About Having The Opportunity

When someone takes wanting them to just grow tf up as a challenge, 
often, they'll run to something "less challenging."

Should someone wanting you to grow tf up be a "challenge"?

Either you accept that they want you to, and WHY, or don't. 
AND IF YOU DON'T, 
YOU DON'T GET TO BE ALL LIKE:|
"A***, NOW I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU WERE SAYING
AND WHY YOU TOLD ME WHAT YOU TOLD ME..."

"HAD I LISTENED TO YOU, AND NOT XYZ, 
AND GREW TF LIKE YOU WANTED ME TO, 
FOR THE REASONS YOU WANTED ME TO, 
I COULD HAVE AND WOULD HAVE AVOIDED
XYZ."

"HAD I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU, TOO.
HAD I CARED ABOUT YOU AND SHOWN YOU THAT I DO..."

"BY TREATING YOU LIKE SOMEONE
I NEVER WANTED TO LOSE..."

OR WHATEVER...

OF COURSE, I'M JUST... 
NOT THE PERSON WHO EVER GETS THAT. 
JUST THAT. 

USUALLY, IF ANYONE REALIZES ANYTHING
ABOUT ME, 
IT'S AFTER I WALK AWAY. 

AND IT P*SSES ME OFF THAT IT TAKES THAT
AND THEY TAKE IT AS FAR AS THEY FKN DO... 

THINKING THEY CAN JUST TRY
TO GASLIGHT ME INTO THINKING SOMETHING
THAT JUST ISN'T THE CASE.

AND I'M SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW
THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE TRYING TO DO. 

What took me this long, this time, 
WAS THAT I WASN'T EXPECTING THIS SH*T. 

I WASN'T EXPECTING IT
BECAUSE I TRUSTED THEM NOT TO XYZ. 

I TRUSTED THEM TO MAYBE WANT TO GROW TF UP. 
ESPECIALLY IF IT WAS GOING TO COST THEM
MY RESPECT/TRUST... 

But if it didn't matter to them... 
THEY CANNOT FKN TRY TO ACT LIKE IT EVER DID
OR THAT IT MAGICALLY DOES NOW.

NOW THAT THEY ALREADY ACTED
THE WAY THEY CHOSE TO ACT. 

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T JUST UNDO THAT SH*T
AND TRY TO ACT LIKE THAT NEVER HAPPENED. 
BECAUSE IT DID. 

AND IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GROW TF UP, 
WHY SHOULD I BE WASTING MY TIME?
JUST TO WASTE IT?

JUST TO "WIN" SOMETHING?
JUST TO "HAVE TO" "FIGHT"
FOR SOMETHING I NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAD TO
"FIGHT" FOR?

REPEATEDLY? ENDLESSLY?
UNTIL I AM PUSHED TO A POINT
I TELL SOMEONE TO FK RIGHT OFF?

Sure, MATURING is HARD for anyone
WHO DOESN'T FKN WANT TO.

AND IF THEY DON'T SEE WHAT THEY HAVE TO LOSE, 
BY NOT GROWING TF UP... 

THEY DON'T SEE THAT THEY STAND TO LOSE IT, EITHER.

AND WHEN THEY DO, THEY GET MAD. 

SHOULD I CARE?

IF YOU GIVE SOMEONE THE "POWER"
TO HAVE "ACCESS" TO YOU... AND THEY @BUSE IT, 

DO THEY NEED TO BE GIVEN IT?

Like not even just @buse it, but chose to @buse it. 

AND @BUSING IT SAYS WHAT?
THAT THEY APPRECIATE THE CHANCE TO EVEN HAVE IT?
THAT THEY EVER SAW THE TRUE VALUE?
OF HAVING IT?

IF THEY DON'T, WHAT DO YOU OWE THEM? 
ANYTHING?

ANOTHER CHANCE TO @BUSE YOU SO MORE?
SOME MORE THAN THEY ALREADY DID?

THE DISRESPECT, ON SOME LEVEL IS @BUSE. 
AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME THEY DON'T KNOW
WHAT THEY ARE DOING. 

Okay, in some ways, they don't... 
I'll explain what I mean by that... 

Often, some people are too xyz to see xyz. 
THE FACT THAT THEY ARE TOO XYZ TO SEE XYZ...
DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YOU?
OR WITH THEM?

SO SINCE IT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO XYZ TO SEE XYZ... 
TRYING TO BLAME YOU FOR CHOOSING TO BE XYZ
SAYS WHAT?

Says: That they would fkn do it. 
Says: They wanted to do that. 
OTHERWISE: THEY WOULD HAVE WHAT?
CHOSEN NOT TO. 

What bugs me is that people think I walk away
BECAUSE I STOP CARING. 

WHAT DRIVES ME TO STOP CARING?

IT'S NOT EVEN THAT!
WHAT I STOP DOING:
WAITING FOR THEM TO SUDDENLY CARE FFS. 

IF THEY ACT AND KEEP ACTING LIKE THEY DON'T FKN CARE... 
SHOULD I CARE? AND KEEP CARING?
ABOUT THEM?
ABOUT WHAT I WANTED WITH THEM?

Keyword: WITH.
NOT: FROM.

So maybe they shouldn't act like they don't care about me
AND THE VERY LITTLE I WANTED WITH THEM... 
NOT FROM THEM... 

WHAT DID I WANT FROM THEM?
FOR THEM TO CARE ENOUGH
TO OPEN THEIR EYES?
SEE WHAT I WAS SAYING AND WHY?
SEE WHERE I WAS COMING FROM?
FROM THE START?

IF THEY COULD HAVE SEEN THAT, 
THEY WOULD HAVE SEEN MORE... 
WHAT I MEANT... 

But you can't just EXPECT anyone to understand. 
IF THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND, THEY DON'T. 

YOU CAN EXPLAIN WHATEVER TO WHOEVER, 
BUT YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT FOR THEM. 

THEY HAVE TO REALIZE ENOUGH ABOUT IT
AND REALLY THINK ABOUT IT
TO ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND IT. 

AND UNLESS THEY DO, THEY WON'T. 
AND IT WON'T MATTER WHAT YOU DO/SAY/FEEL/KNOW...

IF THEY UNDERSTOOD, THEY'D SEE IT DOES MATTER. 
NOT ONLY WILL THEY SEE THAT IT DOES, 
THEY'LL SEE WHY. 

But to think you can MAKE someone understand? Nope. 
THEY HAVE TO WANT TO UNDERSTAND. 
THEY HAVE TO WANT TO CARE. 

NOT EVEN TO GET ANYTHING OUT OF IT, 
OR OUT OF YOU....

BUT OUT OF JUST BEING A FKN DECENT HUMAN
WHO DOESN'T GO AROUND
TREATING ANYONE LIKE THAT. 

BUT TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT?
FOR PEOPLE WHO ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES?
ON TOP OF THAT?

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO TRUST? YET AGAIN?
NO THANKS. 

I already trusted and how did that go?

THE FACT HE WAS UNSURE IF HE COULD EVEN ACTUALLY
TRUST ME AFTER BEING AROUND PEOPLE
HE CAN'T FKN TRUST
AND WHO I WOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED... 
BUT THAT WAS HIS CHOICE... 

INSTEAD OF MAYBE REALIZING THAT HE COULD HAVE. 
ENOUGH NOT TO HAVE DONE MANY THINGS
THAT HAD ALREADY BEEN DONE TO HIM, 
BUT HAD TO GO AND FKN DO TO ME. 

BECAUSE THAT WAS HIS IDEA OF WHAT WAS RIGHT
AND FKN FAIR TO ME, APPARENTLY... 

AND BECAUSE OF THAT SH*T I JUST DECIDED
I'M NOT GOING TO LET ANYONE FKN TAKE ME DOWN
WITH THEM. 

IF HE WANTS TO FK HIMSELF OVER, REPEATEDLY, 
HE CAN GO AHEAD AND DO THAT. 

AND INSTEAD OF BEING P*SSED THAT HE KEEPS
CHOOSING THAT SH*T
INSTEAD OF GROWING TF UP... 

I CAN JUST LET HIM CHOOSE HIS SH*T
AND BE ABOUT IT, WITHOUT ME. 

AND COMING BACK TO ME FOR MY HELP
WHEN HE WAS REFUSING THE HELP
I ALREADY OFFERED... 

WHAT DID HE WANT ME TO DO?
TAKE THAT SH*T! 
BREAK INTO A "MESS" OF SOMETHING I'M NOT?
AND NEVER WAS?
AND NEVER WILL BE?

BECAUSE I CHOOSE NOT TO BE?

WELP, EXCUSE ME, BUT NO. FK NO.

IF YOU KEEP ACTING LIKE A SH*T, 
EVENTUALLY SOMEONE'S GOING TO TELL YOU
TO TAKE YOUR SH*T SOMEWHERE ELSE. 

BECAUSE IT ISN'T WELCOME. 
ANYWHERE YOU GO. 

EXCEPT FOR WHERE IT'S ACCEPTED. 
AND I DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. 

I DON'T EVER HAVE TO BE OR FEEL SORRY
FOR NOT ACCEPTING IT. 

THERE ARE REASONS I DON'T. NOT ANYMORE. 

BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY CAN JUST XYZ
CAN GO FK THEMSELVES. 

WHY SHOULD THEY HAVE MY RESPECT?

SOMEONE LOSING RESPECT FOR YOU
HITS A BIT DIFFERENT 
THAN THEM JUST BEING MAD AT YOU. 

Like I can still have BASIC respect for someone. 
ENOUGH RESPECT NOT TO XYZ... 

BUT THAT LEVEL OF RESPECT THAT THEY WISH
I NEVER LOST FOR THEM, 
THEY CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING BACK
THAT MADE ME LOSE IT. 

AND USUALLY WHAT MADE ME LOSE IT
WAS BREAKING MY TRUST. 

IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER. 

AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FKN DISAPPOINTMENT
I'VE HAD IN MY LIFE? 

SO MUCH!!!! 

Sh*t I've written about and other sh*t that I haven't even touched on... 

But through it all, I still get to choose:
HOW I HANDLE ALL THE SH*T, 
AND HOW I HANDLE MYSELF. 

HOW I HANDLE MYSELF AS... XYZ.

Do you know what I mean, though?

As, a role or function that I have, to some degree... 

But it goes a bit deeper than that. 

GIVING CHANCES TO PEOPLE WHO ALREADY
WENT OUT OF THEIR FKN WAY TO LET ME DOWN
FKN INTENTIONALLY... 

WAS SETTING MYSELF UP TO FAIL, 
BECAUSE THEY DID IT AGAIN. 

BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH
NOT TO. 

EVEN TO NOT WANT TO. 

COULD NOT FKN CARE LESS. 

AND NOW THAT I "STOPPED"... 
SO THEY CAN "STEP UP..."

I'M ACTIVELY STEPPING DOWN IN A LOT OF WAYS
FOR OTHERS TO STEP UP. 

BECAUSE WHY SHOULD I STEP UP, 
EACH FKN TIME, 
TO FIX SH*T I NEVER BROKE... 

JUST SO THEY CAN ACT LIKE A "VICTIM"
AFTER DOING XYZ TO ME
INTENTIONALLY?

SH*T THEY FKN KNEW I WOULD NEVER DO TO THEM!!!!

If they think it's all about them, it is... 
IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE. 
IN WAYS THEY WON'T LIKE. 
FOR REASONS THEY WON'T LIKE. 

BUT FACING THAT IS HOW PEOPLE
ACTUALLY WANT TO CHANGE. 

BUT WHO WANTS TO FACE THAT?
THE "INNER TRUTH"?
THEIR "PERSONAL TRUTH"
ABOUT THEMSELVES, 
IN THE WAYS THEY WON'T LIKE, 
FOR THE REASONS THEY WON'T LIKE... 

FACING IT, YOU GET TO SEE:
HOW RAW AND REAL THE TRUTH REALLY IS. 
WHY EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH YOU
WAS IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO SEE
FOR THE FKN OPPORTUNITY
TO WAKE TF UP,
GROW TF UP. 
LEVEL UP. 

AND ANYONE TRYING TO PUSH YOU
TO FKN DO BETTER, EVEN FOR YOUR OWN SAKE
IS DOING THAT FOR A REASON. 

AND IF YOU'RE SMART ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE
WHAT THAT REASON ACTUALLY IS, 
IT WOULD OPEN YOUR EYES, TO A LOT
THAT THEY WANTED YOU TO SEE, 
FOR YOURSELF. 
FOR A REASON. 

But you can't be all like: "HEY, I REALLY NEED YOU TO SEE THIS
AND THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU
IF YOU'D JUST STOP DOING/BEING XYZ
LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU
TO TAKE YOUR OWN HEAD
OUT OF YOUR @SS... 
AND LOOK AROUND, 
I'D LIKE YOU TO LOOK AT XYZ
BECAUSE IF YOU DO, 
YOU MIGHT SEE XYZ..."

BECAUSE EVEN IF YOU COULD SAY THAT. 
AS SIMPLY AS THAT, 
IF THEY HAVE THEIR HEAD
SO FAR UP THEIR OWN @SS
THEY THEY "CAN'T" HEAR YOU, 
YOU'D BE BETTER OFF
JUST LETTING THEM KEEP
THEIR HEAD UP THERE. 

Like I used to even think it was my "responsibility"
TO TRY UNTIL THEY FINALLY FKN SAW XYZ. 
AND WHEN THEY FINALLY SAW XYZ, 
THEY'D SEE "ME", FINALLY. 

AND MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE WHATEVER
THEY INITIALLY THOUGHT
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T THINK ABOUT ME
LONG ENOUGH TO CONSIDER ME, PERIOD. 

NOT LONG ENOUGH TO CONSIDER ME, 
BUT NOT LONG ENOUGH TO CONSIDER
ANYTHING ABOUT ME. 

AND IF THEY DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ME, TOO, 
THEY CAN P*SS OFF AND TAKE THEIR MESS
SOMEWHERE ELSE. 

AND IF THAT PERSON DOESN'T REQUIRE
WHAT I REQUIRE, 
THEN MAYBE THEY HAVE LOWER STANDARDS. 

My standards are not too high. 
ACCEPTING WHAT I ACCEPTED
FOR AS LONG AS I DID
WAS ABOUT HAVING STANDARDS TOO LOW. 

BECAUSE I ACCEPTED SH*T I NEVER SHOULD HAVE
AND SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN EXPECTED TO ACCEPT. 

BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT, I DON'T FKN WANT TO. 
NEVER WANTED TO. 

AND WHETHER ANYONE REALIZES THAT OR NOT, 
THE ONLY WAY I CAN "MAKE" THEM REALIZE IT
IS NOT ACCEPTING IT. 

I CAN ACCEPT SOMETHING AS A FACT. 
I CAN ACCEPT FACTS. 
IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO. 
BECAUSE A LOT OF SH*T I REALLY DIDN'T FKN WANT TO ACCEPT. 
EVEN AS A FACT. 

But accepting it as a fact doesn't mean I accept it as something
ACCEPTABLE, TO ME. 
THAT I RESPECT, BECAUSE I DO NOT. 
AND I HAVE A RIGHT NOT TO. 

JUST LIKE THEY WOULDN'T
IF I HAD DONE XYZ. 

AND EVEN BEEN "PROUD" OF WHATEVER... 
OF WHATEVER BS THING THEY CHOSE TO DO. 
JUST TO BE A PETTY P*SSY. 
JUST TO BE A POS. 

TO LOSE EVERYTHING THEY COULD HAVE HAD
HAD THEY JUST CHOSEN NOT TO XYZ.
HAD THEY CHOSEN TO FKN THINK. 
ABOUT ME, TOO. 
NOT JUST THEMSELVES FFS. 

IF THEY HAD CARED THAT MUCH. 
THEY DIDN'T. 

So yeah, am I disappointed?
Even disgusted? Yeah!

I'm supposed to trust someone who'd do me like that
NOT TO DO ME LIKE THAT, YET AGAIN
WHEN THEY ALREADY DID?

SHOULD I HAVE TRUSTED IRON HEART?
WHEN HE CAME BACK?
TO TEST THE WATERS OR WHATEVER TF HE WAS DOING?
BECAUSE HAD HE COME BACK, FOR ME, 
HE WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT
TWICE. 

IF I WASN'T "WORTH" IT THE FIRST TIME, 
AND THEN A SECOND TIME.... 
WHY SHOULD I TRUST HIM A THIRD TIME?

The thing I was talking about as seeing someone wanting you
TO WAKE TF UP, GROW TF UP... 
IT CAN SCARE SOME PEOPLE
WHO AREN'T "READY" TO DO IT. 
BECAUSE IF THEY WERE "READY" TO DO IT, 
THEY'D JUST DO IT. 

BECAUSE THEY WOULD BE AT A POINT
IN THEIR LIVES
THEY COULD SEE SOME THINGS
ABOUT THEMSELVES... 
THINGS I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE THE ONE
TO POINT OUT... 

AND THEY'D WANT TO, JUST TO BE ABLE TO... 
BUT SOME THINGS ARE SO SH*TTY
PEOPLE DON'T REALLY WANT TO LOOK. 
LET ALONE LOOK LONG ENOUGH TO SEE
WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SEEING
AND COULD BE SEEING
IF THEY LOOKED. 

My brother once told me:
"A***, just because you have a mirror... 
Doesn't mean you have to shove it in anyone's face..."

He has a point. I get the point... 

BUT I OFTEN CAN'T STOP FEELING LIKE
IF I DON'T SHOVE THE MIRROR IN THEIR FACE
THEY WON'T EVER SEE IT. 

PEOPLE WILL REFUSE IF YOU SHOVE IT AT THEM. 

BUT I FKN SHOW SOME PEOPLE SOME THINGS
BY LEAVING THEM TO HAVE TO FACE THEM, THEMSELVES. 

"Didn't want to listen to me? Well, I was telling you because xyz..."
"Had you seen I was telling you because xyz...
Maybe you could have avoided xyz..."

BUT IT IS NOT MY FAULT
THAT YOU CHOSE NOT TO LISTEN
AND INSTEAD DID XYZ
BECAUSE OF XYZ.

AND SINCE IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU
ACTIVELY CHOSE SOMETHING...
SOMETHING THAT = SLAMMING THE DOOR
IN YOUR OWN FACE... 

and slamming the door in your own face
just makes you look like a xyz... To me. 

Why should I have any respect for a xyz?

Losing my respect AND CAUSING ME TO
LOOK AT YOU DIFFERENTLY
FOR NOT TREATING ME PROPERLY
WITH BASIC RESPECT...
WHILE EXPECTING WHATEVER FROM ME... 
TOTALLY FAIR?

EXPECTING ME TO BE COMPLETELY
LOYAL AND FAITHFUL
WHICH I WAS
UNTIL I WASN'T GETTING THE SAME. 

AND TO TRY TO PLAY IN MY FACE?
LIKE I'D STAY FOR THAT SH*T? EXCUSE ME?

Why would I want to be insulted like that?
BY BEING EXPECTED TO ACCEPT SOMETHING
I DON'T DESERVE?

I KNOW I DON'T DESERVE THAT SH*T. 

NOT EVEN FOR WANTING SOMEONE TO
JUST GROW TF UP!!!!!!!!! 

BECAUSE THAT SHOULDN'T BE SOMETHING
I SHOULD HAVE TO WANT!!!!!

FROM ANYONE!!!!

WHILE THEY EXPECT ME TO BE GROWN!!!!
AND TRY TO TREAT ME LIKE I'M THE ONE
WHO'S BEING LIKE THAT?
WHEN I'M CLEARLY NOT.

I'M NOT THE ONE WHO GETS TO MAKE
CHOICES FOR THEM. 
IF I WAS.... A LOT OF PEOPLE
WOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO EVER XYZ. 
AND I NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN
FKN TREATED LIKE THAT. 

FOR EVER WANTING SOMETHING
THAT SHOULD NEVER BE TOO MUCH TO WANT. 

JUST TO FKN STOP XYZ, AND JUST NOT XYZ. 

BECAUSE XYZ WAS THEIR WISH TO P*SS OFF
AND BE OUT OF MY LIFE AND AWAY FROM ME. 

TO DEAL WITH THEIR SH*T BY THEMSELVES. 

BECAUSE HAD THEY LISTENED, 
WE COULD HAVE HAD A CONVERSATION, 
OR SEVERAL ABOUT THINGS THAT I WISH THEY
WOULD HAVE REALIZED A LONG TIME AGO, 
BUT IF SOMEONE REFUSES TO COMMUNICATE, 
WHAT DO THEY EXPECT ME TO DO?
WAIT UNTIL THEY WANT TO?
WHEN THEY COULD HAVE?
WHERE WAS I?
I WAS RIGHT.FKN.THERE. 
THE WHOLE TIME.

UNTIL I STOPPED BEING THERE, "LIKE ALWAYS."
PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN THAT PERSON
WHO WAS "ALWAYS THERE"
FOR GRANTED. 

SHOULDN'T HAVE XYZ... OR WANTED TO XYZ... 
ESPECIALLY FOR BS THAT TURNS OUT
WAS NEVER WORTH IT. 
NEVER WORTH LOSING ANYTHING FOR. 

Anywhere where I was going with this was... 
When someone wants you to grow tf up... 
IT'S FOR A REASON. 
AND VERY MUCH FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. 
AS WELL AS THEIRS. 

But... It often scares people. 
WHO AREN'T READY. 
SO THEY RUN AWAY FROM THE NOTION OF CHANGE. 
EVEN FROM GROWING TF UP. 

AND THEN THEY TRY TO TREAT YOU
LIKE JUST WANTING THEM TO JUST HAVE
GROWN TF UP WAS A CRIME!

IT'S NOT! IT'S REAL TALK. 
IT'S JUST CALLED:
GROW TF UP BECAUSE PEOPLE LOSE RESPECT
FOR THOSE WHO DON'T WANT TO
AND REFUSE TO SEE WHY THEY SHOULD. 
AND IF YOU WANT MY RESPECT... 
I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
THAT HAD YOU HEARD THE FIRST TIME
WOULD HAVE SET YOU STRAIGHT. 

BECAUSE I WOULDN'T INTENTIONALLY
FK YOU AROUND
LIKE YOU SEEM TO THINK IS OKAY
TO DO TO ME. 
AND SEEM TO THINK I'LL JUST FORGIVE YOU
FOR DOING. 

WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER
THAN TO DO IT. 

LIKE YOU EXPECT ME TO, CORRECT?

Then, if you expect me to... 
SHOULDN'T I EXPECT YOU TO, TOO?

IF I SHOULD, THEN JUST FKN GROW TF UP!!!!
SIMPLE AS THAT!

What's so wild about wanting that?

It's scary to people who don't think they can "measure up."
TO SOMEONE WHO ALREADY SAW
WHAT THEY WERE TRYING TO POINT OUT
A LONG TIME AGO. 

WAS IT SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT "MEASURING UP" THO?
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT LEVELING UP. 
GOING FROM XYZ TO WHERE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT
WHICH WAS DEFINITELY NOT XYZ. 

But at some point the person who "challenged you"
to level up
REFUSED TO BE DRAGGED DOWN
TO A LEVEL THAT SHE IS NOT AT. 

AND A LEVEL YOU CANNOT FORCE HER TO BE AT. 

TO TRY TO DRAG ME DOWN TO A LEVEL
I ROSE ABOVE A LONG TIME AGO... 

TELLS ME EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW. 

SOMEONE WHO TRIES TO DO THAT AND WANTS TO DO THAT... 
WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT THE LEVEL THEY ARE ON?
Choosing to be on that level says what about them?
SAYS THEY ARE WORTHY OF MY TRUST AND RESPECT?
OR DOES IT SAY THEY CAN P*SS OFF?

DON'T WANT TO GROW UP? P*SS OFF THEN!
BE ON THAT LEVEL WITH OTHERS WHO ARE, TOO. 
SEE HOW FUN THAT TURNS OUT TO BE. 
SEE IF IT GETS YOU ANYWHERE.

NOT TO WHERE IT COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU, |
HAD YOU WHAT? LISTENED?
AND THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT I SAID?

But dealing with people who want to act like a brick wall.... 
AND KEEP ACTING LIKE THAT...
WHEN THEY HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO JUST...
NOT ACT LIKE THAT...

"That's all I know" or whatever isn't really an excuse. 
I was pretty limited around some people... 

Limited in what I could see, for myself. 

If you're around people who refuse to look at themselves... 
Like REALLY evaluate themselves, as people, 

AND THEY DEFINITELY DON'T DISCUSS IT, 
BECAUSE WHY WOULD THEY WHEN THEY REFUSE TO?

HOW DOES THAT AFFECT YOUR CHANCES
OF JUST... CHOOSING TO EVALUATE YOURSELF?

WOULD THAT AFFECT YOUR CHANCES IN A GOOD WAY?
OR A "WHAT WOULD THAT EVER HAPPEN FOR" WAY?

AND IF YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF
WHAT WOULD THAT EVER HAPPEN FOR... 

YOU NEVER GOT THE POINT. 

And I really can't force anyone to GET THE POINT.
IN ANYTHING I DO, SAY, THINK, ETC. 

Writing about any of it isn't really so that anyone gets the point. 
My faith that they even will, on their own, or at all, 
isn't what it used to be.

YOU CAN HOPE ALL THAT YOU WANT
THAT THEY WILL GET THE POINT
BUT IF THEY DON'T, WILL THEY?

One point is this: DESIRE. 
WHAT IS IT THAT ANYONE REALLY WANTS?

IF THEY HAVE TO GROW TF UP TO GET THE POINT, 
WILL THEY WANT TO GET THE POINT
TO THE POINT THEY WILL EVEN WANT TO
GROW TF UP?

If the whole point was growing tf up
BECAUSE IT SIMPLIFIES SH*T. 
PREVENTS YOU FROM HAVING TO
PUT YOURSELF THROUGH SH*T
YOU DON'T NEED TO BE PUTTING YOURSELF THROUGH...
COULD COMPLETELY AVOID... 

LIKE SLAMMING A DOOR IN YOUR OWN FACE. 

The older you get, the more you should be finding ways to support yourself. 
I'm talking about things like thinking about how you think. 
BECAUSE IF YOU ARE DOING XYZ
LIKE YOU THINK IT IS OKAY TO XYZ
TO SOMEONE WHO WOULDN'T XYZ TO YOU... 
ESPECIALLY FOR THE WRONG REASONS... 

MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT
WHY TF YOU THINK THAT SH*T'S OKAY. 
BECAUSE IT ISN'T. 

NOT THE PERSON'S REACTION TO YOU DOING XYZ. 

THAT ISN'T THE ISSUE. 
THE ISSUE IS XYZ. 

THAT SHOULD BE SO CLEAR
THAT CLEAR ISN'T EVEN THE WORD. 

AND IT BUGS ME TO EVEN BRING IT UP. 
THAT THE ISSUE IS XYZ. 

AND BECAUSE IT IS AN ISSUE
THAT SHOULDN'T BE AN ISSUE... 

YOU HAVE A CHOICE. 

TO LET IT KEEP BEING AN ISSUE
WITH THE PERSON WHO TURNED IT INTO AN ISSUE
BY DOING XYZ... 

OR YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IT. 

IF YOU DO TALK ABOUT IT 
AND YOU HAVE TO TRY TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF
TO SOMEONE WHO ISN'T TREATING YOU
LIKE YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT IT
ARE VALID... 
THEY CAN FK OFF. 

WHO CONSTANTLY AND CONSISTENTLY 
TREATS YOU LIKE NOTHING YOU SAY MATTERS... 
MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE, 
TRIES TO TREAT YOU LIKE YOU'RE
JUST CRAZY... 

WHY STAY?
YOU CAN WALK AWAY AND HAVE THE RIGHT TO. 

IF THEY LIED TO YOUR FACE:
"I WON'T TREAT YOU LIKE THAT ANYMORE"
AND JUST TREATED YOU WORSE AND WORSE... 

DIDN'T WANT TO LEVEL UP TO BECOME SOMEONE
WHO DOESN'T DO THAT SH*T... 
DESPITE THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO JUST THAT... 

REMEMBER:
THEY DIDN'T WANT TO WHEN THEY COULD HAVE.

IT'S NOT FOR YOU TO MAKE THEM ACCEPT
A MAJOR TRANSFORMATION
FROM POS TO DECENT HUMAN BEING.

OR FOR YOU TO PUT LIPSTICK ON A PIG
LIKE IT'S NOT STILL A PIG. 

OR HOLD SOMEONE'S HAND WHILE THEY
INTENTIONALLY HURT YOU. 

BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T FKN CARE. 

COULDN'T SEE FOR SH*T. 
THE TRUTH. THE BIGGER PICTURE... 

IS IT MY FAULT SOMEONE CAN'T SEE FOR SH*T?

I COULD POINT SOMETHING OUT. 
I COULD SAY: LOOK AT THIS.

"Why should I listen to you, where's your success story?!"
REFUSAL, DISMISSAL, DISRESPECT ETC. 

WHY AM I SAYING: LOOK AT THIS!
AT THIS SPECIFICALLY?
WHAT AM I TRYING TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT?
WHY DO I FEEL THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT IT?
AND HOW MANY TIMES SHOULD YOU HAVE TO
TELL SOMEONE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT SOMETHING?
SOMETHING THAT MIGHT BOTHER THEM
OR LIKELY WOULD BOTHER THEM
IF YOU DID THAT SH*T TO THEM....

But it's like every time I WANTED TO TALK
ABOUT SOMETHING I SHOULD HAVE HAD A RIGHT
TO FKN TALK ABOUT...
HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT... 
INSTEAD OF AN "ARGUMENT" OR
IMMATURE FKN PETTY BS FIGHT ABOUT. 
FOR FKN NO REASON. 
WHEN TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING
THAT FKN BOTHERS YOU
SHOULD FKN SUFFICE... 

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT CONVERSATIONS ARE
SUPPOSED TO BE FOR... 

But they "resort" to petty bs because that's what "level" they are at. 
WHILE YOU'RE NOT ON THAT LEVEL SO YOU DON'T DO THAT SH*T
BECAUSE THERE IS NO NEED FOR THAT SH*T. 

AND DOING THAT SAYS THEY ARE ON A LEVEL
THAT FK THAT LEVEL. 

THE GO FK YOURSELF SIDEWAYS
WITH A SURFBOARD LEVEL. 

The "You sure have the fkn audacity" level. 
Like the "Newest low" level. 

You can't even put it past some people. Really can't. 

IF PEOPLE GOT THE POINT... 
MOST OF THE SH*T THEY THINK IS JUST OKAY... 
THEY'D REALIZE THAT IT ISN'T. 

BECAUSE WHEN YOU SEE SOME THINGS, 
SOME OTHER THINGS ARE EASIER TO SEE. 

LIKE WHAT'S WORTH IT AND WHAT'S NOT. 
WHAT WE ONLY THOUGHT WAS WORTH IT,
AND WE WERE EITHER MISDIRECTED INTENTIONALLY, 
OR MISDIRECTED OURSELVES
BY THINKING, ACTING, BEING XYZ... 

WHILE WE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO:
THINK, ACT, BE
OTHERWISE, 

FUNNY HOW THAT WORKS, EH?

BUT WE HAVE TO WHAT? WANT TO?