Friends Help Friends

Last night was my last night at my friend's place. 
He moved today. 

He had some people show up, today. 
One chick's guy... 

He was expecting to get paid. 
Says to her, "How much are we getting for this?"

She tells him we're all helping as friends. 
He tells her to give him 10 bucks. 

AND CALLS HER A C*NT FOR NOT HAVING ANYTHING
TO GIVE HIM. 

HE WANTS THE MONEY FOR CR@CK FFS.

We were all there AS FRIENDS TO HELP A FRIEND.
WHO NEEDED HELP TO MOVE FFS. 

FRIENDS HELP FRIENDS, TO HELP. 
WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING. 

HELPING TO EXPECT SOMETHING FOR HELPING IS BS.

YOU HELP BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO. 

Anyways, so that night, last night... 

A guy called him while we were taping boxes... 

So he wanted to have a beer with my buddy before he left. 

So my buddy invited him over. 

My friend tells him on the phone, before he even got over, 
that I was going to be there, that I was there. 

When he comes over, he sees me and says to my buddy:
"Who's here?" Like he wasn't already fkn told before, on the phone. 

And then the first fkn thing he says is:
"Are you getting married?!"

And then after we said we're just friends:
"You should marry her..."

Da fuq?!

Maybe that's up to me? Who I'm gonna marry?
AND WHY DOES MARRIAGE
HAVE TO HAVE ANYTHING
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

AND HE WAS TOLD MY NAME LIKE 4 TIMES
AND KEPT CALLING ME "LOVE."

I tolerated him for my buddy's sake, 
but just meeting the guy.... That once, no. 
Not someone I want to chill with. 
In any capacity. 

BUGS ME THAT IF YOU CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME, 
JUST FKN ASK ME!

DON'T FKN CALL ME LOVE OR SWEETIE
OR FKN PUMPKIN FFS. 

DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME ANYTHING!

IT BUGS ME. OKAY?

AND WOULD HE HAVE DONE THAT SH*T
IF I WAS A DUDE?!

AND HE WENT AND KISSED MY BUDDY
ON THE CHEEK, LIKE KISSED HIM GOODBYE. 

COULD HAVE SAID GOODBYE WITHOUT THAT?

DID MY BUDDY SAY HE WANTED TO BE KISSED?
BY THAT DUDE? NO?
THEN?

MAYBE RESPECT THAT HE'D RATHER NOT.

BY JUST NOT... ?

Anyway, it's been rough... 

Mirror smasher's bs did take a toll on me, 
BUT PRETTY SURE HIS BS
WAS BECAUSE HE WAS BEING LIED TO
BY THE SAME TW@TS USING HIM ETC. 

IF YOU LISTEN TO PEOPLE LYING AND TALKING SH*T, 
YOU'RE THE ONE LISTENING TO IT.
DID YOU HAVE TO?
OR COULD YOU HAVE TOLD ME?

BUT WHEN SOME PEOPLE GET MANIPULATED, 
A LOT OF THE TIME THEY AREN'T AWARE OF IT. 

BUT STILL DIDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO LIES. 
ABOUT ME. 

AND I DEFINITELY WON'T GO "SETTING PEOPLE STRAIGHT."

IF THEY AREN'T STRAIGHT AND DON'T HAVE THE FACTS
ABOUT ME FROM ME, 

WHY SHOULD I GO TO ANY LENGTH
TO DISPELL LIES?

Let them live with the fact THEY LIED TO TRY TO DISTORT
HOW SOMEONE THOUGHT ABOUT ME... 

AND THEN IGNORED THE WARNING TO STOP DOING IT. 

THEY TURNED HIM ON ME. 
BECAUSE THEY COULDN'T TOUCH ME. 

TO "AFFECT" ME OR "DISCOURAGE" ME FROM HAVING
ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM, 

BUT HE TOOK THE BAIT BY BELIEVING WHATEVER IT WAS... 
BY LETTING THEM TURN HIM. 

Wanted me to be "emotional" and at "war with myself" and "broken"
THAT THEY WERE TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE
SOMETHING I'M NOT. 

BECAUSE IF THEY DID SEE ME, AS I ACTUALLY AM, 
THEY WOULDN'T STAND A CHANCE. 

IMAGINE BEING LIKE THAT?

TO BE SO FKN MISERABLE TO TRY TO DISTORT
HOW OTHER PEOPLE LOOK AT SOMEONE?

AND WHEN IT DIDN'T AFFECT ME THE WAY THEY WANTED IT TO.... 
BECAUSE I DIDN'T REACT THE WAY THEY WANTED ME TO... 
THEY COULDN'T GET ME TO ACT ALL "CRAZY" 
LIKE I WAS "SUPPOSED TO BE" LOL.

Imagine "hating" on someone
Just for picking themselves up?

AFTER ALL THAT BS?

ALL BECAUSE I'VE STEPPED UP, 
TIME AND TIME AGAIN?

WHERE DO YOU THINK I GOT MY CONFIDENCE FROM?
FROM STEPPING UP. 

But they all had a choice in it. 
A CHOICE IN LYING ABOUT ME
FOR THEIR AGENDA... 

AND A CHOICE IN BELIEVING THE LIES. 

AND THEN TREATING ME LIKE SH*T
BECAUSE OF LIES. 

TF WOULD I WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT?

BECAUSE I COULD HAVE DONE THAT SH*T. 

THEY KEPT DOING IT BECAUSE IT WORKED. 
UNTIL I STOPPED PLAYING THEIR GAME. 
I WALKED AWAY FOR REASONS. 

BECAUSE FK THAT. 

THEY CAN DEAL WITH THEIR OWN BS. 

AND IF I EVEN WENT TO WHERE I COULD HAVE TAKEN IT, 
HAD I BEEN "CRAZY"... HAHAHA!

WOULD THAT BE "JUSTICE"?

REACTING TO ANYTHING... 
LETTING THEM "AFFECT" ME... 
WAITING FOR THEM TO REALIZE ANYTHING... 

WHAT WOULD THAT PROVE?

SILENCE CAN BE JUST AS DE@DLY. 

BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO SAY SH*T. 

WHAT WOULD SAYING ANYTHING, DO?
THEIR WHOLE THING WAS TO TWIST
EVERYTHING I SAID AND DID. 

SO WHY GIVE THEM ANYTHING TO TWIST?

BUT PEOPLE WHO WERE LIED TO... 
THEY COULD HAVE BEEN ABOVE THE BS. 

THEY DIDN'T NEED TO BE ANY PART OF IT. 

THEY COULD HAVE SEEN WHAT IT WAS. 

BUT NOW, THEY GET TO WONDER WHY 
I'M NOT SAYING SH*T NOW. 

WHY TRY TO DEFEND MYSELF TO LIARS?

TRYING TO PUT ME DOWN, 
TO TRY TO MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK BETTER... 

BUT THEN THEY DON'T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY
WITHOUT THEM, EITHER. 

ALREADY KNOW I CAN'T TRUST PEOPLE LIKE THAT!

They'll be targeting someone else, now. 

Imagine being jealous of someone that fkn bad.... 
WHEN THERE IS NOTHING TO EVEN BE THAT FKN 
INSECURE ABOUT
AND ANYONE'S INSECURITY WITH THEMSELVES
SHOULD NOT BE MY FKN PROBLEM. 

THEY SHOULD BE THEIR OWN PROBLEM. 

HAVING TO LIVE LIKE THAT, THOUGH... 

TO GET SOMETHING... ANYTHING. 

But here's the thing... 
PEOPLE WHO TRY TO BREAK SOMEONE
WOULD BE FKN SHATTERED IF THE PERSON
THEY TRIED TO BREAK
TRIED TO BREAK THEM!!!!!!!

I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO NEVER FEEL THE "NEED"
TO FKN BREAK ANYONE. 

EVEN STRUGGLING, I SEE OTHER PEOPLE STRUGGLING
SO WHY TF WOULD I DO THAT SH*T?

BUT IF SOMEONE'S GOING TO TRY TO TARNISH
SOMETHING THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND
AND SEEM TO ONLY SEE SOME THINGS... 

BUT TRY TO HATE ON ME... WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
WHY WOULD I STAY THERE?
EXCUSE ME?

DON'T HAVE TO SAY OR DO SH*T
FOR ANYTHING TO BE EXPOSED
ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. 

They were supposed to "take me down"
BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. 

Too busy with how far I've come
TO EVER TURN BACK. 

AND I DGAF IF THAT P*SSES ANYONE OFF. 

BECAUSE I CAN BE ALONE, COMPLETELY, 
AND UNREGRETTABLY, 
THAT DOESN'T "HURT" ME AT ALL LOL. 

What would I have "won"? What was I trying to "win"?

AND EVEN IF HE CAME TO ME, TODAY, 
"TRYING TO MAKE PEACE WITH ME"
WHY TF WOULD I EVER TRUST HIM, AGAIN?

IT'S MY CHOICE NOT TO. 

BECAUSE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO.
I WASN'T. SO WHY WOULD I?
WHY SHOULD I?

And pretty sure most of it was because they knew
that I quit drinking and wanted to see
if they could push me to relapse lol. 

Just miserable people wanted me to be miserable
BUT WHO SAYS THAT I NEED TO BE?

ALL "BROKEN" AND "IN PIECES" LOL... 

Sure, disappointed that it even went like that... 

Because it never had to... 

BUT KNOWING THAT IT DID AND WHY IT DID... 
JUST NO TIME FOR IT. 

But trying to "affect" me mentally, emotionally, etc... 
KNOWING YOU CHOSE TO TRY TO DO THAT... 
JUST NO. 

BECAUSE: DID I TRY TO DO THAT SH*T TO YOU?

ALL THE TIMES I HAVE HAD TO PICK MYSELF UP
AND DUST MYSELF OFF... 

WOULDN'T I BE USED TO DOING IT?
SO WHY TRY TO BE HATING ON ME
FOR BEING ABLE TO?

FOR FKN HAVING TO FKN HAVE TO?
ALL THE FKN TIME?
BECAUSE OF SH*T LIKE THAT?

PEOPLE WHO DO THAT SH*T
DON'T LIKE BEING LOOKED AT
AS PEOPLE WHO DO THAT SH*T. 

SO WHEN IT BACKFIRES, FINALLY, 
AND PEOPLE SEE THAT SH*T, FINALLY, 

THAT I WAS "LEFT OUT"
INTENTIONALLY.... 

TF WOULD I WANT TO BE A PART OF THAT, NOW?
FOR THE GOOD OF MY HEALTH?

BECAUSE I NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN
DONE LIKE THAT?

TOO LATE! ALREADY DID THAT.

ALREADY WALKED AWAY FROM THAT SH*T.

Anyway, it's all very gross. 

My buddy gave me a bunch of his old clothes
that he didn't want or don't fit him. 

One of the hoodies he gave me... 
He must have broken the zipper on it, 
because when I tried to zip it, 
the "truck" was put on upside down lol. 

I love having some "new" comfy clothes. 

Also, I found some really comfy socks 
at the dollar store. 

My son asked if he could meet me there, 
When he came to see me for the party. 

I would have gone to meet him, but he actually
came all the way down here to meet me here. 

The next time, we're going to see my folks. 
For my mother's birthday. 

We went, once, together, so far.

So we'll see how that goes.

I wish I had all the faith in them
THAT THEY WON'T BE SH*TTY
TO US AT SOME POINT. 

BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN. 
MANY TIMES. 

BUT THEY ARE STILL MY FOLKS. 

COULD TREAT US BETTER, THOUGH...

COULD HAVE... 

My son asked me once:
"Why do you have anything to do with her?"

"Because she's my mother."

If she weren't my mother, 
I probably wouldn't. 

All the BS I was put through... 
Especially as a kid... 

Anyway, I don't ever hope for
ANY REAL CHANGE ANYMORE. 

BECAUSE I KNOW, BY NOW, 
IT WON'T FKN HAPPEN. 

SO WHY HOPE FOR THAT?

I felt really bad today... 
My buddy had an older lady neighbor... 

He asked me to bring down a bag of blankets to her place... 
I had heard about "the smell" before I got down there, 
but... It is bad. 

Even with her door open... It is bad. 

I was gagging and eyes watering... 

She was trying to get me to go visit with her
while everyone was loading the truck
and I felt bad for saying I "couldn't"
because I was there to be helping. 
Not visiting with her... 

And after the truck was packed up... 
I was getting ready to leave, 
getting my "outdoor pants" on... 

I was putting them on outside. 
"Come to my place to do that..."

I felt like I was going to puke. 
When I was there the first time 
so I told her I really had to go soon
so I couldn't... 

And she was telling me that she wanted me to visit her
and I was welcome to see her any time. 

Wanted me to make a routine out of it... 

I don't know this lady. I met her twice. 

She's lonely and told me nobody visits her. 
It's that her place smells BAD. 

I wasn't even there for like 10 minutes. 

I've smelled that smell before, 
BUT NOTHING LIKE THAT.

THAT WAS... PUTRID.

BUT SHE PROBABLY CAN'T SMELL IT HERSELF. 
IF SHE COULD, SHE WOULD KNOW.

WHY PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO VISIT. 

I FELT SO BAD FOR NOT WANTING TO VISIT. 

But you can't really go up to someone you don't know
and say: "Come see me once a week or something."

Really, I don't owe her anything. 

But I felt bad about it. 

Anyway, someone wrote a political post on fb. 
I commented on it and he sent me the budget for this year. 

Canada's federal budget. 

YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY
THEY ALLOCATED TOWARDS HOUSING?
10 BILLION DOLLARS.

There are over 80k homeless people
IN ONTARIO ALONE. 

AND 10 BILLION DOLLARS
IS SOMEHOW SUPPOSED TO FIX THAT. 

Here's a snip I took of it:

I dunno if you can see it, but it's sad. 

THEY PLAN TO PUT MOST OF THE MONEY
INTO "INFRASTRUCTURE"
AND "PRODUCTIVITY AND COMPETITIVENESS"
WTF DO THOSE EVEN MEAN?

LOOK HOW LITTLE THEY ARE GOING TO BE 
SPENDING ON FKING NATIONAL DEFENSE FFS.

LIKE NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF "INFRASTRUCTURE"
MONEY... 

THE WAY THE CITY'S "MAINTAINED" IT DOESN'T 
LOOK LIKE THEY SPENT ANY MONEY IN 
"INFRASTRUCTURE"

NICE TO SEE THEY WANT TO "DEFEND" 
WHATEVER THEY PLAN ON FKIN BUILDING
WITH OVER 100 BILLION DOLLARS... 

This is tax money, too!

Those top "places" they are putting most of the money... 

WHAT WOULD THERE BE LEFT TO FKN DEFEND?
IF THEY ONLY WANT TO SPEND 40 BILLION?
NOT EVEN, LOOKS LIKE... 

LOTS OF CANADIANS ARE P*SSED ABOUT THIS
"BUDGET."

THEY LITERALLY PUT THAT MONEY
IN THOSE "BROAD" CATEGORIES
TO SPEND MORE THAN HALF THE BUDGET
ON WHATEVER. 

WHAT DOES "PRODUCTIVITY AND COMPETITIVENESS"
EVEN FKN MEAN?! 

AND WHAT ABOUT THE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS
THAT THE CONSERVATIVES HAVE BEEN ASKING ABOUT?

"WHERE DID THE MONEY GO"? NO ANSWERS. 

MUST HAVE GONE TO "PRODUCTIVITY AND COMPETITIVENESS."

CANADA CAN'T COMPETE MUCH WITH OTHER COUNTRIES. 

HOW CAN WE? WHAT SPECIFICALLY DO WE HAVE TO OFFER?

LOTS OF COUNTRIES ARE AHEAD OF US BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS. 

IT'S FKN EMBARRASSING. 

Anyway, the budget is $280 Billion dollars. 

ONLY 40 BILLION ON NATIONAL DEFENSE.

BECAUSE, APPARENTLY, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH
TO TAKE SERIOUSLY... 

AND 10 BILLION DOLLARS IS SUPPOSED TO BUILD
ALL THE HOUSING FOR MILLIONS
WHO COME TO CANADA
PLUS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE ALREADY HERE.

WILD.

AND SAD.

AND AGGRAVATING.

The USA spends around 1 Trillion dollars on their defense. 

Last year, Canada spent like 29 Billion dollars on national defense. 

So this year, it's not doubled, but increased, 
BUT STILL LAUGHABLE.
FOR A G7 COUNTRY. 

BUT "PRODUCTIVITY AND COMPETITIVENESS"?

WHAT DOES THAT "ENTAIL"?

Supposedly, 85% of our "trade" (exports) are tariff-free.
Globally, it's 17%. 
Somehow ours went down to 5.4%.

DESPITE THE FREE TRADE AGREEMENT.

Anyway, one on of the times I helped my friend
sort and pack his stuff, 

he was going to throw away a big bag of shake... 
So he gave it to me. 

Like a quarter of a garbage bag full of shake. 

I found a "coffee press" thing... 
So I finally "pressed" some tea. 

On my second cup of it, now. 

Been taking me a while to finish writing this post lol. 

BUT ALL THE WHILE THE PEOPLE WHO BELIEVED LIES
ABOUT ME
COULD HAVE ASKED THEMSELVES:
"WHAT IF THAT WAS A LIE?"

"THEY WOULDN'T LIE TO ME!"
YA? WELL THEY DID. NOW WHAT?

WOULD YOU BE UPSET BEING LIED TO?
ABOUT SOMEONE WHO NEVER FKN DID ANYTHING TO YOU?
WHO WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU?
AND WHY WOULDN'T THEY?

BECAUSE THEY AREN'T ANYTHING CLOSE
TO WHAT THEY WERE SAYING. 

WHO'D EVEN KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT ME?
ANYONE KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH
TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME?
NO?

THEN HOW WOULD THEY FKN "KNOW" ANYTHING?
ABOUT ME?

THEY DON'T! SO THEN WHAT THEY "CLAIM" THEY "KNOW"
PROBABLY ISN'T THE CASE!

BUT DON'T ASK YOURSELF
WHETHER OR NOT IT'S ACTUALLY TRUE. 

AND DON'T HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME ABOUT IT.
ABOUT ME. LOL.

PEOPLE WHO LIE ABOUT PEOPLE
NEVER EXPECT THE PERSON THEY LIED TO
TO GO TO THE PERSON THEY LIED ABOUT
TO ASK THEM IF SOMETHING'S TRUE OR NOT... 

THEY JUST ASSUME IT'S TRUE!!!!
WHY WOULD THEY LIE TO ME?!

ASK YOURSELF WHY THEY WOULD. 
THEN MAYBE IT'LL CLICK. 

WHAT I WAS SAYING
AND WHY I WAS SAYING IT. 

BUT BELIEVE THE LIES, DO WHATEVER. 
THEY CAN KEEP ALL THAT MESS. 

BUT WHEN THEY REALIZE... 
"I TREATED HER LIKE SH*T BECAUSE SO AND SO LIED TO ME."

THEN, STILL BELIEVED IT!
DIDN'T HAVE TO!
COULD HAVE HAD A CONVERSATION WITH ME. 

BUT TO "BLIND" SOMEONE TO SOMEONE... 
TO TRY TO "KEEP SOMEONE AWAY"

AND THE LIES WERE THE BAIT!
TOOK THE BAIT!!!

HOW IS CHOOSING TO DO THAT SH*T
MY FAULT?!