It Bugs Me

I spent my whole summer going fishing with
and filming for my neighbor. 

The other day, we went to the food bank. 
It was closed yesterday so we were going to go today. 

WHEN I CALLED HIM, HE WAS ALREADY THERE.
DIDN'T FKN WAIT FOR ME. 
DIDN'T CALL ME. 

SO WHEN I GOT THERE, HE'D ALREADY BEEN THERE
FOR LIKE AN HOUR. 
AND HE GOT THERE FIRST SO HE WENT IN FIRST. 
WHEN HE GOT HIS STUFF, HE LEFT. 

HE COULDN'T REALLY WAIT FOR ME. 

SAID NOTHING ABOUT IT. 
JUST LET HIM GO.

SO WHEN I GOT HOME, I GOT A MESSAGE
FROM SOMEONE WANTING TO BUY
A RECEIVER HE WANTED TO PUT ON
FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE. 

HE DOESN'T HAVE FB. SO HE ASKED ME. 
I DID IT. HE WANTED $500. 
NOBODY WANTED IT AT THAT PRICE
SO HE TOLD ME TO LOWER IT. 

SO I LOWERED IT TO $250. 
SOMEONE CONTACTED ME TODAY, 
WANTED IT FOR $150. 

SO I GAVE THE GUY MY NEIGHBOR'S NUMBER
TO TEXT HIM ABOUT IT.

BECAUSE IT'S NOT MINE, I JUST PUT IT UP.

SO I CALLED HIM TO TELL HIM ABOUT IT. 
HE SEEMED HAPPY THAT SOMEONE WANTED TO BUY IT.

THEN HE CALLED ME AND TOLD ME
I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HIM
BEFORE LOWERING THE PRICE TO $250. 

WHICH IS ACTUALLY $50 MORE
THAN HE WAS TOLD SOMEONE WOULD PAY FOR IT
SO HE COULD HAVE ALREADY SOLD IT
WITHOUT ASKING ME TO DO SH*T
BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE IT THERE. 

SO THEN HE CALLED ME ALL MAD
THAT I DIDN'T ASK HIM
AND TOLD ME TO TAKE IT DOWN
HE'LL DO IT HIMSELF!!!!!

WHY DID I EVEN PUT IT UP?!
FOR HIM TO TELL ME TO TAKE IT DOWN?!
WHY FKN ASK ME TO HELP AT ALL
AND THEN TREAT ME LIKE
YOU DON'T APPRECIATE ME FOR FKN HELPING?

LIKE WTF?!
AND HE WAS SAYING HE WAS THINKING ABOUT
DELETING HIS YT ACCOUNT. 

AFTER I SPENT ALL FKN SUMMER FILMING FOR HIM. 
WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN DOING MY OWN SH*T. 

LIKE NOTHING I EVER DO FOR FKN ANYONE
IS EVER APPRECIATED. 
AND THEY STILL TREAT ME LIKE CRAP. 

SO I DON'T REALLY WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THE GUY
AND I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO BE
A "BUSINESS" PARTNER
TO ANYONE
WHO JUST TAKES ME FOR GRANTED. 
WASTES MY TIME. 

IT'S FKN UNFAIR TO ME.
DID I EVER ASK HIM FOR FK ALL?

DID HE PAY ME TO FILM FOR HIM?
TO SET UP HIS ACCOUNT FOR HIM?
TO DO FKN ANYTHING FOR HIM? NO?

THEN DO NOT B*TCH AT ME
WHEN ANYTHING I DO FOR YOU
IS NOT FKN GOOD ENOUGH. 

IF YOU CAN DO IT FOR YOURSELF, 
THEN DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!!!!

WHY ASK ME?!
JUST TO B*TCH TO ME
THAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE XYZ
WHEN YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!

YOU EXPECT ME TO READ YOUR MIND... 
THEN GET MAD THAT I FKN CAN'T?

WELL, I'M NOT HELPING YOU SELL SH*T NOW. 
YOU CAN DO ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO
AND I WILL DO THE THINGS I WANT TO DO. 

AND EVERYONE CAN SEE LESS AND LESS OF ME. 
BECAUSE I TRULY DGAF. 
I NEVER MOVED HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS. 

HE'S GOING TO BE MOVING OUT
EVENTUALLY, ANYWAY. 

It just fkn bugs me
THAT WHEN I GO OUT OF MY WAY FOR SOMEONE
IT ENDS UP FEELING LIKE A HUGE WASTE
OF MY TIME. 

AND THEY DON'T REALIZE
I'VE BEEN GOING OUT OF MY WAY, FOR THEM. 

COULD I HAVE BEEN DOING OTHER THINGS?
INSTEAD OF GOING FISHING?
YOU COULD FISH BY YOURSELF, RIGHT?
I DON'T EVEN LIKE FISHING. 

I WENT, FOR HIM, TO HELP HIM FILM. 
I WAS THE ONE UPLOADING THEM FOR HIM. 
I WAS THE ONE DOING EVERYTHING. 

THEN HE'S LIKE: "I'M JUST GOING TO DELETE EVERYTHING."
"THE WHOLE THING."

"THANKS." FOR WASTING MY SUMMER, THEN.

It doesn't "register" to them, anyone
THAT I COULD BE DOING OTHER THINGS!!!!!!!!
THINGS I WANTED TO DO!!!!!!
THAT I PUT ASIDE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!

Like he wants me to "call him when I get up"
and when I do, he already left without me.

AND DID I B*TCH AT HIM FOR DOING IT? NO?

BUT NOW I KNOW HE IS A TIME WASTER.  
TIME WASTERS KINDA P*SS ME OFF. 

Sure, we hang out and smoke... 
BUT I COULD BE DOING OTHER THINGS!!!!
OTHER THAN HANGING OUT AND SMOKING
JUST BECAUSE THEY WANT TO!!!!
MAYBE I HAVE SH*T I WANT TO DO!!!!

SO WHY SHOULD I BE "AVAILABLE" ALL THE TIME?
FOR THIS KIND OF SH*T?

BUT THE WAY HE SPOKE TO ME
ABOUT TAKING IT DOWN... NO.
DO NOT SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY. 
I DON'T FKN DO IT TO YOU. 

AND I NEVER HAD TO FKN PUT IT UP, FOR YOU
TO BEGIN WITH. 

DO THEY UNDERSTAND THAT?
THEY DON'T ACT LIKE THEY DO!!!!

THAT'S WHAT BUGS ME.

THEN I GOT A CALL, AFTER THAT, 
BUT I DIDN'T ANSWER IT. 

IF YOU'RE GOING TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT
WHEN I WAS ONLY FKN HELPING YOU, 
DON'T FKN BOTHER ME.

NOT TODAY. HE CAN CALL BACK LATER. 

LET HIM THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A BIT.
I DON'T HAVE TO BE AVAILABLE. 
I DON'T HAVE TO BE AROUND. 
I DON'T HAVE TO DO SH*T.
I DON'T HAVE TO.

AND IF THAT BUGS ANYONE, 
THEY CAN FK OFF.

If someone actually cared about ME, 
they would respect ME and my time. 

I'M NOT HERE JUST FOR EVERYONE TO HAVE ACCESS TO ME. 
NOT JUST THAT, BUT WHEN I GIVE YOU MY TIME, 
DO NOT WASTE IT!
I FKN HATE THAT SH*T. 

HE EVEN TOLD ME HE'S ONLY HANGING OUT WITH ME
BECAUSE I'M SINGLE!!!!!!

IF I WASN'T, HE'D STAY AWAY FROM ME.
BECAUSE HE "WOULDN'T LIKE THAT"
IF A GUY WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH HIS GF... 

AND THEN KEPT SAYING THINGS LIKE:
I REALIZED I NEED YOU AS MY GF.

EXCUSE ME?

LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY "I'D LOVE TO?"
JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO YOURSELF?
AND WANT ALL MY TIME?

He told me he's "a jealous man"
AND HE SAID "WHAT'S MINE IS MINE."
HE'D ONLY SEE ME AS "HIS"
AND THAT'S FKN GROSS. 

I'M A PERSON. 
TO TREAT SOMEONE LIKE THAT?

DO I WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT? NO?
I DON'T. I JUST DON'T. 

WHY WOULD I?

He bought me a cell phone to be able to call me
when I wasn't home. 

Maybe I don't want to be called when not home,
unless it is an emergency. 

Maybe when I'm not home, I'm busy doing stuff
AND HAVING TIME FOR MYSELF.

But something that bugs me, even more
than when someone treats me like crap

IS THAT THEY ARE ONLY "SORRY"
WHEN SOMEONE TREATS THEM WAY WORSE
THAN I EVER DID!!!!

BECAUSE HAD THEY CARED, 
THEY'D NEVER TREAT ME LIKE THAT. EVER.
AND THEY CAN'T GET MAD AT ME
FOR NOT LIKING OR WANTING THAT SH*T. 

WOULD THEY LIKE OR WANT THAT SH*T
COMING FROM ME? NO? 
SO WHY DO THEY THINK I WOULD?

AND WHEN I GET UPSET ABOUT THAT SH*T, 
I'M THE "PROBLEM" FOR BEING UPSET ABOUT THAT SH*T.

NO. I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE UPSET ABOUT THAT SH*T.
AND I SHOULD HAVE THAT RIGHT.

TO FEEL HOW THEY WOULD FKN FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But what is insulting is having to compare me to
SOMETHING OR SOMEONE WAY WORSE THAN ME
TO SEE I WAS "ENOUGH." FFS.

THEN THEY WANT TO "COME BACK"
AFTER I WALK AWAY. 

WHEN THEY REALIZE THE PERSON THEY CHOSE
OVER ME WAS USING THEM THE WHOLE TIME... 

AND WANTED TO KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME
TO CONTROL THEM. 

AND WHEN THEY REALIZE I ONLY WANTED THEM
TO FKN CONTROL THEMSELVES.

LIKE WHEN IT COMES TO THE MIN.
RESPECT. CONSIDERATION.
REGARD. APPRECIATION. 

WHEN SOMEONE WANTED TO TRY TO 
TAKE THEM DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL.... 

AND ISN'T THAT WHAT THEY WANTED TO DO TO ME?
WANTING ME TO REACT TO THEIR BS?

JUST TO TRY TO "HAVE A REASON"
FOR MORE BS... 

But having something else blow up in their face
AFTER I FKN WARNED THEM... 
TOLD THEM EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS
FOR THE VERY SPECIFIC REASON THAT WENT "UNNOTICED."

IS NO "EXCUSE" TO TRY TO COME BACK MY WAY.

THINGS WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED, 
IF THEY HADN'T. 

IT SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TAKE FOR ME TO WALK AWAY
TO BE FKN CONSIDERED FFS.

It shouldn't take COMPARING ME TO SOMEONE/SOMETHING
FAKE....
TO REALIZE I WAS FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It shouldn't take wanting my time BACK
TO REALIZE THEY HAD IT!
BECAUSE I GAVE IT!
AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO!

BUT IF YOU DON'T LISTEN, 
YOU CAN LEARN THE HARD WAY. 
WITHOUT ME. 
BECAUSE I NEVER HAD TO BE THERE.
PERIOD. 

So, yes!!!! It bugs me
THAT IT APPARENTLY TAKES THAT...
JUST TO BE FKN CONSIDERED!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEN I COULD HAVE JUST BEEN CONSIDERED?

Like: "You can smoke a joint by yourself, so why smoke with me?"
JUST TO LOOK AT MY @SS?

I WENT TO THE WASHROOM AND HE WAS LOOKING
AT MY @SS WHEN I WAS WALKING TO THE WASHROOM.

I FOGET HOW IT EVEN CAME UP:
"YOU HAVE A NICE @SS."

DO YOU LOOK AT GUYS' @SSES? NO?
JUST MINE BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO BE A FEMALE?
DA FUQ OUTTA HERE WITH THAT SH*T. 

IF YOU DON'T TREAT ME LIKE JUST A NEIGHBOR
LIKE THE GUYS... JUST DON'T. 

I'M NOT HERE FOR YOU TO LOOK AT MY @SS.

OR TRY TO TALK INTO BEING YOUR GF. 

AFTER BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED ALL MY LIFE...
WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE ANYONE'S GF?!!!!
JUST TO SAY I AM?
JUST TO "CLEAR MY COBWEBS"?

DA FUQ DO I EVEN WANT TO FOR?

TO "GET" OR "HAVE" SOMETHING?

NOTHING I COULD "GET" OR "HAVE"
IS FKN WORTH ANYTHING TO ME!!!!

ALL I WAS ASKING FOR:
RESPECT, 
REGARD, 
CONSIDERATION, 
ACKNOWLEDGING SOME THINGS
REALIZING SOME THINGS
LEARNING
WAKING UP
GROWING UP

NOT BEING A FKN MEGA TW@T.

ESPECIALLY IF THEY DON'T GET WHAT THEY WANT!
AM I GETTING WHAT I WANTED?
WHAT VERY LITTLE I WANTED?

NO? 

WHEN I WAS NEVER IN IT FOR FK ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT YOU ONLY SEE THAT
WHEN YOU COMPARE ME TO PPL WHO ARE?!

Would this sh*t bug you, too? 

Or was I gaslit so fkn much that I'm starting to question
my own sanity, yet again?