Emotional Hostage

One thing I realizzed is that I was holding myself back
BY LETTING CERTAIN PEOPLE
AND SITUATIONS  
HOLD ME BACK. 

And the reason it was hard to just say fk it, 
FOR AS LONG AS I PUT UP WITH THAT SH*T
was that I was emotionally invested. 

I FKN CARED. TOO MUCH.
FOR PEOPLE WHO DID NOT GAF ABOUT ME.
BECAUSE IF THEY DID, 
THEY WOULDN'T HAVE XYZ... 
EVER!!!!! NEVER!!!!! EVER!!!! 

WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF DOING XYZ
OR OF BEING XYZ... 

AND THEY WOULD KNOW THAT DOING IT, 
OR BEING THAT WAY, TO ME
WOULD CAUSE ME TO TURN MY BACK. 
AND NOT WANT TO LOOK BACK. 

Letting people "control" how they were being etc... 
WHILE HE HAD THE CHOICE TO TAKE THE BAIT
OR NOT TAKE THE BAIT. 
HIM TAKING THE BAIT HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH ME. 

OTHER THAN I COULD HAVE BEEN A REASON
THAT THEY DIDN'T XYZ. TO ME!!!!!!

To not even think about it!
To not want to choose it!

TO CHOOSE ME, INSTEAD OF THAT SH*T. 

But I can't expect anyone to FKN SEE THE TRUTH. 
ABOUT ME, ABOUT THEMSELVES, 
ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE REFUSING
AND FKN ALLOWING. 

Waiting around for people to realize anything...
IS LIKE HOLDING YOUR BREATH.

WHY DEPRIVE YOURSELF OF AIR
JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS REFUSING
TO LOOK, TO SEE, TO KNOW, TO GROW, 
TO FKN GROW TF UP, 
TO BE AN ADULT... 

Adults aren't about the drama. 
IF HE HADN'T BROUGHT THAT SH*T, 
THERE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT SH*T. 

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SIMPLE.

JUST GROW UP. SIMPLE. 
He refused to just fkn do that.

I've seen/experienced sh*t like that
BUT NOT ON THAT LEVEL, BEFORE. 
AND DEFINITELY NOT DOING THAT SH*T AGAIN. 

IF YOU REJECT SOMEONE TO THE POINT
THEY REJECT YOU, OH WELL!

MAYBE IF YOU PLAY GAMES, 
THEY GET P*SSED OFF 
AND TELL YOU TO P*SS OFF. 

And I can take rejection.
IT WASN'T THAT HE REJECTED ME
IT WAS HOW HE DID IT. 

IT WAS THE FACT THE DRAGGED IT OUT. 
IT WAS THE FACT THAT EVERYTHING WAS INTENTIONAL. 
IT WAS THE FACT HE CHOSE TO DO THAT SH*T.
IT WAS THE FACT HE LIED TO MY FACE. 
HE DISRESPECTED ME. 
IT WASN'T ABOUT THE REJECTION. 
IT WAS ABOUT THE DISRESPECT. 

HE CHOSE TO BE A HEARTLESS POS. 
THAT'S WHAT THE ISSUE IS. 

AND I WAS STUCK AS AN EMOTIONAL HOSTAGE
BECAUSE HE WAS STRINGING ME ALONG
JUST TO BE A FKN COWARD POS. 

But I'm thinking about "emotional hostage"
Because that's what it felt like. 

DOING THAT SH*T TO SOMEONE
WHO WAS EMOTIONALLY INVESTED, 
AND THEY KNEW I WAS....

BECAUSE WHY FKN BOTHER AT ALL
IF I FKN WASN'T???????? 

But just because HE fell for the bait doesn't mean
that he gets to come back my way
and try to bait me. 

WHEN YOU FK SOMETHING UP, 
SOMETIMES YOU DON'T GET TO CLEAN IT UP. 
YOU GET TO SIT IN THE MESS YOU MADE. 
BECAUSE YOU FKED IT UP
ON PURPOSE. 

AND JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T SEE SOMETHING
BEFORE YOU FKED IT UP
DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU DIDN'T STILL FK IT UP. 

BY TAKING PEOPLE FOR GRANTED, WHO CARED... 
WHO WANTED YOU TO JUST FKN CARE TOO.
AND WHEN YOU KEPT SHOWING THEM YOU DON'T, 
WHY SHOULD THEY BE THERE UNTIL YOU DO?

But I am a villain for NOT WANTING THAT SH*T. 

FOR WANTING IT TO JUST BE SIMPLE. 

AND HAD HE SEEN THE TRUTH, 
OF WHAT I WAS SAYING, AND WHY I SAID IT, 
WHY I EVEN FKN BOTHERED AT ALL... 

HAD HE TAKEN ME SERIOUSLY, 
MAYBE I'D STILL BE THERE. 

BECAUSE IT NEVER MATTERED WHAT HE HAD
AND DIDN'T HAVE. 

IT WASN'T ABOUT GETTING ANYTHING FROM HIM. 

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT RESPECT. 

It wasn't about rejecting me. 
IT WAS TRYING TO FKN BREAK ME. 

COULD HAVE REJECTED ME WITHOUT ANY OF THAT SH*T, 
CORRECT?
WITHOUT WASTING MY TIME?

Had he wanted to do better, he would have. 
IF HE WANTED TO TREAT ME LIKE HE CARED ABOUT ME
AND CARED ABOUT HOW I FELT... 
HE WOULD HAVE!

BUT I'M SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT EVERYONE
ALL THE FKN TIME BECAUSE THEY WANT ME TO
AND WHEN I TURN MY BACK, THEY FEEL IT
BECAUSE I'M NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON
WHO FKN WOULD
UNLESS I AM PUSHED TO FKN DO IT. 

BUT EVEN KNOWING THAT, THEY STILL DO IT. 
JUST TO SEE IF I WILL?
TO SEE IF I WOULD?
WHAT FKN GIVES?!

Could have just NOT pushed me to do it... 

AND YET THEY STILL WANT TO FKN BLAME ME?
COULD I BLAME THEM
IF I DID THE SAME FKN THINGS TO THEM?

If I ran like a p*ssy b*tch when it came time to step up... 
AND POINTED THE FINGER AT HIM
THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO GROW TF UP... 

IF I COULDN'T CONTROL MY IMPULSES
AND WANTED TO ACT/BE HELLA IMMATURE... 

AND BLAME HIM FOR IT... 

COULD I EXPECT HIM TO STAY? OR WANT TO?
TIME AFTER TIME?

I wrote about all the sh*t over the last 6+ years. 
Had I stayed, that would have continued. 

SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU
AND SHOWS UP FOR YOU
WHEN NOBODY ELSE IS.... 

DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE DONE LIKE THAT. 

SO I WASN'T EXPECTING TO BE DONE LIKE THAT.

BEING DONE LIKE THAT BLINDSIDED ME.

EACH TIME I'VE EVER BEEN DONE LIKE THAT
BLINDSIDED ME. 

AND TOOK ME A WHILE TO RECOVER FROM.

And when you are RECOVERING FROM THE LAST TIME
OF BEING DONE DIRTY.... 

YOU EVEN GIVE THEM ANOTHER CHANCE
THINKING THEY LEARNED SOMETHING. 

THINKING YOU CAN BELIEVE THEM
WHEN THEY TELL YOU TO YOUR FACE:
"I WON'T TREAT YOU LIKE THAT ANYMORE."

Just to be done even worse ffs. 

And each time I've been done dirty
FOR PEOPLE WHO DID THEM DITRY.
WERE TRYING TO DO US BOTH DIRTY.... 

It made me not want to continue to trust them. 
OR WANT TO BE AROUND THEM. 
OR EVEN LOOK AT THEM
THE WAY I ONCE LOOKED AT THEM. 

It left such a taste in my mouth that 
I DON'T WANT TO FKN GIVE ANYONE A CHANCE. 

And I look at all the cases where some chick trusted a guy
to have him do something fkn atrocious to her. 

ALL THE THINGS WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO
AND ALLOWED TO TRUST THEM NOT TO DO.
INTENTIONALLY NONETHELESS... 

LIKE PUNCHING THEM IN THE HEAD... 
DISRESPECTING THEM, 
LYING TO THEM, 
BREAKING SOMETHING THAT DOES NOT BELONG TO THEM... 
BEING AN ICY POS... 

DOING A WHOLE LOT OF MESS BEHIND THEIR BACK
AND TO THEIR FACE... 

All kinds of betrayal sh*t... 

Like wouldn't it be nice to be in a subway station...
Minding your own business... 
Just being a female... 

AND NOT GET KICKED DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS
BY SOME COWARD POS?

That happened to a woman. Just for being a woman. 

All the sh*t that happens to females just for being female... 

WOULD HE HAVE THE SAME BALLS TO KICK A MALE
DOWN THE STAIRS
FACE FKN FIRST?

PROBABLY NOT!

If someone's mature, they tell the truth!
BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE!
THEY ARE MATURE ENOUGH TO VALUE IT. 

The only exception is to save a life, or lives. 
Like if you lie to misdirect someone who's trying to k*ll people.

OTHERWISE, WHY LIE?

When I was a kid, my earliest memories of lying
WAS WHEN I TOLD THE TRUTH
THAT I DIDN'T KNOW
WHICH WAS ASSUMED TO BE A LIE
BUT WAS TRUE... 
AND I'D GET HIT FOR "LYING"
WHEN I WASN'T... 
UNTIL I SAID SOMETHING THEY THOUGHT
WAS THE "TRUTH"
BUT WASN'T. 

HAD THEY JUST ACCEPTED THE TRUTH, 
I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO MAKE SH*T UP. 
AND I REALLY DIDN'T LIKE MAKING SH*T UP.
BECAUSE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED
TO TELL THE TRUTH
AND HAVE THAT ACCEPTED. 
AND NOT BE HIT, AT ALL. 

OVER FKN NOTHING BUT "CONTROL."

Those are my earliest memories. 
Some of them. 

Being treated like the issue for not wanting to be "hit"
in any type of way... 
Emotionally, physically, or whatever...
VERBALLY EVEN.... 

BEING TREATED LIKE THAT
FOR NOT WANTING THAT
IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF SOMETHING. 

AND THEN BEING TREATED WORSE
FOR NOT WANTING TO BE
TREATED LIKE THAT
IS ANOTHER DIFFERENT KIND OF SOMETHING. 

That's what I'm not cool with. 

Being like that and acting like that isn't "enough" for me. 
BECAUSE THERE IS NO REAL FKN REASON FOR IT, 
AND I REALLY DON'T FEEL LIKE I DESERVE THAT SH*T.

HAD I ACTED LIKE THAT? HAD I DONE THAT?
LEFT THEM TO DEAL WITH WHAT I DID?
ON PURPOSE?

HAD I LET THEM DOWN FOR PEOPLE
WHO NEVER GAF ABOUT ME?
CONSTANTLY?
WITH NO REGRET?
UNTIL AFTER I REALIZED
THEY NEVER GAF ABOUT ME?

I'm not willing to go back to "trying to have conversations"
WITH PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FKN HAVE THEM
AND TRY TO BLAME ME FOR THAT. 

OR "TRYING TO BE IN ANYONE'S LIFE"
ESPECIALLY IF THEY CAN'T BE BOTHERED
TO TREAT ME LIKE I MATTER TO THEM. 

By not xyz.... 
By choosing not to xyz... 

That's how they could have treated me
LIKE I MATTERED TO THEM.

Can't get mad at me when I realize how
IMMATURE SOMEONE IS. 

AFTER GIVING CHANCES TO WAKE UP.
TO DO/BE BETTER.
TO TREAT ME BETTER. 

SHOULD I BE GIVING MANY CHANCES
FOR SOMEONE TO TREAT ME BETTER?
OR SHOULD THEY HAVE JUST
TREATED ME BETTER?

LIKE I MATTERED! TO THEM!
ME! THAT I DID! AS A PERSON!
NOT WHATEVER CAME WITH ME.
OR FROM ME. 
NOT WHATEVER THEY COULD GET.
ME! THAT I MATTERED!
ABOVE ANY OF THAT!

BUT I AM THE BAD PERSON
FOR WANTING TO BE TREATED
LIKE I FKN MATTER!!!!!!

So not only do I get treated like I don't fkn matter.... 
I get treated even worse FOR NOT WANTING THAT SH*T. 
I GET TREATED BADLY
FOR THE CHANCES SOMEONE WANTED
TO TAKE ON ME. 

And when I take ACCESS AWAY... 
SO THEY CAN'T ACCESS ME... 
SO I STOP GIVING A FK... 
COMPLETELY PUSHED ME AWAY, 
THE FURTHEST THEY COULD PUSH ME... 

THEY FKN GET MAD AT ME.

WHEN THEY SHOULD BE BLAMING THEMSELVES
FOR DOING/BEING XYZ. 

There was a guy I knew who used the term:
"Showing your @ss."
Or embarrassing yourself. 

If you're being a POS... 
SHOULDN'T THAT BE SO EMBARRASSING
THAT YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO BE A POS?

I can look at it this way:
Some people can't seem to SEE and UNDERSTAND
THE EXTENT OF THEIR OWN SH*T.
BECAUSE IF THEY DID,
THEY WOULDN'T KEEP GOING. 
WOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN IT "THERE."

OR I COULD LOOK AT IT:
THEY KNEW EXACTLY WTF THEY WERE DOING
AND CHOSE TO DO IT ANYWAY. 

BUT WHEN SOMEONE TAKES IT "THERE"
AND IT BLOWS UP IN THEIR OWN FACE, 

THEY DON'T GET TO TRY TO BLAME YOU
FOR THE CHOICES THEY NEVER NEEDED TO MAKE.
THE CHOICES THEY CHOSE TO MAKE. 
AGAINST YOU. 

But after sh*t doesn't go "right" AFTER THAT SH*T,
YOU DON'T GET TO COME BACK
AFTER I AM FORCED TO MOVE FORWARD
JUST TO TRY TO HAVE THE LOYALTY, XYZ
YOU ONCE HAD FROM ME. 

YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT SH*T. 

YOU DON'T GET TO DISMISS ME LIKE I DON'T MATTER
ACT LIKE I DON'T MATTER
AND THEN TRY TO BAIT ME INTO ANOTHER ROUND OF THAT. 

and everytime I was baited into giving them another chance, 
that was me giving them another chance. 

IF THEY WERE MATURE, THEY COULD CONTROL THEMSELVES. 
ENOUGH NOT TO XYZ. 

AND NOT WANTING TO XYZ SHOULD BE ENOUGH
NOT TO XYZ,
CORRECT? 

NOT DOING PEOPLE DIRTY SHOULD BE ENOUGH
FOR THEM NOT TO DO YOU DIRTY. 
IDEALLY. 

Wouldn't it be cool that all you had to do was be SOLID
FOR OTHERS TO BE SOLID WITH YOU?

The guy's still fkn bugging me about his refund. 
He thinks it got renewed twice, it got renewed once. 

I was supposed to renew it and forgot, it was overdue, 
so I renewed it because I thought he'd be mad if I didn't, 
so I did it and told him I did it, for him,
and now he's bugging me repeatedly about a refund
that is out of my control. 

AND ISN'T MY RESPONSIBILITY. 
I TOLD HIM, REPEATEDLY, THAT IT IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY.
NOT MINE!
IT ISN'T MY REFUND. 
I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY, THEY DO. 
ALL I DID WAS RENEW IT FOR HIM. 

LIKE HE FKN WANTED ME TO
AND THEN AFTER TELLING ME TO DO IT, 
TURNS AROUND AND DOESN'T WANT IT ANYMORE. 

HE DOESN'T WANT IT ANYMORE
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT HIS DK. 

I DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY HIM.
I DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE WITH HIM. 
I DIDN'T WANT TO GIVE HIM 24/7 ACCESS TO ME. 
I DIDN'T WANT TO LET HIM DRAIN ME. 

IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THAT ANYWAY.

And now he wants to email about it constantly
INSTEAD OF DOING SOMETHING ABOUT
GETTING HIS MONEY BACK FROM THEM. 
MAKING IT MY FAULT
THAT HE WON'T FKN LISTEN TO ME
TRYING TO TELL HIM
THAT I HAVE ZERO TO DO WITH IT. 
THAT'S BETWEEN HIM AND THEM. NOT ME. 

And even AFTER SHOWING ME HIS DK FFS
I'M STILL TRYING TO BE NICE ABOUT IT
WHEN AFTER THAT, I COULD HAVE BLOCKED HIM
COMPLETELY. 

WHICH I AM REALLY TEMPTED TO DO. 
BUT I'M STILL TRYING TO BE NICE FFS. 

AFTER ALL THAT, HE SHOULD JUST FKN LEAVE ME ALONE.
HE DIDN'T GET WHAT HE WANTED FROM ME. 
TIME TO MOVE ON.

I didn't get what I wanted, either: RESPECT.

If he respected me, he wouldn't have xyz. 
Tried to talk me into "marriage"
and tried to talk me into living together, 
tried to get me to watch fkn p0rn ffs. 
Showed me his dk. 

Fkn tried to talk me into hooking up for $50. 

AND YET HE SEEMS TO THINK I OWE HIM SOMETHING. 
WHEN IN FACT, I OWE HIM FKN NOTHING. 

NOT EVEN HELP GETTING A REFUND
THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH. 

LIKE EACH TIME HE DID SOMETHING CREEPY, 
THE NEXT TIME IT WAS A STEP ABOVE
UNTIL HE SHOWED ME HIS DK FFS. 

LIKE I DON'T HAVE TO BE NICE TO ANYONE
WHO PUTS ME THROUGH A BUNCH OF SH*T
WHEN I'VE BEEN SOLID AND HELD UP MY END. 

I AM NOT HIS PERSONAL ASSISTANT. 

DOING ANYONE A FAVOR DOESN'T MEAN
YOU OWE IT TO THEM
OR ANYTHING ELSE. 

So I don't owe it. 
ESPECIALLY MY FREEDOM. 

HE WANTED TO "MARRY" ME
SO I WOULDN'T BE FREE TO MARRY
SOMEONE OF MY CHOOSING ETC., 
SOMEONE ELSE WHO WOULD HAVE ACCESS TO ME
AND "POSSIBLY" "CONTROL" OVER ME... 
(IN THEIR MIND)...

When he started talking like that, I could have fkn RAN AWAY.
I DIDN'T. 
BUT JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T
DOESN'T MEAN ANYONE CAN JUST GET
OR HAVE
WHATEVER THEY WANT FROM ME. 

Like telling me he'd pay me $50 for s#x ffs. 

AND AFTER DECLINING, I TOLD HIM
THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS THERE FOR.
BECAUSE I'M FKN NOT THERE FOR THAT SH*T. 

AND EVEN LIKE ASKING ME OR BRINGING IT UP
WAS THEM FKN EXPECTING IT
FOR BRINGING IT UP. 

LIKE ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS BRING IT UP
OR TRY TO GET ME TURNED ON
BY SHOWING ME THEIR DK?
WHY WOULD BEING SHOWN IT MAKE ME WANT IT?
JUST BECAUSE IT'S RIGHT THERE?
FK RIGHT OFF WITH THAT BS!
JUST FK OFF WITH IT!
ALL THE WAY OFF!

Besides not being that kind of girl... 
Even the ones I did hook up with... Fkn regretted it. 
BECAUSE OF THEIR BS.

AND I COULD HAVE JUST NOT. 
SO I JUST DON'T. 
NO 'REGRETS.'

THE FACT THAT HE OFFERED ME $50 TO FK HIM... 
THAT TURNED ME OFF, 
BESIDES ALREADY TURNED OFF... 

BUT IT COULD HAVE SAID:
"A***, IF HE'S BEING LIKE THIS, JUST GO."

There were times it got so uncomfortable that I left. 
Like when he wanted me to watch the video. 
Like when he showed me his dk. 

After the last time, I hadn't wanted to see him. 
And he kind of caught onto it. 
If I was going to be upset about him showing me his dk, 
THEN IT WASN'T WORTH IT TO KEEP TRYING
TO GET ME TO FK HIM. 

ESPECIALLY AFTER I WOULDN'T FOR $50 LOL. 

It's not that I think $50's low or something. 
IT'S THAT WHY WOULD I SELL MY SELF-RESPECT
FOR ANYTHING?

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WANTS TO BE
DISGUSTINGLY SELFISH?

AND ONLY THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT?

AND NOT ABOUT WHAT I WANT?

WHICH IS RESPECT?

NOT TO ASK ME TO FK YOU FOR ANY MONEY, 
NOT TO ASK ME TO FK YOU AT ALL. 
MAYBE REALIZE THAT I DON'T WANT TO FK YOU, 
AND RESPECT THAT IT IS MY CHOICE. 

Is that a lot to ask for?
A lot to want? ffs.

Should I want to fk someone who thinks I should want to for $50?
Who thinks showing me a video will make me want to fk?
Who thinks showing me their dk is in any way appropriate?

THEN THINKS I OWE THEM ANY HELP TO GET A REFUND
THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME?

SHOULD THAT BE ATTRACTIVE TO ME?
SHOULD I WANT TO FK THAT?
JUST BECAUSE THEY WANT TO FK ME?

AND YET SEEM TO THINK THEY CAN TREAT ME
LIKE A PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO CONTROL?

GTFO WITH THAT SH*T. 

WHERE IS MY RESPECT?
BESIDES MY SELF-RESPECT?

If I didn't respect myself, I would have fkd him for $50!
EVEN IF I DIDN'T WANT TO!
BUT NO! 
I DIDN'T BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO!
AND HE SHOULD HAVE RESPECTED THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO. 
AND NOT KEPT TRYING AFTER THAT. 

BUT SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BEFORE HE EVEN TRIED THAT. 
THAT I WASN'T THERE FOR THAT
AND COULD HAVE RESPECTED THAT. 
AND RESPECTED ME,
BUT DIDN'T. 

If he respected me, he wouldn't have looked at me
like someone to fk or try to fk
or try to control in any way. 

HE WOULD HAVE SEEN ME AS A PERSON. 
A PERSON WHO WAS TREATING HIM LIKE A PERSON. 
UNTIL HE KEPT TREATING ME LIKE I'M SOMEONE
TO CONTROL TO TRY TO GET WHAT HE WANTS.

Which is his refund. Fair. 
CAN'T GET IT THROUGH ME. 
I'M NOT THE ONE WHO PROCESSES THE REFUNDS. 
I HAVE NO SAY IN HOW IT WORKS
OR IF IT DOES, 
BUT THE MONEY DID NOT COME TO ME. 
I DO NOT HAVE IT. 
IF I HAD IT, I'D HAVE GIVEN IT BACK
JUST SO HE CAN P*SS OFF. 

So aggravating. 
AFTER TELLING HIM IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME
HE'S STILL CONTACTING ME ABOUT IT. 

I'M TEMPTED TO BLOCK THE GUY.
IF HE KEEPS HARRASSING ME, I PROBABLY WILL.

PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE WHEN HE SHOWED ME HIS DK.
YET I STILL TRIED BEING NICE ABOUT IT.

EVEN THOUGH THAT SH*T P*SSES ME OFF.

Anyway, been tired, sleeping but... Not sleeping the best. 
Got a lot on my mind. 

This is just like maybe 2% of what I'm thinking about. 

Anyway, to switch it up a bit... Because it's having me in a mood... 
Because I wish I didn't have to deal with any of that sh*t.

It's like "look what you get for trusting."

I'll sleep for a bit, wake up, write
or code or something, or play games, 
then go back to sleep... 

BUT ON MY MIND IS A LOT OF STUFF. 
Sometimes writing about it helps...
Sometimes it doesn't. 

Writing about it changes nothing about it. 

MIGHT GET PEOPLE TO THINK
ABOUT WHAT THEY INTENTIONALLY DO
OR TRY TO DO 
AND WHY
AND HOW THAT SH*T'S LIKE SLAMMING A DOOR
IN YOUR OWN FACE... 

BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE ME THAT GET DISRESPECTED
DON'T HAVE TO FKN BE IN YOUR LIFE AT ALL. 
NEVER HAD TO BE. 
NEVER HAD TO EVEN WANT TO BE. 

AND THEY STILL GET TREATED LIKE THAT?

What can I expect, though?
For people to accept responsibility?
FOR THEM TO BE HONEST TO ME 
AND TO THEMSELVES?
FOR THEM TO FACE THE OPPORTUNITY
TO GROW UP?

Because a lot of people act like I can't expect that. 
BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO MATURE
TO ACT LIKE I CAN, 
FROM THEM.