Just Not Ready

What bugs me is some people not realizing that
THEY DON'T HAVE TO TRY TO BREAK SOMEONE
JUST BECAUSE THEY FEEL A TYPE OF WAY
ABOUT THEMSELVES...

OR TO TRY TO FEEL "BETTER."

1) It looks bad because it is.

It is because it's fkn immature to act like that, 
think like that, and to be like that.

REALIZING THAT IS A KEY STEP
TO FIXING IT.

But to feel so damn insecure about yourself
TO TRY TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE FEEL INSECURE?!

WHAT KIND OF JUVENILE BS IS THAT?

Not realizing that people trying to make me feel insecure
IS WHY I AM SECURE WITH MYSELF.

SO SECURE WITH MYSELF
THAT TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL INSECURE
DOESN'T WORK.

IT ONLY LOOKS BAD, TO ME.

ALSO, AS IT SHOULD, IT P*SSES ME OFF.

AT THE SAME TIME, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO P*SS ME OFF.

STILL DISAPPOINTING AF, THOUGH...

When I "expected better" of someone...
NOT TO BE LIKE THAT.

TRUSTED THEM NOT TO BE...

AND WHEN THEY ALREADY BROKE THAT TRUST...

WHEN THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
NOT TO BREAK IT?

THAT I NEVER HAD TO STAY.
LET ALONE AFTER XYZ...

I tried to be all like:
"Maybe they'll realize ALL THE EFFORT I WAS PUTTING IN...
AND WHY I WAS MAKING THE EFFORT...

WHY I KEPT MAKING THE EFFORT..."

EVEN THOUGH I WASTED MY EFFORT
AS MUCH AS MY TIME...

WAITING FOR THEM TO SEE OR REALIZE XYZ.
THEY DIDN'T WANT TO!

"FAILING" TO REALIZE, OR REFUSING TO...
JUST MEANS THEY GET TO MISS OUT
ON WHAT THEY COULD HAVE BEEN
A PART OF, WILLINGLY...

HAD THEY NOT CHOSEN TO BE A POS INSTEAD.

So why should I wait around for something
THAT NEVER HAD TO BE LIKE THAT
TO CHANGE INTO 
WHAT IT COULD HAVE JUST BEEN?

BECAUSE I WAS WILLING TO?

WELP, NOW, I'M NOT.

EVEN IF HE REALIZED ALL THERE WAS TO REALIZE...
ABOUT HIMSELF, ABOUT ME, 
ABOUT ALL OF IT...

HE STILL WASTED MY TIME!!!!

TO THE POINT I LOST ALL HOPE, INTEREST, DESIRE, ANYTHING.
ESPECIALLY RESPECT.

SO THERE WOULDN'T BE A POINT
IN TRYING TO COME TO ME AND BE LIKE:

"A***, I REALLY WISH I NEVER DID THAT TO YOU...
A***, I REALLY WISH I NEVER TREATED YOU LIKE THAT...
A***, I REALLY WISH I NEVER TRIED TO BLAME YOU
FOR ALL THE SH*T THAT WAS MY FAULT...
A***, I WON'T EVER SPEAK TO YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN...
A***, I WON'T EVER TREAT YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN..."

BUT YOU DID THAT TO ME!
YOU DID TREAT ME LIKE THAT!
YOU DID TRY TO BLAME ME FOR SH*T THAT WAS YOUR FAULT!
YOU DID SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!

BECAUSE YOU FKN WANTED TO!
AND DIDN'T THINK I'D WALK AWAY!!!!!!!!

DIDN'T EVEN TREAT ME LIKE I FK HAD A RIGHT TO!!!!!!!!

So what would it even mean to me to hear that?
The acknowledgement I won't ever get?

"Here's what she probably wants me to say..."
DOESN'T MEAN THEY MEAN IT!!!!

JUST MEANS THEY THINK I WANT TO HEAR IT!!!

IF THEY DON'T MEAN IT, 
WHY TF WOULD I WANT TO HEAR IT?

DID THAT SH*T WITH NO REGRET, NO REMORSE, 
NO FKN MERCY EVEN...

SO WHY WOULD EMPTY WORDS
MEAN FK ALL TO ME?

HAVEN'T I HAD ENOUGH EMPTY WORDS?
LIKE ALL THE STRINGING ME ALONG BS?

HOW LONG WAS I SUPPOSED TO ACCEPT THAT?

"I'LL BE "NICE" TO YOU TO GET XYZ...
BUT NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE..." DA FUQ?

WHEN I WAS BEING NICE, I WANTED TO BE.
NOT BECAUSE I EVER WANTED XYZ.

THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE.

THERE WEREN'T ANY FKN PRETENCES.

I WANTED TO BE. NOT BECAUSE I 'HAD TO BE'
TO "GET SOMETHING"
WHATEVER SOMETHING IT EVER COULD HAVE BEEN
WASN'T WORTH MORE TO ME
THAN JUST FKN BEING NICE.

IT WAS NEVER A PLOY.
I DON'T DO THAT SH*T.

BUT I'M NOT GOING TO CONTINUE TO BE NICE
TO SOMEONE WHO WANTED TO PLAY FKN GAMES
THEN PROJECT HIS BS ONTO ME...

EVERY LITTLE FKN BS THING HE DID
BACKFIRED
JUST AS MUCH AS ANY LITTLE BS EXCUSE
FOR ANY BS THING HE DID.

THOSE THINGS HE DID...
HE CHOSE TO DO THEM.
ALL OF THEM.

FORGOT I HAVE CHOICES TO.
LIKE CHOOSING NOT TO "HELP" ANYMORE.
TO GIVE HIM FKN ANYTHING.

FUNNY TO WANT THE CARE, COMPASSION, 
THE XYZ HE COULD HAVE GIVEN TO ME...

CHOSE NOT TO, RIGHT?

BUT WHEN I CHOOSE NOT TO GIVE ANYTHING?

"YOU NEVER REALLY CARED..."
"OR YOU WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN UP..."

ON WHAT? ON FALSE HOPE?
ON YOU RESENTING THE FACT
AND ME FOR THE FACT
THAT THIS IS BS TO ME?

THAT I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR?

I wasn't giving up on HIM.
I gave up on what he chose.

I LET HIM CHOOSE AND HE DID.

IF THEY SHOW YOU WHAT THEY'D RATHER HAVE,
MORE THAN ONCE, 
LET THEM HAVE IT.

AND IF THEY EVER MISS
WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO GIVE THEM...

THE FACT YOU WANTED TO...
YOU WERE TRYING TO...

AND THAT WAS ENOUGH FOR THEM TO WANT TO
FKN TRY TO DESTROY YOU JUST FOR THAT...

WHY TF SHOULD THEY GET ANOTHER CHANCE?

FOR THEM TO SHOW YOU YET AGAIN?!

IF someone is so immature that they are so insecure
THEY TRY TO GO OUT OF THEIR WAY
TO TRY TO MAKE YOU FEEL
LIKE YOU'RE NOTHING...

THEY AREN'T "READY"
FOR WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO GIVE THEM.

AND THEM NOT BEING READY FOR IT
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

AND IT SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE "ON YOU"
TO WAIT FOR SOME "FUTURE TIME"
THAT THEY "ARE READY" FOR IT, FOR YOU.

AND YOU NOT WAITING FOR THAT
SHOULD SHOW THEM
YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE
BEEN EXPECTED TO.

OR TREATED LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE HAD TO.

No amount of "I wished this or that"
or "I had hoped this or that"

WILL CHANGE ANYONE'S WILLINGNESS.

IF THEY AREN'T WILLING
NOT TO BE A POS...

WHY GIVE THEM MORE OF WHAT THEY
ALREADY DON'T APPRECIATE?

YOUR TIME, EFFORT, XYZ...

They know they chose to be a POS!!!!
That was their choice!

Because they could have chosen
NOT TO BE A POS!!!!
BUT DID THEY????

DID THEY CHOOSE NOT TO BE A POS?!
ONLY WHEN THEY WANTED SOMETHING?

JUST TO GIVE ME "JUST ENOUGH"
NOT TO BACK OUT COMPLETELY...

EVEN WHEN I STILL HAVE ALL RIGHTS TO.

"JUST ENOUGH" TO KEEP HOPING
THAT THEY'LL STOP BEING A POS...

AND TREAT YOU THE WAY
THEY COULD HAVE TREATED YOU...

LIKE YOU MATTER.
LIKE YOU MEAN SOMETHING...

NOT JUST FEEDING THEIR "EGO"
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS WANTED "MORE."

WHAT WAS RIGHT.
WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.

HAD THEY JUST CHOSE TO.
JUST NOT BE A POS....

KEEPING ME WAITING FOR NOTHING.

HOPE IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO TOLERATE ANY BS!!!!

IF YOU TOLERATE IT, YOU'LL BE EXPECTED TO.
MORE AND MORE AND MORE.

UNTIL YOU TELL THEM TO FK RIGHT OFF.
UNTIL YOU TAKE THEIR CHANCES AWAY...
THEIR "TOY" AWAY...

It's one thing to "like" that someone wanted to be with you...

BUT IT'S ANOTHER TO USE IT AGAINST THEM
TO TREAT THEM LIKE SH*T.

ONLY A POS WOULD DO THAT SH*T.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE WITH A POS?