September 16th Part 2

 Today, I went to the library to use the internet. I didn't get a lot done today. 

I mostly wrote and listened to some stuff. 

I kept my farts in until the people around me left... 

When it was just me, I let a few rip LOL.

So quiet that I'm pretty sure someone heard me...

BUT THEY'D HAVE TO PROVE IT. 

NOBODY SAID: "HEY! DID YOU JUST FART?!"

Also.... NOBODY SAID: "HEY YOU! NO FARTING IN THE LIBRARY!"

Anyway... I was there for a few hours. 

Didn't get a lot done this time, though. 

It was mostly to let people know that I don't have internet at home right now.

And that I have to concentrate on other things. 

I have to get my other blog rocking and rolling... 

I have to put some ads on my site... 

Just a bunch of stuff I have to do... 

I also wished my Aunt a happy birthday in advance. 

In case I miss her birthday.

Since I don't have internet right now. 

Watched some tarot videos... 

Anyway... I have to work on those blog posts... 

At least I didn't fart when there were people around me... 

I'm polite enough not to do that. 

NOBODY WANTS TO DEAL WITH MY FARTS.

Imagine blasting @ss next to a stranger? LOL!

Anyway, as I was saying... 

There are things I have to work on, for me.

Things that don't have to do with "people from my past."

THEY ARE IN MY PAST

BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T ACT

LIKE THEY WANTED TO BE IN MY PRESENT

OR MY FUTURE. 

THAT WAS THEIR CHOICE. 

But I'm "toxic" for letting them make that CHOICE. 

AND MAKING THEM STAND ON IT. 

THAT'S WHAT THEY WANTED, RIGHT?

SO KEEP THAT CHOICE THAT YOU MADE. 

BECAUSE: COULD HAVE CHOSEN NOT TO. 

Been watching "Leave It To Beaver."

Used to watch it with my Grandparents...

It used to be on TV.

We watched it while eating lunch. 

I was a pre-teen in those days. 

I downloaded the entire series. 

I'm on season 2 now... 

There are 6 seasons...

That era.... Seemed simple.

Uncomplicated in many ways. 

A lot has changed since then... 

Not everything changed in good ways, though.

Manners out the window.

Courtesy out the window.

BASIC REGARD OUT THE WINDOW.

There's a few episodes that stood out. 

One was where Beaver thought Mrs. Cooper was a witch. 

Thought her house was haunted and the kids around

thought so, too. 

Because her house was empty for 15 years... 

An old house and she's an old lady...

And Beaver's like 8 or 9 in season 2...

Easy for a KID to think all kinds of things... 

Even that a place is haunted and someone's a witch...

Anyway, near the end of that episode...

Beaver realizes she isn't a witch, 

just a regular person... 

Asks Ward: "Why do people think other people

are something they aren't?"

The episode is called "The Haunted House."

It's actually the house that was used as 

THE MUNSTER HOUSE.

THE SHOW CALLED THE MUNSTERS.

Anyway... Some of the sets were used for other shows. 

I thought I recognized that house... I did.

Just didn't realize from where. 

What actually p*ssed me off.

BESIDES TREATING ME LIKE AN AFTERTHOUGHT...

ACTUALLY, WORSE THAN AN AFTERTHOUGHT

WAS LYING TO ME AND ABOUT ME.

AND BELIEVING WHATEVER BS ABOUT ME

FOR THEM TO TREAT ME LIKE THEY DID.

BECAUSE IF THEY HAD NO "REASON" TO....

WOULD THEY HAVE? AT ALL?

THAT'S WHAT P*SSED ME OFF.

AND THEN TRYING TO ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!

"I FORGOT I TREATED A*** LIKE SH*T."

A*** DID NOT FORGET.

AND A*** DIDN'T DESERVE IT.

AND STILL DOESN'T. 

HOPING THAT I'D FORGET. I DIDN'T.

AND IT'S USUALLY THE ONES I NEVER THOUGHT

EVER WOULD TREAT ME LIKE THAT!

MAYBE THAT P*SSES ME OFF, TOO.

BECAUSE TRUSTING SOMEONE NOT TO XYZ....

AND THEY GO AHEAD AND DO IT....

JUST.... 

Not only is that disappointing...

Or frustrating...

IT'S TAKING A SH*T ON MY TRUST.

WOULD THEY WANT ME TO SH*T ON THEIR TRUST?

LIKE THEY DID TO ME?

TAKEN FOR GRANTED TOO MANY TIMES, TOO.

ON TOP OF HAVING MY TRUST SHAT ON...

LIKE I WAS "ALWAYS" SUPPOSED TO BE THERE

NO MATTER HOW ANYONE TREATED ME... 

NO. FK THAT.

FK EVERYONE WHO THOUGHT

THEY COULD JUST TREAT ME SH*TTILY... 

AND THOUGHT I'D BE THERE REGARDLESS.

LIKE MY EX WANTED TO GET BACK TOGETHER....

AFTER PUNCHING ME IN THE HEAD.

I TRUSTED HIM NOT TO DO THAT SH*T.

AND HE GAVE HIMSELF AN EXCUSE TO DO IT, AND DID IT.

DID HE HAVE TO? NO.

HE COULD HAVE JUST DID HIS FKN JOB.

THAT'S WHAT WE WERE "FIGHTING" ABOUT.

ABOUT WORK AT WORK.

AND HAD THERE BEEN SOMEONE TO WATCH HIM.

HE WOULDN'T HAVE SLACKED SO MUCH.

WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SITTING ON HIS @SS

WATCHING ME WORK.

HE WOULD HAVE BEEN WORKING, TOO. 

THAT WAS THE POINT. 

HE WASN'T BECAUSE HE EXPECTED ME TO LET HIM SLACK. 

AND THERE WAS NOBODY TO TELL HIM

TO FKN DO HIS JOB. 

DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN TO ME. 

WANTED TO REPEATEDLY INSULT ME.

THEN ASSAULTED ME.

WHEN HE EXPECTED ME NOT TO DO ANYTHING

ABOUT THE INSULTS ETC. 

KNEW I WAS ALREADY UPSET.

INSTEAD OF "WHY ARE YOU UPSET?"

HE MADE IT WORSE THAN IT NEEDED TO BE.

THEY TREAT ME LIKE BEING UPSET IS THE ISSUE.

NOT THE ACTUALLY ISSUE.

NOTHING ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING OR NOT DOING. 

JUST DEFLECT ALL THAT SH*T ONTO ME. RIGHT?

"A***'S ACTING LIKE A B*TCH."

WHY THOUGH?

BECAUSE I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO FKN PUT UP WITH

ANYONE'S SH*T. 

"I'M GOING TO BE FKN IMMATURE TO A***, 

EXPECT HER TO DEAL WITH IT

AND WHEN SHE DOES DEAL WITH IT....

SHE'S THE PROBLEM FOR HOW SHE DEALS WITH IT."

ALL MY FKN LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DOES THAT MAKE ME WANT TO JUMP INTO 

ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP?

FOR THE SAKE OF NOT BEING "ALONE"?

IT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO FKN DATE ANYMORE. 

WHY WOULD I WANT TO?

IN THE "HOPE" THAT SOMEONE WON'T XYZ?

IN THE LAST 12 YEARS....

I'VE TRUSTED.... I CARED... I TRIED...

I WANTED FAIRNESS...

SIMPLE THINGS...

WITH PEOPLE I THOUGHT WOULDN'T XYZ.

BUT THEY DID.

AND THEY CHOSE TO DO IT.

YES! I BLAME PEOPLE FOR THEIR OWN CHOICES!

AND I'M "TOXIC" FOR THAT!

BUT I DGAF. THEY ARE TO BLAME

FOR THEIR OWN CHOICES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'D BE TO BLAME FOR MY OWN CHOICES.

LIKE GOING BACK TO ANYONE

WHO ALREADY EXPECTED ME

TO PUT UP WITH SH*T I SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO ETC. 

REGARDLESS OF THEIR EXCUSES AND BS. 

THAT WOULD BE MY CHOICE. 

IF I MADE THAT CHOICE....

THAT WOULD BE ON ME.

LIKE WHEN I DIDN'T MAKE MIRROR SMASHER

STAND ON HIS BS. LIKE I SHOULD HAVE.

AND DID HE TREAT ME BETTER?

ONLY WHEN HE FELT LIKE IT?

OR WANTED SOMETHING FROM ME?

THEN "DISAPPEARED" AGAIN?

AND TREATED ME WORSE AND WORSE

UNTIL I TOLD HIM TO GO FK HIMSELF. 

AND THAT STUPID C*NT, TOO.

FK HER SIDEWAYS WITH A SURFBOARD, TOO. 

AND THE OTHER C*NTS TOO. 

ONE HUGE GAME OF "KEEP AWAY."

"KEEP HIM AWAY FROM A***."

AND IF HE REALIZED THAT....

WOULD HE HAVE LET IT HAPPEN?

ANY OF IT?

OR WOULD HE HAVE STILL BEEN A D*CK?

IMAGINE TREATING SOMEONE...

THE WAY I GOT TREATED....

AND EXPECTING THEM TO JUST TAKE IT

AND STILL BE THERE?

LOTS OF PEOPLE CAN SAY ALL KINDS OF THINGS ABOUT ME....

BUT DO THEY KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH

TO ACTUALLY KNOW ME?

THINKING SOMETHING ABOUT ME...

ISN'T THE SAME THING AS KNOWING SOMETHING ABOUT ME!

IMAGINE THAT!?

INSTEAD OF "A***'S UNDERSTANDABLY UPSET...."

I'M WHATEVER THEY WANT TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE.

SO THEY CAN FEEL BETTER....

ABOUT WHATEVER THEY DID OR DIDN'T DO

THAT P*SSED ME OFF... 

USUALLY SOMETHING RELATED TO TREATING ME LIKE SH*T

AND TAKING ME FOR GRANTED.

THOSE THINGS P*SS ME OFF! THEY DO!

BECAUSE: THEY CHOSE TO!

AND DIDN'T HAVE TO!

WANTED TO!

OR THEY WOULDN'T!

NOW THEY DON'T GET TO!

BECAUSE I'M NOT THERE TO TREAT LIKE SH*T.

OR TO TAKE FOR GRANTED. 

NOT ANYMORE. 

DON'T WANT TO BE, EITHER!

"SHE'S NOT MARRIED YET...

SHE MUST BE DESPERATE OR SOMETHING...

SO I CAN TREAT HER LIKE XYZ

AND SHE'LL JUST TAKE IT."

"SHE WON'T STOP WANTING ME..."

WHATEVER TF THEY THOUGHT ABOUT ME....

THEY CAN SHOVE THAT.