What'd It Be Like

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like, now...
IF CERTAIN PEOPLE
HAD STOOD UP
TO PEOPLE WHO STOOD IN MY WAY.

FOR ME.
FOR ONCE.

Have my feelings changed? Yeah.
Big time. In a big way.

Because they could have, already.
HAD THEY WANTED TO.

Like stood up, for me.
TO THE "COMPETITION" LOL.

HOW CAN YOU FEEL FOR SOMEONE
THE WAY YOU USED TO
IF THEY REFUSE TO DO THAT?

JUST THAT?

Anyway, I've been helping my neighbor
with videos for Youtube.

Short clips have been doing well...

800+ views overnight. It's wild.

Going to get some footage on Sunday.
It's supposed to rain, but we'll see.

Got "footage" of a storm cloud that went up to 1.1K views, 
overnight!!!!

We've got 34 videos up, so far.

They add up. Just starting.

Just trying it out, too.

And when we get the site up, we can link it 
to the channel etc.

Just testing it all out.

Can't find out unless we try it out.

In a couple of years, we can be up 100 subscribers.

Maybe sooner than that...
In one day, we went up 4 subscribers.
In one day!

By the end of the year? Maybe.

He's getting a kick out of it.
Seeing how far a video can go in a day, 
even overnight...

I find myself checking it throughout the day...
The views. Some have done better than others,
but the ones that did well, did pretty freaking well...

Before I go to bed, or try to... Been hard to sleep...

When I force myself to get up, too.


Having a hard time sleeping drives me nuts. 

Especially if my skin's bugging me...
Or it's too hot to be comfortable...

My skin... Just... Every time I get really restless...
It's like I start to itch...

My hands, get to me.
Itchy fingers...

Especially where I wear my rings. 
It's one of those things 
that makes trying to sleep
really freaking uncomfortable...

Until I'm mega exhausted
and just sleeping out of
irritability and exhaustion... 

Not the best, most solid sleep. 

Anyway, the other day, when it was really hot...
I found a couple of dresses... I wore one.

My neighbor: "You look s3xy in that."

THIS IS WHY IT'S BEEN UNCOMFORTABLE
FOR ME TO WEAR A DRESS.
OF ANY KIND.

It was too hot to wear pants...

I am not trying to look s3xy.
I don't wear makeup much anymore
or dresses...

There's always some comment
THAT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO.

Well, my neighbor got 8 subscribers to his YT channel.
8 videos / 34 videos are over 1k views.

That's a good thing.

I told him we're just building traction, first,
and then we'll do the site stuff.

After we do the site stuff, I'll introduce him to Quora.

"Your answers get views and you can link back to your site."

What he can do is link his Q to his YT.

So he can answer questions in his videos,
and link his video answers to his site etc.

That could help him get a lot of views.

One of the videos that were close to 1k views didn't reach it, yet.
The other one went over.

It's been interesting experimenting.

Two videos we posted last night went over 1k views.

3 photo montages the other night was pushing it, 
but it was still a night out.

We went from 3 subscribers to 8 in a day or so.

And this is just the first month.

Just the dress comment and he called me "sweets" again. 

What reaction was he hoping to get from that?

Must have been some reason he did that, right?
OR WHY DO THAT.

WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY "MADE" SOMEONE
FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE
ASKING IF THEY WANT TO HAVE S3X
AND THEY SAY NO...

THAT'S THE LAST TIME IT SHOULD BE SAID.

AND EVEN SAYING IT...
RISKING SOMEONE'S COMFORT...

WHY? DON'T.
Just... Don't.

Some people like it, I guess.

BUT SOME PEOPLE... IT BUGS THEM.

MAYBE MORE THAN IT SHOULD...

But, it does.

AND IF YOU WANT SOMEONE
TO FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND YOU...

DON'T SAY SH*T THAT BUGS THEM!

Been trying to brush it off, 
but the more I brush it off, 
the more he keeps doing it.

I DON'T WANT THE FIRST THING
THAT COMES TO MIND
SEEING ME IN A DRESS TO BE "S3XY."

Looking "nice" I can handle that.

That's more appropriate.

Because using the word s3xy...
IT'S OBVIOUS IT'S ABOUT S3X.

WHICH I'D RATHER IT NOT BE ABOUT.

I'D LIKE TO BE ABLE TO WEAR A DRESS SOMETIMES.

ON DAYS IT'S TOO HOT TO WEAR PANTS...

WITHOUT BEING S3XU@LIZ3D. AT ALL.

ESPECIALLY BY SOMEONE
WHO DID IT BEFORE
AND SHOULD STOP DOING IT.

SHOULDN'T HAVE STARTED DOING IT.

BECAUSE WHY DO IT?

It's selfish to do that sh*t.
Also, it's gross.

After tomorrow, I'm going to need a break.
At 50 pieces of content, not there yet...
But at that point, we can take a breather...

And we have another week for like 10 more videos.

Even at 25 videos/month... That's pretty good.
And we're past that. 

The last two clips made it past 1k in 24 hours.
Pretty much overnight.

---------

We went to the lake to check out some spots to fish.

We came across a water weed machine thing.
A few young guys fishing, too.

He helped one guy fix his rod.

We're going out, this morning.

I'm going to try to catch another hour.

We might bike over, later.

Anyway, our crazy influx of views...
Must have been a fluke...

It gets kinda "exciting" when it jumps up.
Especially overnight.

Especially when you weren't expecting it.

The knot video went bananas.

Just so far.

Even some basic stuff like knots, casting, whatever...

A lot of people don't know that.

Especially "city people."
We've just been making videos in the city.

He asked me if I'd go to Kingston with him.
I might.

Just some stuff's been bugging me.

Like the other night...

I was passing him the joint and it was near the end of it
and he decided he didn't want any more of it...

"No, you go ahead baby..."

HE CAUGHT HIMSELF AFTER HE SAID IT
AND USED MY ACTUAL NAME.

BUT COULD HAVE JUST USED MY NAME!

THAT'S WHY I HAVE ONE.

And I'd bought him a few drinks...

A few times. One was a beer.

But when he was saying thanks, to me,
he used it as an excuse to touch me.

And made it weird by lingering.
Like rubbing my hand.

IT'S A F*CKING DRINK, DUDE.
JUST SAY THANKS.

NO NEED FOR THAT SH*T.

DON'T BE WEIRD ABOUT IT.

Sh*t like that bugs me. It just does.

I don't mind hanging out, filming, fishing, 
chilling...

I DON'T LIKE ANY S3XU@L SH*T.

NO NEED TO "TOUCH" ME.

EVEN WANTING A HUG... I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR.

DOES HE WANT HUGS FROM THE GUYS? NO? 

DOES HE TELL THEM THEY LOOK S3XY? NO?

DOES HE TOUCH THEM TO SAY "THANKS"? NO?

DOES HE "ACCIDENTALLY CALL THEM BABY"? NO?

IF I WAS A DUDE, PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE HANGING OUT
WITH ME?

LET ALONE CALLING ME BABY FFS.

THAT SH*T WOULD HAVE TO STOP BEFORE GOING ANYWHERE.

BECAUSE IF I DID GO SOMEWHERE WITH HIM....

AND HE DID SOMETHING THAT BUGGED ME....

AND I BROUGHT IT UP...

MOST PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT
WHEN I BRING SH*T UP.

AND IT USUALLY IS BUGGING ME
FOR A LONG TIME BEFORE SAYING ANYTHING.

I LET TOO MUCH SLIDE
UNTIL I FKN CAN'T.

AND A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BEING TOLD
TO JUST STOP FKN DOING SOMETHING.

Maybe because they feel "bad" for doing it...

And if they knew THEY WOULD FEEL BAD FOR DOING IT
PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT.

Like it's not fair to me to continue to do those things
AFTER I'VE ALREADY SHUT HIM DOWN
BY OUTRIGHT SAYING NO TO S3X.

BECAUSE HE OUTRIGHT ASKED ME
IF I WANTED TO HAVE S3X.

AND USED THE EXCUSE THAT I'M A FEMALE...

Just sh*t like that....

EVEN IF HE JUST TREATED ME LIKE A PERSON...
HE'S TOO OLD FOR ME.

I've told him he's old enough to be my father.
Because he is.

Coulthat I just want him to

realize that and step off of any "ideas"
along those lines
PERMANENTLY?