It Bugs Me

It bugs me TRYING TO COMPROMISE WITH SOMEONE
AND BEING IGNORED AND INSULTED!

AND TREATED LIKE I AM THERE
TO JUST "BE THERE" FOR FKN EVERYONE....
WHEN I NEED TO BE THERE FOR MY KID, FIRST. 

I am not desperate for friends. I have friends. 
I have been meeting new people. 

BUT NOBODY IS ENTITLED TO MY TIME!
NO MATTER HOW THEY FKN THINK OR ACT
OR FEEL ABOUT THE FACT
THAT THEY AREN'T!

AND THEY TELL THEMSELVES THEY DID NOTHING WRONG!

SURE, IT'S NOT WRONG TO HAVE FEELINGS, 
AND TO WANT SOMEONE TO CARE!

BUT WHY INSULT SOMEONE FOR BEING EXHAUSTED?

It's not fair to ME to be ignored when I tell them:
"I can't right now, but I will tomorrow, after I get proper rest
SO I CAN SHOW UP FOR YOU AND ACTUALLY BE "SUPPORTIVE."

IF I AM TOO FKN TIRED TO THINK STRAIGHT....
HOW FKN "USEFUL" AM I GOING TO BE?

I'LL BE LISTENING, BUT WON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO "OFFER"
BECAUSE THAT TAKES FKN ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!

AND SHE WANTS SPECIFIC RESPONSES!
"WHY DID YOU SAY THIS? THAT'S NOT...."
"WHEN YOU SAID THIS BEFORE, IT'S NOT LIKE THIS..."
HOW TF AM I SUPPOSED TO FKN KNOW!?????
ALL MY EDUCATED GUESSES ARE FKN EDUCATED GUESSES!!!

SHE EXPECTS ME TO FKN KNOW SH*T I DON'T!
SHE WANTS ME TO HAVE FKN ANSWERS I DON'T FKN HAVE!
THAT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE!
ESPECIALLY AFTER JUST FKN MEETING!

COULD WE..... EASE INTO IT? MAYBE?

WHY WOULD I WANT EXTRA FKN STRESS? 
WOULD THEY WANT EXTRA STRESS FROM ME?

WOULD THEY WANT ME TO INSULT THEM?
WHEN I DIDN'T GET WHAT I WANT?

YOU THINK CALLING ME IGNORANT?
A LIAR?
OR WHATEVER ELSE....

MAKES ME WANT TO GIVE YOU MY FKN TIME?

IT'S FKN IGNORANT TO CALL ME IGNORANT
FOR PROTECTING WHAT LITTLE FKN ENERGY I HAVE LEFT
FOR THE FKN DAY!

YES, I'M AVOIDING SPENDING ALLLLLL THE ENERGY I HAVE!
JUST FOR YOU!
ON PEOPLE WHO FKN DEMAND IT!

FK OFF WITH DEMANDING FKN ANYTHING FROM ME!

ESPECIALLY RIGHT AFTER MEETING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TF DO I FKN "OWE" YOU?
ANYTHING?
LET ALONE MY TIME?

NOT JUST MY TIME, MY FINITE FKN ENERGY!

IF YOU HAVE A HUGE EGO, 
AND IF YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH GETTING YOUR OWN WAY.... 
FK OFF!!!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE! 

I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE FFS!

NO FKN REASON TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT!

DID I SAY I DIDN'T WANT TO TALK AT ALL?
NO!

I SAID I HAD TO GET UP EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SAID I WANTED TO GO TO BED EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SAID I WAS EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!
I NEEDED REST AND RESPECT! 
I WASN'T FKN ASKING FOR FKN MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I RARELY ASK FOR FKN ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

"YOU MADE ME BEG FOR 5 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME...."
"MY PAIN'S NOT SUPPOSED TO WAIT...."
"MY PAIN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR REST..."

HAVE I EVEN KNOWN YOU FOR 48 FKN HOURS THOUGH?
WEREN'T YOU SURVIVING BEFORE YOU MET ME?

I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF FOR FKN 2 HOURS!
WHILE TRYING TO FKN COMPROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I COULD HAVE JUST BLOCKED HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ESPECIALLY AFTER THE FKN INSULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND SHE SAID, "WHERE DID I INSULT YOU?"
EXCUSE ME?

CALLING ME A BAD FRIEND BECAUSE I CAN'T JUMP ON A SECOND CALL?
I JUMPED ON A CALL WHEN I GOT HOME!
AFTER MEETING HER!
FOR 3 FKN HOURS!

I WAS ON A CALL WITH HER FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!
I WAS SPENT AFTER THAT!
I HAD TO END THE CALL TO ACTUALLY FKN SLEEP!

AND THEN WHEN I SAID NO, THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO JUMP
ON ANOTHER CALL....

SHE TRIED TO CALL ME OUT!
ON WHAT?

THERE'S NOTHING TO CALL ME OUT ON!

I HAD A LEGIT FKN REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR WANTING TO GO TO BED EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT COULD HAVE BEEN RESPECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST BECAUSE SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO IN THE MORNING, 
DOESN'T MEAN I DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHE ALREADY KNEW TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I TOLD HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEFORE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T UNSEE THAT VERBAL FKN BACKLASH
FOR NOT MAKING MYSELF "AVAILABLE"
IMMEDIATELY!
FOR HER INSTANT GRATIFICATION.

IF SHE SAID TO ME:
"A***, I WILL MAKE TIME FOR YOU.
BUT TOMORROW, I AM EXHAUSTED."

SHOULD I BE MAD?
THAT I CAN'T GET THAT "ATTENTION"
IMMEDIATELY?

SHOULD I START INSULTING THEM?

GETTING MAD AT THEM?
CALLING THEM NAMES?

BECAUSE THEY AREN'T AVAILABLE IMMEDIATELY?
LIKE I WANTED?

I AM NOT ENTITLED TO ANYTHING I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO I EVEN GET TO FKN REST? EVER?

WHEN I ISOLATE MYSELF, YES.
HARD TO DO WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO CLING TO ME. 
FOR "EMOTIONAL SUPPORT"
AFTER JUST MEETING ME... 

WHAT IF I ACTED LIKE THAT?
SHOULD I ACT LIKE THAT?
WOULD SHE FKN APPRECIATE THAT SH*T?
AFTER GIVING ME LIKE 10 HOURS OF HER TIME?

WHEN SHE HAS OTHER SH*T SHE COULD BE DOING?
LIKE SLEEPING BECAUSE THEY ARE A HUMAN
WHO NEEDS TO SLEEP
AND RECOVER THEIR ENERGY?

EXCUSE ME FOR BEING A HUMAN WITH A LIFE!
EXCUSE ME FOR NEEDING REST!
EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING SOME OF MY OWN TIME
FOR MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"YOU'RE SELFISH!"
IT'S FKN SELFISH TO WANT ME TO FKN LISTEN
AND BE THERE WHEN I CAN'T. 
AND EVEN WHEN I COULDN'T, 
I SAID I WOULD MAKE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST NOT FKN IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN RESPECTED!
APPRECIATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT WHEN YOU MAKE FKN TIME FOR PEOPLE, 
MOST TAKE YOUR TIME FOR GRANTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND IF THEY DO THAT WITH YOUR TIME, 
THEY WILL DO THAT TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF YOUR TIME DOESN'T FKN MATTER
UNLESS THEY FKN WANT IT.... 

AND YOU'RE A "JERK"
WHEN THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT.... 

WHY FKN BOTHER?
WOULD YOU?

OR JUST LET THEM THINK WHATEVER TF THEY WANT?

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE THINKS THEY SHOULD BE
EVERYONE'S PRIORITY, 
DOESN'T MEAN THEY NEED TO BE ONE.

I HAVE PRIORITIES. 

WANTED ME TO "FIGHT" WITH HER
OVER WHO GETS MY TIME AND WHEN?
OR EVEN WHY SOME WOULDN'T BE?

IF YOU ACT ENTITLED TO MY FKN TIME, 
YOU DON'T FKN DESERVE IT. 

IF I WANT TO GIVE YOU MY TIME, I WILL!
BUT DON'T DEMAND IT
THEN INSULT ME WHEN I SAY NO.

IT SHOULD BE A CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!