Why Wouldn't I Be Okay?

I'm a lot stronger than I was a long time ago...
I had to get through things by myself.
AFTER BEING CONSTANTLY DISCARDED.
GIVING ANYONE ANYTHING
DOESN'T GET ANYONE RESPECT.
TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.....

WOULD I HAVE BEEN TAKEN SERIOUSLY?
12 YEARS LATER?! FK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DID HE THINK I DIDN'T FKN KNOW THAT?

I used to have a belief... About generosity... Okay?
I THOUGHT....
A***, IF YOU ARE GENEROUS IN THE WAYS YOU CAN BE....
THEY WILL SEE THAT, AND APPRECIATE IT, 
AND VALUE YOU.

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE A GIVER....
YOU CREATE TAKERS!
EVEN WHEN THE TAKERS DON'T WANT TO BE TAKERS!
THEY ARE STILL TAKING
BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL GIVING!

SO WHEN YOU GIVE THINGS..... LIKE MORE CHANCES....
WHAT DO THEY DO WITH THE CHANCE?
THEY TAKE IT.....
BUT THEY TAKE A CHANCE ON THE CHANCE....

BECAUSE YOU GAVE ANOTHER ONE!
AND ANOTHER ONE!
AND ANOTHER ONE!
AND ANOTHER ONE!

IF THINGS ENDED BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD YOU:
JUST BLOCK HER! AND YOU DID IT...
YOU CHOSE TO LISTEN TO THEM, NOT ME!

GET IT?

IT'S NOT A FKN SECRET THAT I'VE BEEN TREATED LIKE SH*T!
BUT THAT'S NOT PERMISSION TO TREAT ME LIKE SH*T!

THOSE TWO THINGS ARE NOT THE FKN SAME THING!
EVERYONE WHO THINKS IT IS
SHOULD BE TREATED THE WAY I WAS TREATED.
FOR THEM TO REALLY SEE WHAT IT'S BEEN LIKE....

INTENTIONALLY!
THAT SH*T WAS INTENTIONAL!

BECAUSE THEY COULD HAVE.....
INTENTIONALLY.....
CHOSE NOT TO FKN TREAT ME LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CORRECT!!!!!!!!!????????????? 
THEY KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!

THEY CAN FAKE AMNESIA ALL THEY WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY KNEW IT THEN, 
THEY SHOULD KNOW IT NOW, TOO. 

KNEW BETTER THAN THAT SH*T, BUT CHOSE TO DO IT.
TO ME. 

"SHE'LL BE HAPPY WITH TINY PIECES OF NOTHING!"
"BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN SHAT ON ALL HER LIFE!"

WHY WOULD I HAVE BEEN HAPPY?
WOULDN'T THAT BE FKN INSULTING?

WOULDN'T YOU FEEL FKN INSULTED?

EXPECTED TO BE HAPPY WITH BS?

WOULD THEY BE HAPPY WITH BS?

NO? SO WHY WOULD THEY EXPECT ME TO BE HAPPY WITH BS?

AND IF PEOPLE WHO EXPECT ME TO BE HAPPY WITH BS
WALK OUT OF MY LIFE.....

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WILL FKN LET THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND GUESS WHAT???!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY DON'T GET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BECAUSE WHY SHOULD I FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING THEY DID?
ALL THE GAMES THEY PLAYED?
THEY WOULD TRY TO PLAY AGAIN?

BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THEY GOT AWAY WITH IT?

THE POINT OF DOING IT WAS TO TRY TO GET AWAY WITH IT!!!!!!!!
OR ELSE WHY DO IT?

TO GET SOMETHING?

OR BECAUSE SOMEONE DIDN'T WANT HIM TO DATE ME?

EITHER WAY..... HE DOESN'T GET TO DATE ME.

HIM AND A FEW OTHERS ARE REASONS I DON'T WANT TO.

SURE, I CAN CHILL WITH MY FRIENDS.
THAT'S ALL I EVER NEEDED ANYWAY... 

RIGHT?

MY FRIENDS WHO WHAT? VALUE ME!

BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHERE MY GENEROSITY COMES FROM.
THEY KNOW THAT I DO ACTUALLY CARE. 
THEY KNOW THAT I DO ACTUALLY TRY.
THEY KNOW THAT I SHOW UP.
IF I CAN DO SOMETHING, I WILL!
NOT BECAUSE I'M ASKED TO DO IT!

BUT... WHEN YOU DISCARD ME.
SIT ON IT.

ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO IT TWICE.

IF I LET YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, CHANGE IT!
BUT YOU DON'T GET TO COME BACK TO DISCARD ME AGAIN.

ALREADY DID THAT.

CAN'T K*LL AN ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE
LIKE THAT PERSON NO LONGER EXISTS TO YOU.... 

AND BE LIKE:
12 YEARS LATER: SO.... HOW ARE YOU?

WOULDN'T.YOU.LIKE.TO.FKN.KNOW!!!!! HA! 

BUT.... YOU WOULD KNOW!
IF YOU'D BEEN IN MY LIFE! RIGHT!

BUT..... WHAT DID YOU CHOOSE?
12 YEARS AGO?

THAT I WAS NOT WORTH BEING IN YOUR LIFE!
RIGHT!?

YOU ALREADY CHOSE THAT!

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?
ACT ALL CRAZY LIKE EVERYONE SAID ABOUT ME?
DID I?

OR DID I SAY..... OKAY. COOL. ADIOS?

DID I HAVE TO HOLD A GRUDGE OR GET REVENGE...?
OR ACT LIKE A CRAZY PERSON TO TRY TO GET HIS ATTENTION?
AFTER HE DID THAT SH*T?

NO?

BECAUSE WHAT DID HE DO WITH MY ATTENTION?
WHEN HE HAD IT?

EVEN 12 YEARS LATER? 

VERY MUCH OF ANYTHING? NO?

MY MISTAKE WAS LETTING PEOPLE
WHO DID NOT RESPECT ME OR MY TIME....
WASTE IT.

THAT'S WHAT I DID.

DO YOU SINCERELY THINK I'D BE DOING THAT?
FOR SCRAPS THAT I GOT BACK THEN?
THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY ABOUT?

ALL OVER AGAIN?

WOULD YOU WANT TO?

WAS IT FUN THE FIRST TIME AROUND?
OR WAS IT BS BACK THEN TOO?

PRETTY SURE IT WAS BS BACK THEN TOO.