Mailbox Poems

The other night, I caved. 
I ended up stocking up on weed.

To cut down, I gave myself times to smoke.

The purpose was to try to cut down on
"jonesing."

If I can train my body to only "jones"
at specific times...

Smoking more just makes me "jones" more.

It's almost as bad as when I used to smoke cigarettes
and wanted a cigarette really bad...

It's chemical...

The only way to be completely over it, 
is to just quit completely, 

but I'm not ready, yet.

I probably will be, eventually, 
just not yet.

I met a dude the other night. 
He approached me saying he was short
to get something at the Tim's at the gas station. 

I went in with him to buy him a coffee and a donut. 

He told me smoking cigarettes is his only vice left.
That he quit smoking weed, quit drinking, 
quit other drugs... 

I told him quitting smoking cigarettes is doable, I did it.

Anyway, he went his way, I went mine.
I forgot to ask for decaf...

He was happy with his coffee and muffin, and $2.

The rest of the change went into the Tim's box thing. 

I found the other park... The one with the pond in it...

I knew it was close to the other one with the other pond. 

I have some chill spots to choose from, and been finding more.

The other night, there was a willow tree by the pond...
Standing, under it... It's massive.

Other trees are just as impressive.
Not knowing their true age...

Like the arboreetum, as an example. 
It's a "tree museum." Basically. 

They even have Magnolia trees, there.

Magnolia trees are usually found in the deep south. 
In "Gone With The Wind."

Not usually found this far north. 
Canadian winters are harsh for southern trees.

Anyway, there are lots of types of trees there, 
even Magnolias.

I like chilling there, but... 
At night... It feels a bit creepy. 

I stayed away from where I saw that water truck.

I took the other side of the lake, back.
To avoid where he'd be if he was waiting, there.

I didn't want to find out, if he would be.

That dude could have left each time he turned around.

And he only turned around when he saw me seeing me.

It felt really... Sketchy.

Something about what the guy from last night said...

He asked me if anxiety was why I smoked pot.
Most of the time it's just trying not to be irritable.
He said that's what cigarettes are for.

Actually, cigarettes are for
giving the illusion that
that's what they are for.

Last time I went fishing with my neighbor, 
we were going to go to a spot, 
but the dude waiting at the bus stop...

He kept lighting cigarettes, puffed them a few times,
threw each one on the ground, 
like slamming it to the ground, 
lighting another one.

After the 5th one...

I turned to my neighbor and asked him
if he wanted to walk to the train, it'd be faster.

We just went to the river where the old train bridge is.

Before they fixed it up for bikers and joggers to cross...
I used to go down there...


I was 14 and I used to sleep down there.
I had found a chill spot right under the tracks
of that bridge.

It was inactive and in disuse...

Would be wild if they fixed it up to be a train bridge, again. 

It just takes me back to days I used to "explore"
and found my little nooks and crevices... 

To tuck myself away...

Makes me remember the days I used to climb trees
to smoke up there...

Nobody'd see me.

I miss that the most about my "childhood."
Exploring, finding cool chill spots.

I have a bunch.

Special things I'd share with someone.

JUST HARD TO TRUST ANYONE, ANYMORE.

WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO.
JUST THAT.

LIKE OTHERS ARE ABLE TO...

AFTER SO MUCH, YOU JUST STOP.
TRYING TO, OR WANTING TO...

YOU REALIZE THAT IT'S SAFER NOT TO.
WHICH SUCKS.

Timing it out, spreading it out, like this, will help. 
Reading is helping, too. 

When I'm coming up closer to "smoke time"
I can wait it out by getting into a book. 

I took the book to the laundromat, once.
It's one of those dumb romance novels that I stopped reading. 
They got to me, after a while, so I refused to read any more.

Until I picked up a bunch of books downstairs...
This book was with them....

Anyway, a guy at the laundromat made a joke about the book. 
He said something about how they should pay him
for using his picture on the cover lol.

For a while, after I'd quit reading romance novels, 
I read a lot of crime books.

At least they are based on true events...

They got to me, after a while.
Especially a couple of books...

One was about a Canadian crime...
Crimes... Plural...

One was about American crimes.

Both about sadistic serial k1llers.

I was into reading them for the psychology.
And I wanted to see how they got caught, 
and they write about the trial, in the books.

But then, I read some "self help" books.

Around the time I'd quit drinking, 
I was on a "self improvement kick"

And I dropped stuff I was doing, 
when I got into that relationship...

Wasn't "ready" for it, but jumped into it, anyway.

Now, after all kinds of BS, it's safe to say that I just
"don't feel it anymore."

WHICH IS OKAY.

ALL THE BS WITH MIRROR SMASHER
TURNED ME OFF.

EVEN BEFORE THAT, IT WAS LIKE 3 YEARS
BEFORE I HAD AN "INTEREST"
IN A FKN LYING @SSHAT.

JUST DOESN'T "MAKE ME" WANT TO "TRY"
ANYMORE.

JUST... DOESN'T.

And I get that crappy things
shouldn't put me off FOREVER...

NOT EVERYONE IS LIKE XYZ...

SURE, NOT EVERYONE IS.

I don't know why, but something came to mind...

I saw something online about how they clip "bells"
into the tails of mules.

1 bell meant the mule is trained to carry a package.
2 bells meant the mule can carry a cart...
3 bells meant the mule was fully trained.

So they could tell while mules were trained or not.

WOULDN'T IT BE SO MUCH EASIER
IF YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO
WHILE TRYING TO TRUST SOMEONE
NOT TO XYZ...?

AND I'M NOT COMPARING GUYS TO MULES.
OR SAYING ANYONE NEEDS TRAINING.

JUST SAYING IT'D BE EASIER TO TELL
IF A GUY'S AN @SSHAT, OR NOT
IF THERE WAS A "SYSTEM"
THAT YOU COULD TELL AT A GLANCE.

IT'D SAVE A LOT OF TIME.

What bugged me is that I was being treated 
like a fkn scapegoat.

Like get all mad at me for what?
STANDING UP FOR MYSELF?

DON'T PUT ME IN A POSITION
WHERE I HAVE TO SHOW YOU.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SHOWN.

I wasn't trying to immasculate anyone.
BUT YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT
I WILL STAND UP FOR MYSELF.

AND IF YOUR MASCULINITY IS SO
"FRAGILE"
THAT YOU FEEL I'M THREATENING IT
OR TRYING TO IMMASCULATE YOU....

THAT HAS TO DO WITH YOU, NOT ME!

TELLING ANYONE "HOW TF IT IS"
HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH THEIR "MASCULINITY."

IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH
HOW TF IT IS.

WHETHER THEY WANT TO HEAR IT OR NOT.

Would it be "immasculating" if it came from someone else?
Probably not.

It'd just be the truth, coming from anyone else.

The "power" I have is my strength. 
IT TOOK A LOT TO BE AS STRONG AS I AM. 

AND I SHOULDN'T FKN HAVE TO
TELL ANYONE HOW TF IT IS, PERIOD. 

THEY SHOULD ALREADY KNOW.

IT'D BE A WASTE OF MY TIME
EXPLAINING SH*T
THAT SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE EXPLAINED.

TO PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY CAN JUST
BE ABOUT THEIR BS.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO JUST "TAKE IT."
I DIDN'T. 

AND THEY GET MAD THAT I DIDN'T?
WHEN I NEVER FKN HAD TO?

WHO SAYS I EVER HAD TO BE THERE?

FOR MY FAMILY, YES.
ANYONE ELSE? NO.

EVEN FAMILY...
SELDOM THERE, FOR ME.

BUT EXPECT ME TO BE THERE, FOR THEM, 
ALWAYS.

AND GET MAD WHEN I "TURN MY BACK"
WHY, THOUGH?

AND ONLY "START" "CARING"
WHEN I TELL THEM TO FK OFF?

BECAUSE THEIR EGO CAN'T TAKE
THAT I WOULDN'T WANT ANYTHING MORE
TO DO WITH THEM?

WHY, THOUGH?

Nope, be mad at yourselves for the choices you made
WHEN IT CAME TO ME.

AND GET MAD BECAUSE
WALKING AWAY IS "PETTY"?

WHAT ABOUT ALL THE BS?
THAT MADE ME WANT TO WALK AWAY?

AND THEN GET MAD THAT SOMEONE (ME) WANTS TO?

WHY, THOUGH?

AND WHEN THE PERSON WHO
PROBABLY CARED THE MOST, 
CARES THE LEAST, NOW...

THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT SHIFT.

MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN ONE.

IT WOULDN'T HAVE MATTERED WHAT I DID OR SAID.
WOULD HE HAVE APPRECIATED
ALL THE TIME AND EFFORT I WASTED?

NO? SO THEN?

WHAT WOULD THE LOGICAL THING TO DO BE?
WALK AWAY.

Oh well! Maybe should have thought about it.

EVEN THE MOST LOYAL PEOPLE...
GIVE TF UP.

IF THEY AREN'T BEING APPRECIATED.

Anyway, I haven't been having the A/C on a lot. 
I did, last night, because it was hard to sleep.
It got pretty hot...

Not used to having it, I guess.

The sound it makes, gets me wanting to nap.

So I'll leave it on long enough to cool the place down, 
then I'll turn it off...

Same with the fans...

I was getting chomped by mosquitos when I went out the other night.

If you wear long sleeves they'll go for your hands, face, and neck.

What bugged me was having my bluff called.
AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ME
THAT THEY CALLED MY BLUFF
AND IT BLEW UP 
IN THEIR FACE.

Anyway, I should have just bounced
YEARS BEFORE NOW.

NOTHING WAS GOING TO CHANGE.
HE REFUSED TO.

THINGS WERE ONLY GOING TO, IF HE DID.

HAD HE WANTED TO, HE WOULD HAVE.

NOT GOING TO WASTE MY TIME
WAITING THE REST OF MY LIFE
FOR HIM TO GET HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS @SS.

WHY SHOULD I WAIT FOR THAT?

AND TO EXPECT ME TO WAIT & JUST KEEP WAITING?
FOR THAT? FOR BASIC RESPECT.


But imagine trying to "break" someone
and they only get even stronger lol.

Alone, too.

Stronger alone says something.
Doesn't it?

WHY WOULDN'T I WANT TO BE?

AFTER BEING PUSHED TO IT?

I keep flipping to it, in my mind,
because a lot of sh*t still bothers tf out of me.

I should be allowed to say what those things are.

Just accepting that.... Just had no gratitude.
FOR ANYTHING I'D EVER DONE FOR HIM.

But thought I'd just be there...
A FKN PUNCHING BAG FOR EVERYONE, EH?
NO.

CALL MY BLUFF, 
NOTHING HAPPENED BEFORE, RIGHT?
BECAUSE IT TOOK ME A LOT, 
TOO MUCH IN THIS CASE
TO BE LIKE:

THAT'S ENOUGH.
I DON'T DESERVE THIS SH*T.

EVEN WHEN HE *THOUGHT*
I WAS TRYING TO IMMASCULATE HIM.

STANDING UP FOR MYSELF
IS STANDING UP FOR MYSELF.

BUT ANOTHER WAY TO 
PLAY VICTIM

LIKE I'M DOING SOMETHING TO HIM
BY JUST STANDING UP FOR MYSELF.

PROJECT YOUR BS ONTO ME
LIKE I'M THE ONE DOING ALL THE BS THINGS.

NO INTENTION ON EVER BEING
"FAIR."
TO ME.

OR IT WOULD HAVE BEEN, CORRECT?

FOR THE REASON THAT IT WAS
WHAT WAS INTENDED
ALL ALONG.

TO JUST BE FAIR AND HONEST.
AND REAL.

But I'm not going to be "obsessed" with some idea
OF WHAT IT SHOULD BE
TO THE POINT I FIGHT FOR THAT.

It could have been what it could have been.
Just that.

HAD HE APPRECIATED ANYTHING
AND ACTED AS THOUGH HE
ACTUALLY DID.

BUT ANYTHING WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
ME, AS THE PERSON WHO CARED.

THOUGHT I'D CARE SO MUCH
I'D JUST ACCEPT A LOAD OF GARBAGE, THOUGH?

AND KEEP ACCEPTING IT?
FROM EVERYONE?

AND JUST LET HEM SWEEP IT
UNDER THE RUG LIKE IT 
NEVER HAPPENED....

BECAUSE WHAT DID MIRROR SMASHER DO?
HE WISHED ME A HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!
LIKE NOTHING EVER FKN HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!

YOU THINK THAT DIDN'T P*SS ME OFF?! IT DID!
AFTER SMASHING MY FAMILY HEIRLOOM!
AND REFUSING TO COME GET HIS SH*T OUT
OF MY HOME.

AND ACCUSSING ME OF STEALING HIS SH*T
THAT HE REFUSED TO COME GET...

AND THREATENING TO SEND "GIRLS" TO MY DOOR
TO "BEAT ME UP" LOL.

AFTER PUTTING A ROOF OVER HIS FKN HEAD.

AFTER GIVING HIM THE BIGGEST CHANCE
HE WAS EVER GOING TO GET, FROM ME.

There were other opportunities lined up, too.
AND HE CLAIMED HE HAD FOMO.

WELP, HE MISSED OUT AND THAT WAS HIS CHOICE.

SO HE CAN'T BE MAD AT ME ABOUT THE RESPECT
HE COULD HAVE GIVEN TO ME.
HAD HE WANTED TO.

BUT EVERYTHING HE DID, AND DIDN'T DO
WAS INTENTIONAL.

TO TRY TO MANIPULATE. 
WHY WOULD I BE COOL WITH THAT?

DID I DO THAT SH*T TO HIM?
WHY WOULD I HAVE?

GETTING MAD AT ME THAT IT BLEW UP
IN HIS FACE, THOUGH?

WHAT WOULD THAT LOOK LIKE, ON ME?

SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT...
CARING ABOUT HOW IT LOOKS...

Being mad at him if my bs blew up in my face...
HOW WOULD THAT LOOK ON ME?

IT'S LIKE THE KID WHO GETS "BULLIED"
AND THEN STANDS UP FOR THEMSELF...

SURPRISE!

BUT I'M A "BULLY" FOR STANDING UP FOR MYSELF? LOL.

NOPE.

But I was supposed to be the push over everyone tried to make me be, right?
I was just supposed to "give in" to the BS.

AND SETTLE FOR BEING TREATED LIKE SH*T? 
NOPE.

HAD THEY NOT WANTED TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT
THEY WOULD HAVE TREATED ME
LIKE I WAS SOMEONE WHO MATTERED TO THEM, 
RIGHT?

HAD THE OPPORTUNITIES TO DO THAT.

BUT WHO DIDN'T WANT THEM TO TAKE THOSE?

MAYBE THE ONES READING MY MESSAGES?
THREATENING ME?

WHO WANTED TO "GET IN THE WAY."

But, you let them do it....
AND GOT IN YOUR OWN WAY, TOO.

BY LETTING THEM DO IT!

But... Like I said. Had he wanted to 
NOT BE AN @SSHAT, TO ME...

HE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN AN @SSHAT!

Like he can't slam the door in his own face, repeatedly, 
and expect that door to stay open.

AND GET MAD THAT IT STAYS CLOSED.

IT WOULD BE LIKE IF I'D DONE
THE EXACT SAME SH*T...

EVEN IF I WANTED TO SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG...
LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED, IT HAPPENED!!!!!!!

AND IF YOU REFUSE TO EVEN TALK ABOUT ANY OF IT?

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LISTEN
WHEN YOU WANT TO TALK?
DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME WHEN I WANTED TO, DID YOU?

"GO AWAY." I DID.
I DON'T WANT TO COME BACK.

GET IT NOW?

ALL BECAUSE I WANTED TO TALK?

SO THEN, DO I NEED TO BE AROUND
TO LISTEN
IF YOU SUDDENLY
"DECIDE" TO WANT TO TALK?

HAD YEARS OF CHANCES FOR THAT, RIGHT?

NOW YOU DON'T?

"EVENTUALLY" YOU WERE GOING TO START
TREATING ME BETTER?

"I WON'T TREAT YOU LIKE THAT ANYMORE, A***."

BUT IT'S MY JOB TO "FIX" THINGS?
LIKE APOLOGIZE FOR EVERY FIGHT
I NEVER STARTED?

THERE WEREN'T ANY REASONS FOR THAT
OTHER THAN IMMATURITY.

Because someone, a mature person, 
would have looked at it
HOW IT REALLY IS
AND REALIZED SOME THINGS
WERE INDEED GOING TO BLOW UP
IN THEIR FACE
IF THEY WERE GOING TO BE
STUPID ENOUGH 
TO GO "THERE."

"A*** probably wouldn't appreciate xyz...
IF I DO XYZ, SHE'D WALK AWAY..."

THEN BE MAD WHEN I DO?

SO IF I WANT TO KEEP A*** IN MY LIFE, 
CARING ABOUT ME, 
I SHOULDN'T BE A PIECE OF SH*T TO HER.

Should go without saying. 

ANYONE ELSE THEY WANTED TO KEEP IN THEIR LIFE
THEY WOULD HAVE TREATED LIKE
THEY WANTED TO KEEP 
IN THEIR LIFE.

Push someone to a breaking point
and then get mad that they walked away?

WHY ACT ENTITLED TO MY CARE?

I HAD MY REASONS TO CARE, 
SO DON'T GIVE ME REASONS NOT TO.

SIMPLE ENOUGH?

Anyway.... I'll be over this.
Just still bothering me.

But I'm feeling a lot better, now.

I have my "clean start" kind of deal.
I moved. Change of location, 
change of pace...

Nobody trying to play in my face...

To try to do that and think I'd leave the door open?
For real?

AFTER SHE THREATENED THE BOTH OF US!

YOU'D THINK THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN 
ENOUGH TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?

WHAT I SAID?

HAD HE LISTENED?

IT WOULDN'T HAVE GOT TO THAT POINT
AND SHE WANTED TO TRY TO APLOGIZE
WITH YET ANOTHER THREAT?

AND WANTED TO THREATEN ME
FOR KICKING HIM OUT
WHEN I HAD EVER FKN RIGHT TO DO IT?

SHE WANTED ME TO
SO HE'D RUN RIGHT BACK TO HER
WHICH HE DID.

But has to act all "tough" that I did?
BECAUSE I DID SOMETHING TO HIM?
KICKED HIM OUT?

SHE FKN KNEW WHY
AND WANTED ME TO.

SHE JUST WANTED A "REASON"
TO "COME AT ME" LOL.

LIKE SHE WANTED TO ALL ALONG.
AFTER READING ALL MY MESSAGES....

How could she "copy" me if she knew nothing about me?
Had to know ALL about me through my messages, to him. 

HAD HE WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH HER
LIKE HE CLAIMED WHEN HE LIED TO ME...

HE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD ANYTHING MORE
TO DO WITH HER!

There was supposedly a court order
that they weren't supposed to have contact with each other.

WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN HIS OUT.
NOT TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER.

TO START OVER.
WITHOUT HER AND HER BS.

TO GET CLEAN.
TO GET CUSTODY OF HIS KIDS, EVEN.

"I SPENT 20 YEARS WITH THE WRONG PERSON."
THEN GO BACK TO THAT PERSON... ???

SHE "NEEDED" HIM TO CHOOSE HER OVER ME.
HER EGO COULDN'T TAKE IT
HAD HE CHOSEN ME, OVER HER.

GOT CLEAN, WITH MY HELP, 
GOT HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS @SS...
WOKE TF UP...

GOT HIS LIFE ON TRACK...
FELT BETTER THAN HE'D EVER FELT.

SHE COULDN'T HANDLE IT!!!!
EVEN IF HE WAS DOING IT FOR HIMSELF, NOT ME!!!!!

THat's why she "had to" threaten both of us.
HOW DARE US BE HAPPY?

SO WHY NOT...DO WHATEVER TO TRY TO
FK THAT UP?

FK UP ANY "POTENTIAL."

AND GET REALLY MAD LIKE SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT
THAT IT WAS ALL ON ME

FOR NOT WATING TO DEAL
WITH HER BS OR HIS BS.

AND IF HE DIDN'T WANT TO LET HER RUIN IT, 
HE WOULDN'T HAVE.


HER THREATS AGAINST ME
WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH.

AND AGAINST HIM!

"I BETTER NOT SEE THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER."
OR WHAT?

YOU'D GET SO JEALOUS
YOU'D GO BEHIND HIS BACK
TO TRY TO GET HIM LOCKED UP?

JUST SO HE WOULDN'T/COULDN'T
BE WITH ME? LOL.

SHE DID THAT.

IT WAS EITHER I KICKED HIM OUT, 
OR SHE WAS GOING TO "MAKE A WAY"
TO "GET HIM OUT."

BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T STAND IT.

THAT WE HAD ANY TIME TOGETHER AT ALL.
TO THE POINT HE TOLD HER HE WAS TALKING TO ME
AND THEY PLAYED IN MY FACE.

HE COULDN'T TALK TO ME
WITH HER TEXTING 50 TIMES.

AS SOON AS SHE KNEW WE WERE TALKING,
SHE JUST HAD TO STOP THAT.

AND HE EXPECTED ME TO LIVE LIKE THAT?
NO.

YOU WAIT YOUR FKN TURN B*TCH.
AND STFU.

But what had I said
THAT I FELT LIKE REPEATING A BILLION TIMES?

WOULD THERE BE A POINT IN REPEATING IT?
OR SHOULD I HAVE HAD TO ONLY SAY IT
ONCE?!

HAD I THE RESPECT I SHOULD HAVE HAD, 
SHOULD HAVE ONLY TAKEN ONCE.

Anyway, I went and did something stupid.

I wrote a poem to a neighbor, 
not the one who's been trying to "wear me down"
and I put it in his mailbox lol.

How would anyone know it's me?

Secretly, I avoid any jealousy sh*t.

It was only intended to give him a bit of a boost.
To pay him a compliment.

Doesn't mean I wanna bone the dude.

If he finds out it was me, whatever, 
but I can't see how he could.

And I know he's single.
I wouldn't have done it, otherwise.

It's that he had a bad breakup, he's mentioned it
more than once.

Mentioned that she already started seeing
another guy...

Just wanted to give him a bit of a boost.

Just that if everyone knows it's me or whatever
then talk and whatever...

They already started talking about my other neighbor
and I... Just hanging out.

To him, it's more than hanging out, 
it's wishful thinking...

But if he does find out it's me, 
I'll have to tell him that it was just to
pay him a compliment...

I'm not for jumping into anything.
I'm sure he wouldn't treat me like mirror smasher did, 
but even so...

I'm not up for testing compatibilities...

Or my patience lol.

Not saying that he would, he seems very mature.

Even so...  Best not to start anything.
Especially.... After he's been through a bad breakup.

But paying a compliment? Anonymously?

Whether I did as myself or undercover, 
people'd be talking. 

And he'll be curious.
He'll say something about it.

Especially if he tries to dig to find out who lol.

Now to keep a straight face! LOL.

I want to see if my "wear you out" neighbor
says anything... He might.

Maybe to see if it was me?
And how would he react if he finds out?

STILL, PAYING A COMPLIMENT
DOESN'T MEAN I WANNA BONE THE DUDE.

HE ACTED JEALOUS ABOUT ME
HAVING A FRIEND STAY THE WEEKEND.

SO IF HE THOUGHT I HAD THE HOTS FOR
THE DUDE...

THAT COULD SPARK SOME WEIRD JEALOUSY SH*T.
WHICH I'M TRYING TO AVOID
BY TRYING TO KEEP IT ANONYMOUS.

If I write another one, 
I'll put a ps saying I'm not a dude 
because anonoymous could be anyone, right? 

Not trying to creep him out, though.
Even one could be slightly creepy, right?

Especially if he thinks I'm a dude trying to come onto him LOL.
Which I'm not. Either of those.

No reversing it, though. It's already in his mailbox.
He'll get it, soon, too LOL.

He'll know it's someone in the building. 
It's a big building LOL.

It might be fun to see how long it takes lol.

By the time he figures it out, I'll have forgotten about it LOL.

I might actually blush if he found out lol.

It wasn't xrated or whatever....
I know better than to write a dirty poem to him lol....

THAT would get people talking...

I haven't written much poetry, lately.
Maybe it was an excuse to.

I'll probably end up laughing about it.

But at the same time, I don't want him to think
that I'm trying to bone him. 

I'm really not. 

He's at a spot where he should be focused
on himself, and his kids. 

AT LEAST HE DIDN'T ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED
THE ONE TIME I KNOCKED ON HIS DOOR.

TO TELL HIM NOT TO EAT SOMETHING
THAT'D GONE BAD
BECAUSE I REALLY DIDN'T WANT HIM GETTING SICK.

HE THANKED ME FOR TELLING HIM. 
I'D WANT HIM TO TELL ME.

Like that neighbor from my old place...
All he wanted was to bang. That's it.

I had gone to talk to him about something else, 
entirely.

I'm not into hookups and flings or any of that, 
but also right now, 
I don't want to be in a relationship.

So writing the poem wasn't about trying to hookup.
It was just about the poem. 
Nothing else.

Well, to pay a compliment, nothing more.

What's wrong with that? Anything?

Besides it being cringy af... LOL.

Fire alarm went off... The flashing light
gives me a headach.

I'm mega tired, but now I've got a headach.
At least that's over.

Maybe I'll sleep soon.