Performance VS Personality

I've been accused of some sh*t. 

One dude said to me:
"You think you're better than everyone."

1) WHO IS HE TO TELL ME WTF I THINK?
2) DOES HE KNOW ME? NO

They think my personality is a performance.

When people are reacting to me....
They aren't reacting to who I actually am.
They never saw me clearly enough to react "correctly."

They are reacting to their own choices about themselves.

They chose to put a ceiling on themselves.
On their own lives.

Then I came along with a ceiling.
A daily reminder of their own choice.

So they construct a version of "me"
they can be "comfortable" with.

So when they see me moving through the world... 
It creates a "pressure" they react to. 

What my existence stirred up.

Because if I'm XZY.... 
Anything "bad...."

If I'm "arrogant" or "manipulative"
or "volatile" or "immasculating"
or "toxic" or whatever else.....

"FAKE..."

"Better than everyone..."

THEN THEIR CHOICE TO TREAT ME
LIKE CRAP WAS "RIGHT."

AND THE CEILING THEY PUT ON THEMSELVES
"FINALLY MAKES SENSE"
AND DOESN'T HAVE TO BE "UNBEARABLE."

THAT'S WHY THEY CREATE THE NARRATIVES.

I've had to delve so deep to figure that sh*t out....

I kept being fkn confused.... Why tf am I getting treated like this?
WTF IS THIS SH*T?

I FELT THIS SH*T AND HAVE BEEN THROUGH IT
WITH SO MANY PEOPLE. IT'S NUTS.

PEOPLE WHO WERE SUPPOSED TO BE "SAFE."

I SPENT YEARS WONDERING WTF I WAS DOING WRONG!
FOR THEM TO CONSTANTLY THINK SH*TTY THINGS ABOUT ME...

I KEPT SHRINKING, DIMMING MYSELF...
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT KEPT "SETTING PEOPLE OFF"

THEY WEREN'T REACTING TO MY "FLAWS"
THEY WERE REACTING TO ME. 

BUT A VERSION OF ME THEY CONSTRUCTED. 
FKN WEIRD SH*T. 

IT'S BECAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING IN ME
THAT MOST PEOPLE "CAN'T HANDLE."

NOT BECAUSE THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME. 

THEIR INABILITY TO HANDLE WHATEVER IT WAS....
NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME. 

MY "PRESENCE" "LIGHTS UP" PARTS IN PEOPLE....
THAT MAKES THEM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. 

IT'S NOT SOMETHING I KNEW I WAS DOING!
OR HOW I WAS DOING IT... 

CONSTRUCTED VERSIONS OF ME....
ARE DISTORTED VERSIONS.

THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE... HOLDING ONTO IT.
SO THEY CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES.

THE SHIFT IN HOW THEY TREATED ME
WAS FROM SOMETHING SOMEONE ELSE SAID.....

OR FROM A STORY THEY CONSTRUCTED ON THEIR OWN.

BECAUSE I DEFINITELY DO NOT THINK I'M BETTER
THAN ANYONE. 
BECAUSE: WHO AM I TO THINK THAT?

PASSING ALONG A FALSE NARRATIVE IS....
DISAPPOINTING. 

EVERY TIME ANYONE LIES ABOUT ME....
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THEY ARE DOING....

THEY ARE FEEDING A PART OF THEMSELVES
THAT IS SMALL AND CAN'T "HANDLE" MY EXISTENCE.

BUT WHEN THEY HAVE TO SIT WITH THEMSELVES, 
THEY HAVE TO SIT WITH THE WEIGHT OF THE LIES.

I DON'T. 

A NARRATIVE IS NOT A VERDICT ON MY LIFE. 
OR ON ME. 

IT'S A TYPE OF "POWERLESSNESS" TO "HAVE TO" DO THAT SH*T.
TO JUST "FEEL STABLE" WITH SOMEONE EXISTING. 
MERELY EXISTING. 

BECAUSE I SURE AS FK DON'T GO OUT OF MY WAY
TO DO FK SH*T TO PEOPLE....

SO THEM REACTING TO ME LIKE THAT....?????

BUT.... THEY ARE USING THAT SH*T AS A TACTIC.

IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN "CORRECT IT DIRECTLY"
BECAUSE IT'D GET EVEN WORSE. 

BECAUSE THE NARRATIVE STOPS BEING ABOUT
MY CHARACTER.... OR THEIR VERSION OF ME....

IT BECOMES.... ABOUT....
WHETHER I CAN CONVINCE PEOPLE. 

AND... IT'S NOT MY JOB TO CONVINCE THEM!

THEY ARE ALREADY CONVINCED.
BECAUSE THEY CONVINCED THEMSELVES! 

ALREADY MADE UP THEIR MINDS!
ABOUT ME!
ALREADY DECIDED: WORTHLESS. XYZ... ETC.

THEY WERE NEVER GOING TO BE CONVINCED
BY ME..... EXPLAINING MYSELF. 

THEY ARE ALREADY "INVESTED" IN THE VERSION
THAT THEY CHOSE TO BELIEVE. 

THE ONLY THING THAT CAN CORRECT....
IS THE ACCUMULATION OF EVIDENCE
OF WHO I REALLY AM. 

AND ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE ACCESS TO ME....
WHO SEE SOME THINGS ABOUT ME....
WILL KNOW WHO I REALLY AM.

NOT SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR MIND MADE UP.
CONVINCED OF THEIR CONSTRUCTED VERSION... 

SUCKS.... BUT THAT'S.... THAT.