I Won't Know Why

Someone who no longer talks to me....
Had asked me what my biggest trauma was.

I don't know why he asked me that.
And won't get to ask him...
Because he doesn't talk to me anymore.

We had agreed to move on from each other.
His choice was to end our friendship.
Over having differing political views. 

Why ask me that if it was that easy to drop me
AS A FRIEND?

I don't know why.

I don't feel like telling people personal things
if they're just going to bounce that quick.

Over something like that.

Why would he even want to know?

Did he think my trauma was related to dating?
That was why I didn't want to.

I don't know.

People think that it has to do with my "trauma."
Nope.

Just a choice.

Apparently, I can't really get close to anyone very often. 

EVEN AS A FRIEND.

BECAUSE OF THINGS LIKE THAT.
Mostly. It sucks, but what can I do about that?

Just be okay with it? Pretty much.

Just I'd rather not invest at all... But if I don't.
I don't get to see if it could be a friendship.

If it could be one.
A real one.

That's about it.

I can think about people, though.
From time to time.

And feel okay that I never had any bad intentions whatsoever,
More than okay about that.

I can still sleep at night.
Knowing I wasn't ever trying to do anything wrong.
Or bad to anyone.

So why wouldn't I be okay with their choice?
Did I want anything from anyone?

Other than understanding?
Common ground?

To matter?

Nope? So then? Why wouldn't I be okay?
Wasn't I okay before I met them? Yeah?

That wasn't a lot to even want, so I'll be okay.

Makes me not really want to invest very much, though.
When I do...?

But if I don't? Then I seem fake.
Like I don't care.
As though I want something.
I don't. 

So then I invest. So they can hopefully see that.

I try to get to know them as a person.

I try to let them get to know me as a person.
If I even give them that chance.

I didn't have to, and neither did they.

Someone asked me:
Would a Conservative admit that a Conservative leader
was a bad leader?

Was Mike Harris Conservative? Yeah?
DID HE FK UP?
YES.

ISN'T DOUG FORD CONSERVATIVE?
DO I AGREE WITH WHAT HE DOES? NO?

AM I A DIE-HARD CONSERVATIVE? NO?

BUT AM I ON BOARD WITH THE LIBS?

WITH WHAT THEY ARE DOING?

HOW COME THE GOV DIDN'T TELL US
THEMSELVES....
THAT "SOME" PEOPLE WERE GETTING "SICK"
AND "SOME" PEOPLE WERE DYING....
WHO GOT THE JAB?

BUT THAT WAS "ONLY SOME" PEOPLE.

"MOST" PEOPLE WERE "OKAY."

SURE. "MOST" PEOPLE WERE "OKAY."
BUT "SOME" PEOPLE WERE NOT "OKAY."

AND????? DID THE GOV SAY:
"SOME" PEOPLE ARE DYING?

NO?

THEY WANTED ALL OF US TO GET THE JAB.
EVEN IF "SOME" OF US....
"MIGHT" AND "COULD" DIE.

AND????? DIDN'T TELL US!!!!!

LETTING US THINK: IT'S 100% SAFE FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!
WAS IT? WAS MY POINT.

WAS THE GOV TELLING US IT WAS????????
OR WASN'T???????

WHAT WAS THE GOV TELLING US?
WHAT DID THE GOV WANT US TO THINK, AND WHY?

That is what I was saying... 

BUT.... THAT IS "SCARY"
THAT I THINK LIKE THIS.

OKAY.

SCARY THAT IT WASN'T "100% SAFE."
MAYBE IT WAS LIKE "80%" OR LESS THAN THAT.

BUT NOT 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO IF THE GOV WAS SAYING IT WAS........
AND WANTED US TO THINK IT WAS.....

BECAUSE IF WE KNEW IT WASN'T.....
MANY PEOPLE WOULD REFUSE TO GET IT.

AND EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO DID REFUSE TO GET IT....

HOW ARE THEY TREATED?

"SCARY THAT YOU THINK LIKE THIS."

THAT'S HOW THEY ARE TREATED.

"I CAN'T BE YOUR FRIEND."

OKAY. 

BUT IF THE POINT HAS TO BE MADE, FINE.
AND IF I MAKE THAT POINT... 

I'M "SCARY" FOR DOING IT.

BUT ARE THE LIBS GOING TO DO IT? NO?
WHY NOT?

WHY? DO YOU KNOW WHY?
IF YOU DO, YOU'LL KNOW WHY THEY DID ANY OF IT.

WHY THEY ARE DOING WHAT THEY ARE DOING NOW.
AND WHY THEY WILL KEEP DOING WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN DOING.

IF THE TRUTH "LOOKS AND SOUNDS BAD."
WOULD THEY TELL IT?

WOULD THEY WANT IT ON THE "NEWS"?

THE MEDIA IS CENSORED.
I'D BE CENSORED, TOO.

THAT'S WHY I HARDLY EVER.... TALK ABOUT.... THESE THINGS.
BUT WHEN I DO.....

I GET ROASTED OR.... GET TOLD.... 
I'M XYZ....
AND THEY EVEN END OUR "FRIENDSHIP"
OVER IT.

BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

WHY IS $12B "MISSING" FROM THE CPP?
IS THERE A REASON THAT IT IS?
IS THERE A REASON THAT IT IS ALLOWED TO BE?
WHO IS ALLOWING IT?

WHERE IS THE MONEY GOING?

SURE!!!! I GET WANTING TO BELIEVE
THE BEST IN SOMEONE.

BUT BEING "UNWILLING" TO SEE SOME THINGS...
BECAUSE OF WHO IS SAYING IT... 

"I COULD NEVER BELIEVE THE GOV WOULD LIE..."
OKAY.

THAT THE GOV WOULD DO XYZ.....
AND THAT XYZ COULD HARM THE COUNTRY... 

LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY.... 

IF THE COUNTRY IS DOING POORLY....
WHAT WOULD THAT POINT TO?
LEADERSHIP?

OUR DOLLAR... IS UNDER 70 CENTS RIGHT NOW.
WHY?

IT'S NOT "TRUMP'S FAULT" FOR MOST OF OUR SH*T!!!!!!!!!
IT'S OUR SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THEIRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF HE WANTS TO FK UP HIS COUNTRY... THEY CAN ENJOY THAT.

BUT.... SOME PEOPLE THINK.....
THAT'S WHAT IS HAPPENING IN OUR COUNTRY....
IS "OKAY."

SEVERAL THINGS ARE NOT "OKAY."

BUT THEY WANT TO LOOK AT TRUMP??????????

HOW DOES TRUMP HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH
WHAT HAPPENS IN OUR COUNTRY
THAT OUR GOV IS DOING
AND NOT DOING?????????

ONLY OUR GOV HAS A SAY IN THAT.
NOT TRUMP.

DOES TRUMP HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH OUR HOUSING MINISTRY?
OUR HEALTH MINISTRY?

OUR OTHER MINISTRIES?

NO?

SO WHY DOES OUR GOV WANT US TO FOCUS ON TRUMP??????
SO THAT WE FOCUS ON HIM!
NOT THEM!

"LOOK AT TRUMP WHILE WE XYZ."
"LOOK AT THE CONSERVATIVES WHILE WE XYZ."
"LOOK AT THE HOMELESSNESS WHILE WE XYZ."

SO THAT NOBODY LOOKS AT THEM
WHILE THEY XYZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW MUCH MONEY MOVED DURING COVID?
JUST FOR THE VACCINES....?

WHY WOULD ANYONE BE PAYING ATTENTION TO THAT????
THEY WOULDN'T BE!!!!!!!!!!!!

BECAUSE???????
WHAT WERE THEY LOOKING AT???????
WHAT THEY WERE TOLD TO LOOK AT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OTHERWISE? THEY MIGHT HAVE REALIZED?????
OTHER THINGS WERE GOING ON?????

IF I DIDN'T HAVE TO GET THE JAB "FOR WORK"
WHY WAS MY DR TRYING TO GET ME TO GET IT?
EVEN AFTER TELLING HER I DIDN'T WANT IT?

BECAUSE????? I WAS EXPECTED TO GET IT!!!!!!
TO EVEN WANT TO GET IT!!!!!!!!!!

WAS IT FAIR THAT A 17-YEAR-OLD KID.....
GOT IT ONLY BECAUSE HE WANTED TO PLAY HOCKEY?????
AND DIED 3 DAYS LATER?

BECAUSE IT WASN'T 100% SAFE??????
LIKE HE WAS TOLD THAT IT WAS??????????

WAS THAT CRAP THEY USED TO SPRAY ON KIDS SAFE?????

I'LL LOOK FOR THAT..... DDT.

THEY SPRAYED IT ON KIDS!
SAID IT WAS SAFE!

WAS IT?

WHAT IS KIND OF FUNNY TO ME....
IS SOMEONE COULD TELL ME....
THEY HAVE TRUST ISSUES....
BUT THEY WILL TRUST THE GOV 100%.

BECAUSE THEY ARE CONVINCED THAT THEY CAN!

AND IF THEY ARE CONVINCED THAT THEY CAN......
WHAT SENSE WOULD I MAKE?
IF I SAID.... "YOU MIGHT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT."

ARE WE ACTUALLY "SAFE"?
OR DO WE HAVE AN ILLUSION OF "SAFETY"?

THE SAME QUESTION TO THE LIBS.
WOULD THEY ADMIT THEIR LIB LEADER WAS WRONG?
ABOUT ANYTHING?

YES OR NO?

DID I BACK MIKE HARRIS?
JUST BECAUSE HE'S A CONSERVATIVE?

NO!

PRETTY SURE I DIDN'T VOTE FOR THE GUY.

AND EVEN IF I HAD.....

THE WALKERTON WATER "SCANDAL" WAS BIG ENOUGH
TO SAY..... THAT WAS FKD UP.

WILL LIBS LOOK AT LIB SCANDALS AND SAY:
THAT WAS FKD UP?????

OR WILL THEY TRY TO JUSTIFY IT?????
TO ME OR ANYONE ELSE SAYING IT'S FKD UP?????

"NOT A CREDIBLE SOURCE BECAUSE ONLY XYZ ARE CREDIBLE"?

SAYS WHO????? THE LIBS!!!!!!

WHY WOULD THEY SAY THAT??????
SO THAT YOU "THINK"
THAT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT.....
IS "MISINFORMATION."

SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING SIMILAR....
TO WHAT TRUMP IS DOING.

BUT LET'S "TRUST" THEM ANYWAY!

So now.... Let me tell you about being told
THAT I COULDN'T EAT AT THE MALL'S
FOOD COURT....

BECAUSE I WASN'T VACCINATED.
WITH THE COVID JAB.

EVEN IF I HAD BEEN....
I NEEDED TO SHOW PROOF THAT I HAD BEEN!

ON A PHONE I DIDN'T HAVE!

BECAUSE "EVERYONE" IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A CELL PHONE!
AND USE THE APPS THE GOV WANTS YOU TO USE....

EVEN THE OMISH!
EVEN MENNONITES!

DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO THEM?

PUTTING LEINS ON THEIR HOMES??????
OVER A FKN APP THAT THEY AREN'T GOING TO USE?
BECAUSE THEY DON'T USE
THAT TECH?????

PUTTING THEM INTO DEBT OVER IT???????

THEY ARE SERIOUSLY DOING THAT!!!!!

BUT WILL THAT BE ON THE NEWS????????

WILL THE LIBS SAY:
"YES, WE ARE DOING THIS TO THEM"?

NO????? BECAUSE IT IS DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TO DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!
TO EVEN WANT TO DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YET????? THEY ARE DOING THAT!!!!!!!!!!!

AND TELLING ME THAT I'M THE ONE
WHO NEEDS TO LOOK AT SCIENCE
AND TO INVESTIGATE.

ARE THEY?
TO FIND OUT WHY PEOPLE WERE GETTING SICK?
AT ALL?

IF IT WAS "SUPPOSED TO BE" 100% SAFE FOR EVERYONE?

OR DYING???????

AND WHY WEREN'T THEY TELLING US????????

THE FINDINGS.... OF THE ALLISON INQUIRY.....
WAS THE GOVERNMENT THE ONES.....
TELLING PEOPLE????? ABOUT THAT?????
OR WERE THEY THE ONES.....
MAKING MANDATES!

AND TO SAY THERE WERE NOT ANY MANDATES.....
ABOUT THAT.... IS "SCARY" TO ME.

AND YET DESPITE THAT....
I WASN'T JUDGING THE PERSON
WHO HAS THOSE BELIEFS.

JUST MAYBE THE REASONS
THEY HAVE THEM.

AS THEY SHOULD BE, TOO.

Even if the truth is DIRTY AND UGLY....
I'D STILL RATHER KNOW IT
THAN BELIEVE A LIE.

Even if the lie was SO GOOD....
THAT I BELIEVED IT FOR YEARS AND YEARS!

YOU THINK I HAVEN'T LIED TO MYSELF, EVEN?
SHOULD I..... NOT LOOK AT THOSE REASONS, TOO?

SHOULDN'T YOU?
YOUR OWN REASONS?
FOR LYING TO YOURSELF?

What if..... People were literally being gaslit...
TO GASLIGHT THEMSELVES?

IF THEY WERE.... WOULD THEY KNOW
THAT THEY WERE?

OR IF THEY WERE?

WOULD THEY KNOW?

What if.... People had been gaslighting themselves for YEARS?
WITHOUT REALIZING THEY WERE DOING IT?

WOULD THEY KNOW THEY WERE DOING IT?
TO THEMSELVES?
IF THEY WERE DOING IT?

WOULD THEY KNOW WHY THEY WERE DOING IT?

OR WOULD THEY JUST DO IT?
AND KEEP DOING IT?

What if..... People who were gaslighting themselves
WERE SO GOOD AT DOING IT....
THAT THEY REFUSE TO BELIEVE
THAT THEY WOULD EVER
DO THAT TO THEMSELVES??????

THEN WHAT?

WOULDN'T THAT BE "SCARY"?

AND IF I TOLD YOU.....
THAT SOME PEOPLE.....
ACTUALLY DO IT.....
WITHOUT EVER REALIZING IT.....

WOULD YOU TRY TO GASLIGHT ME ABOUT IT?

TO TRY TO CONVINCE ME THAT I'M "SCARY"
FOR EVER BRINGING IT UP?

TO EVEN "THINK LIKE THAT"
THAT PEOPLE GASLIGHT THEMSELVES....
WAS EVER A "POSSIBILITY" AT ALL?

BUT WAS I "SUPPOSED TO" THINK JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?
JUST LIKE THEY WANT ME TO?

OR?

WAS I SUPPOSED TO THINK FOR MYSELF?

WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER?

BE TOLD HOW TO THINK?
OR THINK ABOUT HOW YOU THINK?
AND WHY YOU THINK LIKE THAT?