Some Things I Wished For...

What if I had grabbed my ex by the wrists?
To try to control him?
How would he feel about that?
About me thinking I had the right to just do that?

He let go of one wrist to punch me in the head.

AND HAD I THOUGHT I HAD THE RIGHT
TO JUST PUNCH HIM BACK?

IF HE PUNCHED ME MORE THAN ONCE, 
I MIGHT HAVE.

BUT HAD I PUNCHED HIM, EVEN ONCE?

EVEN AFTER HE PUNCHED ME?

I don't hate the guy.
I hope he does move on. 

I hope he meets someone nice. 
Who never tries to speak to me. 

Not because I'd be jealous... 
Just have no need to. 

And if she's that type, 
obviously, why would I want her to?

Like would she read my blog, too?
Instead of just moving on, with him?

And staying out of my life?
Like I'd stay out of hers?
Theirs?

Just saying I hope he meets someone nice. 
Someone closer to him. 

Someone he'd try to understand. 

Who he won't be lazy with or hit, ever. 

Like I never thought he'd ever hit me. 
Let alone punch me. 

I was hoping he was more mature than that. 

But we were in our early 30s... 

No excuse, but sometimes it takes longer
to realize some things... 

And when some people are used to only thinking
ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT
OFTEN, THEY DON'T THINK TOO MUCH
ABOUT WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS... 

LIKE NOT TO BE GRABBED BY THE WRISTS
AGAINST MY WILL. 

HAVE MY WILL TAKEN FROM ME?

I HAD MY WILL TAKEN FROM ME
TOO MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE. 

WHO'D WANT THAT?
WOULD HE?

So if I'd done that, I'd expect him
to be angry for having his will taken from him
by grabbing him by the wrists... 

LIKE HE COULD HAVE REALIZED I WOULD BE. 

WHICH IS WHY MIRROR SMASHER WAS P*SSED
FOR PUTTING HIM IN AN ARMLOCK
TO MAKE HIM DROP A NEEDLE
HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BRING
INTO MY HOME
BECAUSE I TOLD HIM NOT TO
BEFORE HE CAME. 

BUT DID HE EVER CARE
ABOUT WHAT I WANTED?
LIKE NOT TO HAVE THAT SH*T 
IN MY HOME, PERIOD?

PUTTING HIM IN AN ARMLOCK
TO MAKE HIM DROP THAT NEEDLE
WAS ME DOING WHATEVER I COULD THINK OF
TO POTENTIALLY SAVE HIS LIFE. 

BECAUSE I CARED ENOUGH TO WANT TO.

I CARE IF HE LIVES OR DIES, STILL. 

I'D FKN DO IT AGAIN. 
TO TRY TO SAVE HIM FROM HIMSELF. 
EVEN THOUGH THAT'S NOT MY FKN JOB. 

AND WOULD HE HAVE DONE THE SAME FOR ME?
FK NO! 

WHAT WAS HE WILLING TO DO FOR ME?
STOP INSULTING ME?
STOP PLAYING GAMES?
STOP BEING AN @SSHAT?

WHAT WAS HE WILLING TO DO FOR HIS OWN SAKE?
NOT BRING NEEDLES TO MY HOME?

THAT WAS AS MUCH FOR HIM AS IT WAS FOR ME... 

But what am I willing to do for myself?
Now that I'm not doing ANYTHING for him anymore?

AND WHY WAS I DOING ANYTHING FOR HIM? AT ALL?
I WISH HE'D FIGURED THAT OUT!
LISTENED TO ME WHEN I TOLD HIM!

UNDERSTOOD! FINALLY!