How Does That Look?

Anyway, I feel a bit "better" for getting that out.
I probably needed to get it out for a while.

It's not that I "needed" things to work out with him....
Yes, I wanted things to...
Yes, I thought they could...

But.... Tried that sh*t on me....
DIDN'T MAKE ME JEALOUS!
DIDN'T MAKE ME INSECURE!
DIDN'T MAKE ME RELAPSE!
DIDN'T MAKE ME BELIEVE I WAS THE PROBLEM.

I KNEW THE PROBLEM:
1) THE BS GAMES.
2) GASLIGHTING ME.
3) NOT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY.
4) NOT LISTENING.

Not worth it to me. Just that. Just not.

Would he want me to play games with him? No?
Would he want me to try to gaslight him? No?
Would he want me to take him seriously? Yeah?
Would he want me to listen to him? Yeah?

THEN TREAT ME THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED.
YOU WANT ME TO BE FAIR TO YOU? YEAH?
THEN BE FAIR TO ME.

Just that.
Fair? Fair!

Not a lot to ask, right? 
I didn't think so.

That's all I wanted! DECENCY......
AND FAIRNESS.

WHICH IS WHAT I THOUGHT I'D GET WITH HIM.
I DIDN'T. AND I AM OKAY WITH THAT.

BECAUSE ONE DAY....
I CAN MEET SOMEONE....
WHO IS DECENT AND FAIR!

IMAGINE THAT!

I DON'T IMAGINE IT OR EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE....
BECAUSE I'M NOT GIVING TOO MUCH OF A FK ABOUT IT....
ANYMORE.

NOT THAT I HAVE NO HOPE LEFT....
BUT I DON'T HAVE TO FKN HOPE FOR THAT ANYMORE.

I DON'T HAVE TO HOPE FOR CERTAIN PEOPLE
TO REALIZE ANYTHING ABOUT ME....
TO SEE ANYTHING...
TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING... 

I USED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT CAUSED ME TO STAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHEN I NEVER NEEDED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

BECAUSE I COULD HAVE BEEN DONE WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I FKN WAS!!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE HE FKN DISCARDED ME!!!!!!!!!!!
SO I WAS DONE AND AM DONE BECAUSE IT WASN'T GOING....
TO FKN CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WASN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT WAS GOING TO BE MORE BS! PROJECTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!
EXCUSES!!!!!!!!!!!
LIES!!!!!!!!!

NOTHING MUCH ELSE! SO WHY?

Like was I supposed to GET MY HOPES UP AGAIN?
FOR THE SAME THINGS TO CHANGE?
THAT WEREN'T?

I don't know for sure if it would have changed....
I don't know that....

BUT I KNOW THAT HE DISCARDED ME ALREADY!

I will get off this topic... If you know me by now...
YOU KNOW THAT CERTAIN THINGS FKN BOTHER ME...
FOR A WHILE.

Like MIRROR SMASHER'S BS....
I WAS ON HIM AS A TOPIC FOR A WHILE....
LIKE EVERY DAY FOR LIKE A YEAR!

LAMENTING AND SH*T... 

I eventually got it all out of my system and moved on. 
Now, I might mention him when making a point about BS...

But I don't write entire posts about him anymore.
Or how I feel about any of that anymore.
I already got that out. 

If I were still stuck there, that would be concerning. 
But, I'm not stuck there on that. 

I do have better things to think about and write about. 

Is it enough for him to know that he betrayed me over lies?
Yeah. That's enough for me.

Never wanted much anyway.
Should it matter what I wanted? Ever? Should it?

DOESN'T FKN SEEM TO! EVER!
NOT EVEN WHEN I WANTED VERY FKN LITTLE!!!!

It's been okay for the last 12 years. I've been okay.
I prefer my solitude to dishonesty and bs.

GEE, WHY DO I KEEP TO MYSELF SO MUCH?
IT'S PEACEFUL WITHOUT BS!
THAT'S WHY!

THAT'S WHY I HAVE BEEN SINGLE FOR OVER A DECADE!
NOT BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET A GUY....

MOST GUYS SLEEP ON MY POTENTIAL
AND BELIEVE BS ABOUT ME....
SO.... NOT MUCH POINT LOOKING FOR ONE.

WANTED TO TRY TO MAKE ME LOOK
LIKE I WASN'T WORTH SH*T... RIGHT?

BUT: "LET'S TALK" 12 YEARS LATER... 

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK AND FEEL ABOUT THAT?
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?

WHAT WOULD YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

HOW DOES THAT LOOK?