Core Things

I don't know if he's been watching me or stalking....
Or what... I don't know why he would be... 

I can leave people where they are.
ESPECIALLY IF THEY WON'T MEET ME WHERE I AM.

IF THEY CAN'T, THAT'S ONE THING.

BUT IF THEY CAN.... AND REFUSE TO....
THAT'S ANOTHER THING. 
RIGHT?

It's like I SPOKE ANOTHER LANGUAGE.

WANTED ME ALL HEART-BROKEN? DESTROYED?
AND YOU FEEL A TYPE OF WAY THAT I'M NOT?

WAS I SUPPOSED TO BE?
BECAUSE YOU WANTED ME TO BE?

YOUR TURN TO BE DISAPPOINTED!

YOU DON'T GET TO TRY TO WRECK ME....
AND THINK I WANT TO BE BACK THERE.

WHY? SO YOU CAN BE BLIND TO EVERYTHING YOU DO?
BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO BE, TOO?

NOPE! I SEE IT! ALL OF IT!

I REALLY DISCARDED SOMEONE FOR DISCARDING ME?
NOT REALLY....
REMINDED THEM THEY ALREADY DISCARDED ME....

NOT SOMETHING I'D FORGET.
AND HE BROUGHT IT UP.... IT WASN'T ME WHO DID.

I JUST LET HIM WALK AWAY.
WASN'T I SUPPOSED TO?
THOUGHT I WAS!

THOUGHT THAT WAS THE HEALTHY THING TO DO!
WAS IT NOT?

WAS I EVER SITTING HERE THINKING:
"I WISH HE'D COME BACK AND INSULT ME SOME MORE!"
"I MISS HIS EMOTIONAL ABUSE!"
"I MISS HIS BS! I HOPE HE COMES BACK!"

NO. I WASN'T. I WAS JUST IN MY OWN LANE.
WHERE I BELONG.

I RARELY EVEN USE THAT SITE THAT HE CONTACTED ME ON.
PRETTY SURE I BLOCKED HIM ON FB.

HE PROBABLY TRIED TO UNBLOCK ME ON THERE...
REALIZED HE WAS BLOCKED AND TRIED ANOTHER WAY.

IS HE GOING TO TRY ANOTHER SITE 12 YEARS FROM NOW?
HOPING I'LL FORGET IN ANOTHER 12 YEARS?

I'LL REMEMBER THIS FK UP, TOO.

DISCARDED TWICE.

FOR ACCEPTING THE DISTANCE HE CREATED.
BUT I WAS WRONG?
I WAS THE ONE WHO INSULTED AND DISCARDED MYSELF?

I TOLD THE TRUTH AND IF HE DOESN'T LIKE THAT....
AT LEAST I DIDN'T LIE!

BECAUSE IF I WAS REALLY TOXIC....
I COULD HAVE PLAYED WHATEVER FKN GAME
HE WAS TRYING TO PLAY WITH ME.

RIGHT?

WAS I DOING THAT?
OR WAS I P*SSED OFF THAT HE WAS DOING THAT?

DID I HAVE ANY OTHER REASONS TO BE UPSET? NO?

NOPE. BECAUSE: MOSTLY, I'M CHILL. 
I DO NOT GET UPSET FOR NO REASON. 

AND IT'S USUALLY WHEN SOMEONE IS FKING UP.

BECAUSE THEY ARE CHOOSING TO FK UP.
AND THEY COULD CHOOSE NOT TO FK UP.
BY NOT FKING UP.

BLOCKING ME WAS SUPPOSED TO "PUNISH ME"
FOR HOLDING HIM ACCOUNTABLE.

IS IT PUNISHMENT TO ME TO REMOVE YOUR BS FROM MY LIFE?

OR IS IT THEM GIVING ME MY PEACE BACK?

I'M TOXIC..... FOR WANTING HONESTY.
EXPECTING AND REQUIRING HONESTY. 

FOR WANTING RESPECT.

PROJECTING ON ME AND TRYING TO PUNISH ME....
SAYS ENOUGH ABOUT WHY "GOING BACKWARDS"
WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN "HEALTHY" FOR ME.

WHY GO BACK TO SOMEONE
WHO ALREADY TOOK ME FOR GRANTED?

BECAUSE THEY ARE "READY" TO APPRECIATE ME?
FK NO.

I swear. You don't give someone what they want.....
LOOK AT HOW THEY ACT!

Imagine if I acted like that?
If he said he didn't want to date me or something....
Instead of him accepting it....
If he had projected sh*t on me for rejecting him... 

Would that be healthy? Or toxic.

Healthy would be accepting that.
WITHOUT PROJECTING ANYTHING.

HEALTHY WOULD BE UNDERSTANDING THAT AND WHY.
NOT GETTING MAD AND TRYING TO "HURT" ME.

BLOCKING ME DOESN'T HURT ME.
IT'S JUST SOMEONE REMOVING THEMSELVES.

IT DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY WORTH.
IT JUST SAYS THEY CAN'T SEE IT AND I AM OKAY WITH THAT.

THEY ARE ALLOWED NOT TO SEE THINGS.
EVEN IF ANYTHING WAS RIGHT THERE!

IF I WAS TRYING TO PRY HIS EYES OPEN....
TO FORCE HIM TO SEE SOMETHING
THAT I WANTED HIM TO SEE....

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOXIC....

BUT EXPLAINING MYSELF OR ANYTHING...
TELLING HIM HOW I FELT....

DID NOTHING!

SO THERE WAS NO POINT IN THAT!

IF HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND CORE THINGS....
WHICH IT SEEMS THAT HE DOESN'T....
THERE WAS NO POINT IN TALKING. 
REALLY NO FKN POINT.