Things I'm not pleased about, but not going to "react" to.
SOMETHING I'VE BEEN WORKING ON.....
FOR OVER A YEAR...
SOMEONE TOOK ONE OF MY IDEAS...
AND HE'S USING IT...
FOR HIS BUSINESS.
AND BEEN COPYING MY DESIGN.
I WON'T GO INTO IT MORE THAN THAT.
BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO LET IT
BOTHER ME AS MUCH AS IT MIGHT HAVE...
HAD I NOT FACED THIS CRAP BEFORE.
I'M STILL GOING TO WORK ON MINE.
WANTED TO ICE ME OUT
OF MY OWN THING
BY DOING
MY THING.
BEFORE I COULD COMPLETE MY THING.
I DON'T LIKE IT, BUT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE
WHO WILL SEE IT.
THEY CAN, IF THEY WANT TO.
BUT.... I DON'T HAVE TO "REACT" TO IT.
MOST PEOPLE.... DO THAT...
TO GET "SOMETHING" FROM ME.
I SEE IT.... THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY.
DISAPPOINTED, YEAH.
WASN'T EXPECTING THAT FROM HIM, EITHER.
NOT SURE WHAT TO NAME HIM, EITHER.
BUT? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO "ABOUT IT"?
I'M GOING TO LET IT PLAY OUT.
BECAUSE I KNOW WHY HE DID IT.
WHICH SHOWS ME WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO HIM.
AND THAT'S WHAT GETS HIT THE HARDEST
WHEN PEOPLE DO THE WRONG THINGS
FOR THE WRONG REASONS.
WHY USE ME LIKE THAT, THOUGH?
WOULD I DO THAT? NO?
TRUSTED HIM NOT TO DO THAT, TOO.
HE COULD HAVE TAKEN HIS DESIGN
FROM SOMETHING ELSE...
AND THE IDEA I HAD... THE FEW ONES...
WHEN HE HAD HIS OWN THINGS ALREADY....
WHY TAKE MINE?
WHAT I'M GOING TO DO..... IS TO LET IT PLAY OUT.
BECAUSE THERE IS NO POINT IN DEFENDING MY NAME
TO ANYONE.
I NEED AN ENERGY SHIFT... TO SHIFT MY MIND...
IN ANOTHER DIRECTION.
THAT IS WHAT I NEED. I CAN DO THAT.
BECAUSE I HAVE THE POWER TO DO THAT.
IF HE'S BEEN WATCHING ME.... HE CAN KEEP AT IT.
BUT I DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT MY IDEAS.
I DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING.
RIGHT?
HE WOULD DENY WHAT HE DID, TOO.
SO IF I DEFENDED MY WORK, OPENLY?
SO HE COULD SEE THAT, TOO?
THEN WHAT?
WOULD HE TRY TO LURE ME INTO AN ARGUMENT?
ABOUT IT?
I PURPOSELY DON'T "TOUCH" ANYONE ELSE'S "STUFF."
YES, I AM HAPPY FOR THEM.
SURE, I ENCOURAGE THEM.
BUT? I DON'T TAKE THEIR IDEAS....
BECAUSE????? IT'S NOT COOL.
AND I HAVE MY OWN IDEAS. YEAH?
WHAT USUALLY HAPPENS?
SOMETHING GETS "WEAPONIZED"
TO TRY TO GASLIGHT ME....
TO TRY TO GET MY "GUARD" DOWN.
ANY OFFER FROM HIM...
WOULD BE A TRAP.
AND AN ACTUAL FRIEND...
WOULDN'T DO THAT TO AN ACTUAL FRIEND.
RIGHT?
TRYING TO LEAVE ME OUT OF MY OWN THING.
THAT IS WHY I DON'T EVEN WRITE ABOUT IT
ON HERE.
FOR THAT REASON.
MOSTLY.
AND I WANT TO GET THE CHANCE TO WORK ON IT...
WITHOUT ANYONE TRYING TO DO IT
BASED ON MY WORK.
JUST SO THAT THEY CAN TRY TO MAKE IT LOOK
TRUSTED HIM NOT TO DO THAT, TOO.
HE COULD HAVE TAKEN HIS DESIGN
FROM SOMETHING ELSE...
AND THE IDEA I HAD... THE FEW ONES...
WHEN HE HAD HIS OWN THINGS ALREADY....
WHY TAKE MINE?
WHAT I'M GOING TO DO..... IS TO LET IT PLAY OUT.
BECAUSE THERE IS NO POINT IN DEFENDING MY NAME
TO ANYONE.
I NEED AN ENERGY SHIFT... TO SHIFT MY MIND...
IN ANOTHER DIRECTION.
THAT IS WHAT I NEED. I CAN DO THAT.
BECAUSE I HAVE THE POWER TO DO THAT.
IF HE'S BEEN WATCHING ME.... HE CAN KEEP AT IT.
BUT I DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT MY IDEAS.
I DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING.
RIGHT?
HE WOULD DENY WHAT HE DID, TOO.
SO IF I DEFENDED MY WORK, OPENLY?
SO HE COULD SEE THAT, TOO?
THEN WHAT?
WOULD HE TRY TO LURE ME INTO AN ARGUMENT?
ABOUT IT?
I PURPOSELY DON'T "TOUCH" ANYONE ELSE'S "STUFF."
YES, I AM HAPPY FOR THEM.
SURE, I ENCOURAGE THEM.
BUT? I DON'T TAKE THEIR IDEAS....
BECAUSE????? IT'S NOT COOL.
AND I HAVE MY OWN IDEAS. YEAH?
WHAT USUALLY HAPPENS?
SOMETHING GETS "WEAPONIZED"
TO TRY TO GASLIGHT ME....
TO TRY TO GET MY "GUARD" DOWN.
ANY OFFER FROM HIM...
WOULD BE A TRAP.
AND AN ACTUAL FRIEND...
WOULDN'T DO THAT TO AN ACTUAL FRIEND.
RIGHT?
TRYING TO LEAVE ME OUT OF MY OWN THING.
THAT IS WHY I DON'T EVEN WRITE ABOUT IT
ON HERE.
FOR THAT REASON.
MOSTLY.
AND I WANT TO GET THE CHANCE TO WORK ON IT...
WITHOUT ANYONE TRYING TO DO IT
BASED ON MY WORK.
JUST SO THAT THEY CAN TRY TO MAKE IT LOOK
LIKE I'M THE ONE COPYING THEM.
I THOUGHT HE HAD ENOUGH OF AN EDGE....
THAT HE WOULDN'T DO THAT.
BECAUSE HE HAS HIS OWN THINGS.
IF I DID THAT TO HIM...
IT WOULD BE OBVIOUS I WAS DOING IT.
RIGHT?
WE HAVE "MUTUAL FRIENDS"
SO A LOT OF THEM KNOW
THAT I WAS ALREADY WORKING ON XYZ....
BEFORE HE ANNOUNCED HIS.
AND BECAUSE I'M STILL WORKING ON MINE....
HE CAN "CLAIM" THAT I'M COPYING HIM.
WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN COOL.....
IF HE SAID: "LET'S WORK TOGETHER"?
OR ASKED ME IF I WANTED HIM TO HELP WITH IT?
INSTEAD OF RUNNING WITH THE THING?
WHEN SOMEONE TRIES TO TAKE CREDIT FOR SOMETHING
IT'S BECAUSE THEY WANT YOU TO BEG FOR YOUR CREDIT.
SO THEY CAN SAY: "LOOK HOW YOU'RE BEING!"
THAT'S WHY I WON'T DO THAT.
I KNOW WHAT I BUILT.
AND WHEN I STARTED BUILDING IT.
BUT? I CAN ALSO WORK VERY QUIETLY.....
MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING...
THEY CAN HAVE THEIR STOLEN CREDIT.
IT WON'T SHINE THE WAY IT USED TO
WHEN I'M NOT "PAYING ATTENTION" LOL.
THEY WANTED ME TO BE "JEALOUS"
ABOUT MY OWN STUFF.
OR SOMETHING.
I HAD RESPECT FOR HIM....
UNTIL HE TOOK CREDIT FOR MY THING.
AS THOUGH IT WOULD "BREAK" ME.
AND THEN I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE THAT....
BECAUSE HE TOOK IT.
SO THEN? I CAN TAKE SOMETHING.
I THOUGHT HE HAD ENOUGH OF AN EDGE....
THAT HE WOULDN'T DO THAT.
BECAUSE HE HAS HIS OWN THINGS.
IF I DID THAT TO HIM...
IT WOULD BE OBVIOUS I WAS DOING IT.
RIGHT?
WE HAVE "MUTUAL FRIENDS"
SO A LOT OF THEM KNOW
THAT I WAS ALREADY WORKING ON XYZ....
BEFORE HE ANNOUNCED HIS.
AND BECAUSE I'M STILL WORKING ON MINE....
HE CAN "CLAIM" THAT I'M COPYING HIM.
WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN COOL.....
IF HE SAID: "LET'S WORK TOGETHER"?
OR ASKED ME IF I WANTED HIM TO HELP WITH IT?
INSTEAD OF RUNNING WITH THE THING?
WHEN SOMEONE TRIES TO TAKE CREDIT FOR SOMETHING
IT'S BECAUSE THEY WANT YOU TO BEG FOR YOUR CREDIT.
SO THEY CAN SAY: "LOOK HOW YOU'RE BEING!"
THAT'S WHY I WON'T DO THAT.
I KNOW WHAT I BUILT.
AND WHEN I STARTED BUILDING IT.
BUT? I CAN ALSO WORK VERY QUIETLY.....
MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING...
THEY CAN HAVE THEIR STOLEN CREDIT.
IT WON'T SHINE THE WAY IT USED TO
WHEN I'M NOT "PAYING ATTENTION" LOL.
THEY WANTED ME TO BE "JEALOUS"
ABOUT MY OWN STUFF.
OR SOMETHING.
I HAD RESPECT FOR HIM....
UNTIL HE TOOK CREDIT FOR MY THING.
AS THOUGH IT WOULD "BREAK" ME.
AND THEN I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE THAT....
BECAUSE HE TOOK IT.
SO THEN? I CAN TAKE SOMETHING.
SOMETHING ELSE HE WANTS FROM ME.
IT'S A PERFORMANCE DESIGNED
TO "MAKE" ME NOTICE.
IF I DON'T? HA.
I MEAN, I SEE IT... BUT?
"LOOK AT ME! I DID WHAT SHE WAS DOING!"
KIND OF LIKE KICKING ME WHEN I WAS ALREADY DOWN...
BUT... I KNOW THAT THERE IS ANOTHER WAY OUT OF THIS.
I'M MORE RESILIENT THAN MOST PEOPLE THINK.
THAT IS ANOTHER MISTAKE THEY MAKE ABOUT ME.
I HAVE TO LET THEM MAKE THAT MISTAKE.
DON'T INTERRUPT YOUR "OPPONENT"
WHILE THEY ARE MAKING A MISTAKE!
TO ME.... HE WASN'T ONE...
UNTIL HE DID THOSE THINGS...
I DON'T TYPICALLY LOOK AT PEOPLE
AS "OPPONENTS."
I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS, BUT....
THAT ISN'T SOMETHING A FRIEND WOULD DO.
WHY WOULD ANYONE TRY TO STEAL
SOMETHING FROM SOMEONE?
BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE THEIR OWN XYZ.
THAT IS WHY.
IF THEY DID, THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO TAKE IT?
THEY WOULDN'T WANT TO?
WHY WOULD THEY WANT ME TO LOOK "UNSTABLE"
WHILE THEY LOOK "STABLE"?
AND IF I QUESTION HIS HONESTY?
IF SOMEONE ELSE DOES?
DEFENSE!
"I HAVE TO CONTROL THE WAY THIS GOES."
OKAY.
IF I DON'T HAVE TO CONTROL IT?
IF I DON'T, WHY DO YOU "HAVE TO"?
WHY DO THEY FEEL THAT NEED TO?
TO "CONFRONT" HIM ABOUT IT.
WOULD BE LIKE "STARTING A CONFLICT"
AND MY SIDE WOULDN'T BE SEEN.
AT ALL.
BECAUSE? EASY TO DISMISS ME!
AND CREATE A NARRATIVE ABOUT IT.
LIKE OTHERS HAVE.
SO WHY DO THAT?
DO I NEED HIM TO ADMIT TO DOING IT?
NO?
WOULD MOST PEOPLE LOOK AT IT
HOWEVER HE WANTED THEM TO?
YEAH?
SO IS THERE A POINT IN DOING THAT?
JUST TO GET THAT?
SO THAT I'M THE ONE QUESTIONED?
NOT HIM?
THOUGHT I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT?
OR WAS USED TO SIMILAR THINGS HAPPENING?
ALMOST LIKE THERE HAS BEEN A HEX
ON MY "RELATIONSHIPS."
ON MY "LOVE LIFE."
AND MY "ABUNDANCE" LOL.
LIKE EVERYTHING I "PLANT"
GROWS SO SLOW.
LIKE I HAVE A "FAN" CLUB.
HATING ON ME IN UNISON.
I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED.
SOME SORT OF GROUP CHAT. HA!
Like... Let's watch her AND TALK ABOUT HER.
TWISTED IT, LIED, AND KEPT GOING.
LIES FOLLOW THE PEOPLE WHO TELL THEM.
THEY DON'T STAY WHERE THEY ARE TOLD.
LIED... THEN LIED ABOUT THE LIES...
AND? THEY KEPT GOING?
IT'S A PERFORMANCE DESIGNED
TO "MAKE" ME NOTICE.
IF I DON'T? HA.
I MEAN, I SEE IT... BUT?
"LOOK AT ME! I DID WHAT SHE WAS DOING!"
KIND OF LIKE KICKING ME WHEN I WAS ALREADY DOWN...
BUT... I KNOW THAT THERE IS ANOTHER WAY OUT OF THIS.
I'M MORE RESILIENT THAN MOST PEOPLE THINK.
THAT IS ANOTHER MISTAKE THEY MAKE ABOUT ME.
I HAVE TO LET THEM MAKE THAT MISTAKE.
DON'T INTERRUPT YOUR "OPPONENT"
WHILE THEY ARE MAKING A MISTAKE!
TO ME.... HE WASN'T ONE...
UNTIL HE DID THOSE THINGS...
I DON'T TYPICALLY LOOK AT PEOPLE
AS "OPPONENTS."
I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS, BUT....
THAT ISN'T SOMETHING A FRIEND WOULD DO.
WHY WOULD ANYONE TRY TO STEAL
SOMETHING FROM SOMEONE?
BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE THEIR OWN XYZ.
THAT IS WHY.
IF THEY DID, THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO TAKE IT?
THEY WOULDN'T WANT TO?
WHY WOULD THEY WANT ME TO LOOK "UNSTABLE"
WHILE THEY LOOK "STABLE"?
AND IF I QUESTION HIS HONESTY?
IF SOMEONE ELSE DOES?
DEFENSE!
"I HAVE TO CONTROL THE WAY THIS GOES."
OKAY.
IF I DON'T HAVE TO CONTROL IT?
IF I DON'T, WHY DO YOU "HAVE TO"?
WHY DO THEY FEEL THAT NEED TO?
TO "CONFRONT" HIM ABOUT IT.
WOULD BE LIKE "STARTING A CONFLICT"
AND MY SIDE WOULDN'T BE SEEN.
AT ALL.
BECAUSE? EASY TO DISMISS ME!
AND CREATE A NARRATIVE ABOUT IT.
LIKE OTHERS HAVE.
SO WHY DO THAT?
DO I NEED HIM TO ADMIT TO DOING IT?
NO?
WOULD MOST PEOPLE LOOK AT IT
HOWEVER HE WANTED THEM TO?
YEAH?
SO IS THERE A POINT IN DOING THAT?
JUST TO GET THAT?
SO THAT I'M THE ONE QUESTIONED?
NOT HIM?
THOUGHT I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT?
OR WAS USED TO SIMILAR THINGS HAPPENING?
ALMOST LIKE THERE HAS BEEN A HEX
ON MY "RELATIONSHIPS."
ON MY "LOVE LIFE."
AND MY "ABUNDANCE" LOL.
LIKE EVERYTHING I "PLANT"
GROWS SO SLOW.
LIKE I HAVE A "FAN" CLUB.
HATING ON ME IN UNISON.
I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED.
SOME SORT OF GROUP CHAT. HA!
Like... Let's watch her AND TALK ABOUT HER.
TWISTED IT, LIED, AND KEPT GOING.
LIES FOLLOW THE PEOPLE WHO TELL THEM.
THEY DON'T STAY WHERE THEY ARE TOLD.
LIED... THEN LIED ABOUT THE LIES...
AND? THEY KEPT GOING?
HMMM.
THAT'S WHY I'M NOT ABOUT THAT?
WELL, I EXPLAINED THE OTHER REASON
I'M NOT ABOUT THAT.
IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.
TO DO THAT.
IT NEVER FELT GOOD.
NOT TO ME.
IT'S JUST THAT AFTER ONE EXPERIENCE
I IMMEDIATELY FACE SOMETHING ELSE.
VERY SIMILAR.
AND I'VE LEARNED ENOUGH THAT I HAVE TO
LET IT PLAY OUT.
I DON'T HAVE TO DO IT.
VINDICATION SOMETIMES IS VERY SLOW.
BUT IT'S NOT THE SAME THING AS VENGEANCE.
WANTED ME TO LOOK "DEFEATED" ABOUT IT
IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, FOR A REASON.
SO THAT HE COULD BE THE CHAMP.
AND THAT I'D LOOK "TINY" NEXT TO HIM.
THAT WAS THE GAME.
THAT IS WHAT THE "DESIRED OUTCOME" IS.
SOMETHING SOMEONE TOLD ME A LONG TIME AGO...
TOLD ME...
"NOBODY OWES US OUR DESIRED OUTCOMES."
THIS WORKS IN MY FAVOR, IN MORE THAN ONE WAY.
I CAN SEE WHY THEY ARE DOING STUFF...
AND WHAT THEY ARE DOING...
SO I CAN KINDA SEE... "WHAT DO THEY WANT OUT OF THIS?"
AND???? TO KEEP MYSELF LEVEL....
WHAT DO I WANT OUT OF IT?
AND WHAT I DON'T NEED FROM IT?
AND WHAT MIGHT I GET FROM IT?
WHAT CAN I EXPECT? WHAT HAVE I ALREADY EXPERIENCED?
AND NOBODY CAN GASLIGHT ME
ON MY OWN EXPERIENCES.
I KNOW WHAT I EXPERIENCE.
SUCKS, I HAVE TO DOCUMENT IT IN A LOT OF CASES.
IT SUCKS WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO EMBARRASS ME...
LIKE THEY ARE TRYING TO PROVE SOMETHING ABOUT ME.
IF SOMEONE WANTS TO MAKE ME LOOK BENEATH THEM...
WHY ARE THEY DOING THAT?
IF THEY TRY TO MAKE ME LOOK BENEATH THEM...
WHY ARE THEY DOING THAT?
WHY TRY TO TEAR ME DOWN?
A REASON! HMMM!
BECAUSE I POINT SOMETHING OUT...
THAT THEY FELT EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
USUALLY THAT.
EVEN EXISTING MAKES SOME PEOPLE
FEEL A TYPE OF WAY...
I DIDN'T KNOW IT.
IT WAS SOMETHING THEY HID PRETTY WELL.
IT TOOK ME A VERY LONG TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT.
IF I WAS STUCK.... ETC... RECOVERING...
STAYING SMALL ETC...
WITH NOTHING GOOD COMING TO ME...
DO THEY DO THAT....
AND LIE TO THEMSELVES ABOUT DOING THAT?
I WONDERED THAT.
IF THEY LIE TO THEMSELVES ABOUT DOING IT...
THEY CAN BELIEVE THEIR OWN LIES.
ABOUT DOING IT.
AND ABOUT OTHER THINGS.
EVEN ABOUT ME.
FUNNY HOW THAT WORKS.
EVEN THE SMALL THINGS...
HAVE INTENT.
AND THEN IF THEY SWITCH UP ON ME....
THEY HAVE TO....
EXPLAIN WHY THEY ARE DOING IT...
BUT THEY WON'T. HA.
THEY CAN'T BACKTRACK ON IT....
RIGHT?
BECAUSE THEY ALREADY SPOKE DIRT ON ME?
"WHY ARE YOU BEING NICE TO A*** NOW?"
"DIDN'T YOU SAY XYZ ABOUT A***?"
LIKING ME WOULD PUT THEM ON "THE WRONG TEAM."
I KNOW THEY TALK SH*T.
WANTED TO BE ON THE PEDESTAL
TO BE IMPRESSIVE
AND THEY THINK THEY HAVE TO BE LIKED
BY PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE ME.
I AM AWARE THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE
LOOK AT ME THE WRONG WAY.
BECAUSE THEY ACT THE WAY THEY DO.
THEY CAN'T EVEN SAY WHAT THEY NEED TO.
IF SOMEONE WILL TRY TO USE YOU
TO MEASURE THEMSELVES BY....
THEY WILL ALSO TRY TO USE YOU
FOR THEIR OWN VALIDATION.
I WAS "OTHERED."
LIKE: "DON'T BE HER FRIEND, WORK WITH HER, DATE HER, ETC"
THINK IT WAS ONLY THOSE PEOPLE? HA!
HATING ME KEPT THEIR "THING" ALIVE.
AND WHEN I WASN'T AROUND TO HATE ON...
THEY TURN ON EACH OTHER!
I SEE THIS. IT'S WEIRD SH*T.
I'VE BEEN "OTHERED" ALL MY LIFE.
I KNOW WHAT IT FELT LIKE
BEFORE I EVEN KNEW WHAT IT WAS.
I WAS "SUPPOSED TO" HIDE MYSELF.
TO "DUMB" IT DOWN.
TO LET EVERYONE ELSE SHINE...
AND DIM MYSELF...
BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE WANTED ME TO.
OR WHY TREAT ME LIKE THAT?
INTIMIDATED BY ME.
THEY WANT TO HUMBLE ME IMMEDIATELY
BECAUSE OF MY SPIRIT.
THEY GET TRIGGERED.
I DIDN'T KNOW THIS.
"WHY TF ARE PEOPLE ACTING LIKE THIS?"
BECAUSE I AM WHO I AM.
SOCIETAL "NORMS"
ASSUMPTIONS....
SOME OTHER STUFF...
WHEN I HAVE TO KEEP IT REAL....
THEY LOOKED AT ME LIKE SOMEONE
WHO DIDN'T HAVE IT IN ME...
TO TELL THEM TF OFF....
JUST BECAUSE IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO DO IT
DIDN'T MEAN I COULDN'T.
DIDN'T MEAN I DIDN'T HAVE IT IN ME...
BUT THEY ACT ALL SHOCKED
AND DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT.
I LET THEM THINK
THAT I DON'T HAVE IT IN ME.
I LET THEM THINK ALL KINDS OF THINGS.
WHY NOT? THEY ALREADY THOUGHT THAT! RIGHT?
SO KEEP THINKING IT, B*TCHES!
YOU THINK I'M GOING TO CORRECT YOU?
ABOUT MYSELF?
JUST TO DO IT?
NO.... I CAN MAKE A POINT.
ONE YOU MIGHT NOT FORGET.
BUT PEOPLE I HAVE TO MAKE A POINT TO...
ARE NOT PEOPLE I WANT TO BE AROUND!
WHEN THEY SHOW ME THINGS...
EVEN VERY SUBTLY...
AND THEY HAVE CO-SIGNERS....
WHO WON'T HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE
WON'T KEEP IT TF REAL WITH THEM....
EVEN WHEN IT'S RIGHT IN THEIR FACE....
USING ME TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES...
ONLY LASTS FOR AS LONG AS IT LASTS
AND WHAT EVEN IS IT?
BS?
AND WHY ARE THEY DOING IT ANYWAY?
AND FOR HOW LONG?
I KNOW IT DIDN'T START YESTERDAY LOL!
IF I DID THAT? HMMM.
BUT? KNOWING THAT TRUTH IS ONE THING.
NOT NEEDING TO KNOW HOW DEEP IT WENT...
IT WENT AS DEEP AS IT DID.
BUT... I DO NOT NEED TO DO THAT TO ANYONE.
DOING IT SAYS THEY NEED TO FOR SOME REASON.
OR WHY DO IT?
"OTHERING" ME... MADE IT EASIER FOR ME.
BECAUSE I NEVER HAD TO BE INCLUDED
BY ANYONE WHO'D DO THAT CRAP.
I DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO BE.
IT GIVES ME A BIG YUCK.
SO MANY TIMES PEOPLE TRIED TO "BRING ME DOWN."
AND IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS...
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY.
OR TO BE MYSELF.
BECAUSE THEY HATE IT.
WHEN I'M JUST BEING MYSELF.
NOT EVERYONE, GIVEN THAT.
BUT MY "FAN CLUB."
THE ONES WHO FEEL THEY NEED TO USE ME
TO TRY TO BOOST THEMSELVES.
SOMEHOW.
MOSTLY EMOTIONALLY.
PSYCHOLOGICALLY,
SOCIALLY,
OTHER WAYS.
THE ONES WHO GOT SOMETHING LIKE "CLOUT"
TO DO XYZ TO ME...
OR WANTED "CONTROL"
"RETREAT"
LOTS OF DIFFERENT THINGS.
EXCEPT FOR?
TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT.
EXCEPT FOR THAT.
RIGHT?
IT'S JUST NOT "COOL"
TO PLAY WITH SOMEONE'S FEELINGS
AND THEN JUST...
DO THAT SH*T.
THAT..... MOSTLY.
I CAN HANDLE A WHOLE BUNCH OF THINGS.
WHAT I DON'T WANT...
TO BE EXPECTED TO HANDLE
A BUNCH OF SH*T
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO.
RIGHT?
BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW....
BY NOW....
NOBODY WANTS ME TO EXPECT
EVERYONE ELSE
TO HAVE TO HANDLE
THE THINGS THAT I HAVE HAD TO....
LIKE THEY ALL THOUGHT THAT SH*T
WAS FUNNY
OR SOMETHING.
LIKE I WOULDN'T KNOW THE FKN DIFFERENCE
OR SOMETHING.
BETWEEN THEM DOING IT TO ME
AND NOT BEING EXPECTED TO DO THAT.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE. RIGHT?
BUT THEY HAVE TO CARE ENOUGH
NOT TO WANT TO DO IT!
IF THEY DID?
THEY WOULDN'T?
THEY DO IT BECAUSE THEY ARE BLOCKED.
DOING IT ISN'T GOING TO UNBLOCK THEM.
BLOCKED MENTALLY.
EMOTIONALLY.
IN OTHER WAYS.
AND THOSE THINGS
NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.
KNOWING THAT HELPS ME.
SO I DON'T TAKE IT AS PERSONALLY AS I USED TO.
BECAUSE SOME THINGS REALLY TICKED ME OFF.
BUT THOSE THINGS WERE NEVER ABOUT ME.
IT WAS ABOUT THEM.
AND WHY THEY FELT LIKE THEY NEEDED TO DO IT.
AT THE TIME.
BUT DID THAT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME?
OR WHY THEY "FELT LIKE IT"?
AS CRAPPY AS IT FEELS, THOUGH.
AT THE TIME AND SITTING WITH IT...
LIVING WITH IT...
UNTIL YOU DON'T....
YOU JUST HAVE WHAT YOU LEARN FROM IT.
There's a quote I saw....
Online....
It goes....
You're not healing to help you manage
Trauma
Pain
Anxiety
Depression...
BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY USED TO THOSE.
YOU'RE HEALING TO ACCEPT
HAPPINESS AND JOY
BACK INTO YOUR LIFE.
------------------------
NICE QUOTE.
Some quotes have helped me out.
Still surprised that someone got a free dinner
from something I said on here lol.
GLAD IT HELPED.
Whatever it was.
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