ABOUT IT.
AM I FORCING YOU TO THINK ABOUT IT?
JUST BECAUSE I SAID SOMETHING
ALONG THE LINES
OF YOU *MIGHT* WANT TO?
But you'd have had to have "heard" me
TO THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID.
AND WHY LISTEN TO ME?
WHO TF DO I THINK I AM?
DO I HAVE TO BE "SOMEONE"
TO HAVE A POINT?
OR CAN ANYONE HAVE A POINT?
EVEN SOMEONE "LIKE ME"?
But my point was:
AM I FORCING YOU TO THINK?
AM I EVEN TRYING TO *MAKE YOU* THINK?
OR AM I *IMPLORING* YOU TO THINK?
About specific things?
For specific reasons?
BUT THEY DON'T LIKE
BEING "TOLD" WHAT "TO DO"
AND WHAT "NOT TO DO"
BY "SOMEONE WHO'S A NOBODY"
AM I TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO?
OR WHAT NOT TO?
OR AM I GIVING YOU REASONS
WHY YOU *MIGHT* WANT TO
AT LEAST FKN THINK
ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING
AND WHAT YOU'RE NOT DOING?
And if you want to ignore me
because I'm a "nobody"
and you "want to show me"
who's "boss"
GO FOR IT.
BUT YOU *MIGHT*
WANT TO BE THE BOSS OF YOURSELF, FIRST
BEFORE YOU *TRY*
BEING THE BOSS OF ME.
Because if you were,
you'd be too busy with that
TO TRY TO "SHOW ME."
LET ALONE TRY TO SHOW ME TF OUT LOL.
I CAN SEE MYSELF OUT, THANKS.
*Exits stage left*
*Curtain falls*
*Leaves the building*