"The Point Of Life"

I don't write a lot about my son on here.
Mostly for "privacy's sake."

But I have to share this story about something he asked me...
When he was 7 years old...

"Mom, what's the point of life if everyone's going to die?"
IT WAS A REAL QUESTION.

So I told him:
"To help people if we can, and to be happy."

Now, he's 23 years old.
I brought it up to him this year.
He asked me that.

I said, "You were having an existential crisis."

He said, "Yeah, I still have those sometimes."

I said, "I do, too."

I'm bringing it up... Because... I had a conversation
with someone who was really struggling today.

I'm in a group where people can make a post
IF THEY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

The guy said he was really struggling and that he was alone.

So I reached out to him to offer some "support."

His dog got attacked. He couldn't get her to the vet in time.
She passed away.

I felt it was important to tell him that it's okay to feel how he feels.
I wanted him to know that it is okay so that he would allow it.
Allow himself to just feel how he feels.

It's okay to feel sad and to cry. To just feel all of it.
It's okay if he feels many things at once.

But it does take a lot of energy, just to feel it.

He started feeling a bit better.

I told him about that question my son asked me.
And what I told him. 

He told me he had contemplated su*c*de.
Been there. So I told him that I tried 6 times in my lifetime.

But if I had, my son wouldn't be here.

Things weren't always how they are now.

THERE WERE TIMES I DIDN'T THINK
I'D EVER SEE HIM AGAIN.

THAT WAS PAINFUL AF.

It was like having to grieve him while he was still alive.

THAT WAS HARD.

I HAD TO "LET HIM GO"
AND IF I DID GET TO (I DID) SEE HIM AGAIN, 
THEN, I WOULD.

BUT I HAD TO... TRY.... TO.... TAKE CARE...
OF MYSELF. 

SO THAT... IF I DID...
I WOULDN'T BE AS MUCH OF A MESS....
AS I WAS!!!!

Anyway... There was another part...

I was telling him about my friend who told me about
THE MEANING OF REPENTANCE.

IT IS DEFINED AS:
"Reviewing past wrongdoings,
feeling sincere sorrow or regret,
and committing to a full change of character, direction, or behavior."

My friend told me about the pent part in repentance.
He reminded me that the word for "to think" is "penser."

Reviewing is about thinking, rethinking our ways.
How we think. 

Because how we think influences our ways.

Repentance actually comes from a Latin word.

That word is: Poenitire. 
"To make sorry."

We aren't "made" sorry by anyone, truly. 
It actually has to come from us.

Because WE are only SORRY if we actually are.

We are taught to be sorry, to a point.

Like when we are being parented by our parents...
We are taught the things WE SHOULD BE SORRY ABOUT.

AND TO APOLOGIZE.
AND TO MEAN IT WHEN WE DO.

Ideally, we are taught that from our parents.

BUT SOME PEOPLE'S PARENTS ACTUALLY DON'T CARE
ENOUGH TO TEACH CERTAIN THINGS.

THEY THINK THEIR KIDS WILL LEARN ON THEIR OWN. 

OR WHATEVER GOES ON IN THEIR HEADS.

I was taught things by my grandparents.

THEIR TIMES WERE DIFFERENT TIMES.
WHEN PARENTS WERE SUPPOSED TO CARE.

THEY ALWAYS WERE SUPPOSED TO....
BUT IN THEIR TIMES, THAT WAS UNDERSTOOD.

UNDERSTOOD FOR A REASON.

In the 1930s, the 1940s, 1950s.... 

CERTAIN VALUES EXISTED. 

In the 1960s... Some things changed.
In the 1970s, 1980s... 

So... A lot of people FROM MY GENERATION....
LOST THE PLOT!!!!!!!!! LOST IT!

BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS DID, MOSTLY.

AND IF THEIR PARENTS' PARENTS DID....
THAT WOULD HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH
WHY THEIR PARENTS DID.

AND WHY MY GENERATION
AND GENERATIONS AFTER MINE DID.

MY GENERATION...... THERE ARE MANY....
WHO NEVER LOST THE PLOT......
BUT.... I THINK..... THAT IT WAS.....
THAT IF THEIR PARENTS DID.....
PEOPLE FROM MY GENERATION DID.

AND THAT.... IT STARTED... THERE.

Why did it start? I don't know.

THAT HAS A LOT TO DO WITH IT.
IT'S NOT THE ENTIRETY OF IT...
BUT IT HAS A LOT TO DO WITH IT.

Certain VALUES should be preserved.
IN CANADIAN CULTURE.

A lot of people who COME TO CANADA....
DON'T HAVE THE SAME VALUES.

AND DON'T SEEM TO THINK
THAT OUR VALUES SHOULD MATTER.
OR THAT OUR LAWS SHOULD APPLY TO THEM
THE SAME WAYS THEY APPLY
TO EVERYONE ELSE HERE.

THEY DO!

Some things that bother me....

IS HOW SOME POLICE THINK
THAT CERTAIN LAWS DO NOT APPLY TO THEM.

THEY DO!

SAME WITH ANYONE.
EVEN IMMIGRANTS.

(NO MATTER WHAT THEIR RACE
OR NATIONALITY IS).

GANG MEMBERS FROM OTHER COUNTRIES?
DEPORT THEM.

T*RR*R*STS????
DEPORT THEM.

PEOPLE WHO DON'T GAF ABOUT CANADA???
DEPORT THEM.

DO I CARE IF THEY ARE FROM A CERTAIN
"NATIONALITY"
OR "RACE"?

FK NO!!!!!!!!

WOULD I EXPECT THAT ANYONE
FROM ANY COUNTRY I GO TO
WOULD WANT ME DEPORTED
IF I DIDN'T GAF ABOUT THEIR COUNTRY?

WAS SMUGGLING DR*GS INTO THEIR COUNTRY?
WAS BEING A CRIMINAL IN THEIR COUNTRY?

I SHOULD PROBABLY EXPECT THAT!!!!!!!

BECAUSE THEY DO GAF ABOUT THEIR COUNTRY!!!!!
BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO LIVE THERE!!!!!

AND THEY DON'T WANT THAT SH*T
AROUND THEM.....
LET ALONE FOR THE FUTURE GENERATIONS!!!!!!!

THE FACT THAT THEY TRY TO MAKE THAT
ABOUT RACISM....

P*SSES ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DOES!

"RACISM" SHOULDN'T BE AN "EXCUSE"
TO FKN ACT LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT HAS NOTHING TO FKN DO WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S A FKN PERSONAL CHOICE!!!!!!!!!
TO ACT LIKE THAT OR??????
OR NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

REGARDLESS OF WHAT "RACE" YOU ARE.
REGARDLESS WHAT COUNTRY YOU CAME FROM!!!!!
OR GO TO!!!!!!

AND IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH
TO BE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY.....

RESPECT THAT YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH
TO BE THERE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND RESPECT THE PEOPLE THERE!

RESPECT THE LAWS THAT EXIST
AND THE REASONS THEY EXIST!

JUST THAT.

BECAUSE NOBODY IS "BETTER"
THAN ANYONE ELSE.

WE ALL HAVE TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET!!!!!!!!!!!!
REGARDLESS OF THE BS "RACE CARD."
OR WHERE YOU ARE "FROM"
OR WHERE YOU "GO"
OR FKN ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!

So what????? I'm white. BIG FKN DEAL!
IF I WAS BORN IN ANOTHER COUNTRY....
AND MY ANCESTORS WERE OF ANOTHER RACE.....

I WOULD HAVE BEEN BORN AS SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!

ONLY CIRCUMSTANCES "MADE ME" WHITE.
THAT'S ALL!

ARE THERE POS WHITE PEOPLE???? FK YES!!!!!!

DO I GET TO DECIDE WHAT KIND OF "WHITE PERSON"
I AM? OR BECOME?

YES!!!!!! I GET TO DECIDE THAT!!!!!!!!

SO DOES EVERY "WHITE PERSON."
SAME FOR ANY "RACE." 
EVERY "RACE."

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE "HUMAN RACE"?????

SHOULDN'T THAT "RACE" MATTER MORE???????
THAN ANY OTHERS???????

I THINK SO!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT.......??????

THE DIVISION.... 
IS TO WHAT???? WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT HAVE?

TO PIT US AGAINST EACH OTHER????????
BASED ON SUPERFICIAL SH*T???????????

WHAT KIND OF BS IS THAT??????????
ISN'T THAT BS??????

RACISM IS TAUGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE ARE NOT BORN RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DO BABIES LOOK AT SOMEONE AND SEE THEIR "RACE"?????
OR DO THEY SEE A PERSON?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?

I'm only asking because....
It seems that.....
Most people only seem to.....
Look only at....

5% AT BEST.....
OF WHAT I SAY.....

AND THEY MAKE UP THE REST.

PEOPLE "LOOK AT ME"
"DIFFERENTLY"
FOR BEING "DIFFERENT."

THERE WAS AN EXAMPLE I GOT FROM SOMEONE...

I'LL TRY TO REFRAME IT, BUT IT IS A GOOD EXAMPLE.

IT IS ABOUT: APPROVAL & ADMIRATION.

THE EXAMPLE IS THE PERSON
WHO IS HAPPY WITH "THE GROCERY STORE BAG"

WHILE SOMEONE ELSE BUYS THE "FANCY BAG."
BECAUSE IT COSTS MORE....
AND THEY WANT TO BE "ADMIRED" FOR HAVING IT.
JUST FOR HAVING IT.

AND THEY MIGHT TRY TO SELL THE "FANCY BAG"
BUT THE PEOPLE WHO BUY THE SECONDHAND BAG
HAVE TO HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY IT...
"WHY WOULD THEY WANT A SECONDHAND BAG?"
IF THEY HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY A "NEW FANCY BAG."

IT'S LIKE THAT... BUT REPLACE "FANCY BAG"
WITH OTHER SUPERFICIAL THINGS.

THE "FANCY BAG" IS AN XYZ.... 
PLACE WHATEVER YOU WANT AS AN XYZ.
XYZ IS A VARIABLE.

THAT CAN GO FOR VALUES, TOO. 
REALIZATIONS, TOO. 

OTHER THINGS THAT AREN'T "SUPERFICIAL."
OR... ARTIFICIAL.

SPECIAL... YEAH....
BUT NOT ON A LEVEL THAT MOST UNDERSTAND.

BECAUSE WHAT THEY THINK IS "SPECIAL"
ARE SUPERFICIAL THINGS!!!!!!!!

SO HOW WOULD THEY UNDERSTAND
THE THINGS THAT ACTUALLY ARE SPECIAL
AND WHY THEY ARE????

THEY WOULDN'T.

UNLESS THEY DO, THEY CAN'T KNOW.
AND WON'T.

BUT MOST PEOPLE OPERATE.....
ON THEIR PROGRAMMING.

IF THEY WERE PROGRAMMED
TO REGARD SUPERFICIALITY
AS SOMETHING "IMPORTANT"

THEY WILL OPERATE....
AS THOUGH IT IS IMPORTANT!

It isn't.... But... They will operate as though it is!

AND THEY WILL LIKELY BE OPPORTUNISTIC
IN THE WORST WAYS POSSIBLE!

YET THEY WILL JUDGE ME.........
AND ASSUME XYZ.... ABOUT ME....

BASED ON WHAT?
SUPERFICIALITY?

"HATED YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T NEED THEIR APPROVAL."
WHY WOULD I SEEK APPROVAL
ABOUT SUPERFICIAL THINGS
THAT SHOULDN'T EVEN FKN MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!????

SHOULD I EVEN WANT THAT?
FROM THEM?
OR ANYONE?

OR??? SHOULD I BE ALLOWED....
NOT TO WANT THAT?

SO IF I SHOULD BE ALLOWED....
NOT TO WANT THAT....

WHY SHOULD THEY "HATE" ME
FOR THAT?

SHOULD THEY?

AND SHOULD I GAF IF THEY DO OR NOT?

BECAUSE IF SOMEONE "HATES" ME
BECAUSE I DON'T "NEED"
THEIR APPROVAL....

TO BUY A CHEAP BAG....
"NOBODY WOULD ADMIRE ME FOR HAVING"
(AND I DGAF IF ANYONE DOES OR NOT...)

SHOULD I GAF THAT THEY DO?????
THAT THEY "HATE" ME BECAUSE OF THAT?

THEY AREN'T "HATING" ME BECAUSE THEY KNOW ME.
BECAUSE THEY "HATE" ME SO MUCH
THAT THEY NEVER WILL KNOW ME!

AND THAT'S BECAUSE THEY "HATE" ME.

GET IT NOW?

If you are so BUSY "hating" someone.....
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW THEM?

YOU WON'T BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO "BUSY"
"HATING" THEM.

TO KNOW THEM.

If I "approved" every racist OPINION....
ABOUT EVERY SINGLE RACE, EVER....

I MOST LIKELY WOULD BECOME "RACIST."

AM I? DO I EVEN WANT TO BE RACIST? 

NO!!!! I'M NOT AND DON'T GAF ABOUT RACISM!!!!!!!!

IF I WAS "TOO BUSY BEING RACIST"
WOULD I KNOW PEOPLE I WAS BEING RACIST TOWARD????

NO! I WOULDN'T!

BECAUSE I'D BE "TOO BUSY BEING RACIST."
TO ACTUALLY KNOW THEM.
AS A PERSON. 

THAT IS WHAT DIVISION IS.

SO THAT PEOPLE....
WON'T KNOW OTHER PEOPLE
AS PEOPLE.

AND THAT GOES FOR S*XISM TOO!!!!!!!!
OKAY????

BECAUSE IF DUDES ARE "TOO BUSY BEING S*XIST"
WILL THEY KNOW FEMALES....
AS PEOPLE????

NO?

WHY IS THAT?
BECAUSE.... THEY ARE "TOO BUSY BEING S*XIST!"

UNDERSTAND?

This post is getting a PART 2.