I get to see my son more often, now.
He's sleeping on my couch right now.
He spent the night with me.
We watched a movie and he fell asleep early.
Maybe it was all the popcorn and stuff...
I was high and in a good mood and went a bit nuts
getting treats for us at the dollar store.
I also got a few things at the grocery store...
I'd saved up some money.
Whatever is left is whatever is left...
Not really all that worried.
Been worse for wear and still survived.
People who are scared to be broke never have been, before.
They get scared because they don't know what to do.
As long as my bills are paid, I'm good.
I can get food.
Not much that I actually need. Y'know?
Pretty much have to eat.
Everything else is okay.
I have a place to sleep and a toilet.
A fridge, a stove, a bed,
what more do I need other than to eat?
My son was a bit 'excited' to pick out treats.
I don't think he gets offered treats very often.
He picked some chocolates.
We got drinks, a big bag of popcorn...
Raisin bread...
At the grocery store, we got butter chicken sauce
and cheese...
We're going to make some butter chicken poutine.
Fries and cheese with butter chicken sauce instead of gravy.
At the poutinerie, they charge like $30/large butter chicken poutine...
So I get my own fries and butter chicken sauce and cheese...
And I make my own.
I'd like to take my son there, maybe next month, just so he can try it.
A few places I want to take him, he hasn't been to before.
More than a few places we both haven't been to before....
New experiences...
We went to IKEA for lunch, yesterday.
I think that one store's the biggest they have in North America.
Woke up early from a dream about Mirror Smasher.
In the dream, he called me for help...
AFTER BETRAYING TF OUTTA ME.
HE CALLED ME BECAUSE HE KNEW
I'D FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT HELPING HIM.
In the dream, a lady's mother wanted to bring something of mine
to a store "to see how much it was worth."
So we all went, but she wanted to sell it.
I was mad, but I let her keep the money.
The point was that it was mine.
She wanted to sell something that belonged to me.
Which she didn't have the right to do.
So I let her daughter explain that to her.
It was just a dream and just an object, but... It was mine.
But seeing his name come up on my phone...
And I was so mad that he was trying to USE ME for HELP.
In the dream, he wanted me to bring some sort of
power generator thing to a funeral he was at.
Looking forward to when he doesn't show up in my dreams anymore.
You know when someone's thinking about you so much
you end up thinking about them?
That's what that is.
Too late, too bad. I'm a memory now.
In the dream, he was getting beat up on his way
to my place... Because I wasn't answering the phone...
And I felt bad for not answering it,
BUT WHY LET HIM USE ME?
FOR ANYTHING?
EVEN FOR HELP?
DOESN'T HE HAVE OTHERS TO ASK?
OH WAIT! THEY WERE JUST AS SELFISH AS HIM!
WHY WOULD THEY HELP HIM?
WHAT WOULD THEY "GET" OUT OF THAT?
NOW THAT I'VE TAKEN MY "OFFERS" BACK....
NOW HE WANTS MY HELP?
It was just a dream, yeah...
In reality, he doesn't have the BALLS TO CALL ME.
IF HE DID, I'D BE SURPRISED,
BUT I AM NOT OBLIGATED TO ANSWER IT.
But a lot of people don't care about memories
until that's all they have left.
The consequence is that they lost me.
THEY LOST THE OPPORTUNITY.
THEY LOST THE CHANCE.
THEY TOOK ME FOR GRANTED.
AND I KEPT GIVING CHANCES
FOR THEM TO JUST FKN APPRECIATE ME.
BUT THEY REFUSED TO.
WHY SHOULD THEY APPRECIATE
SOMEONE THEY NEVER TOOK SERIOUSLY?
BUT HE LITERALLY CHOSE THAT
WHEN HE COULD HAVE CHOSEN OTHERWISE!
What am I supposed to "accept"?
"I wasn't thinking..."?
--------------------------
Today... I went to go get a thing for someone...
I signed up my neighbor for a site.
A recycling site.
Where you can get free stuff...
So someone offered him a fishing vest.
And he said he'd get it on Sunday,
then he said that he couldn't go get it today
because he pulled his knee or did something to it...
Anyway, I was supposed to get the bus at the University...
IT DOESN'T GO TO THE UNIVERSITY
ON THE WEEKENDS!
SO I WAITED THERE, FOR A LONG TIME
UNTIL I SAW THE THING,
WHERE IT SAYS IT ONLY STOPS THERE
ON THE WEEKDAYS...
WHICH IS FKN STUPID.
ANYWAY, SO I WAITED AND WAITED
FOR A BUS THAT WASN'T COMING.
SO I TOOK THE NEXT BUS...
IT WAS A LONG FKN RIDE...
Got off that bus, took a train, another bus,
another bus, and another bus...
FINALLY FKN GOT THERE. NOTHING.
THE LADY DIDN'T PUT IT OUTSIDE.
WENT ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN
FOR NOTHING.
I DECIDED TO WALK BACK.
ENOUGH TIME ON THE BUS. FOR TODAY.
I CUT THROUGH THE FARM.
WENT TO GET A SLICE OF PIZZA AND A POP...
FRIGGIN GUY...
HE THOUGHT I WAS WITH THE LADY
WHO WAS FKN THERE WHEN I GOT THERE.
SO I WAITED. FOR MY TURN.
HE FKN SKIPPED ME,
WENT TO THE GUY WHO CAME IN
AFTER ME...
HE INSISTED THAT I GO
AFTER I JUST SAID TO ORDER
AND THAT I WAS GONNA WAIT
BECAUSE I WAS TOO TIRED
TO LOSE MY SH*T.
SO I ORDERED A SLICE AND WANTED TO UPGRADE
TO A BOTTLE OF POP FROM A CAN IN THE COMBO.
HE DIDN'T LISTEN TO HEAR I WANTED THE UPGRADE.
SO HE'D PUT ME DOWN FOR THE CAN.
SO I DIDN'T WANT TO ARGUE WITH THE GUY,
LOSE MY SH*T AT HIM,
OR WHATEVER...
SO I AGREED TO JUST TAKE THE CAN.
I TOLD HIM I WANTED A SPRITE 3 FKN TIMES,
HE TRIED TO GIVE ME A COKE.
THE GUY AFTER ME SAW HIM GETTING ME A COKE
TRIED TO TELL HIM I ASKED FOR A SPRITE,
THE DUDE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND
THOUGHT HE WAS ASKING FOR A SPRITE FFS...
SO HE JUST LET HIM BE WRONG.
AND HE COMES TO ME WITH A CAN OF COKE.
AFTER I SAID SPRITE 3 TIMES.
LIKE BAD ENOUGH HE SKIPPED ME,
IN THE LINE,
DIDN'T LISTEN WHEN I WANTED A BOTTLE OF POP,
INSTEAD OF A CAN,
AND DIDN'T LISTEN WHEN I TOLD HIM
I WANTED A SPRITE!
So I tried to be nice about it without getting too upset.
"Can you give me a SPRITE PLEASE?!"
I did say please. Because I wasn't trying to lose it.
NOT OVER A POP.
NOT OVER THAT.
BUT IF YOUR JOB
KINDA REQUIRES YOU TO LISTEN
TO WHAT PEOPLE WANT TO ORDER...
MAYBE LISTEN TO WHAT THEY WANT TO ORDER!!!!!!
IS IT THAT HARD TO DO?!
PAY ATTENTION. THAT IS ALL. JUST THAT.
ANYONE ELSE HAVING THOSE ISSUES?
JUST TRYING TO FKN ORDER
A SLICE OF PIZZA AND A BOTTLE OF POP?!
BECAUSE HOW HARD SHOULD THAT BE?
SHOULD BE AS EASY
AS IT IS FOR EVERYONE ELSE.
So I got home... Finally...
Called my neighbor to tell him
that I went there for nothing...
He wasn't answering the phone...
So I might try again during the week.
Because I can get the bus
at the damn University...
DURING THE WEEK.
O-TOWN HAS A THING...
IF IT MAKES ANY KIND OF SENSE
GOTTA FK IT UP SOMEHOW.
DON'T KNOW IF IT'S SOMETHING
IN THE WATER...
BUT, I'M VERY TIRED. OF THAT.
IT'D BE NICE IF THE CITY
WOULD JUST GET THEIR HEADS
OUT OF THEIR FKN @SSES.
PRONTO. OKAY?
IT'S BEEN TOO FKN LONG.
MY WHOLE LIFE, HERE.
LIKE EVERY DAY, SOMETHING.
FROM SOMEONE.
I'M FKN TIRED!!!!!!!!!
SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN HARD
TO JUST GO PICK THAT UP.
OR ORDER A SLICE AND A BOTTLE OF...
SPRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE GUY BEHIND ME IN LINE
WAS PAYING ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!
HE KNEW I WANTED SPRITE!!!!!!!!!!!
HE EVEN TRIED TO TELL THE GUY!!!!!!!!
THE GUY WASN'T LISTENING!!!!!!
And WHY only run the bus there on weekdays?
Da fuq?
AND THE ONLY OTHER BUS STOP
I COULD THINK OF TO TAKE THAT BUS
WAS BY THE COLLEGE,
SO I HAD TO GET OVER THERE,
JUST TO GET ON THAT BUS....
So... I'm just tired.
TIRED OF PEOPLE WAITING UNTIL
IT'S TOO LATE TO "DECIDE" THEY
ACTUALLY WANT SOMETHING "SERIOUS"
WITH ME...
WHEN THEY COULD HAVE HAD THAT....
WHEN I WANTED THAT
AND THEY KNEW I WANTED THAT...
BUT WHY WANT IT
WHEN I AM NOT THERE ANYMORE?
AFTER THEY ALREADY GHOSTED ME
FKN TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND I FORGAVE AFTER THE FIRST FKN TIME
BUT AT LEAST TAKE FKN ACCOUNTABILITY
FOR FKN DOING IT.
IF YOU CAN'T, WHY TF WOULD I EVEN THINK
ABOUT GIVING YET ANOTHER CHANCE?
So now when it's a lot of BS WITHOUT ME....
WHEN I'M NOT AROUND....
AND IT WAS BETTER, WITH ME,
PROBABLY BECAUSE I WAS ACTUALLY FKN TRYING...
WHY WAS I TRYING?
REMEMBER WHY?
I CAN BARELY REMEMBER WHY, MYSELF. FFS.
The point was that HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN WHY
HAD HE FKN LISTENED.
HAD HE CARED NOT TO BE A POS TO ME...
Here's a tip for MEN...
IF YOU TREAT A GIRL
LIKE SHE ADDS NOTHING TO YOUR LIFE,
SHE'S NOT GOING TO WANT TO
ADD ANYTHING TO YOUR LIFE.
OKAY?
AND WHEN YOU DO THAT,
YOU'RE THE ONE DOING IT.
BECAUSE THAT IS A CHOICE.
SO IS HER CHOICE TO LIVE HER LIFE
WITHOUT YOU.
Here's some more REAL TALK.... OKAY?
......
JUST BECAUSE I AM LOYAL
DOES NOT MEAN I NEED TO BE
TAKING ANYONE'S SH*T.
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SH*T
I'VE ALREADY TAKEN?
THAT I NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAD TO?!
DO YOU KNOW?!
Because if you knew, maybe you'd know...
IT'S ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! OKAY? ENOUGH!!!!!
WAY MORE THAN ENOUGH BS.....!!!!!!
SO... NO MORE BS!!!!!! OKAY?!
No more BS when there shouldn't fkn be any in the first place!!!!!
And when you're a certain age....
YOU SHOULD BE TOO OLD FOR THAT SH*T.
TOO OLD TO PLAY FKN GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOO OLD FOR A LOT OF SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!
TOO OLD TO EVEN WANT TO "GO THERE."
OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT SH*T
OUGHT TO BE FKN EMBARRASSING AF!!!!!!
WHEN WHAT?
COULD HAVE BEEN FKN FAIR?!
IMAGINE THAT!!!!!! BEING FKN FAIR!!!!! TO ME!!!!!
But imagine waking up... ONE DAY....
REALIZING EVERYONE AROUND YOU WAS
BEING FAKE TO TRY TO USE YOU...
AND THE ONE PERSON WHO NEVER DID....
NEVER WANTED TO....
WHO LOVED YOU....
YOU WERE THE WORST TO....
BECAUSE THE FAKE ONES
WANTED YOU TO BE FAKE TO THE REAL ONE....
IMAGINE THE ONE WHO REALLY, ACTUALLY LOVED YOU....
WAITED FOR YOU TO BE FAIR TO HER....
JUST WANTED THAT...
TO BE REAL WITH HER, TO BE RIGHT TO HER.
MAYBE EVEN "GROW" TO LOVE HER, TOO,
MAYBE REWARD HER LOYALTY
WITH LOYALTY....
REWARD HER HONESTY WITH HONESTY...
But... TAKING HER FOR GRANTED...
NOT SEEING HER VALUE....
NOT TREATING HER LIKE SHE HAD ANY....
UNLESS YOU WANTED SOMETHING...
DA FUQ IS DAT SH*T?!
WAS I SUPPOSED TO WAIT THE REST OF MY LIFE?
FOR SOMEONE TO BE ACCOUNTABLE?
FOR THEIR SH*T?
FOR WHAT THEY DID?!
TO ME?!
SH*T I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY KNOW I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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