About Confidence

I used to be extremely insecure.
Sure, most of us have insecurities.
Whether we admit it or not. Right? We do.

When we are young, we don't know
VERY MUCH ABOUT VERY MUCH.

RIGHT?

One thing that is EASY:
TO MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.

WE ARE TAUGHT THAT...
BY PEOPLE WHO DO THAT.

WHETHER THEY REALIZE THEY ARE TEACHING US THAT....
OR NOT.
WHETHER WE REALIZE WE ARE LEARNING THAT....
OR NOT.

RIGHT?

KIND OF HOW.... READERS CAN TEACH YOU TO READ
BY DOING IT BECAUSE
THEY KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

READERS WHO READ....
READ INTO THAT AS YOU WILL.

DIFFERENT TYPES OF READERS.
READING LITERATURE....
IS ONE MEDIUM.

WE LEARN TO "READ THE ROOM"
SOME DO.

BECAUSE WE CAN FEEL TENSION IN THE AIR.
RIGHT?

USUALLY?

IF WE CAN FEEL TENSION IN THE AIR...
AND KNOW IT IS TENSION...

WE CAN FEEL OTHER THINGS IN THE AIR
AND KNOW WHAT THEY ARE...

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

IT'S LIKE STATIC. ELECTRICITY.
ENERGY.

IN THE AIR.

SOUND.... AIR.... WATER.

THINK.... WAVE-LENGTHS.....
BEND.... AT.... CERTAIN.... ANGLES.

THINK.... WAVES.... 

THINK... SURFING...

THINK... CATCHING A WAVE.....
AND RIDING IT...

METAPHORICALLY.

TO BALANCE ENOUGH TO RIDE IT...
THERE'S A SPECIFIC ANGLE.

THAT WILL KEEP YOU
ON THAT WAVE.

TILT.... THE "BOARD."
TILT... THE "PRISM"
TILT... THE METAPHOR....

METAPHORICALLY.

EVEN ALLEGORICALLY
IF YOU WANT TO GET FANCY LOL.

BUT... THERE ARE WAYS LIKE THESE.
TO LOOK AT THINGS.

AND HOW YOU LOOK AT SOMETHING (ANYTHING)
DETERMINES? WHAT YOU WILL SEE?!

LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY...
I USED TO LOOK AT THINGS....
THE WAY I WAS USED TO DOING IT.

OKAY? I DID. THAT. FOR A LONG TIME.
I ADMIT THAT.
AND THAT WAS ON ME.

NOBODY SAID TO ME:
"A***, YOU MUST ALWAYS LOOK AT EVERYTHING
JUST LIKE THIS!"

OR:

"A***, YOU MUST LOOK AT THINGS EXACTLY AS I DO!"

OR: 

"A***, YOU MUST ONLY LOOK AT EVERYTHING ONE WAY."

IT WAS INSINUATED. YES.
INGRAINED BECAUSE IT WAS INSINUATED.

THINGS ARE EASY TO INSINUATE.
IT COULD EVEN BE BELIEVED
THAT I INSINUATE THINGS.

IT HAS BEEN BELIEVED THAT BEFORE.

ABOUT A POLITICAL POST I HAD MADE.
THAT SUPPOSEDLY WAS INSINUATING
THAT I "BELIEVED" XYZ.

AND THAT I SUPPOSEDLY "KNEW"
THAT JUST BY POSTING IT...
IT WOULD "INSINUATE" OR "SUGGEST" XYZ.

THAT'S HOW FAR THIS ASSUMPTION WENT.

I WAS AMAZED BY THIS.

I WASN'T AWARE THAT PEOPLE THOUGHT
THAT I "INSINUATED" ANYTHING.

I WASN'T AWARE OF WHAT THEY THOUGHT
THAT I "INSINUATED."

BECAUSE I DIDN'T REALLY THINK ALONG THOSE LINES.

I'D RATHER KNOW WHAT SOMEONE MEANS BY SOMETHING
THAT THEY CHOOSE TO DO....

THAN ASSUME I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS... 

PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ALL THE CONTEXT
OF ALL THINGS
YET THINK THEY KNOW
ALL THINGS
ABOUT ALL THINGS.

AND SOME PEOPLE ARE AWARE
THAT THERE ARE THINGS
THAT THEY DON'T KNOW.

SO IF THEY DON'T KNOW...
WHY JUST COME TO A CONCLUSION
WHEN THAT CONCLUSION
COULD BE FALSE?

METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING....

SOMEONE SAID TO ME...
"YOU DON'T KNOW VERY MUCH ABOUT XYZ!"

LIKE I WOULD "DEFEND" MY KNOWLEDGE 
OR SOMETHING.

OR FEEL OFFENDED AND "REACT."

IT WAS TO GET ME TO FIGHT ABOUT SOMETHING
I WASN'T GOING TO FIGHT ABOUT.

SO I SAID, "I'M AWARE OF WHAT I DON'T KNOW."

CAN THEY ARGUE WITH THAT? NO?

THEY WANT YOU TO "DISPUTE" SOMETHING.
TO TRY TO SAY YOU "CAUSED" THE DISPUTE.
OVER XYZ.

I'VE SEEN THIS SH*T.

PEOPLE HAVE ACTUALLY USED THIS SH*T AGAINST ME.

I DON'T HAVE TO "KNOW" EVERYTHING
TO BE CONFIDENT ABOUT THE THINGS THAT I "DO" KNOW.

AND SOME OF MY KNOWLEDGE ISN'T COMMON.
THAT'S ALL.

IF IT WAS... OTHER PEOPLE WOULD THINK ABOUT IT, TOO.
BUT.... A LOT OF PEOPLE SEEM TO BE STUCK
WHERE I WAS. AT THOSE TIMES.
THAT I WAS STUCK THERE.

AND JUST BECAUSE I GOT TO A POINT THAT I WASN'T AT BEFORE...
DOESN'T MEAN I HAVEN'T GONE BACKWARDS
AT SOME TIMES.

FAMILIAR PATTERNS. 
ARE EASIER.

THAN NEW ONES.

LIKE LEARNING TO PAINT.
WE CAN EVEN PAINT A MASTERPIECE WITH OUR FINGERS
IF WE WANTED TO... 

IT WOULD DEPEND ON OUR OWN TALENT. RIGHT?

NOT WHAT WE PAINT WITH.

PAINTING IS AN ART, BUT IT IS AN APPLICATION. 
AS WELL AS A TOPIC... 

A PRESENTATION.... A REPRESENTATION.

METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING...

ARTISTRY AS AN EXAMPLE...
AS YOUR SKILLS DEVELOP...
SO DOES YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THE SKILL.

EVERY ART.

BUT.....? NOT JUST ART.

ART.... IS THE WHAT? METAPHOR! 
THE? PRISM.

MEDIUM.

THINKING.... IS AN ART.
CONSIDER.... CONSIDERATION.... AN ART!!!!!!!

WE TEND TO THINK OF ART.... MOSTLY AS.... VISUAL! COOL!
PHYSICAL! COOL! 

SURE! VISUAL PHYSICAL ART IS COOL!
IT IS!

BUT? THAT ISN'T THE ONLY ART THAT EXISTS!

THINK OF THE THINKERS WHO WERE GENIUSES...
WITHOUT WHOM WE WOULDN'T HAVE CERTAIN THINGS....
HAD THEY NOT THOUGHT ABOUT THOSE THINGS?

NOT CALLING MYSELF A "GENIUS."
I WOULD NEVER!

ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I THINK ABOUT THINGS.
IN NEW WAYS NOW.

That is all. 

Does everyone have to be a LEONARDO
OR A REMBRANDT
TO....
THINK ABOUT THINGS
IN NEW WAYS?

NO? THEY DON'T? 

THEY DON'T! 

IMAGINE!

THAT IS WHY SOME TACTICS
DO NOT WORK ON ME.

BECAUSE I SEE THEM.
AND I HAVE MANY WAYS...
OF LOOKING AT THOSE.
AND OTHER THINGS.

"A***'S NOT THE SAME!"
"I THOUGHT I KNEW HER!"

NOPE.

*TANTRUM* ABOUT A*** CHANGING!

"HOW IS A*** DOING WELL BY HERSELF?"
SHE BECAME? CONFIDENT.

IN THE THINGS THAT SHE KNOWS.

THAT NOT EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS.

BECAUSE IF THEY KNEW?
THEY WOULD THINK ABOUT IT, TOO?

WHEN YOU EVEN LOOK AT YOUR OWN CHOICES
DIFFERENTLY.... THAN YOU DID BEFORE....

YOU CAN MAKE NEW ONES.

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE
WHAT THEY WANTED YOU TO...

THERE WAS A REASON THEY WANTED YOU TO!

AND I DON'T HAVE TO INSINUATE THAT.
OR ANYTHING.

FOR ANYTHING TO BE TRUE ABOUT ANYTHING.

Things can be TRUE OR FALSE
DESPITE ANYTHING ANYONE ASSUMES
THAT I "INSINUATE."

RIGHT?

IMAGINE!

SINCE THEY CAN BE TRUE OR FALSE
DESPITE THAT.
THE FACTS...
DON'T HAVE TO BE...
ANYTHING TO DO
WITH WHO PRESENTS THEM.

"THE MESSENGER."

I DO NOT LIKE BEING ONE.

BUT WHEN I MEET ANOTHER ONE...
I APPRECIATE IT.

BUT TRYING TO EXPLAIN SOME THINGS...
TO PEOPLE WHO ARE STUCK
THINKING THE WAY THEY DO
ISN'T SOMETHING
I'D LIKE TO WASTE MY TIME WITH.

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T TEND TO GO
HOW IT COULD GO

IF THEY WEREN'T.... STUCK... LIKE THAT.

IT DOES NOT SEEM TO GO FAR.
RIGHT?

IF ANYWHERE? NO?

SO THEN? 
WHY PUT MY TIME THERE?

WHEN YOU SEE SOME THINGS
THAT IT SEEMS OTHERS DO NOT KNOW YET...

BECAUSE IF THEY DID KNOW THOSE THINGS...
THEY WOULD ACT LIKE THEY DID KNOW THOSE THINGS...

IT IS FRUSTRATING, BUT YOU HAVE TO REALIZE...
THERE WAS A TIME
I COULD NOT SEE THOSE THINGS, EITHER.

UNTIL I DID! UNTIL I COULD! RIGHT?

PEOPLE WERE PROBABLY FRUSTRATED WITH ME TOO! RIGHT?

THAT I COULDN'T SEE XYZ YET! RIGHT?

BECAUSE I WAS STUCK! RIGHT?

YEAH? OKAY THEN.

WHEN PEOPLE USE TACTICS....
THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WHEN THOSE TACTICS BACKFIRE.

BECAUSE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK, IN THEORY.

THERE WAS A LIST I SAW OF SEVEN TACTICS...
THAT H1TL3R USED IN WW2.

TO ACHIEVE "POLITICAL POWER."

A FRIEND POSTED IT.

SO I SAID THAT IT'S A THEORY OF MINE
THAT TIME EXISTS IN AN ECHO CHAMBER.
THAT'S WHY WE HAVE ECHOES OF TIME.

THAT WE SEEM TO HAVE CENTENNIAL CYCLES.
EVERY 100 YEARS OR SO...

WE HAVE SOMETHING SIMILAR
TO WHAT WE HAD 100 YEARS BEFORE.

ICE STORMS HAPPENED IN THE PAST, TOO.

HOW FREQUENTLY, THOUGH?

GREAT WARS HAPPENED, TOO.
HOW FREQUENTLY, THOUGH?

LOTS OF OTHER THINGS, LIKE THIS.

LOTS OF EVENTS, CIRCUMSTANCES, ETC.

"RIPPLES OF TIME."
BUT MORE THAN THAT.

ECHO.

ECHOES FADE, THOUGH.

METAPHORICALLY... 

LOOK UP... THE "ECHO CHAMBER EFFECT."
LOOK UP THE KEY EFFECTS OF THAT EFFECT.

AFFECTED PEOPLE... MIGHT NOT...
REALIZE IT?

FIRST, THIS IS JUST A BLOG.
NOT AN ECHO CHAMBER.

I'M NOT HERE FOR "AGREEMENT."
NOBODY HAS TO AGREE WITH ME
JUST BECAUSE I WROTE ANYTHING. 

THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

JUST RANDOM STUFF. I RANT.
I REVEAL A FEW THINGS.

THINGS ON MY MIND.

THAT'S ABOUT IT.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE WITH HOW
OR WHAT I THINK.

I'M JUST SAYING THIS:

EVERYONE HAS THEIR WAY OF LOOKING AT SOMETHING.
WHETHER THEY ARE INFLUENCED BY IT OR NOT.

BUT JUST BECAUSE I THINK ABOUT SOMETHING
DOESN'T MEAN THAT I HAVE TO BELIEVE IT.

JUST BECAUSE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
DOES IT HAVE TO MEAN XYZ?

OR DOES IT JUST MEAN THAT I THOUGHT ABOUT IT?

MAYBE... I JUST... THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
CAN'T WE THINK ABOUT THINGS?

Everyone who can think.... Can think. Right?

Whether they do... or not... 
Has nothing to do with me.

So why should they look at ME as though it DOES?
DOES IT?

I HADN'T REALLY HAD A CHOICE
BUT TO BECOME THE WAY I BECAME...

BECAUSE: WHO DID I HAVE?

AND WHY WERE THEY NOT THERE?

I KNOW! 

BECAUSE NOT BEING THERE....

HAVING "NO SUPPORT"
WAS SUPPOSED TO...

MAKE THINGS "HARDER" FOR ME.

WHY DID THEY WANT THINGS TO BE HARDER FOR ME...
IF THEY DIDN'T NEED TO BE
AS HARD FOR ME
AS THEY ACTUALLY WERE?

WITHOUT "SUPPORT."

RIGHT?

SO DOES IT MATTER BEING "ALONE"?
NO?

WHAT HAS SOLITUDE GIVEN ME
THAT IT DIDN'T GIVE OTHERS
THAT HAD THE "SUPPORT"
I COULD HAVE HAD?

HMMM?

STRENGTH THAT THEY DON'T HAVE
TO NOT HAVE HAD
THAT.

My solitude becomes a solution.... 
When most people refuse to acknowledge
something that they did!

My crime? I WASN'T JUST LIKE THEM!
SO THEY TREATED ME LIKE THAT!

DID I HAVE TO BE... JUST LIKE THEM?

TO BE TREATED LIKE SOMEONE?
WHO COULD HAVE MATTERED!

BUT? WHAT ENDED UP HAPPENING?

WHY DID THEY PUT ME DOWN? HMMM?
BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH?

ENOUGH WHAT? MONEY?

WAS THAT SOMETHING I CARED ABOUT?
AT THAT TIME?

DO I DO THINGS ONLY FOR MONEY?

THEY WANTED TO TREAT ME WHICH WAY?
LIKE I WAS UNDERNEATH THEM?

FOR WHAT? BEING POOR?

THAT'S THE WAY THEY WANTED TO LOOK AT ME...
JUST FOR THAT.

I WAS LUCKY TO GET AWAY FROM THOSE I DID.
THEY REJECTED ME, THANKFULLY.

AND NOW MY HARVEST IS FOR ME.
RIGHT?

I WOULD HAVE SHARED
HAD THEY TREATED ME PROPERLY?

BUT? DID THEY DO THAT? NO?

IF THEY WANT THEIR LIVES WITHOUT ME IN IT. OKAY.
I DO NOT HAVE TO "ARGUE"
JUST "TO TALK"

WHEN I NEVER FKN ASKED FOR A FKN ARGUMENT!

DID I ASK TO FKN ARGUE?
DID I SAY: "LET'S ARGUE ABOUT XYZ"?

OR WAS I UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING
THAT I NEVER GET TO FKN EXPRESS?

UNTIL I GET SO FKN P*SSED
THAT THEY NOTICE
HOW P*SSED I AM ABOUT IT?

AND BY THAT TIME?
HOW DO THEY ACT?

AND WHEN THEY WANT "TO TALK"
I'M SUPPOSED TO "LISTEN" TO THEM.
RIGHT?

AND WHEN I DO THAT?

WHAT DO I GET FROM THEM?
EXCUSES?

WANT MY PATIENCE, LOYALTY, UNDERSTANDING ETC.

AND DON'T WANT TO BE FKN FAIR!

IS THAT FAIR?

BECAUSE "WINNING" A FKN ARGUMENT
MATTERED FKN MORE....

THAN WHAT I WAS SAYING!

WHAT WAS I SAYING????
"YOU ARE DISREGARDING ME."
"THIS IS NOT FAIR."
"I AM ANGRY ABOUT XYZ."
"CHOICES ARE INTENTIONAL."

OTHER THINGS LIKE THIS?

BUT? "WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?"
IS THAT WHAT I GET?

IF THEY WERE SAYING THOSE EXACT SAME THINGS
TO ME......

WAS I SUPPOSED TO LISTEN? TO THEM?

AND IF I HAD SAID TO THEM:
"WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?"

WHAT WOULD THEY THINK ABOUT THAT?

WOULD THEY THINK:
THEY ACTUALLY CARE? NO?

"A*** GIVES A FK!"
IF YOU HEARD:
"WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?"
FROM ME?
NO?

THEY GOT COMFORTABLE
WITH THE FACT
THAT I ACTUALLY
GAVE A FK
WHEN I GAVE A FK.

AND THOUGHT I ALWAYS WOULD.

SO WHY WOULD THEY LISTEN TO ME?
I'D "ALWAYS" BE THERE.

TO TREAT EXACTLY LIKE THAT?

IS THAT WHY I'M NOT THERE NOW?

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE...
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T GAF.
WHEN I DID.

THAT IS WHY.

IF WE BOTH GAF...
THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT?
YEAH?

OKAY, THEN.

WHEN SOMEONE HAS ACCESS TO THOSE THINGS
THEY DON'T SEE THEM.

THEY DON'T SEE ME ACTUALLY SHOWING UP.
SHOWING UP IS SUBSTANTIAL.
IN ITSELF.

I WAS VALUABLE.
EVEN WHEN PEOPLE OVERLOOKED ME.

WHERE I ONCE WAS.... THE THINGS THAT WOULD HAVE WORKED
WOULD HAVE WORKED!

I'M NOT THERE ANYMORE, THOUGH.

SO THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE THERE, BECAUSE I'M NOT.
NOT ANYMORE.

REQUIRES MORE THAN THAT.

AND ASSUMPTIONS ARE WHAT? ASSUMPTIONS!

ABOUT WHAT? MY SELF-WORTH?
WHY ASSUME ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?

IF I WASN'T OF IMPORTANCE....
TO CONSIDER SOME THINGS ABOUT ME...

UNTIL I WASN'T THERE ANYMORE....

BEING THERE... WASN'T GOING TO....
CHANGE THAT.

RIGHT?

THAT'S HOW I BECAME "CONFIDENT."
IN THE THINGS THAT I DO KNOW.
DESPITE THE THINGS I DON'T KNOW.

BECAUSE.... WHAT I DON'T KNOW...
COULD AFFECT ME IF I LET THAT.

AFFECT MY "SECURITY."

COULD.

I KNOW THIS. THAT IS WHY....
I HAD TO REDEVELOP MY INTERNAL SECURITY.
SO THAT A LOT OF THINGS
WOULD NOT FK WITH ME
IN THE WAYS THINGS USED TO FK WITH ME.

HARD TO EXPLAIN IT.
OR HOW I DID IT.

BUT THAT IS WHY I DID IT.