Two Now

So I've been working on that site slowly... 

I kept redesigning it. I wasn't happy with it. 

I was also stuck in my head for a long time. 
Still am, but not as much... 

At least writing about it helps. 

Anyway, without sending any traffic to my site... 

I made one pin on Pinterest, and I doubt it's bringing traffic...
I made a few posts about it on Facebook. 

About my plans for it and what I'm currently doing with it. 

Anyway, nobody I know is subscribed to me, yet. 
I don't care if they do. 

Nobody I know cares enough to even care 
what I'm doing, why etc. 

So they can miss out on that. DGAF.

I used to. It used to fkn bother me so much
THAT THEY DIDN'T CARE. 

BECAUSE IT WOULD BE NICE IF THEY DID. 
SHOULDN'T BE THAT HARD. 

But now, I'm kinda glad they leave me tf alone. 
BECAUSE WHY DEAL WITH THAT?

Deal with it by not dealing with it. 

BUT IT ALSO BUGS ME THEY WANT ME TO CARE. 
AND FOR THE MOST PART, I STILL TRY. 

I TRY WHEN THEY TRY. 

BECAUSE IT'S UP TO THEM TO TRY. 
NOT JUST ME. 

THEY HAVEN'T OR BARELY HAVE. 

But it bugs me when people give like 0.2%
AND EXPECT 200% BACK. 

SO I MATCH THEIR 0.2%.

And it bugs me that it bugs them. 

That female who stonewalled me, twice... 
who sends me links... 

SHE KEEPS DOING IT TO TRY TO GET MY ATTENTION. 

IF SHE REALLY WANTED MY ATTENTION
MAYBE SHE COULD TRY FKN APOLOGIZING TO ME. 
FOR HOW SHE TREATED ME. 

WHICH SHE NEVER HAS
AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL. 

IT SEEMS WHEN I'M LOYAL TO SOMEONE, 
I GET DISLOYALTY BACK. 

LOYAL ENOUGH NOT TO DO XYZ... 

THE THINGS I DON'T WANT THEM DOING TO ME. 

WHICH SHOULD BE FKN FAIR. RIGHT?

EVER SEE ME TREATING HER THE WAY SHE 
TREATED ME? NO!

BECAUSE SHE NEVER OWED ME FK ALL. 
JUST LIKE I NEVER OWED HER FK ALL. 

BUT WHENEVER SHE DIDN'T GET HER WAY
WHAT SHE WANTS... SHE ACTS LIKE THAT. 

AND THEN STONEWALLS ME. 

THEN TRIES COMING BACK.
AND BEING MY "FRIEND."

DO I HAVE ANY REAL FRIENDS?

I have a few. 

But for the most part, I'm comfortable being alone. 

Now, more than ever... 

Anyway, about that site I'm building... 
I've got 2 subscribers to it. 
People I don't know. 

I put up that form in April. 
It's October and I'm just starting to get some. 

Better than none... 
I feel like I'm doing the work for something. 

If I can help anyone with the stuff I write about... 
Then, it's for something. 

Even if it's slow to get my points across... 

BECAUSE AS MUCH AS I'VE TRIED... 
IT TAKES FOR SOMEONE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN. 

AND THEY HAVE TO ACTUALLY CARE, 
JUST TO FKN LISTEN! 

IF THEY DON'T, THEY WON'T. 

If you haven't noticed, I'm a stubborn person. 

I could have started a lot of stuff a really long time ago. 

I was using a bunch of sh*t as excuses not to. 
Not to start trying to get my head together, 
not to start getting my life together... 

Not to start clawing my way out of depression, etc. 

I mean, there are times I still feel depressed... 

But, working on sh*t means I get to feel some forms
of satisfaction. 

My form works! I set that up! It redirects! It collects!
With a timestamp! So I know when they subscribed! 

And I'm building my own list. Slowly. 

I'm making the templates. 
Templates I can use across any sites. 

To make it that much easier on myself
(and my subscribers) to set up other stuff. 

So I made certain pages and I can redesign them after... 
The point was that they are up and serve a purpose. 

My downloads are up.
My forms are up. 
My forms connect. 
My forms collect. 

My button's script redirects
after the data is collected. 

And it shoots confetti hahahaha. 
That was ChatGPT's idea, not mine. 

In a way, I'm glad I started coding before ChatGPT. 

I mean, it can help me with stuff like scripts... 

Like the redirect scripts, the web app script that connects the form etc... 

It definitely helps with that, but I can build some stuff upfront, my way, 
and I can tell it that I want this to do this or that... 

I used ChatGPT to write a huge 120+ page document on
coding and setting up a huge comment section 
with databases and scripts and all of that... 

It kept asking me if I wanted it to add more features to it... 
So I let it keep going until it started repeating itself. 

I have to go through it and edit it and maybe test it... 

The scripts themselves... I know most of it probably works. 

I had to fight with it for 3 days to get it to connect to my form. 
Because there are 2 scripts that need to work together. 

The sending script and receiving script, pretty much. 

The script that collects the data from the form
and sends it to another script that's attached to the spreadsheet... 

And both of those scripts need to function correctly... 
For the data to actually send to the spreadsheet... 
Which it does. 

I've tested it. A lot. 
I entered the form so much... 
Went back and deleted my entries from the spreadsheet, 
and cleaned up the spreadsheet... 

Then, I noticed that in the last two days I had two new subscribers. 

And the best part is that I have that redirect script. 
So as soon as they subscribe, they get sent to another page. 
Whatever page I want to send them to. 

Whether it's an offer, or whatever... 

I'm just giving away free stuff until I can set up whatever
so I can actually make sales... 

And actually have a real business... 

And actually not have to stress about stuff. 

The thing is that people who are scared to be broke
probably haven't been broke before. 

They wouldn't know what to do. 
It'd be the end of the world as they knew it... 

Panic at the disco! 

That's pretty much why I'm building that site. 
Not just to try to sell domains and hosting, 
but to show people that I'm just an average person... 

And even a broke person can still set something up,
for even less than $50/month. 

One reason I'm glad I quit smoking was that 
smoking cost money. 

Cigarettes... Aren't cheap. 

They used to be less than $10/pack. 

When I was a kid, in the 90s... 
My mom used to send me to the store with a note
with the phone number
so the clerk could call and get "permission"
over the phone to sell me the cigarettes
to bring home to her
and I used to buy chips with the change. 

Back then, It was like a $10 bill, pretty sure. 

Anyway, that definitely doesn't happen now. 
Laws changed. 

Can't sell to minors now. 
Not even with a note from their parent. 

Wild that it used to be like that, though, eh?

My mom would just send me over to buy them
as soon as I was old enough to buy something
at a store... 

I was under the age of 10. Around 7 or 8. 

I used to just go outside to play. 
I had rules, of course. 

"You can only go this far..."

Like when I went to "Hopeless"... 
They called the school that. Not the real name, 
but it started with "Hope..."

Anyway, I went to it when their current one
was being built... 

And it was in a building that used to be a former high school
that also moved...

Coincidentally, it moved to a big building near where
I used to live... 

I was supposed to go there, but my mom made a scene... 

Anyway, when I went to "Hopeless... "
They had "boundaries" for the school. 

So one of the places we weren't allowed to go
was to Bank street... 

Which is coincidentally very close to where I live. 

And we weren't to go past it... 

When I lived between the canal and bank street, 
I wasn't allowed anywhere near bank street. 

NOW THAT I'M ALLOWED ON THAT STREET, 
I TRY TO AVOID IT. 

Especially the north end. 

North of the highway is fooked. It is. 

South of the highway is like another city. 

But either side of that street, like a street over on either side... 
Is like another city. 

Certain places in this city, you'd be amazed, the differences. 

When I travelled across the country, on a bus... 
Each province is different. 

Quebec's as east as I've been, so far, but... 
Each province I've been through was all different. 

And each province has a one-hour time difference. 

So each province I went to, I had to set my time back. 

It's kinda cool. 

I didn't sleep the best last night. 
Tossed and turned. 

Going to help my friend with more stuff today. 

And I'll get the rest of those clothes. 

I set them aside. Brought some back, last time. 

Some jeans and dress shirts. 

I like dress shirts. 
I can wear them over top of t-shirts. 

Anyway, I'm going to find something to eat
before I go because otherwise my stomach is
going to be bugging me. 

I'd rather be able to focus on a task when I get there.