Saturn

If you believe in astrology stuff and stuff like that... 
You might know that each "sun sign" has a planet. 
The planet associated with Capricorns.... Is Saturn. 

Saturn.... "Father Time."

It's in retrograde. Has been since July 26th.... I think...
Until December 10th.... This year. 

Saturn also has to do with KARMA.

IF YOU FK WITH CAPRICORNS.....
YOU GET IT HARDER.

HARDER THAN YOU EXPECTED, TOO. 

SATURN CAN WHOOP SOMEONE'S @SS.

I knew I felt "off" for a while... 
I think it has to do with people projecting sh*t on me. 
Because the blasts of energy do not feel like my energy. 

People get karma for how they treat people....
WHILE BLAMING THE PEOPLE THEY TREATED WRONG. 
SO THEY PROJECT THEIR SH*T AT THEM.

"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 
BECAUSE I CAN'T LOVE BOMB YOU. 
BECAUSE YOU SAW RIGHT THROUGH ME. 
BECAUSE YOU TOLD THE TRUTH ABOUT ME.
BECAUSE YOU SHOWED ME HOW I'M ACTING.

BUT..... "YOUR FAULT, A***." NO.

YES, I CALLED YOU OUT. 
WHY? BECAUSE I HAD TO.
BECAUSE YOU PUSHED ME TO THE POINT
THAT I WILL TELL YOU THE FK TRUTH ABOUT YOURSELF. 
YOU DON'T LIKE IT....
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

"I'M AN ABUSIVE FK, BUT IT'S A***'S FAULT."
"I'M THE ONE WHO DIDN'T LET A*** MOVE ON, 
BUT IT'S A***'S FAULT."

"DID YOU REACH OUT TO ME TO INSULT ME SOME MORE?"
I ASKED HIM! 

BECAUSE WTF? 

AND I HADN'T DONE OR SAID ANYTHING TO HIM!

BUT LET'S "EXCUSE MY SH*T BEHAVIOR ON A***."
INSTEAD OF SAYING: "I WAS BEING A D*CK."

LIKE AFTER I BROKE UP WITH MY EX.....
I WROTE ABOUT SOME THINGS ON HERE.....
HE WAS READING IT.....
EVEN AFTER HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEAVING ME ALONE....
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

BECAUSE HE DIDN'T "LIKE" WHAT I SAID. 
WHAT I WROTE.

NOT MY PROBLEM.
HE WANTED TO MAKE IT MY PROBLEM.

HAD TO ATTACK ME IN THE COMMENTS
ON MY OWN BLOG!

INSTEAD OF? P*SSING OFF.

BECAUSE THE TRUTH LOOKED BAD?
WELP, FK. DO I GAF?

"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

BECAUSE? I TOLD THE TRUTH?
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

BECAUSE? I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH:
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

IF YOUR "CONFIDENCE"
COMES FROM HOW OTHER PEOPLE "SEE" YOU.....
THAT'S A FRAGILE EGO THING.

NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

WANTED ME NOT TO BE SEEN THE WAY I AM:
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

NO. I KNOW WHO I AM.... REGARDLESS OF:
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

AS SOON AS I MOVE FORWARD:
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

WTF? AM I DOING THAT SH*T?
OR AM I ALLOWING PEOPLE TO FKN MOVE FORWARD?
IF THEY FKN WANTED TO?

SO THEN..... WHY TF COULDN'T I? WITHOUT:
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

AND IF YOU ARE: "ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 
YOU ARE TRYING TO FK WITH SOMEONE'S STABILITY. 

WHY WOULD I LET THAT CONTINUE?
BECAUSE I'M CAPABLE. VERY CAPABLE OF:
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

BUT HOW DO I HANDLE THAT?
I CALL THAT SH*T OUT.
THEY REACT TO IT.
THEY DON'T LIKE IT.
BUT..... THE TRUTH OUTWEIGHS BS.

MY CONTROL IS MOVING FORWARD.
WITHOUT FKN ANYONE. 

BECAUSE I CAN.
I DID, RIGHT?

AND WHEN I DO THAT.....
THEY LOSE CONTROL.
THE CONTROL THEY WANTED.
THAT THEY DIDN'T GET TO HAVE.

BECAUSE THE TRUTH ATTACKS:
"ATTACK" "ATTACK" "ATTACK" 

AND THEN.... BIG DADDY SATURN WAKES UP.
Every 378 days.... 
FOR 140 DAYS.

ENJOY THAT.

BUT.... THOSE WHO TOOK THE HIGH ROAD....
AND DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.....

DID I CLOCK HIM FOR PUNCHING ME IN THE HEAD?
COULD I HAVE? YEAH.

COULD I HAVE DONE WORSE THAN THAT? YEAH.

I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW ANYONE SEES ME.
THEY ARE.

THEIR "INTERPRETATION" OF ME.... IS THEIRS.
THEIR "DISTORTIONS" OF ME.... ARE THEIRS.

NOT EVERYONE HAS THE "PERSPECTIVE"
TO SEE ME OR "UNDERSTAND" ME.

BEING "MISUNDERSTOOD" ISN'T A THREAT TO ME.
IT ALWAYS HAPPENS. 

THEIR UNDERSTANDING "ABOUT ME"
OR ANYTHING ELSE....

IS NOT MY "LIFE'S WORK." IT'S NOT.

"SMEAR CAMPAIGN ON A***!" FINE.
DO ANY LIES ABOUT ME....
CHANGE THE TRUTH ABOUT ME?
AND THE TRUTH ABOUT WHY THEY ARE DOING THAT?

NO?

BUT WHEN I TELL THINGS FROM MY SIDE....
I AM TELLING THE TRUTH....

REGARDLESS OF HOW ANYONE "FEELS" ABOUT IT....

THOSE WHO GET TRIGGERED BY THE TRUTH....
WILL LIE!!!!!!!!! 

DID I USE TO DEFLECT? YEAH!
WHY? BECAUSE EVERYONE AROUND ME DID THAT SH*T.
IT WAS EASY TO DO THAT SH*T.
DID I KNOW HOW TO HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE? NO?
BECAUSE I HADN'T GOT TO THE POINT WHERE I COULD.
BECAUSE WHAT DID I HAVE AROUND ME?

IMMATURITY AND BS? 

NOT A LOT OF GROWTH AROUND IMMATURITY AND BS.
RIGHT?

DID I GROW A LOT WHEN I WAS BUSY GETTING DRUNK?
INSTEAD OF REFLECTING?

DID I DO MUCH REFLECTING?

SURE, PROCESSING IS ONE THING....
BUT REFLECTING IS ANOTHER THING!

"WHY DID I DO XYZ?"
"WHAT DOES XYZ SAY ABOUT ME?"
"HOW COULD I HAVE HANDLED THAT BETTER?"
"WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE HIGH ROAD?"
"WHY DIDN'T I TAKE THE HIGH ROAD?"

WHAT WAS THE "REAL REASON" HE BLOCKED ME? HMMM?
IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME
AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT HE WAS OUT THERE DOING.

WHAT DID I DO? I LET HIM CARRY ON WITH HIS CIRCUS SHOW.
NOT MY CIRCUS, NOT MY MONKEYS.

CAN'T FK WITH MY FEELINGS
WHEN YOU ALREADY DID THAT SH*T.

YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT SH*T REPEATEDLY.

YOU GET A CHANCE TO SHOW ME THAT YOU'RE NOT A D*CK....
BUT IF YOU ARE..... P*SS OFF.

PUN INTENDED.

IF I "TOOK HIM BACK" AND LET HIM BACK INTO MY LIFE... 
HE WOULD HAVE PLAYED THE SAME GAMES. 

HE WAS UP TO SOMETHING. 

"HE LIKES TO LEAVE PEOPLE HANGING."
THAT'S WHY HE "GHOSTS" PEOPLE....

AND THINKS HE CAN "COME BACK"
AFTER LYING TO ME.... TRYING TO FK ME AROUND... 

AND THOUGHT HE COULD TRY IT AGAIN.

HE IS "WORRIED" THAT I'M GOING TO "DO SOMETHING."
HE KNOWS IT IS A MATTER OF TIME....
BEFORE THE TRUTH GETS OUT....

HE KNOWS WHAT THE TRUTH COULD DO!

"HE THOUGHT HE COULD WAIT YOU OUT."
12 YEARS IS A LONG TIME TO WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!
HE WOULD HAVE BEEN WAITING FOREVER!!!!!!!!!! LOL!

"NOBODY CAN ESCAPE THE UNIVERSE."
WITH LIES, GAMES, TACTICS, BS... 

He was a "catalyst" for me in some ways....
HIS BS LAUNCHED ME LOL.

HE NEVER SAW THAT COMING.
BUT I NEVER SAW HIS BS COMING. 
NOT FROM HIM. 

DID I SEE MIRROR SMASHER'S BS COMING?
I SHOULD HAVE, BUT NO.
"ROSE COLORED GLASSES."
AND PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS
TRY TO HIDE THEIR BS WITH LIES. 

LIES CATCH UP TO PEOPLE. 
BECAUSE YOU CAN ONLY LIE SO MUCH
BEFORE THE LIES STOP MAKING SENSE. 

THE TRUTH DOESN'T HAVE TO "MAKE SENSE" EITHER... 

He was trying to come back into my life....
TO TRY TO GET ME "WHERE HE WANTED ME"
BUT HE COULDN'T....

BECAUSE I KNEW SOMETHING WAS OFF WITH THAT SH*T.

IT MADE ME THINK: "WHY NOW?"
SOME "REASON."

IF HE LIED TO ME, HE WOULD LIE ABOUT ME. 
IF HE WOULD LIE ABOUT ME, HE WOULD LIE TO ME.

GET IT? 

"HE THINKS HE'S GOOD AT PERSUADING PEOPLE
TO GET WHAT HE WANTS FROM THEM."

"HE TRIES TO GET THE UPPER HAND TO BREADCRUMB...
TO TRY TO GET YOU ADDICTED TO THEM."

1) BREADCRUMBS DON'T EXCITE ME
2) I KNOW WHEN SOMEONE IS TESTING MY TEMPERATURE.

AND I HAVE A FEELING HE WAS "COACHED"
ABOUT HOW TO "HANDLE" ME....

AFTER 12 YEARS.... 

BUT.... THERE WERE SOME THINGS HE WAS NOT COUNTING ON.

WHATEVER THE GROUP IS THAT WANTED.....
WHATEVER IT WAS... 

"A*** WANTED TO DATE HIM A LONG TIME AGO...
SHE'S STILL SINGLE.... SEND HIM IN THERE...."

A.LONG.TIME.AGO.
UNTIL???? 

"I HAVE HER WHERE WE WANT HER.
SHE'S TALKING TO ME AGAIN....
DOOR RE-OPENED!"

UNTIL?????

SLAMMED IT IN YOUR OWN FACE......

"A*** WOULD RATHER BE ALONE?
THAN DEAL WITH BS?!"

THAT'S WHY IT DID NOT WORK.
I HAD ALREADY "MOVED ON" WITH "MY LIFE"
SO HE HAD ZERO POWER OVER ME.

"WHAT? I'M POWERLESS?"
FK YES. HE DOES NOT GET TO CALL THE SHOTS.

"A***'S NOT AS STUPID AS WE THOUGHT?"
NO. I JUST LET YOU THINK I WAS.

HE GOT MAD BECAUSE I KNOCKED HIM OFF
HIS HIGH HORSE.

BECAUSE HE DIDN'T GET THE "RESULT" HE WANTED.

KEEP PLAYIN' PLAYER!
PLAYERS PLAY THEMSELVES WHEN THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE PLAYED!

I DON'T LIKE "BEATING PEOPLE" AT THEIR OWN GAME....
BUT.... THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN PLAYING.

BECAUSE I WASN'T.
BECAUSE I DON'T. 

IT'S BS.

IF I LET HIM FEED ME LIES, AGAIN....
HE'D PLAY THE SAME GAMES.

"GHOSTED YOU ON PURPOSE. PART OF THE GAME."

YES.

BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE "ENOUGH"
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME FOR LOL!

"A***'S POOR... I WON'T GET ANYTHING FROM HER."

IT WASN'T BECAUSE I WAS "TOXIC."
IT WAS BECAUSE HE COULDN'T GET ANYTHING FROM ME.

AND HE WAS TRYING TO GET SOMETHING FROM ME.

BECAUSE ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS HE MENTIONS IS WORK.

AND HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE
BECAUSE THEY WOULD GET WHATEVER HE WAS TRYING TO GET.

MAD THAT HE DID NOT GET WHAT HE WANTED.
ENVISIONED A PARTICULAR OUTCOME.
DIDN'T GET IT.

WHEN I WAS ANGRY... IT WAS FOR DIFFERENT REASONS.
BECAUSE I WASN'T FKING AROUND. 

I WASN'T IN IT FOR THE REASONS HE WAS.
THAT'S WHY.

HE WAS MAD THAT I DIDN'T LOSE MY SH*T.

THE DISTANCE ISN'T TEMPORARY WHEN YOU DISCARD SOMEONE.
THEY ACCEPT THAT DISTANCE. 

BECAUSE YOU CREATED IT.

AND IF YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY GAMES....
YOU WILL TRY TO KEEP PLAYING THEM. 

I KNOW THIS. 

"SHE WON'T KNOW I'M PLAYING GAMES.
HER CURIOSITY WILL GET THE BEST OF HER.
SHE'S COMPASSIONATE; SHE'LL EXTEND IT TO ME."

12.FKN.YEARS.WENT.BY.
THAT WAS A FKN TEST!

WHEN YOU PASS "THE TEST"
THE PERSON WHO TRIES TO "TEST" YOU....
WILL GET "TESTED."

BY BIG DADDY SATURN.
"FATHER TIME."

WHY WOULD I REACH OUT AFTER 12 YEARS?
AFTER BEING DISCARDED?

HUNTERS HUNT IN PACKS... 
RIGHT?

BUT.... HUNTERS....
CAN FALL IN THEIR OWN TRAPS.

WHEN SOMEONE IS FKING ME AROUND....
IT'S A GAME.

I KNOW THIS.

IF THEY DON'T KNOW I KNOW THIS....
DO I GAF IF THEY DO OR NOT?

MY INTUITION PROTECTS ME.
IF IT FEELS FKD, IT IS FKD.
IF IT LOOKS FKD, IT IS FKD.

HMMM, SMELLS LIKE BS...

Back to the "hunting" analogy.... 

Hunters.... Use tactics. 
TO ENTICE THEIR PREY.

LIKE SOME HUNTERS USE ANIMAL URINE.

There's a funny story I was told once... 
It was told in a chatroom...

A chick's brother had spilled moose urine on his ATV....

A MOOSE FOLLOWED THE SCENT TO THE DUDE'S HOME!
AND WAS HUMPING HIS ATV.

THAT'S HOW "POWERFUL"
SOME TECHNIQUES AND TACTICS ARE....
RIGHT?
THEY USE THEM....
BECAUSE THEY TYPICALLY WORK.

BUT.... I KNOW WHAT BS SMELLS LIKE TOO. 
AND WHEN I SMELL IT.....
I DON'T HAVE TO REACT THE WAY I'M 
"EXPECTED TO."

I don't like having to "protect myself."
BUT I HAVE TO, AND I CHOOSE TO.

IF I LET BS DISTRACT ME?
FROM MY GOALS?

"ROMANCE SCAM"? LOL.

NOT JUST HOES ARE GOLD DIGGERS LOL.
SOME CHICKS DO NOT GAF ABOUT ANY OF THAT SH*T.

WANTED MY ENERGY "TO MANIFEST."
DIDN'T WORK BECAUSE I DON'T PLAY GAMES.

PEOPLE WHO PLAY GAMES THINK THEY CAN WIN.
AND IT'S ABOUT WINNING AND GETTING...

WHEN PEOPLE DON'T PLAY.....
THEY DON'T GAF ABOUT GETTING ANYTHING FROM GAMES.
THAT'S NOT HOW THEY OPERATE.

GAME PLAYERS CARE ABOUT HOW THEY LOOK. 
BECAUSE THEY USE IT TO "MANIPULATE."
TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

PEOPLE WHO WANT VERY LITTLE.....
DON'T WANT THE SAME THINGS 
FOR THE SAME REASONS.

WHEN YOU DO FK THINGS... 
LIKE TRY TO "MAKE SOMEONE LOOK" A WAY THEY AREN'T....
LIKE "JEALOUS" OR "CRAZY."

LOW SELF-ESTEEM TO DO THAT.

WAS NEVER JEALOUS OF ANYONE WHO EVER SAID
I WAS JEALOUS OF THEM.

IF I "WENT CRAZY" AND "ACTED OUT" OF JEALOUSY....
THEY COULD SAY: "SEE! I TOLD THE TRUTH!"

RIGHT?

JEALOUS PEOPLE ACT OUT.
PEOPLE WHO AREN'T JEALOUS: MEH. *SHRUG*

PEOPLE WHO WANT SOMEONE TO BE JEALOUS....
THEY WANT TO COMPETE.

I DO NOT COMPETE.

SO COMPETING.... WITH ME....
IS SHOWING THAT YOU ARE DOING IT....
AND WHY.

I DON'T HAVE TO COMPETE.
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT WHAT I HAVE TO COMPETE FOR.

ALSO, I DON'T HAVE TO WEAR A MASK.
TO TRY TO CONVINCE ANYONE OF ANYTHING. 

LIARS.... THEY MAKE UP BIG LIES....
"WHY WOULD SOMEONE LIE ABOUT THAT?"
SO THEY BELIEVE THAT SH*T!

THEY NEVER FKN QUESTION IT....
OR GO TO THE PERSON BEING LIED ABOUT TO ASK:
"IS THIS TRUE?"
WHY WOULD THEY?
THEY BELIEVE IT!

"WHY WOULD (THIS PERSON) LIE TO ME?"
"ABOUT THIS PERSON?"

WORTH ASKING!

THEY "CONNECT" WITH PEOPLE
WHO ARE CONNECTED TO YOU....
WHO COULD HAVE OFFERED YOU SOMETHING....
EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING FROM THAT PERSON....
BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO GET IT.

EVEN WHEN YOU WERE NOT CONNECTING
FOR THOSE REASONS. 

WHEN YOU "USE" AND "BETRAY" PEOPLE.....
YOU DON'T GET AWAY WITH IT FOREVER.

WHEN PEOPLE SEE THAT SH*T.... THEY DON'T LIKE IT.
THEY WON'T TRUST YOU. 

PEOPLE WHO PLAY GAMES
WANT PEOPLE TO BE BLIND TO THE GAMES. 

THAT'S WHY THEY MANIPULATE THEM.
TRYING TO GET THEM THINKING THINGS
ABOUT PEOPLE THAT AREN'T TRUE.... ETC....

BECAUSE THEY KNOW:
IF I CAN INFLUENCE THEIR THOUGHTS....
I CAN INFLUENCE WHAT THEY BELIEVE....
AND THEY WILL ACT XYZ BASED ON WHAT THEY BELIEVE.

Here's a story about a woman's games.... 

There was a chick whose bf was cheating on her....
She found out....
But she manipulated him to K*LL the chick
he was having an AFFAIR WITH.
AND HER HUSBAND, 
AND THEIR KIDS, 
AND THEIR DOGS.

WHAT SHE DID:

CONVINCED HIM THAT SHE WAS AN OP
FROM A GANG... SHE WASN'T. 

BUT IT WAS A GAME TO HER.
SHE WANTED TO WIN.

WINNING COST INNOCENT PEOPLE THEIR LIVES!
INCLUDING CHILDREN AND ANIMALS!

BECAUSE? SHE LIED!
"WHY WOULD SOMEONE LIE ABOUT THIS?"
THE BIGGER THE LIE.... RIGHT?

AND HE ATE IT UP! BELIEVED IT! CONVINCED!
RIGHT?

AND WHAT? THEY WERE INNOCENT.

SHOULD SHE NOT HAVE CHEATED ON HER HUSBAND?
FK NO! 

BUT TYPICALLY, AFFAIRS DON'T END LIKE THAT.

IN THE END... THE POLICE WERE CHASING HIM DOWN.
THE ONE WHO STARTED THE LIES
THAT CONVINCED HIM TO K*LL THEM....
WAS IN THE TRUCK WITH HIM... 

HE SHOT HER AND K*LLED HIMSELF.

I DON'T KNOW IF SHE CONFESSED TO HIM.
IN THOSE FINAL MOMENTS.

BUT "WHAT SHE WANTED"
THE GUY WHO HAD THE AFFAIR... 

SHE "NEEDED" TO "WIN" THE GAME... 
AND "WIN" THE "PRIZE."

TO "GET" WHAT SHE "WANTED."

BECAUSE: SHE COULD HAVE BEEN LIKE:
"YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME? FK YOU!"

AND FOUND SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY WANTED TO BE WITH HER!

THAT SH*T ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

THAT IS AN EXAMPLE OF SH*T THAT DOES HAPPEN.

THERE ARE MANY VERSIONS OF THAT SH*T.

FROM MILD TO EXTREME.