AS I HAVE HAD.
He tries. He puts himself out there.
He meets people.
He does his best.
But... As he has experienced.....
THE PEOPLE HE MEETS ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.
IF THEY WERE, THEY'D MESH.
EXTREMELY WELL.
EQUAL EFFORT ON BOTH SIDES.
APPRECIATION.
CONNECTION.
EASY. SIMPLE.
LIKE IT COULD BE.
IF..... THEY ARE COMPATIBLE.
NOT WHEN THEY AREN'T.
CAN I HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT....
POLITICS....
WITH SOMEONE....
WHO HAS DIFFERENT VIEWS THAN I DO....
WITHOUT IT TURNING INTO
AN ARGUMENT?
Only sometimes!
As an example....
My son sees the riots in France as a protest.
So I am asking him questions about his views...
Only ask questions.
HE USED TO GET SO DEFENSIVE ABOUT HIS VIEWS
THAT WE MOSTLY "FOUGHT"
INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING ABOUT IT.
BUT NOW? I FRAME IT AS.... JUST ASKING.
FOR THE SAKE OF ASKING.
BECAUSE HOW WOULD I KNOW....
UNLESS I ASK?
ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS AND WHY....
HE'S ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
WITH ME.
VIEWS ARE JUST VIEWS.
THOUGHTS ARE JUST THOUGHTS.
DEFENDING A VIEW OR A THOUGHT
DOESN'T HAVE TO = DEFENDING YOURSELF
FOR HAVING THE VIEW OR THOUGHT.
I already told him this before.
I think he understood what I meant.
Because we can speak more openly now....
Without the defensiveness.
I told him that I appreciate that.
It's easier and better just to talk about it.
We don't have to AGREE for anything we think
to be valid or make sense to us.
But how are we supposed to be able to "understand"
HOW WE THINK IN THE SAME WAYS
AND HOW WE THINK DIFFERENTLY
IF WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT?
IF WE KNOW, THAT IS A GOOD THING.
BETTER THAN NOT KNOWING.
Then maybe he can look back and say: "I knew my MOM,
probably a lot BETTER than I used to....
Or thought that I could....
BECAUSE WE TALKED ABOUT THINGS."
"I USED TO HATE TALKING TO MY MOM,
SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ME."
"BUT SHE TRIED TO. SHE ASKED ME ABOUT MYSELF."
IS MY MOM ASKING ME?
HARDLY EVER DOES.
HARDLY EVER EVEN SAYS: HELLO.
I gave up trying to have a relationship with some of my family.
IF THEY WANTED TO HAVE ONE...
THEY COULD HAVE HAD ONE WITH ME.
And that is why I'm trying to SHOW my kid....
I'm trying to have a relationship WITH YOU.
BECAUSE I WANT TO.
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
He's asked me questions, too.
"Mom, do you understand what XYZ means from XYZ point of view?"
I want him to know that he can TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM.
BECAUSE THAT MATTERS.
WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM.
SHOULD I ONLY CARE WHAT IT MEANS TO ME?
OR SHOULD I CARE WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM?
BECAUSE I COULD TELL HIM
WHAT XYZ MEANS TO ME
FROM XYZ POINT OF VIEW....
SURE, BUT TELL ME.... SON...
FROM YOURS.
HOW DO YOU SEE IT, KID?
SO I CAN ASK MORE QUESTIONS.
FROM THERE.
AND YOU CAN ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS, TOO.
FROM THERE.
AND WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT.
See what I'm saying?
Isn't that worth LOOKING AT?
WITH YOUR OWN KIDS?
IT SURE IS!
WITH YOUR FRIENDS, TOO!
NOT JUST YOUR FAMILY!
Just, especially YOUR FAMILY.
Not just BECAUSE they are your family.....
BECAUSE IT GETS YOU TO THINK.
ABOUT THE QUESTIONS
AND WHY THEY ARE BEING ASKED MATTERS!
AS MUCH AS THE QUESTIONS DO!
My son brings up philosophies with me.
THAT'S HOW I KNOW THAT HE THINKS PHILOSOPHICALLY.
THAT IS ONLY ONE WAY TO THINK, THOUGH.
NOT THE ONLY WAY TO THINK.
JUST ONE WAY TO LOOK AT THINGS.
NOT THE ONLY WAY.
I look at some things with analogies.
For example.
NOT EVERYTHING....
BUT SOME THINGS, SOMETIMES.
There are so many WAYS to look at something.
So many ways that we haven't even STARTED
to CONSIDER all the ways that we even COULD look at something.
And have we considered THAT?
THAT THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO LOOK AT SOMETHING
THAT WE HAVEN'T EVEN CONSIDERED HOW MANY
THERE ACTUALLY ARE?
BECAUSE??????? I'LL TELL YOU!!!!!!
BECAUSE:
WE ARE TOO BUSY....
LOOKING AT THINGS....
THE SAME WAYS....
WE ALWAYS HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TO EVER.... CONSIDER.... THAT THERE ARE.....
SO MANY OTHER WAYS....
TO LOOK AT SOMETHING.
ANYTHING.
and..... Here's a HUGE ONE.... READY?
IF WE ARE TOO BUSY DOING XYZ.....
TO CONSIDER XYZ....
HOW ARE WE TO.....
CONSIDER XYZ?
AS IN.... COULD BE ANYTHING?
TO EVEN......
CONSIDER......
CONSIDERING......
ANYTHING!
BOOM!
BUT...... THEY ARE ALLOWED
TO END A FRIENDSHIP WITH ME
BECAUSE THEY HADN'T CONSIDERED THAT.
OR MY FRIENDSHIP.
OR ME.
OR WHATEVER ELSE THEY COULD HAVE.
HAD THEY CONSIDERED IT.
CONSIDERED.... CONSIDERING IT.
And that is where a lot of people get hung up on...
And that is okay.
I got hung up on it a bunch, too.
I fkd up because of it and other things.
It wasn't until I got to my 40s that I even got to THIS POINT.
And if my son's in his 20s and he's having big thoughts like
IMPERIALISM....
Then... That is worth asking him about.
He does his best.
But... As he has experienced.....
THE PEOPLE HE MEETS ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.
IF THEY WERE, THEY'D MESH.
EXTREMELY WELL.
EQUAL EFFORT ON BOTH SIDES.
APPRECIATION.
CONNECTION.
EASY. SIMPLE.
LIKE IT COULD BE.
IF..... THEY ARE COMPATIBLE.
NOT WHEN THEY AREN'T.
CAN I HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT....
POLITICS....
WITH SOMEONE....
WHO HAS DIFFERENT VIEWS THAN I DO....
WITHOUT IT TURNING INTO
AN ARGUMENT?
Only sometimes!
As an example....
My son sees the riots in France as a protest.
So I am asking him questions about his views...
Only ask questions.
HE USED TO GET SO DEFENSIVE ABOUT HIS VIEWS
THAT WE MOSTLY "FOUGHT"
INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING ABOUT IT.
BUT NOW? I FRAME IT AS.... JUST ASKING.
FOR THE SAKE OF ASKING.
BECAUSE HOW WOULD I KNOW....
UNLESS I ASK?
ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS AND WHY....
HE'S ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
WITH ME.
VIEWS ARE JUST VIEWS.
THOUGHTS ARE JUST THOUGHTS.
DEFENDING A VIEW OR A THOUGHT
DOESN'T HAVE TO = DEFENDING YOURSELF
FOR HAVING THE VIEW OR THOUGHT.
I already told him this before.
I think he understood what I meant.
Because we can speak more openly now....
Without the defensiveness.
I told him that I appreciate that.
It's easier and better just to talk about it.
We don't have to AGREE for anything we think
to be valid or make sense to us.
But how are we supposed to be able to "understand"
HOW WE THINK IN THE SAME WAYS
AND HOW WE THINK DIFFERENTLY
IF WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT?
IF WE KNOW, THAT IS A GOOD THING.
BETTER THAN NOT KNOWING.
Then maybe he can look back and say: "I knew my MOM,
probably a lot BETTER than I used to....
Or thought that I could....
BECAUSE WE TALKED ABOUT THINGS."
"I USED TO HATE TALKING TO MY MOM,
SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND ME."
"BUT SHE TRIED TO. SHE ASKED ME ABOUT MYSELF."
IS MY MOM ASKING ME?
HARDLY EVER DOES.
HARDLY EVER EVEN SAYS: HELLO.
I gave up trying to have a relationship with some of my family.
IF THEY WANTED TO HAVE ONE...
THEY COULD HAVE HAD ONE WITH ME.
And that is why I'm trying to SHOW my kid....
I'm trying to have a relationship WITH YOU.
BECAUSE I WANT TO.
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
He's asked me questions, too.
"Mom, do you understand what XYZ means from XYZ point of view?"
I want him to know that he can TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM.
BECAUSE THAT MATTERS.
WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM.
SHOULD I ONLY CARE WHAT IT MEANS TO ME?
OR SHOULD I CARE WHAT IT MEANS TO HIM?
BECAUSE I COULD TELL HIM
WHAT XYZ MEANS TO ME
FROM XYZ POINT OF VIEW....
SURE, BUT TELL ME.... SON...
FROM YOURS.
HOW DO YOU SEE IT, KID?
SO I CAN ASK MORE QUESTIONS.
FROM THERE.
AND YOU CAN ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS, TOO.
FROM THERE.
AND WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT.
See what I'm saying?
Isn't that worth LOOKING AT?
WITH YOUR OWN KIDS?
IT SURE IS!
WITH YOUR FRIENDS, TOO!
NOT JUST YOUR FAMILY!
Just, especially YOUR FAMILY.
Not just BECAUSE they are your family.....
BECAUSE IT GETS YOU TO THINK.
ABOUT THE QUESTIONS
AND WHY THEY ARE BEING ASKED MATTERS!
AS MUCH AS THE QUESTIONS DO!
My son brings up philosophies with me.
THAT'S HOW I KNOW THAT HE THINKS PHILOSOPHICALLY.
THAT IS ONLY ONE WAY TO THINK, THOUGH.
NOT THE ONLY WAY TO THINK.
JUST ONE WAY TO LOOK AT THINGS.
NOT THE ONLY WAY.
I look at some things with analogies.
For example.
NOT EVERYTHING....
BUT SOME THINGS, SOMETIMES.
There are so many WAYS to look at something.
So many ways that we haven't even STARTED
to CONSIDER all the ways that we even COULD look at something.
And have we considered THAT?
THAT THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO LOOK AT SOMETHING
THAT WE HAVEN'T EVEN CONSIDERED HOW MANY
THERE ACTUALLY ARE?
BECAUSE??????? I'LL TELL YOU!!!!!!
BECAUSE:
WE ARE TOO BUSY....
LOOKING AT THINGS....
THE SAME WAYS....
WE ALWAYS HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TO EVER.... CONSIDER.... THAT THERE ARE.....
SO MANY OTHER WAYS....
TO LOOK AT SOMETHING.
ANYTHING.
and..... Here's a HUGE ONE.... READY?
IF WE ARE TOO BUSY DOING XYZ.....
TO CONSIDER XYZ....
HOW ARE WE TO.....
CONSIDER XYZ?
AS IN.... COULD BE ANYTHING?
TO EVEN......
CONSIDER......
CONSIDERING......
ANYTHING!
BOOM!
BUT...... THEY ARE ALLOWED
TO END A FRIENDSHIP WITH ME
BECAUSE THEY HADN'T CONSIDERED THAT.
OR MY FRIENDSHIP.
OR ME.
OR WHATEVER ELSE THEY COULD HAVE.
HAD THEY CONSIDERED IT.
CONSIDERED.... CONSIDERING IT.
And that is where a lot of people get hung up on...
And that is okay.
I got hung up on it a bunch, too.
I fkd up because of it and other things.
It wasn't until I got to my 40s that I even got to THIS POINT.
And if my son's in his 20s and he's having big thoughts like
IMPERIALISM....
Then... That is worth asking him about.
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