If It Was The Other Way

If it was the other way and I had fkd him around... 

Not only fkd him around, but trusted the wrong people... 

People who wanted to actually harm me. 
Says what? For what?
For "control" over someone?
Someone who needs to be "controlling" himself?

WHO TRIED TO CONTROL ME. 
LOOKS LIKE WHAT, TO ME?
SOMETHING I'D RESPECT?

THAT SHOULD HAVE STARTED WITH
RESPECT FOR ME. 

BECAUSE WHAT WAS I DOING?
EXISTING?

TELLING HIM?

SHOULDN'T HE HAVE TOLD ME?
HAD IT BEEN THE OTHER WAY AROUND?

IF ANY OF MY "FRIENDS" "THREATENED" HIM?

IF MY EX WAS CONTACTING HIM?
THREATENING HIM? ETC?

Iron Heart was trying to "make me feel better"
by telling me that mirror smasher chose a level of hormones
over me. 

If it was that, it wasn't just that. 
Sh*tty habits and false beliefs. 

If it weren't for those hormones, though, eh? 

SH*TTY HABITS AND FALSE BELIEFS.... 
STAY SH*TTY HABITS AND FALSE BELIEFS.
UNTIL THEY ARE UNDERSTOOD. 
AND SOMETHING IS DONE ABOUT IT. 

WAS I ASKING FOR THE MOON?
ALL THE STARS IN THE SKY?

OR WAS I ASKING FOR
SOMETHING TO BE DONE ABOUT IT?

AND THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANYTHING
TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT, IDEALLY. 

BUT, WHEN I WAS INSECURE... 
I HAD MY OWN SH*T TO FACE, STILL DOING IT.

BUT TO BLUFF? WHOOPS!
GUESS YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.

GAMBLED ON IF I'D ACTUALLY WALK AWAY
AND CUT OFF ACCESS TO ME.

THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE WHO EITHER
TURNED THEIR BACK ON ME, 
OR FORCED ME TO TURN MINE 
ON THEM. 

BECAUSE IT TAKES A LOT FOR ME
TO EVEN WANT TO GIVE UP
ON FKN ANYONE. 

AT THE SAME TIME, THOUGH, 
IT SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD
TO TAKE AS MUCH AS IT TOOK
FOR ME TO FINALLY WALK AWAY, 
THIS TIME. 

It really shouldn't have. 

THE VERY FIRST FK UP.
SHOULD HAVE SAID TO ME
ALL THAT IT NEEDED TO... 

AND IF IT WAS ME DOING IT?
AND IF MY EX WAS INVOLVED
IN WHAT WAS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS?
WATCHING ME LITERALLY TALK TO THE GUY?
AND JUMPED ON OUR CONVERSATION
TO "ATTACK" US BOTH....

WHAT WOULD HE THINK OF THAT SH*T?
WHAT WOULD I THINK OF THAT SH*T?
WHAT WOULD ANYONE THINK OF THAT SH*T?

GUESS HE DIDN'T THINK MUCH OF IT
BECAUSE HE STAYED INVESTED IN THAT SH*T!!!!!!!

THEY BOTH USED IT TO RUIN AND POTENTIAL
OR POSSIBILITY. 

AFTER THAT SHE TRIED TO FKN APOLOGIZE TO ME!
LIKE I'D ACCEPT THAT APOLOGY! DA FUQ!
EXCUSE ME?!

BUT SHE EXPECTED ME TO
JUST BECAUSE SHE APOLOGIZED!

If MY ex was so obsessed, he crashed my fkn 
PRIVATE CONVERSATION
HE WASN'T INVITED TO
TO "ATTACK ME" AND HIM
FOR EVEN FKN TALKING... 

WHAT WOULD HE THINK OF THAT SH*T?

AND EVERY TIME WE TRIED TO TALK, 
SHE LITERALLY JUMPS INTO OUR CONVO
TO "DISTRACT" HIM SO HE "CAN'T" TALK TO ME
AND HE LET HER FKN DO IT AND KEEP FKN DOING IT
TO THE POINT I TOLD HIM TO P*SS TF OFF... 

AND AFTER I TOLD HIM TO P*SS TF OFF
HE EITHER GAVE HER MY NUMBER
OR SHE DEMANDED IT FROM HIM... 

TO "COME AT ME"
BECAUSE SHE "WANTED TO,"

HAD I TRIED TO COME FOR HER
JUST BECAUSE I "WANTED TO"???!!!

WANTING TO JUST FKN DO SOMETHING
ISN'T AN EXCUSE TO JUST FKN DO IT.

That's what self-control is.

After I quit drinking, I gradually became less and less
IMPULSIVE.

BECAUSE THERE WAS A TIME THAT I PROBABLY
WOULD HAVE HURT MY EX FOR PUNCHING ME IN THE HEAD.
JUST FOR DOING IT.

BUT I DIDN'T.

I WOULD HAVE LET MY ANGER CONTROL ME.
I DIDN'T.

I COULD HAVE, EASILY.  I DIDN'T.

BECAUSE THAT IS A CHOICE.
I CHOSE NOT TO.

LIKE HE COULD HAVE CHOSEN
NOT TO HIT ME, EVER.
PERIOD.

When you take control over making choices, 
you SEE that it's actually not that hard
to control yourself
because you can control yourself
by controlling your choices. 

"I have the choice to punch my girlfriend in the head"
OR...
"I HAVE THE CHOICE NOT TO."
"UP TO ME TO CHOOSE."

JUST LIKE IT WAS UP TO ME TO CHOOSE
NOT TO HURT HIM FOR PUNCHING ME IN THE HEAD.
CORRECT?

It was up to me to tell the boss what happened. 
That he left with the fkn client's keys.
Took the client's keys across the country. 

But it was up to him to choose to do what he did or choose not to.

I HAD NO CHOICE ABOUT HAVE TO TELL THE BOSS.
I HAD TO CALL HIM ON THANKSGIVING FFS.
RUINED HIS THANKSGIVING. 
MINE WAS FKN FANTASTIC, TOO. 

I TOLD MY MOTHER I WAS FKN SAD... 
SHE TOLD ME TO GO BE SAD SOME OTHER DAY, 
NOT ON THANKSGIVING FFS.

LIKE MY FEELINGS NEVER FKN MATTER. 
TO FKN ANYONE. 

IT DOES P*SS ME OFF. 

BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE'S FEELINGS... 
I'M SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT, RIGHT?

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT.
WHAT THEY WANT ALL MATTERS. 
DOES WHAT I WANT MATTER, AT ALL?

And the funniest thing is that IF he wanted to come towards me
SHE WOULDN'T BE HAVING IT LOL!

SHE WOULDN'T EVEN LET HIM TALK TO ME
WHEN IT IS LITERALLY HIS CHOICE. 

HE CAME BACK TO ME MORE THAN ONCE.
IF HE DIDN'T WANT TO, 
HE WOULDN'T HAVE. 

I NEVER MADE HIM COME BACK MY WAY.

She needs to focus on trying to control herself, 
not try to control him, or try to control me... 

TO TRY TO GET SOMETHING SHE WANTS... 

WTF DO I OWE HER?

HE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO CHOOSE HER
AFTER I WALKED AWAY LOL. 

WHAT DID SHE WIN? LOL. 

The thing is that when you realize what you lost, 
"You never know what you've got until it's gone"
by that time, you've already lost it.

JUST LIKE HE WAS A COWARD TO ME, 
HE'LL DO THAT SH*T AGAIN. 

THE FK WOULD I TRUST HIM FOR?

YOU HAVE TO KEEP IN MIND
THAT AT THE VERY BEGINNING
HE TOLD ME HE WAS DONE WITH HER.

SHE'D ALREADY BETRAYED HIM ETC... 
AND HE WASN'T HAPPY ETC... 

HE FKN LIED TO ME
AND KEPT LYING TO ME
FKD ME AROUND ETC. 

AFTER DOING THAT, HE SAID "SORRY"
GAVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE, DID THAT SH*T
AGAIN. 

BECAUSE EACH TIME I WAS 
"BACK IN HIS LIFE," SHE'D START HER SH*T.

That should have been as easy as it was to see. 

So she can keep being about her sh*t and so can he. 

Tf would I want to be around that sh*t?

Friggin right I'm disappointed.

It's like each time it's just... Wtf did I give him another chance for?
FOR HIM TO SEE CLEARLY?
TO GROW?

SHE DOESN'T WANT HIM TO
BECAUSE SHE'S NOT. 

SH*T NEEDS TO CHANGE. 

PEOPLE NEED TO GROW TF UP.

HE CAN ONLY CONTROL IF HE LETS HER. 
BUT DON'T FKN LISTEN TO ME. 
LIKE I KNOW SH*T LOL. 

SHE'S "DESPERATE" FOR HIM NOT TO
EVEN THINK ABOUT TRYING TO COME BACK MY WAY, 

BUT WHY WOULD I WANT HIM TO?