Because I used to think:
If I am authentic and honest...
Things should just be organic.
"If I come from an honest place...
I shouldn't have these conflicts."
Stuff like this... I used to think.
But.... I wasn't counting on....
People to intentionally sabotage things
between us.
Wasn't counting on people to misjudge me...
Or to be taken for granted, constantly.
Or to be put through certain things.
Wasn't counting on any of that crap.
So? Did I factor any of that in?
INTO HOW I WAS MOVING?
NO! I DIDN'T.
A lot of things I didn't factor in:
1) Sometimes people refuse to understand things
2) Sometimes they can't understand some things
3) Sometimes they won't understand some things
4) Sometimes they don't want to understand some things
5) Sometimes they think you don't understand some things
6) Sometimes they think they can treat you like you don't understand some things....
MORE THINGS TO FACTOR IN....
TO HOW YOU OPERATE...
WITH THESE TYPES OF PEOPLE...
NO MATTER WHAT "RACE" THEY ARE.
PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE.
PEOPLE ARE?????
HUMANS.
HUMAN "RACE." OKAY? COOL.
SO? I WRITE ABOUT SOME THINGS....
THAT PEOPLE... CAN THINK..... ABOUT.
AND THESE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS
THAT I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT.
BECAUSE I HAD TO????
GIVE MYSELF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT.
OR???? I'D BE THINKING ABOUT???
THE THINGS I USED TO THINK ABOUT!
AND THOSE THINGS????
SURE, WORTH THINKING ABOUT....
IN SOME WAYS,
BUT? NOT IN OTHER WAYS.
PRETTY MUCH THAT.
HOW COULD I THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS...
WHEN I WAS TOO BUSY THINKING ABOUT????
OTHER THINGS!!!!!!!!
YOU KNOW ONE THING PEOPLE TRY TO GET FROM ME?
PEACE OF MIND.
BUT? I'M NOT OBLIGATED TO GIVE THEM THAT.
THE MORE PEOPLE PLAY....
THE MORE THEY FIND OUT THAT THEY SHOULDN'T!
AND I DON'T HAVE TO TEACH THEM THAT.
"LIFE" CAN HUMBLE SOMEONE...
FAR BETTER....
THAN I COULD.
THAT'S WHY.... WHEN THEY TRY TO HUMBLE ME....
"LIFE" ALREADY HAS.
SO I KNOW WHAT IT CAN DO.
TO ANYONE.
AT ANY TIME.
ESPECIALLY... WHEN THEY DON'T FACTOR SOMETHING IN.
INTO THE "EQUATION."
AND? I CAN SUBTRACT... FROM THE EQUATION.
BECAUSE IT IS MUCH MY EQUATION
AS IT IS THEIRS.
BOTH STANDING AT THAT CHALKBOARD.
IN THE "CLASS OF LIFE."
LESSONS ON THE BOARD.
CHALK IN OUR HANDS.
IF I REACH THE SUM BEFORE YOU....
IT'S BECAUSE I HAD TO THINK FAST.
BECAUSE? TIME AND LIFE
DOESN'T WAIT FOR US.
CLASS IS ONLY SO LONG.
NOT A FULL DAY.
8 HOURS/ DAY.
AT LEAST IN CANADA IT IS.
AND WHAT ARE WE GIVEN IN THOSE 8 HOURS?
INFORMATION?
TO DO SOMETHING WITH? YEAH?
WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WITH IT?
THINKING ABOUT IT!
DO THEY TELL US WHAT TO THINK ABOUT IT?
OR DO THEY JUST PRESENT IT TO US?
AND IF WE ARE TOLD WHAT TO THINK ABOUT IT?
WHY?
BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ABOUT IT?
OR WHAT WE COULD THINK ABOUT IT?
SO THEN? DOES IT MATTER HOW IT IS PRESENTED?
TO BE MORE "USEFUL" AND "RETAINABLE"?
IT IS ATTAINABLE!
AND? SOME ADDITIONS WE CAN MAKE TO IT...
OURSELVES.... CAN WHAT????
CAN MAKE IT MORE USEFUL!
THAT IS THE POINT OF THINKING ABOUT IT!
BUT... THE THINGS I THINK ABOUT?
CAN I ARTICULATE THEM IN WAYS EVERYONE CAN
FULLY UNDERSTAND, ALL THE TIME?
NO!
I DON'T HAVE "THE PERFECT WAY"
TO ARTICULATE.... EVERYTHING... I THINK ABOUT.
I COULD.... ATTEMPT TO.... IN WRITING...
BUT HOW WELL.... DOES IT TRANSLATE? WELL?
BECAUSE? WHEN I TRY TO TELL PEOPLE SOME THINGS....
THEY ONLY TEND TO LOOK AT CERTAIN THINGS...
AND THE THINGS THEY LOOK AT...
HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH....
WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL THEM.
"CAN'T SEE PAST THEIR NOSE."
EVER HEARD OF THAT TERM?
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS....
WHEN PEOPLE LOOK DOWN THEIR NOSES
AT PEOPLE.
HEARD THAT TERM, TOO?
SO THEN? IF THEY CAN'T LOOK PAST THEIR NOSES...
WHAT ARE THEY SEEING?
VERY NARROW SCOPE.
IF ANY SCOPE AT ALL. RIGHT?
HOW CAN THEY TRULY SEE SOMEONE
IF THEY ARE TOO BUSY....
LOOKING DOWN THEIR NOSE AT THEM?
THE KIND OF LIFE I'VE LIVED...
WAS LIKE CONSTANTLY BEING "BOYCOTTED."
EVEN BY FAMILY.
FOR WHAT? THAT'S WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW!
FOR A LONG TIME.... I THOUGHT I WANTED TO KNOW WHY....
LIKE ALL THEIR EXCUSES WERE SUPPOSED TO
"MAKE SENSE" TO ME
AND I WAS "SUPPOSED" TO....
JUST ACCEPT THOSE
OVER FACTS.
AND THEN..... I REALIZED.....
"DO I HAVE TO KNOW WHY TO XYZ?"
ACTUALLY, THAT WAS THROUGH A CONVO I HAD.
ABOUT SOMETHING SAD AND TRUE
ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD.
AND ABOUT A FALSE BELIEF I HAD
AS A CHILD.
AND HOW AN ADULT I TRUST IN MY LIFE...
DISCOVERED WHY I HAD THAT FALSE BELIEF.
BECAUSE OF HOW I WAS ACTING.
AND WHEN SHE EXPLAINED IT TO ME....
KNOWING WHY I THOUGHT THAT...
HELPED ME TO STOP...
ACTING LIKE THAT...
TOWARD HER.
I HAD TO LEARN THAT I HAD BAD CONDITIONING.
AND MY THOUGHTS AS A KID...
LED ME TO BELIEVE SOME THINGS
THAT WEREN'T TRUE.
THE EXAMPLE WAS.... THAT I LOVED HER AS A KID...
STILL DO.
I THOUGHT THAT SHOWING HER LOVE MEANT XYZ...
"THE WAY" I THOUGHT I WAS BEING SHOWN LOVE...
WHICH WASN'T LOVE AT ALL.
REJECTION IS ACTUALLY A TOOL.
TO REJECT PAST BELIEFS.
PAST BELIEFS THAT ARE FALSE.
THE WRONG THINGS WE WERE TAUGHT....
IN THE WRONG WAYS...
FOR THE WRONG REASONS...
COOL? WE CAN ACTUALLY REJECT THAT.
ALL OF IT.
AND THEN? WHAT DO WE DO?
WE ACCEPT THE FACTS.
LOOKING AT STUFF MORE SUBJECTIVELY....
THAN.... OBJECTIVELY.
BECAUSE? THERE ARE MANY........????
WAYS TO LOOK AT THINGS.
MANY! RIGHT?
NOT JUST???????
THE SAME WAY??????
THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE????
AND GOT USED TO USING????
PRIMARILY?????
YEAH????
YES, I VENT SOMETIMES.
PROBABLY MORE OFTEN THAN I SHOULD.
LONGER THAN I SHOULD.
It seems to take a while to wrap something around my mind....
Especially something I don't feel good about
that isn't supposed to feel good...
Because I know how it feels, and it's not comfortable to "sit with."
So I can procrastinate thinking about it...
Because it's unpleasant.
But processing it through writing means that I am kind of "sitting with it"
IN A WAY....
I can read it later and relate to it in the way that only I can...
Because I was the one who experienced it.
And I know exactly how I felt and why.
Whether I articulate it as well as I would have liked to, or not....
And then I get to reconsider it in that moment.
And think about it from other perspectives I might have gained...
Since I wrote it.
Does that make sense?
I'm glad I'm writing about this today... Actually.
I'm in a decent mood.
THINK OF A PRISM. YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS?
THAT REFLECTS LIGHT?
THAT LIGHT IS USUALLY RAINBOWS...
BECAUSE IT IS REFRACTED LIGHT.
REFRACTED IS THE KEY TERM.
1) What is the light composed of?
2) What is the definition of refracted?
3) WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE PRISM?
4) As a METAPHOR.... WHY DO YOU THINK
THESE QUESTIONS MATTER?
5) WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU THINK
THAT YOU CAN DO WITH THESE ANSWERS?
That's just a START of some of the things I think about....
AND HOW I CHANGED THE WAY I THOUGHT.
1..... WHAT IS LIGHT COMPOSED OF? ENERGY!
2..... REFRACTED....
Refraction: THE BENDING.... OR CHANGING
OF DIRECTION....
OF A WAVE.
(LIGHT, SOUND, WATER).
WHEN???? WHEN IT PASSES!
FROM????
ONE MEDIUM....
TO ANOTHER!
HOW CAN INFO PASS?
AS ENERGY?
ENERGY CAN PASS THROUGH?
LIGHT, SOUND, AND WATER.
TO? ANOTHER?
MEDIUM.
BENDING OR CHANGING WHAT?
DIRECTION!
3...... THE PRISM....
ACTUALLY.... SEPARATES....
THE LIGHT....
INTO.....
SEPARATE WAVELENGTHS.
EACH WAVELENGTH...
IS REPRESENTED....
BY ITS OWN.... COLOR....
OF THE RAINBOW.
BECAUSE? EACH COLOR...
BENDS.... AT?
DIFFERENT?
ANGLES!
SO THEN? AREN'T THERE?
DIFFERENT ANGLES?
YES?
IMPORTANT!
THE PRISM'S PURPOSE....
METAPHORICALLY...
IS WHAT? THE PRISM REPRESENTS....?
BENDING LIGHT AT DIFFERENT ANGLES IS?
REPRESENTS WHAT?
THE POWER YOU HAVE TO WHAT?
CONSIDER! TO THINK ABOUT THINGS!
COOL?
4.... AS A METAPHOR.....
WHY DO THESE ANSWERS MATTER?
BECAUSE.... IT IS SOMETHING...
YOU CAN REFRACT.
WHAT I ALWAYS FOUND COOL ABOUT PRISMS....
THEY CAN PROJECT AND REFLECT....
AND REFRACT.
5....... I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT TO THINK
ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH THESE ANSWERS.
BUT... YOU CAN.... THINK ABOUT IT. RIGHT?
JUST.... SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.
THAT'S ALL ANY OF THIS IS.
BECAUSE.... I USED TO THINK ABOUT
A LOT OF THE SAME THINGS. FOR A LONG TIME.
AND EVEN STILL I OFTEN FORGET
THAT THERE ARE MANY MORE WAYS TO LOOK AT THINGS
THAN HOW I LOOKED AT THINGS
IN MY YOUTH.
THAT'S WHY.... I STILL GET TEMPTED
TO LOOK AT THINGS IN THE WAYS THAT I'VE BEEN USED TO
LOOKING AT THINGS.... FOR SO LONG.
IT IS EASY TO BE TEMPTED TO DO THAT. VERY.
COMBINED WITH THE TEMPTATION TO RUMINATE ON IT.
ANOTHER EASY TEMPTATION.
HARDER TO REMEMBER CERTAIN THINGS
THAT ACTUALLY HELP YOU TO LOOK AT THINGS
IN ANOTHER WAY.
EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW OF THESE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT ACTUALLY HELP YOU TO LOOK AT THINGS
IN ANOTHER WAY!
RIGHT?
WHAT ONE WINS MORE EASILY?
THE EASIER THING.
BUT? EASIER DOESN'T MEAN BETTER.
JUST MEANS? EASIER.
"REJECTION IS TO DIVIDE US."
A FRIEND TOLD ME THIS.
"ACCEPTANCE IS TO UNITE US."
IT'S NOT THAT I WANTED TO REJECT HIM.... AS A PERSON.
IT WAS NOT ABOUT HIM AS A PERSON.
IF IT WAS, I WOULDN'T HAVE DEALT WITH HIM LIKE THAT.
TO ME, THIS WAS NOT "PERSONAL."
BECAUSE... HE IS... WHO HE IS... AT HIS OWN?
WAVE-LENGTH.
WHATEVER "COLOR" OF ENERGY HE IS AT.
KIND OF LIKE HOW AND WHY WE HAVE AURAS.
I CAN'T SEE AURAS... SOME CAN.
MY SON USED TO. HE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS ONCE.
SO I ASKED HIM: "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE?"
HE SAID: "I THOUGHT EVERYONE COULD SEE THEM."
ANYWAY....
IT WAS THAT I HAD TO REFRACT.
SOME THINGS.
SOMETIMES THAT IS WHAT I USE VENTING FOR.
FOR.... REFRACTION.
BECAUSE WE CAN LOOK AT THINGS.... FROM?
OTHER? ANGLES.
SNELL'S LAW.
APPLIED.... METAPHORICALLY.
NOT.... MATHEMATICALLY.
MATH PRINCIPLES CAN BE USED IN OTHER WAYS.
NOT JUST MATHEMATICALLY....
METAPHORICALLY!
METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING....
SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
ANYWAY.... I GOTTA GO BUY A LIGHTER....
BECAUSE MINE JUST DIED.
AND THOSE THINGS????
SURE, WORTH THINKING ABOUT....
IN SOME WAYS,
BUT? NOT IN OTHER WAYS.
PRETTY MUCH THAT.
HOW COULD I THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS...
WHEN I WAS TOO BUSY THINKING ABOUT????
OTHER THINGS!!!!!!!!
YOU KNOW ONE THING PEOPLE TRY TO GET FROM ME?
PEACE OF MIND.
BUT? I'M NOT OBLIGATED TO GIVE THEM THAT.
THE MORE PEOPLE PLAY....
THE MORE THEY FIND OUT THAT THEY SHOULDN'T!
AND I DON'T HAVE TO TEACH THEM THAT.
"LIFE" CAN HUMBLE SOMEONE...
FAR BETTER....
THAN I COULD.
THAT'S WHY.... WHEN THEY TRY TO HUMBLE ME....
"LIFE" ALREADY HAS.
SO I KNOW WHAT IT CAN DO.
TO ANYONE.
AT ANY TIME.
ESPECIALLY... WHEN THEY DON'T FACTOR SOMETHING IN.
INTO THE "EQUATION."
AND? I CAN SUBTRACT... FROM THE EQUATION.
BECAUSE IT IS MUCH MY EQUATION
AS IT IS THEIRS.
BOTH STANDING AT THAT CHALKBOARD.
IN THE "CLASS OF LIFE."
LESSONS ON THE BOARD.
CHALK IN OUR HANDS.
IF I REACH THE SUM BEFORE YOU....
IT'S BECAUSE I HAD TO THINK FAST.
BECAUSE? TIME AND LIFE
DOESN'T WAIT FOR US.
CLASS IS ONLY SO LONG.
NOT A FULL DAY.
8 HOURS/ DAY.
AT LEAST IN CANADA IT IS.
AND WHAT ARE WE GIVEN IN THOSE 8 HOURS?
INFORMATION?
TO DO SOMETHING WITH? YEAH?
WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WITH IT?
THINKING ABOUT IT!
DO THEY TELL US WHAT TO THINK ABOUT IT?
OR DO THEY JUST PRESENT IT TO US?
AND IF WE ARE TOLD WHAT TO THINK ABOUT IT?
WHY?
BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ABOUT IT?
OR WHAT WE COULD THINK ABOUT IT?
SO THEN? DOES IT MATTER HOW IT IS PRESENTED?
TO BE MORE "USEFUL" AND "RETAINABLE"?
IT IS ATTAINABLE!
AND? SOME ADDITIONS WE CAN MAKE TO IT...
OURSELVES.... CAN WHAT????
CAN MAKE IT MORE USEFUL!
THAT IS THE POINT OF THINKING ABOUT IT!
BUT... THE THINGS I THINK ABOUT?
CAN I ARTICULATE THEM IN WAYS EVERYONE CAN
FULLY UNDERSTAND, ALL THE TIME?
NO!
I DON'T HAVE "THE PERFECT WAY"
TO ARTICULATE.... EVERYTHING... I THINK ABOUT.
I COULD.... ATTEMPT TO.... IN WRITING...
BUT HOW WELL.... DOES IT TRANSLATE? WELL?
BECAUSE? WHEN I TRY TO TELL PEOPLE SOME THINGS....
THEY ONLY TEND TO LOOK AT CERTAIN THINGS...
AND THE THINGS THEY LOOK AT...
HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH....
WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL THEM.
"CAN'T SEE PAST THEIR NOSE."
EVER HEARD OF THAT TERM?
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS....
WHEN PEOPLE LOOK DOWN THEIR NOSES
AT PEOPLE.
HEARD THAT TERM, TOO?
SO THEN? IF THEY CAN'T LOOK PAST THEIR NOSES...
WHAT ARE THEY SEEING?
VERY NARROW SCOPE.
IF ANY SCOPE AT ALL. RIGHT?
HOW CAN THEY TRULY SEE SOMEONE
IF THEY ARE TOO BUSY....
LOOKING DOWN THEIR NOSE AT THEM?
THE KIND OF LIFE I'VE LIVED...
WAS LIKE CONSTANTLY BEING "BOYCOTTED."
EVEN BY FAMILY.
FOR WHAT? THAT'S WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW!
FOR A LONG TIME.... I THOUGHT I WANTED TO KNOW WHY....
LIKE ALL THEIR EXCUSES WERE SUPPOSED TO
"MAKE SENSE" TO ME
AND I WAS "SUPPOSED" TO....
JUST ACCEPT THOSE
OVER FACTS.
AND THEN..... I REALIZED.....
"DO I HAVE TO KNOW WHY TO XYZ?"
ACTUALLY, THAT WAS THROUGH A CONVO I HAD.
ABOUT SOMETHING SAD AND TRUE
ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD.
AND ABOUT A FALSE BELIEF I HAD
AS A CHILD.
AND HOW AN ADULT I TRUST IN MY LIFE...
DISCOVERED WHY I HAD THAT FALSE BELIEF.
BECAUSE OF HOW I WAS ACTING.
AND WHEN SHE EXPLAINED IT TO ME....
KNOWING WHY I THOUGHT THAT...
HELPED ME TO STOP...
ACTING LIKE THAT...
TOWARD HER.
I HAD TO LEARN THAT I HAD BAD CONDITIONING.
AND MY THOUGHTS AS A KID...
LED ME TO BELIEVE SOME THINGS
THAT WEREN'T TRUE.
THE EXAMPLE WAS.... THAT I LOVED HER AS A KID...
STILL DO.
I THOUGHT THAT SHOWING HER LOVE MEANT XYZ...
"THE WAY" I THOUGHT I WAS BEING SHOWN LOVE...
WHICH WASN'T LOVE AT ALL.
REJECTION IS ACTUALLY A TOOL.
TO REJECT PAST BELIEFS.
PAST BELIEFS THAT ARE FALSE.
THE WRONG THINGS WE WERE TAUGHT....
IN THE WRONG WAYS...
FOR THE WRONG REASONS...
COOL? WE CAN ACTUALLY REJECT THAT.
ALL OF IT.
AND THEN? WHAT DO WE DO?
WE ACCEPT THE FACTS.
LOOKING AT STUFF MORE SUBJECTIVELY....
THAN.... OBJECTIVELY.
BECAUSE? THERE ARE MANY........????
WAYS TO LOOK AT THINGS.
MANY! RIGHT?
NOT JUST???????
THE SAME WAY??????
THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE????
AND GOT USED TO USING????
PRIMARILY?????
YEAH????
YES, I VENT SOMETIMES.
PROBABLY MORE OFTEN THAN I SHOULD.
LONGER THAN I SHOULD.
It seems to take a while to wrap something around my mind....
Especially something I don't feel good about
that isn't supposed to feel good...
Because I know how it feels, and it's not comfortable to "sit with."
So I can procrastinate thinking about it...
Because it's unpleasant.
But processing it through writing means that I am kind of "sitting with it"
IN A WAY....
I can read it later and relate to it in the way that only I can...
Because I was the one who experienced it.
And I know exactly how I felt and why.
Whether I articulate it as well as I would have liked to, or not....
And then I get to reconsider it in that moment.
And think about it from other perspectives I might have gained...
Since I wrote it.
Does that make sense?
I'm glad I'm writing about this today... Actually.
I'm in a decent mood.
THINK OF A PRISM. YOU KNOW THOSE THINGS?
THAT REFLECTS LIGHT?
THAT LIGHT IS USUALLY RAINBOWS...
BECAUSE IT IS REFRACTED LIGHT.
REFRACTED IS THE KEY TERM.
1) What is the light composed of?
2) What is the definition of refracted?
3) WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE PRISM?
4) As a METAPHOR.... WHY DO YOU THINK
THESE QUESTIONS MATTER?
5) WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU THINK
THAT YOU CAN DO WITH THESE ANSWERS?
That's just a START of some of the things I think about....
AND HOW I CHANGED THE WAY I THOUGHT.
1..... WHAT IS LIGHT COMPOSED OF? ENERGY!
2..... REFRACTED....
Refraction: THE BENDING.... OR CHANGING
OF DIRECTION....
OF A WAVE.
(LIGHT, SOUND, WATER).
WHEN???? WHEN IT PASSES!
FROM????
ONE MEDIUM....
TO ANOTHER!
HOW CAN INFO PASS?
AS ENERGY?
ENERGY CAN PASS THROUGH?
LIGHT, SOUND, AND WATER.
TO? ANOTHER?
MEDIUM.
BENDING OR CHANGING WHAT?
DIRECTION!
3...... THE PRISM....
ACTUALLY.... SEPARATES....
THE LIGHT....
INTO.....
SEPARATE WAVELENGTHS.
EACH WAVELENGTH...
IS REPRESENTED....
BY ITS OWN.... COLOR....
OF THE RAINBOW.
BECAUSE? EACH COLOR...
BENDS.... AT?
DIFFERENT?
ANGLES!
SO THEN? AREN'T THERE?
DIFFERENT ANGLES?
YES?
IMPORTANT!
THE PRISM'S PURPOSE....
METAPHORICALLY...
IS WHAT? THE PRISM REPRESENTS....?
BENDING LIGHT AT DIFFERENT ANGLES IS?
REPRESENTS WHAT?
THE POWER YOU HAVE TO WHAT?
CONSIDER! TO THINK ABOUT THINGS!
COOL?
4.... AS A METAPHOR.....
WHY DO THESE ANSWERS MATTER?
BECAUSE.... IT IS SOMETHING...
YOU CAN REFRACT.
WHAT I ALWAYS FOUND COOL ABOUT PRISMS....
THEY CAN PROJECT AND REFLECT....
AND REFRACT.
5....... I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT TO THINK
ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH THESE ANSWERS.
BUT... YOU CAN.... THINK ABOUT IT. RIGHT?
JUST.... SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.
THAT'S ALL ANY OF THIS IS.
BECAUSE.... I USED TO THINK ABOUT
A LOT OF THE SAME THINGS. FOR A LONG TIME.
AND EVEN STILL I OFTEN FORGET
THAT THERE ARE MANY MORE WAYS TO LOOK AT THINGS
THAN HOW I LOOKED AT THINGS
IN MY YOUTH.
THAT'S WHY.... I STILL GET TEMPTED
TO LOOK AT THINGS IN THE WAYS THAT I'VE BEEN USED TO
LOOKING AT THINGS.... FOR SO LONG.
IT IS EASY TO BE TEMPTED TO DO THAT. VERY.
COMBINED WITH THE TEMPTATION TO RUMINATE ON IT.
ANOTHER EASY TEMPTATION.
HARDER TO REMEMBER CERTAIN THINGS
THAT ACTUALLY HELP YOU TO LOOK AT THINGS
IN ANOTHER WAY.
EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW OF THESE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT ACTUALLY HELP YOU TO LOOK AT THINGS
IN ANOTHER WAY!
RIGHT?
WHAT ONE WINS MORE EASILY?
THE EASIER THING.
BUT? EASIER DOESN'T MEAN BETTER.
JUST MEANS? EASIER.
"REJECTION IS TO DIVIDE US."
A FRIEND TOLD ME THIS.
"ACCEPTANCE IS TO UNITE US."
IT'S NOT THAT I WANTED TO REJECT HIM.... AS A PERSON.
IT WAS NOT ABOUT HIM AS A PERSON.
IF IT WAS, I WOULDN'T HAVE DEALT WITH HIM LIKE THAT.
TO ME, THIS WAS NOT "PERSONAL."
BECAUSE... HE IS... WHO HE IS... AT HIS OWN?
WAVE-LENGTH.
WHATEVER "COLOR" OF ENERGY HE IS AT.
KIND OF LIKE HOW AND WHY WE HAVE AURAS.
I CAN'T SEE AURAS... SOME CAN.
MY SON USED TO. HE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS ONCE.
SO I ASKED HIM: "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE?"
HE SAID: "I THOUGHT EVERYONE COULD SEE THEM."
ANYWAY....
IT WAS THAT I HAD TO REFRACT.
SOME THINGS.
SOMETIMES THAT IS WHAT I USE VENTING FOR.
FOR.... REFRACTION.
BECAUSE WE CAN LOOK AT THINGS.... FROM?
OTHER? ANGLES.
SNELL'S LAW.
APPLIED.... METAPHORICALLY.
NOT.... MATHEMATICALLY.
MATH PRINCIPLES CAN BE USED IN OTHER WAYS.
NOT JUST MATHEMATICALLY....
METAPHORICALLY!
METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING....
SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
ANYWAY.... I GOTTA GO BUY A LIGHTER....
BECAUSE MINE JUST DIED.
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