That Had To Happen

Like I said..... He was a catalyst. 
I HAVE MADE CHANGES BECAUSE OF HIS BS.

I HAVE 12 YEARS OF SOBRIETY.
BECAUSE I TOOK HIS AMMUNITION AWAY.

If he hadn't "removed himself" from my life...
HE WOULD HAVE HELD ME BACK!

WAS HE GOOD FOR ME IN MY LIFE? NO?
WAS HIS BS GOOD FOR ME? NO?

Now he can hold himself accountable for his own sh*t.
I'M NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE.

I JUST FKN LEAVE NOW.

FK THAT.

I've had to forgive myself....
FOR THINKING I COULD HAVE HAD SOMETHING
WORTHWHILE WITH THAT GUY.

FOR EVEN TRYING.

FOR PUTTING UP WITH THE SH*T I ENDURED!
THAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO!

When people THINK THINGS ABOUT ME
THAT AREN'T ACTUALLY TRUE....
BECAUSE THEY NEVER FKN KNEW ME... 

THEY CAN FIND OUT THE TRUTH ON THEIR OWN TIME!
NOT MINE!

IF WE DON'T GROW FROM PAIN....
WE WASTE THE OPPORTUNITY.

YES, IT WAS FKN PAINFUL.
YES. I WAS ANGRY BECAUSE THAT SH*T WAS UNFAIR.
YES, I KNEW THAT THEY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING.
DESPITE THE BS EXCUSES FOR DOING XYZ....

BUT, DID I NEED TO DO ANYTHING TO HIM?
LIKE HE APPARENTLY EXPECTED ME TO?
BECAUSE "TOXIC" PEOPLE
ACT "TOXIC." 

RIGHT?

DO THEY MOVE ON? STAY IN THEIR OWN LANE? NO?
THEY ARE TOO "TOXIC" TO DO THAT! RIGHT?

TOO "TOXIC" TO DO ANYTHING "HEALTHY." RIGHT?

WHY DO I HAVE TO POINT OUT....
ALL THE THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE....
IF I ACTUALLY WAS "TOXIC"?

WHY DO I HAVE TO POINT OUT.....
THEY DIDN'T GET THE REACTION THEY WERE EXPECTING?
FROM ME? A "PROOF" OF "TOXICITY" OR WHATEVER?

SHOULD I HAVE HAD TO POINT THAT OUT?
12 YEARS LATER?
BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T SEE THAT?
OR ANYTHING ABOUT ME?

I THINK MOVING ON WAS PROOF OF MY CHARACTER.
PROOF I NEVER HAD TO FKN ENDURE THAT SH*T.

INSTEAD OF ACTING "TOXIC"
I'M TELLING HIM TO FK RIGHT OFF!

I COULD HAVE BEEN RUDE ABOUT IT....
AND ACTUALLY TOLD HIM TO FK RIGHT OFF....

BUT I GAVE HIM YET ANOTHER CHANCE.....
TO GIVE ME BS EXCUSES....
TRY TO TURN IT AROUND ON ME, YET AGAIN....
LIKE FKN ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
INSTEAD OF? TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY!

HAD HE TAKEN ACCOUNTABILITY....
MAYBE I WOULD HAVE RECONNECTED WITH HIM!
MAYBE!

BUT.,,, SEEING THAT SH*T.... P*SSED ME OFF AGAIN....
MADE ME NOT WANT TO.

FK GOING BACKWARDS. FK THAT.

BUT.... I COULD HAVE TOLD HIM: FK RIGHT OFF!
FK OFF SO HARD THAT YOU FK ON.

COULD HAVE.... RIGHT?
I'D HAVE A RIGHT TO! AFTER TREATING ME LIKE SH*T!
INTENTIONALLY.

RIGHT?

WHETHER THEY BELIEVED LIES OR WHATEVER ELSE!

PEOPLE PROJECT SH*T ONTO ME! I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT THEY DO!
IF THEY BELIEVE THAT SH*T.... THAT'S ON THEM.

IF PEOPLE WANT TO BE MANIPULATED WITH LIES ABOUT ME....
WHO AM I TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH?

I COULD JUST LET THEM FKN BE WRONG!

THEY ARE ALLOWED TO BE WRONG ABOUT ME!
ALL THEY WANT TO BE!

BUT WHEN SOMEONE WANTS THEM TO BE WRONG ABOUT ME....
FOR WHATEVER REASON.....

HOW DOES THAT SH*T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME?
OR WHO I ACTUALLY WAS?
OR WHO I ACTUALLY AM?

SHOULD I BE SCREAMING: "STOP BEING WRONG ABOUT ME!"
SHOULD I BE FIGHTING PEOPLE WHO ARE WRONG ABOUT ME?
SHOULD I BE DOING TOXIC THINGS?

JUST SO THEY CAN SAY: "SEE?! A***'S TOXIC!!!!!!!!!"

BUT MAYBE THEY WILL THINK ABOUT IT ONE DAY.
DO I HAVE TO BE THERE WHEN THEY DO?
DO I HAVE TO CARE IF THEY DO OR NOT?

IF THEY EVER REALIZE ANYTHING?
SURE, IT'D BE COOL IF THEY DID.... A LONG TIME AGO....
BUT THEY DIDN'T!

SHOULD I HAVE HAD TO ACT "TOXIC"
TO CRAM ANY TRUTH INTO THEM?

IF SOMEONE CAN'T "BE ALONE...."
THEY DON'T THINK. THEY DON'T.

THINKING TAKES CONCENTRATION. 
CONSIDERATION. 

HOW IS A FKN INCONSIDERATE FK.....
SUPPOSED TO CONSIDER ANYTHING?

DO THEY? IF THEY DID....
THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN CONSIDERATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOULD HAVE CONSIDERED:
MAYBE I AM WRONG ABOUT A***!
MAYBE SOMEONE WANTS ME TO BE WRONG ABOUT A***!
MAYBE THE PERSON WHO WANTS ME TO BE WRONG ABOUT A***...
WANTS OTHER THINGS FROM ME, TOO! HMMM!

IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO BELIEVE BS..... LIES....
SIT WITH THEM!

LET THEM KEEP YOU WARM AT NIGHT!

WRAP THEM AROUND YOU LIKE A BLANKET!
WEAR IT LIKE A CAPE!

THERE'S NOTHING FOR ME THERE. NOTHING.

BLINDNESS.

VERY HARD TO UNBELIEVE THE BS, THOUGH, RIGHT?

YOU HAVE TO BUY INTO IT TO BELIEVE IT, BTW.

VERY HARD TO SEE HOW THEY WERE MANIPULATED
TO THINK WHATEVER TF ABOUT ME.... 

TRICKED INTO BELIEVING BS!

IF YOU FALL FOR THAT.... YOU FELL FOR IT!
AM I SUPPOSED TO BEG TO BE BELIEVED?
BEGGED TO BE TREATED RIGHT?
BEGGED FOR CONSIDERATION?

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?

YOU THINK THE VIEW OF ME HASN'T BEEN TWISTED A BILLION TIMES?
FOR MANY REASONS? YEAH, IT HAS. 

NOT JUST BY HIM, OR WHOEVER WANTED WHOEVER TO SEE ME
IN WHATEVER WAY....

SO THEY WOULDN'T "HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME..."
AND HOW WOULD THEY EVER DISCOVER THE TRUTH....
IF THEY DON'T!?

BUT DO I WANT THAT? 
OR WOULD I RATHER BE SEEN CLEARLY?
AND TREATED THE WAY I DESERVE TO BE TREATED?

BUT WHEN THE TRUTH COMES OUT.... 
ON ITS OWN..... 
EVEN 12 YEARS LATER.....
OR HOWEVER LONG IT'LL TAKE....

IF I WAS "TOXIC" HOW IS IT THAT I CONTROLLED MYSELF?
FOR 12 YEARS? DIDN'T DO ANYTHING?

WOW! SO "TOXIC."

DID I SHOW UP AT HIS DAD'S STORE?
SHOWING MY @SS?

DID I THROW A BRICK THROUGH THE WINDOW?

THEY DON'T SEE THEY ARE ARROGANT!
THEY DON'T SEE THEY ARE JUDGING SOMEONE WRONG!
THEY DON'T SEE WHY THEY SHOULD HAVE LISTENED!
THEY DON'T FKN SEE ANYTHING!

BUT NOW THEY SEE ME DIFFERENTLY.....
TOO FKN LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WERE TOO BUSY BEING IGNORANT!
WERE TOO BUSY JUDGING ME WRONG!
WERE TOO BUSY BELIEVING BS!

NOT BUSY GETTING TO KNOW ME!
NOT BUSY CONSIDERING ANYTHING I SAID!

SO THEN.... WHY WOULDN'T I SEE THAT.....
AS A WASTE OF TIME??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT REALLY FKN IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME.....
EASY TO FKN MISJUDGE ME! RIGHT?

BUT.... DIDN'T THINK:
MAYBE A***'S FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAYBE! SURPRISE! 

NOW, THEY DON'T GET ANYTHING FROM ME.
NOTHING THEY COULD HAVE HAD....

HAD THEY JUST BEEN FKN DECENT!
LIKE I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO BE!

BUT.... I HAD TO HEAL FROM ALL OF THAT SH*T....
AND BECAUSE I DID..... 
I'M A LOT MORE "STABLE" THAN ANYONE....
GAVE ME CREDIT FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IMAGINE THAT!

ENJOY BEING WRONG FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
I'M OKAY WITH IT.