The Reaction

When you try to provoke a reaction from someone....
YOU MIGHT GET ONE YOU DIDN'T WANT.

YOU MIGHT GET ONE YOU DIDN'T SEE COMING.

Not the reaction you thought you would get....
OR TRIED TO GET...

Like trying to push me into FOMO....
I'M NOT MISSING OUT ON BS.
I KNOW I'M NOT.
I KNOW I DON'T NEED IT.

NO FEAR IN MISSING OUT ON BS.

That's one game I don't play.
That BS was foul, and I don't have respect for that sh*t.

"A*** WILL BE TOO SCARED TO LOSE ME TO LEAVE."
"A*** WILL BE TOO SCARED TO MISS OUT."

MISS OUT ON WHAT? BS?
NOT MISSING FKN ANYTHING BUT BS.

MUST HAVE NOT BEEN AS GREEN AS YOU THOUGHT....
IF YOU'RE TRYING TO COME BACK TO ME TO "SAY HELLO."

PROBABLY TALKED SOMEONE ELSE UP...
SOMEONE WHO FKD THEM AROUND.

SOMEONE THEY DID ME DIRT FOR....

AM I MISSING OUT ON SOMEONE WHO'D DO ME DIRTY?
NO?

YOU MISS OUT ON PEOPLE WHO FKN WOULDN'T!
RIGHT?


I was gaslit about it, too. Which is just as bad....
Maybe worse... 

I'M NOT CRAZY FOR WANTING TO BE TREATED WELL!

AND WATCH HOW HE ACTS ABOUT ME...
FOR NOT WANTING TO GO BACK TO THAT!

WATCH!
I'LL BE THE VILLAIN FOR NOT WANTING EMOTIONAL ABUSE!

IF THEY CAN'T CONTROL ME....
THEY TRY TO CONTROL HOW PEOPLE SEE ME....

I'M SO "TOXIC" FOR BUILDING MY OWN LIFE....
BARELY LOOKING BACK...
NOT WANTING EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

You'd think they'd be over me by now....
IF I WAS SO TOXIC.... RIGHT?

THEY WOULDN'T LOOK BACK! RIGHT?

SO WHY AFTER 12 YEARS?
TO FINALLY ADDRESS SOMETHING?
I WANTED TO ADDRESS?

THAT NEEDED TO BE ADDRESSED?

A LONG TIME AGO?

NOPE. NOT THAT.
OR THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN ADDRESSED.
A LONG TIME AGO.

JUST THAT.

AND IF HE'S TRYING TO COME BACK
BECAUSE HE'S BURNING ANOTHER BRIDGE....
WHY WOULD I WANT THOSE ASHES?

WOULD HE WANT TO CHOKE ON MY SMOKE?
NO?

DUE TO HOW HE ENDED THINGS WITH ME:

1) WHY WOULD I LET HIM DO THAT SH*T AGAIN?
2) HOW DO I KNOW HE DIDN'T BURN SOMEONE ELSE?

I only went his way, initially, AFTER I CLOSED SOMETHING OUT.
IT WAS OVER BEFORE I REACHED OUT TO HIM.
A LONG TIME AGO.

IF IT WASN'T OVER ON MY END, 
WHY WOULD I HAVE REACHED OUT TO HIM?

TO TRY TO ROPE HIM INTO MY MESS? 

IF SOMEONE JUGGLED ME BEFORE....
CHANCES ARE.... HE WOULD DO IT AGAIN.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT?

Besides... Just because I have some things in common... 
With someone....

DOESN'T MEAN WE OPERATE THE SAME WAY!

IF WE DID, THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY ISSUES!
WE COULD CONNECT EASILY!
WE COULD UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER!
EFFORT WOULD BE INTENTIONAL!
ON BOTH SIDES. 

COMMUNICATION WOULD BE EASY!
IT WOULD FLOW.

BUT.... I DON'T OPERATE VIA TRAUMA BONDS.
I'D RATHER BE ALONE, OR HAVE AN ACTUAL BOND.

And since actual bonds are RARE.....
I'D RATHER BE ALONE! 

THAN GO THROUGH ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

It bugs me when people don't listen, though.

WHEN THEY FIND OUT THE HARD WAY.

WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING TO THEM...
THAT I WOULDN'T.