When People Get Tired...

When people get tired.... THEY REST.

THERE IS A TIME TO REST.
AND A TIME NOT TO.

WHILE YOU ARE RESTING...
YOU CAN DO SOME OTHER THINGS.

1) YOU HAVE.... THE ENERGY TO DO IT
2) YOU HAVE... THE SPACE TO DO IT.
3) AND THE REASONS TO DO IT.

THOSE THINGS.

I DON'T TALK ABOUT THOSE THINGS.

I MOSTLY JUST DO THOSE THINGS.
BECAUSE THOSE THINGS ARE THINGS
THAT I DO FOR MYSELF.

WHEN WE DO SOME THINGS... WE GET SOME THINGS.

AND IT ISN'T ABOUT THE GETTING....
IT'S ABOUT THE DOING.

THAT'S HOW TO GET THOSE THINGS.

THREE REASONS I DON'T TALK ABOUT IT....
1) STILL NEW TO DOING IT
2) NOT USED TO TALKING ABOUT IT
3) GETTING USED TO XYZ

COOL?

NOT THAT THEY ARE SECRET THINGS.

WOULD YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT
SOMEONE LEARNING TO USE
TRAINING WHEELS?

I DIDN'T THINK SO!

NOT EXACTLY INTERESTING.
NOT THAT VENTING'S ALL THAT INTERESTING, EITHER.

At least I got off a topic for a night? Yeah?

"A***'S LEARNING THINGS... AGAIN."

YEAH? SO CAN EVERYONE. ACTUALLY.

BUT? "WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?"

WELP, MAYBE I CAN'T EVEN ARTICULATE MYSELF
IN THE WAYS I WISH I COULD....

MAYBE.... WHAT I HAD TO SAY.....
MIGHT.... MAKE MORE SENSE.... IF I COULD. EH?

SO THEN? IF THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT?
WILL THEY UNDERSTAND THE THINGS THAT I CAN
ARTICULATE?

ONLY IF I ARTICULATE THOSE THINGS
IN A WAY THAT THEY UNDERSTAND.

THAT'S ALL.

A LONG TIME AGO.... I DATED SOMEONE....
WHO JUMPED INTO A RELATIONSHIP...
WITH SOMEONE...
AS SOON AS WE BROKE UP.

JUST TO TRY TO MAKE ME "JEALOUS."
BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.

BECAUSE I WASN'T.
BECAUSE I ALREADY SAW HOW HE ACTS.

I SAW THAT HE WAS TRYING TO EMOTIONALLY
MANIPULATE ME.... 
BY TRYING TO MAKE ME "JEALOUS."

I ALSO KNEW THAT HE LIES.
BECAUSE HE LIED TO ME.

I'LL TELL YOU THE STORY:

HUGE RED FLAG BTW.... READY?

HE SOMEHOW GOT INTO MY EMAILS...
WANTED TO CONFRONT ME ABOUT A VERY OLD EMAIL
FROM SOMEONE I KNEW BEFORE I MET MY EX.

BUT? HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO!

BECAUSE? HE INVADED MY PRIVACY!

SO? HE MADE UP A STORY...
THAT HE WAS GETTING EMAILS FROM THE DUDE
THAT I LIKE WENT ON ONE DATE WITH...
WHO I WASN'T EVEN IN CONTACT WITH ANY MORE...

AT FIRST I BELIEVED HIM!
HE HADN'T LIED TO ME BEFORE!
WHY WOULD HE LIE TO ME? RIGHT?

HE EVENTUALLY CONFESSED THAT HE DIDN'T
GET THE EMAIL FROM THAT GUY.

HE WANTED TO CONFRONT ME ABOUT SOMETHING
IN MY EMAILS FROM LIKE YEARS BEFORE
I MET THE GUY.

THE GUY I WAS? DATING!
WHO? READ MY EMAILS!
AND? LIED TO ME ABOUT IT!

AND THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THAT.
IT DID END BADLY. 

AND HE WASN'T LISTENING. EITHER.

WANTED TO FIND WHOEVER.
WANTED TO DO THAT.

I SAID OKAY. GO DO THAT. 
HAVE FUN.

LIE TO HER.

AND THAT'S A RELATIONSHIP
BEFORE HEAD PUNCHER EVEN.

MAYBE AROUND 2012?

IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS JEALOUS OF ONE OF MY FRIENDS.
AND HE DIDN'T TRUST ME.

AND I SAID WELP....
CAN'T BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T TRUST ME.

PRETTY MUCH, THAT'S HOW THAT WENT.

AND HE GOT MAD ABOUT IT.

INSTEAD OF UNDERSTANDING THAT
AND WHY THAT WAS.

BUT THAT'S OKAY.

AND BECAUSE HE WAS JEALOUS OF MY FRIEND
HE WENT AND GOT WITH SOME CHICK VERY QUICKLY.

BUT I ALREADY SAW HOW HE ACTS.

I REMEMBER HOW TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIM
WAS LIKE FOR ME....

I'D EXPLAIN ONE THING TO HIM..... IN LIKE 5 DIFFERENT WAYS.
BECAUSE EACH TIME, HE DIDN'T GET IT.

AND HE WOULD GET MAD AND ACCUSE ME OF LYING...
"YOUR STORY KEEPS CHANGING."

No, the way I was trying to explain THE SAME THING TO YOU....
CHANGED.

THAT'S IT. 

THAT'S WHAT IT WAS LIKE.

I HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS.

SO WHEN I STARTED SPENDING TIME WITH MY FRIEND
WHO I GOT ALONG WITH AND COULD TALK WITH...
HE GOT JEALOUS.
EVEN THOUGH MY FRIEND WAS ONLY MY FRIEND.
MY BOYFRIEND THOUGHT IT WAS MORE. 
HE DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN. 
SO I ENDED IT. 

HE WAS MAD ABOUT IT. 

WE WEREN'T ON THE SAME PAGE IN A LOT OF WAYS.
IT JUST... WASN'T GOING TO WORK OUT.

AND IT DIDN'T.

Anyway... A lot of it actually has to do with communication. 

IF A PERSON DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE WELL...
COMMUNICATION WITH THAT PERSON IS NOT GOING TO GO WELL.

I LEARNED THIS FROM TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE
WHO SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HOW TO COMMUNICATE.

WAS VERY DIFFICULT. I THINK IT WAS INTENTIONAL.
BECAUSE TALKING SHOULDN'T BE HARD!

SO IT WAS VERY RARE FOR ME TO JUST BE ABLE TO
FLAT OUT COMMUNICATE.

THAT'S WHY WE HAVE WRITING!

Maybe that's why I vent so much! 
All the things I wish I could have just communicated! FFS!

WHY XYZ BOTHERS ME.
BECAUSE? IT MIGHT ALSO BOTHER OTHER PEOPLE...
FOR THE SAME REASON....

AND THEN YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON....
A LITTLE BETTER!

NOT THAT ALL FEMALES ARE THE SAME OR ANYTHING! LOL!

WHEN PEOPLE WANT TO WIN ARGUMENTS
VS
PEOPLE WHO'D RATHER DISCUSS STUFF...

TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

Just been tired of seeing a lot of the things I have been seeing.
LATELY. RECENTLY.

JUST IN COMMUNICATION....
JUST THAT.

IF WE COULD START WITH....
IMPROVING THAT.... THAT.... WOULD BE COOL!

IT WOULD MAKE THINGS MUCH BETTER!

MUCH EASIER and MUCH BETTER!

Anyway... Communication's been a big issue.
A key one.

An important one... 

For many reasons... 

NOT JUST BECAUSE I WANTED THAT.

"A*** wants something? Better not give it to her."
HONEST COMMUNICATION.

YEAH... I THINK IT WAS AROUND 2012 OR SO...

THAT I DATED THAT GUY.

WE DIDN'T HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.

ANYWAY, THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO!
14 YEARS AGO! 

I THINK THAT WAS BEFORE THE 12-YEAR DISCARD.
BACK THEN, I DRANK A LOT.

FROM 2010.... TO 2014.... I DRANK A LOT!
MORE THAN I DRANK BEFORE 2010.

BUT... OF COURSE, BLAME THAT.

NOT THAT I GOT TO COMMUNICATE...

BUT YES, I WAS PRETTY ANGRY, TOO.
MORE SO BECAUSE NOBODY UNDERSTOOD
WHY I WOULD BE.
EVEN THOUGH THEY WOULD BE.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE "TOXIC"
FOR HIM GETTING WITH HER? RIGHT?

WHY WOULD I BE?
I LET THAT HAPPEN.
AND? MOVED ON.

HE KINDA STALKED ME FOR A BIT
AFTER WE BROKE UP.
EVEN THOUGH HE WAS WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

WHICH WAS WEIRD.

I KNEW HE WAS WITH HER.
BECAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO BAIT ME
INTO REACTING TO HIS "NEW RELATIONSHIP"
AND IT WAS REALLY OBVIOUS HE WAS TRYING TO DO IT.

IT WAS VERY RIDICULOUS.
THAT HE EVEN TRIED TO DO THAT.

I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE THE CHICK
HE WAS TRYING TO USE TO "MAKE ME" "JEALOUS."

JUST BE WITH HER FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.
IF NOT, WHY DO IT?

NOT THAT I CARED WHAT HE DID....
AFTER WE BROKE UP.
THAT WAS HIS BUSINESS.

IT WAS AFTER THAT... THAT I THOUGHT ABOUT
12-YEAR DISCARD....

BECAUSE I THOUGHT:
DECENT GUY....
FROM WHAT I HAD REMEMBERED....
HONEST...
FROM WHAT I HAD REMEMBERED...

SO I THOUGHT:
MAYBE...
WE COULD....
COMMUNICATE....
BETTER!

MAYBE... IT WOULD BE...
EASIER.

MAYBE... I'D BE HAPPIER...

BUT? 

THAT'S OKAY.

WASN'T WHAT I THOUGHT, EITHER.

LOTS OF THINGS WERE NOT
WHAT I THOUGHT THEY WERE!

THAT'S OKAY.