I Had A Lot To Process

I guess everything that came up.... Bubbling up....
After the 12-year-discard dude reappeared... 

I had to process the stuff that lingered... 
I thought it was over, I guess it wasn't. 

For me, it was over. 

I thought I healed from a lot of that sh*t.
I really thought I had... 

It made me realize that just because I quit drinking....
Doesn't mean that I actually processed everything.

Because it would have been easier to just move on from that.
It wouldn't have been so fkn jarring or triggering... 
I would have felt nothing. 

Not even anger.
Just nothing.

I wouldn't have had a lot to get out... 
It would have already been out.

But when you discard someone 12 fkn years ago...
YOU'D THINK THEY WOULD BE ALLOWED TO MOVE ON.

I WAS LEFT TO DEAL WITH IT. RIGHT?
NOW EVERYONE ELSE CAN DEAL WITH IT.

BUT I SEE HOW SOME PEOPLE CAN TREAT ME.
THE COOL BREEZE ON MY BURNS.
THE "NICE" FEELINGS THAT I WAS ALWAYS ALLOWED TO JUST HAVE...
EVEN BY MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN MY SOLITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Without anyone! To repair DAMAGE.....
ON MY OWN....
THAT I DIDN'T DESERVE!

What made it extra damaging is that I never saw it coming. 
NOT FROM THOSE I TRUSTED!

OR I WOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED THEM!
RIGHT?