What I Had...

What I had.... Some of it was BS!

Some of it was real, though, 

BUT MOSTLY..... BS.

I WAS EXPECTED TO SETTLE FOR.
AND BE HAPPY WITH.

I WASN'T!
IT WAS INSULTING!

INFURIATING!

AND TO BE INSULTED FOR BEING INFURIATED?
FOR BEING INSULTED?

THAT'S WHAT THAT BS WAS!

THAT!

IMAGINE MY SURPRISE?

WHY POUR INTO THAT SH*T?
WHY GIVE TO THAT?

I WAS..... THOUGHT I WOULD GIVE EVERYTHING AGAIN?
FOR WHAT??????????????????

DID ANYTHING CHANGE?
ANYTHING?

WHERE WAS MY CONSIDERATION?
WHERE WAS MY REGARD?

PUTTING ME ON A SHELF.....

DISCARDED ME!
DIDN'T PUT ME ON THE SHELF FOR 12 YEARS.
BUT ACTED LIKE HE DID!
DIDN'T ACT LIKE HE DISCARDED ME!
LIKE HE ACTUALLY FKN DID!

HE GETS TO SIT WITH THAT!
THAT HE DID THAT TO ME!

MORE COMMITTED TO GETTING SOMETHING FROM ME.
THAN GIVING ANYTHING TO WHAT WE COULD HAVE HAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOME REACTION TO HIS BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WELP, I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIS BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE SHOULD CARE ABOUT HIS OWN BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DISCARD SOMEONE.

THAT.

THEY ARE DEAD TO YOU
WHEN YOU GHOST THEM.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.

THAT.

HE GOT WORDS FROM ME.....
FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE......
SINCE I'M HAUNTING HIS @SS I GUESS....

BUT WTF DID HE EXPECT?

FOR ME TO ACT ALL "CRAZY"
ABOUT HIM "LEAVING ME BEHIND" ETC?

IF I WAS TOXIC.... I WOULD HAVE, RIGHT?
WOULD HAVE RUINED HIM?
BURNED THE "HOUSE" DOWN ON MY WAY OUT?

INSTEAD OF JUST FKN LETTING HIM GO?
I DID THAT! HE WANTED THAT!

WANTED TO BE "FREE OF ME"
SINCE I WAS THE "TOXIC" ONE.....

BUT...... WAS I PLAYING GAMES? NO?
I CAN BE GOOD, NOW, BECAUSE I ALREADY TRIED.

WAS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A 12-YEAR CYCLE?

WAS I SUPPOSED TO ACCEPT THE INSULTS? FK NO.
NOTED. ALL OF IT. WAS NOTED. ALL OF IT.

WAS I EVEN MYSELF DURING THAT TIME?
WAS I ALLOWED TO BE?

OR WERE THEY TAKING MY ENERGY?
JUST THAT?

WAS I GIVING MY ENERGY THOUGH? +?

I WON'T BE GIVING LIKE I WAS.
I WON'T LET MYSELF BE DEPLETED LIKE THAT.

THAT'S WHAT IT WOULD BE.
ALL OVER AGAIN.

BARF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW THERE FEELS LIKE A VOID....
BECAUSE THAT BS IS GONE NOW.

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THAT SH*T.
NOT THEN, NOT NOW.

Anyway, I had my grandmother still.... THAT YEAR, SHE DIED.
I COULD HAVE HAD ALL THAT TIME WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!
WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT TRYING TO COMPROMISE WITH BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
UNDERSTAND??????????????????

AFTER HE DISCARDED ME.......
AND MY GRANDMOTHER WAS DYING.....
AND I QUIT DRINKING...... 

I HAD CODING.

THAT'S WHAT I HAD......

THEN, I MET MY EX......

WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT ENDED.....

SOME DUDES ARE ADDICTED TO BS.....
BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHO TF THEY ARE....
DON'T KNOW WHAT TF THEY WANT.... 
CAN'T SEE WHAT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM.... 
DON'T GAF ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEMSELF.... 
AND WANTS TO TRY TO DISTORT MY SENSE
OF REALITY.
FK THAT.
I ALREADY "PEEPED GAME."
I SAW THAT SH*T THE FIRST TIME.

WHY WOULD I SIGN UP FOR GAMES?
I ALREADY SAW THEM.

AND THOSE WHO ARE "AFRAID OF ABANDONMENT,"
ARE USUALLY THE VERY FKN FIRST
TO DISCARD ME.
THE VERY FKN FIRST!