Leveling Up

It's not that I'm anti-social. 
I'm anti-BS.

If I met someone who was more like me, 
we'd get along. 

The people I've been meeting....
DON'T KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE.
AND DON'T SEEM TO CARE.

DON'T WANT TO CHANGE.
DON'T WANT TO GROW.

EXPECT ME TO CHASE THEM.
TO BEG FOR THEIR ACCEPTANCE.

NO. I WON'T BEG FOR ANYTHING.

NOT EVEN FOR THE FKN APOLOGIES I'M OWED.

But the reason people try to hurt me
IS BECAUSE THEY ARE HURT.

IF YOU BURN SOMETHING DOWN TO THE GROUND
WITH ME....

AND GET "HURT" IN THE PROCESS OF DOING IT, 
IT'S NOT MY FKN FAULT.

IF YOU ARE THE ONE SETTING IT ABLAZE,
THAT HAS VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH ME.

TRYING TO BLAME IT ON ME, 
IS NOT TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY.

IF I WENT AROUND ACTING THE SAME WAY
MOST PEOPLE ACT TOWARD ME, 
HOW WOULD THAT LOOK ON ME?

THE SAME WAY IT LOOKS ON THEM!
FOR DOING IT TO ME!

But do they think about that or anything else?
OR ONLY WHAT THEY WANT
FROM ME IN THE MOMENT?

AND WHEN I SAY I DON'T LIKE IT, 
AND WANT THEM TO STOP, 
THEY TREAT ME LIKE I DON'T EXIST TO THEM.

FOR WANTING THEM TO STOP DOING IT.

NOTHING ELSE ABOUT ME "MATTERS."
JUST WHAT THEY WANTED FROM ME
THAT I'M NOT OBLIGATED TO GIVE TO THEM.

I tried to put it this way:
If an old lady.... Was wanting s3x from a dude....
AND THE DUDE WAS NOT ATTRACTED TO HER...
AND DIDN'T WANT IT....
HE WOULD WANT TO SAY NO.
AND WOULD WANT THE OLD LADY
TO BE OKAY WITH HIM SAYING NO.
RESPECTFULLY.

THE DUDE WOULD BE TURNED OFF BY IT.

BUT WHAT IF THAT KEPT HAPPENING, 
BUT THE OLD LADIES WERE BEING AGGRESSIVE, TOO.
NOT JUST WANTING S3X.

DOING OTHER THINGS LIKE TOUCHING HIS EARS?
OR SHOWING PARTS OF HER BODY
THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE?
AND NEVER ASKED TO SEE?

BUT THEY THINK IT IS OKAY
TO PUT THEIR ENJOYMENT OVER MY COMFORT.
IF I'M NOT COMFORTABLE, 
AM I ENJOYING MYSELF, TOO?
OR NOT?

BECAUSE MAYBE, 
OUT OF RESPECT, FOR ME, 
YOU'D WANT ME TO BE COMFORTABLE.
LIKE BASIC COMFORT.

LIKE RESPECT MY RIGHTS.
RESPECT ME AS A PERSON
TYPE OF BASIC FKN COMFORT.

IF YOU SEE ME AS "ENTERTAINMENT"
YOU AREN'T SEEING ME AS A PERSON!

IT WOULD BE AWESOME IF PEOPLE
SAW ME AS A PERSON.

NOT AS XYZ.... 

Again, I'm not anti-social....
I'm anti-whatever-tf-society-is-now.

I'M ANTI-TREATING-ME-HOWEVER-TF-YOU-WANT.

TREAT ME PROPERLY OR FK OFF.
SIMPLE.

JUST SAYING THAT IF THEY SAW ME AS A PERSON, 
THEY MIGHT ACTUALLY APPRECIATE
AND VALUE MY GOOD TRAITS.

AND WHEN I TELL SOMEONE TO STOP DOING SOMETHING, 
I'M STILL AWARE OF THEIR GOOD TRAITS.

BUT THE GOOD TRAITS DON'T CANCEL OUT
SH*T THEY SHOULDN'T BE DOING/THINKING/BEING.

TOWARD ME. OR IN GENERAL.

AND COWARDS WOULD RATHER
TOUCH GIRLS UNTIL THEY TELL THEM TO STOP.
AND GET MAD WHEN TOLD TO STOP.

FK OFF AND DON'T TOUCH GIRLS!
IF YOU ARE NOT DATING, DON'T TOUCH THEM!
IF SHE IS NOT YOUR WIFE, DON'T!
IF SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU, LIKE THAT, DON'T!
IF SHE IS ONLY YOUR FRIEND, DON'T!
IF SHE DOESN'T WANT IT/LIKE IT, DON'T!
IF SHE WOULDN'T DO THAT SH*T TO YOU, DON'T!
IF YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT TO A MALE, DON'T!

AND THE DISMISSIVE BS AFTER THE FACT
IS JUST AS GROSS AS ACTING LIKE THAT IN THE FKN FIRST PLACE!

THE GUYS WHO TEST AND PUSH BOUNDARIES
GET MAD AT GIRLS WHO HAVE AND ENFORCE BOUNDARIES!
AND WE HAVE TO HAVE BOUNDARIES!
BECAUSE A LOT OF GUYS THINK IT'S OKAY TO DO THAT!
IT'S NOT!

AND WHEN YOU CALL THEM OUT, 
THEY DON'T APOLOGIZE OR SEE ANY WRONG....
THEY DOUBLE DOWN WITH THEIR BS
OR THEY RUN AWAY.

OR DOUBLE DOWN BEFORE RUNNING AWAY.

HOW "MATURE!"

Maybe this is why I rarely date and don't even want to date anymore!
Why should I want to?

FOR MORE BS AFTER I CALL OUT BS?

WHY IS THERE ANY BS TO CALL OUT?

AND I USED TO GET DEFENSIVE TOO!
BECAUSE BEING CALLED OUT ON BS FEELS SH*TTY!
BUT UNLESS SOMEONE ELSE DID....
I WASN'T FKN CALLING MYSELF OUT!

BECAUSE I ACTED LIKE THAT FOR SO FKN LONG.....
THAT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO FKN ACT!

AND IT WASN'T EVEN AN EXCUSE!
I WAS FKED!

BUT..... AS I REFLECTED ON MYSELF......
I REALIZED A BUNCH OF SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!
IN GENERAL!
ABOUT MYSELF, ABOUT LIFE. 

ABOUT HOW I WAS OPERATING.

IF PEOPLE WANT TO TRY TO GET ME "FEELING"
LIKE I'M THE ONE "MISSING OUT"
AND TRY TO PLAY STUPID GAMES WITH ME
THAT I SEE FOR WHAT THEY ARE, 
THEY CAN TRY THAT.
THEY CAN SEE IF THAT SH*T WORKS.
IT DOESN'T.

BECAUSE:
WHAT AM I MISSING OUT ON?
PEOPLE WHO TRY TO MANIPULATE MY FEELINGS?
PEOPLE WHO AREN'T MATURE ENOUGH
NOT TO PLAY GAMES?

THAT IS WHY THAT SH*T BACKFIRES.
I'VE BEEN CONTENT ON MY OWN FOR A WHILE NOW.

I'VE LEARNED A LOT FROM MY EXPERIENCES.

I'M ALSO BUILDING SOME THINGS FOR MYSELF.
IF OTHERS USE THEM, TOO, COOL.
IF IT HELPS, COOL.

BUT WHEN I TELL SOMEONE, A DUDE, 
IT'S NOT COOL TO ACT LIKE XYZ
TOWARD ME, BUT TOWARD OTHER WOMEN, TOO...
AND WHY....

WHY CARE ABOUT WHY? RIGHT?
WHY TELLS YOU... WHY NOT TO FKN ACT LIKE THAT!

THAT'S WHY..... YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT WHY.
NOT JUST THE WHAT.
NOT JUST THE WTF....

THE WHY!!!!!!!!
WHY IS IT A WTF?!

BECAUSE IT'S NOT COOL?

BECAUSE HAVING RESPECT
MEANS SHOWING YOU HAVE IT?
BY NOT XYZ?
BY CONTROLLING YOURSELF?
BY BEING MATURE?

ALL OF THE ABOVE?

The people who GET IT, GET IT!!!!!!!

THOSE WHO DON'T GET IT, PROBABLY WON'T READ IT!
THEY'LL KEEP PUSHING WOMEN AWAY
AND BLAMING WOMEN!

FOR NOT WANTING TO FKN DEAL WITH THAT BS!

IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND....
WOULD THEY WANT IMMATURITY TO THAT FKN DEGREE?
PROBABLY NOT!

SO WHY SHOULD WE WANT THAT?
IT'S NOT "SEXY!"
IT'S FKN GROSS!
IT MAKES WOMEN WANT TO BARF!

IT TURNS WOMEN CELIBATE.

AND WOMEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE CELIBACY!
WE DON'T OWE MEN OUR BODIES!

WE HAVE FULL RIGHTS TO OUR OWN BODIES.

AND TO GET MAD AT US FOR HAVING THAT RIGHT
IS INSANITY!

IT'S ALSO GROSS AND NOT "SEXY!"

IT MAKES US THINK: "THIS IS WHY I AM SAYING NO!"

IF A MAN WOULD WANT TO SAY NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY SHOULDN'T WOMEN WANT TO????????

AND TO GO AS FAR AS TO DRUG US
SO WE CAN'T?
SO WE CAN'T RESIST OR SAY NO?
OR EVEN FKN REMEMBER?

WTF IS THAT SH*T?

IF WOMEN WERE DRUGGING AND CASTERATING MEN.... 
IT WOULD BE A "BIGGER" DEAL
THAN MEN DRUGGING AND ASSAULTING THEIR PARTNERS FFS!

MEN WOULD BE ENRAGED THAT WOMEN
HAVE THE "BALLS" TO DO THAT, RIGHT?

SO WHY ARE THEY BEING SILENT
AND DEBATING AND ARGUING OVER FKN SEMANTICS
WHEN IT'S ABOUT WOMEN?

BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO ACT?

MAYBE LEARN HOW ELSE TO FKN ACT!
IN GENERAL!

TOWARD WOMEN, THOUGH.
BECAUSE WOMEN ARE SO P*SSED OFF
THEY ARE TURNING ON EACH OTHER
FOR NO FKN REASON.

IT'S FKD UP.

I HARDLY TRUST OTHER WOMEN AS IT IS...
BECAUSE THEY CAN GET REALLY FKN PETTY
AND AGGRESSIVE OVER BS.
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY THINK THEY'VE BEEN "SCORNED."

PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THEIR MIND!
EVEN IF THAT IS PAINFUL!

I DENIED ACCESS TO ME, TO SOMEONE.
THEY RAGED ABOUT IT, AT ME, FOR HOURS.
UNTIL I BLOCKED THEM AND THAT P*SSED THEM OFF, TOO.

IF SOMEONE DENIES ME ACCESS TO THEM, 
IT IS FOR A REASON. 

I AM NOT ENTITLED TO ACCESS TO ANYONE.
NOT EVEN JUST "TO BE NICE."

THE ONLY ONE ENTITLED TO MY TIME
IS MY KID. 

HE IS THE ONLY ONE ENTITLED TO MY TIME.
AND HE DOESN'T ACT ENTITLED TO IT.
HE ASKS FOR IT, HE GETS IT
WHEN HE WANTS IT.
WHEN I CAN.

I MAKE MYSELF AVAILABLE FOR HIM.
BECAUSE I'M HIS MOM.
HE GETS ACCESS TO ME.
BEFORE ANYONE ELSE.

ANYONE WHO DOESN'T LIKE/ACCEPT/RESPECT THAT....
CAN FK OFF.

WHY WOULD I EVEN WANT TO BE AROUND PEOPLE
WHO ACT P*SSY WHEN THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT?
RIGHT WHEN THEY WANT IT?

WHY DO THEY WANT ACCESS TO ME?
WHEN THEY NEVER APPRECIATED HAVING ACCESS TO ME?
OR ANYTHING I DID FOR THEM WHEN THEY HAD IT?
OR ME AS A PERSON?
OR ANYTHING ABOUT ME?

THEY WANT ACCESS TO TRY TO GET
SOMETHING THEY WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YET I AM NOT ALLOWED TO FKN WANT ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

BECAUSE WHY SHOULD THEY CARE?
THAT I WANT BASIC FKN RESPECT?

IF THEY SHOW ME THEY CAN'T LEVEL UP, 
I DON'T HAVE TO STICK AROUND.

SHOULD I BE THERE TO BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED?
TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
DISREGARDED?
DISMISSED?

WHO WANTS TO BE THERE FOR THAT BS?
DO YOU?
WOULD YOU?
WOULD ANYONE?

SO WHY SHOULD I?