That's Why

Was thinking the other night after "boner for intelligence."
Because, although it's a thing... 
Another thing is maturity. 

I've met pretty smart people. Intelligent people. 
But even as intelligent as they are... 
It's easy to think that because they are intelligent, they... 
Are also MATURE. 
Because it's easy to think that they are so intelligent
that they'd be intelligent enough to be mature. 

Those two things should naturally go together
So it's easy to think that they would, because they should... 

Sometimes you meet someone who is very f*cking smart. 
Who should be smart enough to be mature, as well...
So you think that they are mature, too... 
Because they're smart enough to be.

I guess I'm saying: We can't assume someone's mature.
Just because they're smart. 

I've learned this from past relationships. 
Anyone who assumed I was mature when I wasn't
didn't realize I had things to learn. 

As immature as I was, I was still mature in other ways, I guess. 
Defending my stupid younger self.
Someone has to. 

Because I learned some things at an early age. 

Some things, though, took me too long to learn. 
That's why I write about it. Someone has to lol. 

There used to be prehistoric beavers the size of bears. 
In Canada. But the trees might have been bigger, too. 
Those trees could have made BC trees look like Ontario trees. 

Paul Bunyon. And didn't he have a pet bull or something?
Why am I thinking of a blue bull? I don't know what that's from. 

Did I write about the plate that moved on my counter? It was weird. 
I didn't get it on camera. I'm frozen watching it. 
Last thing I'm thinking is "Better get my phone."
I "lost" it the other day. There aren't many places 
that I purposely place it BECAUSE of not wanting to lose it.
I panicked for a bit, then found it in one of those spots. 
I have a wooden tray that I stash under the couch. 
It comes in handy if I need a "table surface."
While I'm on my couch. I do have a coffee table, but it's put away.
With another table, and I have other stuff. 
My brother's been stashing stuff here. 
He's got nowhere to put it and his gf broke up with him. 

What bugs me about guys is that when a girl breaks up with them
THEY DON'T THINK: "WHAT DID I DO? WHAT DIDN'T I DO?"

THERE ARE REASONS A GIRL WANTS TO BREAK UP!
AND IF SHE WANTS TO BREAK UP WITH YOU,
THOSE THINGS HAVE TO DO WITH YOU.

AND IF GUYS WOULD THINK ABOUT IT....
THEY WOULD REALIZE SOMETHING!
ABOUT THEIR STUPID HABITS THAT P*SS THEM OFF!

IF SOMETHING IS P*SSING HER OFF... WHY?!
WHY IS IT P*SSING HER OFF?
WHAT IS IT ABOUT IT THAT IS P*SSING HER OFF?

AND IF YOU DO IT AND KEEP DOING IT
AND NEVER THINK ABOUT IT...

THAT is going to p*ss her off!!!!

If you NEVER THINK ABOUT IT?!
WHEN YOU COULD AT LEAST THINK ABOUT IT?!

AND IF YOU DID THINK ABOUT IT.... 
YOU WOULD REALIZE WHAT IT IS ABOUT IT THAT P*SSES HER OFF!

BECAUSE WHEN SHE IS TELLING YOU WHAT AND WHY
YOU DON'T WANT TO F*CKING LISTEN!

SO WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO F*CKING STAY?
DOES SHE WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT?

OR COULD YOU THINK AND LISTEN?
JUST THAT?

Because there are girls who don't want you to buy them stuff. 
There are girls who could buy themselves things if they wanted to. 

Those girls do not GAF about any of that sh*t. 

AND THAT MEANS THAT MONEY IS NICE TO HAVE
BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN SH*T TO THEM. 

SO THEY LOOK AT GUYS WHO HAVE MONEY
AND THINK MONEY IS EVERYTHING
LIKE THEY ARE GUYS THEY DON'T WANT TO BE WITH. 

DIFFERENT VALUES.... DOESN'T WORK. 
DIFFERENT PRIORITIES... DOESN'T WORK. 

Guys look at a type of girl and think ALL girls are like that type of girl. 
AND GET DOWN ON ALL GIRLS BECAUSE OF ONE TYPE. 

So then the girls who do not GAF about the money or whatever bs... 
GET OVERLOOKED. BUT THEY DON'T CARE ANYMORE ABOUT IT. 

THEY DO NOT GAF ANYMORE ABOUT IT
BECAUSE WHEN THEY WERE RIGHT THERE... 
AND GOT OVERLOOKED.... 
THE GUYS WHO OVERLOOKED THEM... 
THEY HAD THEIR CHANCE OR CHANCES
TO SHOW THE GIRLS THEY COULD ATLEAST DO RIGHT BY THEM
BY AT LEAST ACTING RIGHT. 
AND THEY DIDN'T DO IT.

AND BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T DO IT, 
THE GIRLS DON'T WANT THEM. 

AND THEY HOLD OUT FOR A GUY WHO:
1) ACTS RIGHT AT THE VERY LEAST
2) DOESN'T OVERLOOK/UNDERESTIMATE
3) HAS THE SAME VALUES

They either hold out for a guy like that or choose to be single. 

Because trying to date a guy who doesn't think about himself
in the ways he should be thinking about himself... Constructively... 

WHAT IS IT ABOUT WHAT I AM DOING THAT'S P*SSING HER OFF?
WHAT AM I NOT DOING THAT I SHOULD BE DOING?
SHOULD I BE LISTENING TO HER?
SHOULD I CARE ABOUT WHAT SHE'S SAYING?
MAYBE SHE'S P*SSED OFF FOR A REASON?
MAYBE I CAN FIGURE IT OUT BY THE THINGS SHE'S SAYING...
BUT I WON'T KNOW THAT UNLESS I HEAR IT FROM HER!

COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT, BUT IT'S NOT EVERYTHING. 
COMMUNICATING TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T LISTEN IS POINTLESS.
COMMUNICATING TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T THINK IS POINTLESS.

I COULD LITERALLY WRITE UNTIL MY FINGERS FELL OFF.... 
IF NOBODY READS IT, WILL THEY UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M WRITING?
OR WILL MY WORDS JUST BE WORDS ON A SCREEN?

All my words when I tried telling "partners" how I felt about how they treated me... 
WERE FOR WHAT IF NOTHING CHANGED? EVER?

Shouldn't I be happier doing it on my own, making changes for the better?
IF NOTHING WOULD HAVE CHANGED IF I HAD STAYED?
WHAT WAS I STAYING FOR? FOR THE SAME BS?
TO HAVE TO FKN DO EVERYTHING ON MY OWN ANYWAY?
WHILE BEING "IN A RELATIONSHIP"?

IF I HAD TO ANYWAY WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD IT REALLY MAKE?

Having to do everything on my own WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP p*sses me off. 
BECAUSE I SHOULDN'T FKN HAVE TO!!!!!! I SAID IT!!!!! HEAR ME?????

That is ONE major reason why a lot of females just choose to be alone. 
Easier to just do everything like you would have to anyway, 
without being in a relationship that expected too much from you anyway. 

And someone was trying to talk me into thinking about relationships again. 
Because that's what he is looking for. I told him that I am not. 
It's not me trying to play HARD TO GET. It's me being CONTENT SINGLE. 

SOME FEMALES DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A 'MATE.' NOT ANYMORE. 

Because when they wanted something very simple and easy.... It fkn wasn't!
Blindsided into trusting someone who couldn't be trusted!

They get clear on what they want and realize that it's very rare. 

Because of the mentality of MOST guys. 

And most guys think all girls have the SAME mentality! They don't!
BUT THEY OVERLOOK/UNDERESTIMATE/ASSUME SO MUCH
THAT THEY DON'T MEET THOSE TYPES OF GIRLS WHO DON'T.

AND WHEN THEY DO MEET THEM...
THEY DON'T KNOW WTF TO DO WITH THEM.

AND THAT IRRITATES THEM SO MUCH
THAT THEY'D RATHER BE ALONE. 

Being alone is way less hassle.

The guy was trying to tell me... 
"What about romance?" What about it?

Romance is dead because passion is dead, period. 
The things that come to my mind about it...

1) How can anyone who never took the time to really know me be passionate about me?
2) If anyone had ever wanted to be romantic, for real, they would have been.
3) It wouldn't have been just me trying all the fkn time.

And the approach matters. Timing is a thing. 
Like if I'm approached at a specific time, I probably won't want to. 

And it matters who I'm approached by. I don't really want to be with a guy if:

1) He's old enough to be my father (My mother or stepfather's age).
2) It doesn't fkn matter if he is rich, that's not for me.

My neighbor was telling me that he was in his 20s in the 1990s. 
I was in the second and third grades in the 1990s....

If you were an adult when I was still a kid... YOU ARE TOO OLD FOR ME.
AND SHOULDN'T BE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
EVEN THOUGH I AM AN ADULT NOW.

I'd be NO FK DIFFERENT....
THAN IF I WERE TO LOOK AT YOUNGER GUYS AT MY AGE.

1) What would be the point in that? Just s*x? 
2) Do they have enough experience in life for something serious?

I'll tell you something wild I learned while researching for my book... 
Back before Canada lowered the voting age to 18, it was at 21. 
The only exception was for the military.
Because more than half of the military personnel were under the age of 21. 
MORE THAN HALF. UNDER THE AGE OF 21. DYING FOR CANADA.

Is that wild or what?

Anyway, as I was saying.... The girls who ARE that type who act like that....
That have the habits that p*ss guys off, like always wanting to spend money...
Or always wanting this or that.... That's a mentality....

A mentality like the mentality of guys not listening, even when a woman is upset. 

There's a difference between being upset for no reason and for a reason. 

If I have a reason to be upset and you REFUSE to just listen? That's ignorant. 
Being ignorant toward me when I would listen to your reason for being upset with me...
That p*sses me off even more than when I was already upset about something else. 

When frustration could have been kept at frustration, but it escalates due to ignorance...
That's when women get ANGRY. 

And it's usually about: "I just wanted you to fkn act right by listening."
And when you can have a REAL conversation with a woman about why she was upset....
THAT SHOWS THAT YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND WHY SHE WAS UPSET....
THAT SHOWS MATURITY! IT SHOWS ACCOUNTABILITY!
IT SHOWS THE WILLINGNESS TO LISTEN!
IT SHOWS YOU HEARD HER!
IT SHOWS YOU CARE ENOUGH TO WANT TO UNDERSTAND!
FROM HER POINT OF VIEW!
FKN RARE @SS SH*T!
THAT WOULD BLOW HER FKN MIND!

But the same goes for guys, too. 
Guys get frustrated, too. 

Both sides need to know they can't just have everything their way all the time. 

I never wanted everything my way all the time. 

Acting right toward me isn't about having my way. 
It's about fkn having the decency to be fkn decent to me.

BECAUSE I AM HAPPY WHEN PEOPLE ARE DECENT TO ME!
CAN I REALLY WANT THE STARS AND THE MOON? FK NO!
BUT CAN YOU OR CAN YOU NOT BE DECENT TO ME?
AS A FKN PERSON? AT THE VERY LEAST?

AND CAN I AT LEAST WANT THAT?

BECAUSE YOU WANT AT LEAST THAT FROM ME, RIGHT?
FOR ME TO BE DECENT TO YOU, RIGHT?
SO BE FKN DECENT TO ME, OKAY?
ACT RIGHT TOWARD ME, BE DECENT.
BASIC RESPECT, PLEASE.

SHOULD NOT EVEN BE HARD TO DO!

Decent people don't have a hard time being decent. 

Anyway.... You get what I'm saying. 
Decency shouldn't be a rarity. 
It should be a basic. 
A requirement.

Anyway, but decency.... Is a mentality. 

A decent mentality.... Produces what? A decent personality!
A person with a decent personality, with decent traits, becomes a decent person!
WHO ACTS WITH DECENCY! TOWARD OTHERS!
EVEN IF AND ESPECIALLY WHEN....
THEY DON'T EVEN WANT ANYTHING WITH/FROM YOU!
BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST....
A DECENT PERSON!

The m*rder that happened just yesterday, on Rideau street... 
A guy in a wheelchair was st@bbed, and died. 

The guy who st@bbed him was 70 years old. 

IF HE HAD DECADES TO REALIZE SOME THINGS, WHY DIDN'T HE?
COULD WE HAVE HOPED THAT BY THE TIME THE GUY WAS 70...
THAT HE COULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT DECENCY?
AND THE DECENT THING TO DO....
WOULD HAVE BEEN NOT TO ST@B THE GUY IN THE WHEELCHAIR?

Lots of time to think, in jail, now. where he'll likely die. 
People don't like people who st@b people in wheelchairs, in jail. 
Or outside of jail. 

They won't care that he's 70 years old. 
Because he didn't care that the guy he st@bbed was in a wheelchair. 
People do not like that. 

Lots of time to think about a lot of things. Like decency.

I wish I had a lot more decency in my life. 
I wish I had BEEN MORE DECENT IN MY LIFE. 
I WISH I HAD THE DECENCY TO DO SOME THINGS. 
AND THE DECENCY NOT TO HAVE DONE SOME THINGS.

I WASN'T THINKING ABOUT DECENCY. WHO DOES?
DO THE DECENT PEOPLE EVEN THINK ABOUT DECENCY?
OR ARE THEY TOO BUSY JUST BEING DECENT TO THINK ABOUT IT?

If my ex had the decency not to punch me in the head....
If mirror smasher had the decency not to smash my mirror.... 
If anyone who did the things they did that affected me... In any way... 
Had the decency not to do those things... 
COULD I HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF FOR IT? IN ANY WAY?
BUT THERE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ANY HARDSHIPS TO THINK ABOUT.

Yes, it was just a punch in the head... Or just a busted mirror... Or just this or just that.
Sure it was just "something."
Underneath it, there's more there because those things say things. 

"They weren't thinking of you, yet again." Could have thought of me, but didn't.

Was the guy who st@bbed the guy in the wheelchair thinking of the guy in the wheelchair?
What it would have been like for him, in a wheelchair, getting st@bbed?
Did he think about that? Or was he thinking about st@bbing the guy?

The decent thing to do would have been not to st@b the guy. 
Not just because he was in a wheelchair, but especially because of that. 

Not that people should get passes for everything just because they are in a wheelchair. 
People in wheelchairs can be decent too. 

But I'm saying the decent thing to do would have been not to st@b him or anyone. 
How many times do we think: What's the decent thing to do?
Or: What's the decent thing not to do?

What would be decent of me NOT TO DO?

IT WOULD BE DECENT OF ME NOT TO PUNCH MY GF IN THE HEAD.
NOT TO ST@B THE GUY IN THE WHEELCHAIR...
NOT TO ST@B ANYONE. 
NOT TO SH00T ANYONE.
NOT TO ATTACK ANYONE. 
NOT TO CAUSE SOMEONE'S DEATH. 
UNLESS I AM PROTECTING MYSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE.
NOT TO ASSUME YOU ARE BEING ATTACKED AND ATTACK FIRST.

Not to do a bunch of things. Would be decent. 

Do people think about decency? Could they?
If they could, why don't they?

BECAUSE IT WOULD BE DECENT TO THINK ABOUT DECENCY!