Chances were good on it raining today.
My neighbor hasn't ever gone to the west end beach.
People fish there, off the "pier"
or what used to be the "pier"
So we were gonna go, today, but...
Was likely going to rain.
Hasn't yet, but got windy like it was gonna pour.
Like the sky was gonna bust open and p*ss rain on all of us...
I was at the beach, once, when a storn was rolling in
from across the river...
It was a weird one.
Was no rain, but WIND.
Couldn't watch the storm rolling in, though.
It was blowing the top layer of sand off the beach
into anyone's eyes, trying to watch it.
People were telling people not to stand under
the trees.
And getting people out of the water...
In case they could have gotten zapped...
But how windy it got, fast...
And it didn't last long.
But obviouly, they didn't want
anyone trying to take shelter
under trees because the wind
could have easily snapped branches...
People were running to the trees anyway.
The guy next door came out on his balcony
last night when I was on mine,
with my neighbor...
My neighbor was like:
"He's listening to us."
Said: "I dgaf."
What's he going to hear us saying?
Talking about fishing?
Talking about weed?
Talking about website stuff?
The guy who lives next to him...
Has the same name as him...
Anyway, I was in the elevator
with my neighbor and he was in it...
After my neighbor got off on his floor,
the guy who lives next to the guy
who lives next to me...
"You should be wearing shorts."
Should be!!!
Covering my skin
means it doesn't get burned.
And around here...
Even on the hottest days,
I don't like showing much skin, if I can help it.
BECAUSE APPARENTLY
I SHOULD BE WEARING SHORTS!!!
FOR WHO, THOUGH?
FOR GUYS WHO WANT TO SEE MY LEGS?!
No, thanks.
My neighbor was saying:
Be careful who you get close to, in here.
He meant in the building.
That female who wanted to come with us
to get coffee and didn't actually want any...
She was sitting out front with us...
I wasn't paying any attention to what she was saying...
When I'm out there, I'm mostly stoned lol...
I bring my knitting to do something with my hands...
I bring some bird food, too.
I put the seeds under the trees.
It doesn't take them long to eat it.
I put some in a few spots,
because sometimes they fight.
The males get annoying to the females.
The females just show up to eat,
but one male, in particular...
He puffs himself up and bugs the females.
Been feeding the squirrels, too.
A female comes along.
We know she's a she because we saw her nipples.
Males have such small ones that they can barely be seen.
Also, you'd see its "nuts" before seeing its nips.
Anyway, there's a hut thing that is for dropping off food
from different places that are too close
to expiry dates... To sell,
they donate it to the hut thing...
The hut thing has shelves and a fridge in it.
So people drop stuff off there.
Anyway, there's often stuff from a coffee type of shop.
Like bakery stuff...
Anyway, pretty sure there's a family of bunnies living under it.
About the truck in the backyard, across the street.
My neighbor was saying that the guy's likely hiding it.
He said it'd been parked on the street for a week or so...
And it's from out of the province...
He said it's likely close to getting repossessed.
Hence why he's hiding it in the backyard.
Must have been hard to even get it back there...
Not a lot of room between the houses...
They might have to take the fence apart
to get it out...
Doesn't seem like it's moved at all
since they put it back there...
A big, bright red truck
in a tiny backyard wasn't hard to see.
Not like a drone wouldn't be able to.
Got some more solar-powered lights for my balcony.
First time owning any.
They're fun.
Not expensive, either.
And they'll last a while.
A friend's coming to spend the night
tomorrow night.
Yesterday, the power was out...
Because they're replacing the generators.
The "grid" thing for the building.
I woke up in a "mood" because I didn't know it was out
and trying to figure out why
something I had plugged in wasn't working...
The building had sent notices about it...
But then, sent notices that it'd be out
on another day
(it will be, again)...
So a lot of people thought that it was
being rescheduled...
But they were warning us
about next week, too.
I also got a light for the bathroom
which would have been on had there
been any electricity, but it wasn't,
and that didn't clue me in, I guess...
It was off pretty much all day...
The construction dudes...
They're making progress...
They poured the concrete for the second part already...
C**** abstains from smoking until they've gone.
Something to do with them being the same religion as her...
She sent me over to them with a bag of "stuff"
I didn't see what it all was, but some of it was root beer.
She's been crushing on them and a security guy LOL.
L****'s been out there, with her, usually...
L**** asked me if I was dating my neighbor lol.
NO! Not dating anyone. I'm cool with that.
I bet most people have been wondering...
Not that it's anyone's business...
That guy who was being weird and kissed my hand...
He's gone from being all 'extra' to ignoring me
with weird vibes.
I saw him in the elevator, said hi, ignored me...
Really weird vibes from him, now.
And that girl... Before I went on that tangent...
She was sitting out front with us...
I was mostly just chilling and C**** talks my ears off.
So I was mostly listening to her talk...
And you have to listen closely, because she has
a thick accent.
Anyway, he told me, later that night...
THAT SHE CALLED HIM A TRAITOR!!!
Apparently she was referring to him
hanging out with me.
I didn't hear her say it because I wasn't listening.
But he told me that she looked right at him and said it.
Twice.
I'd seen them hanging out, in the front a few times.
And thought nothing of it.
I just figured she just moved in, after I did,
and he was being neighborly,
like he was being, with me.
And maybe he was even crushing on her.
And if that was the case,
would it have been any of my business?
Unless he told me about it...
And even then...
What I did notice, is she seemed to be
"trying too hard" like inviting herself
on the coffee run...
BUT THE LOOKS SHE'D GIVE ME....
IT HAD EVERYTHING
WRITTEN ALL OVER HER FACE.
And this is why I don't tend to have
many female friends.
And when she was "around" I let her
have all the attention she could "grab."
It's nothing to me.
I don't hang out for attention.
I just hang out to hang out.
But I also like having some quiet time,
TO MYSELF.
DISAPPEARING TO WATCH VIDEOS
ABOUT TURTLES OR WHATEVER.
I watched a few, today.
It's a turtle rescue habitat place doing videos for YT.
I swear that turtles can smile. She looked very happy.
Checking out her new place for the first time.
Her skin was in bad condition, her nails,
her eyes could barely open....
The guy in the video explained all the treatments
they did on the turtle's skin...
With special cream, etc.
The turtle had spent 50 years in captivity.
When they get their "enclosure" thing, it's outside...
But they did it in stages, for her.
She had an indoor enclosure while she recovered.
They gave her an outdoor "play pen type of thing"
to get her used to going outside and getting sunlight...
Even her natural coloring was all washed out...
They fed her cat food!!!! The ones who took her
out of the wild and kept her for 50 years...
Should have seen her eat a worm for the first time
in dacades!!!!
Anyways, I don't mind being by myself.
Watching turtle videos or whatever else.
Kinda needed today just to... Breathe a bit.
Yesterday, I was with my neighbor most of the day.
And today would have been a long day, with him.
It's not that he's hard to get along with,
he just likes to talk, a lot.
And it's extra effort to process everything,
all day long...
So busy processing everyone else's "stuff"
that I just need time and space to "think"
"breathe" "be."
Just to "be" without any "need" of anything.
So glad the weather's warmed up.
So much nicer, for going outside...
For night walks...
Haven't been back to the open mic thing, yet.
It was good last time...
Haven't gotten my guitar restrung yet, either.
Should, soon.
Might go out tonight, by myself.
I feel the need for "alone" time.
Just to walk, just to think, to be, and breathe.
Away from here and away from other people.
I found a new "circuit" and it's been very mellow.
The best times to go out
are when the birds are just going to bed,
and when they are just waking up.
Early, before the sun rises...
It's JUST almost getting light outside.
When all you can hear are the birds...
Still dark-ish outside...
QUIET, OTHER THAN THE BIRDS...
THAT'S... A GOLDEN HOUR.
BECAUSE, YOU CAN HEAR...
YOURSELF THINK...
THE BIRDS...
LIKE YOU'RE WALKING THROUGH
A PARK OR A GARDEN,
NOT A CITY.
YOU LEAVE ALL OF THIS.... CRAP...
TO ITSELF...
AND YOU'RE ON ANOTHER STREET,
IN ANOTHER NEIGHBORHOOD...
SEEMINGLY FAR REMOVED
FROM MATTRESSES
ACROSS THE STREET,
JUNK13S AND TW33KERS ETC...
And the nights I only make it as far
as my balcony, I can turn the lights on,
and imagine I'm far away from this... Crap...
But the nights, in those neighborhoods
where I can pretend I live in that "part" of town,
for a while...
Or just enjoy people's gardens from the sidewalks...
Getting away from here, sometimes... Is needed.
Like people "talking" and "suspecting"
there's anything going on with my neighbor and I LOL.
One of the neighbors, the females...
She was sitting outside, next to me...
A guy has a big cute mutt for a dog...
She didn't want the dog near her.
The dog went and sat next to her.
"Can you get him away from me?!"
To me, as though that was my job to do
just because she sat next to me.
She's always got something to say
about what everyone else is doing.
About feeding the birds...
"What they don't get, attracts rats...
But you can feed them if you want to..."
She said it so that I wouldn't.
Or why say it at all?
I try to be polite to her, but I just...
Don't have much to say to her or to most people.
My building's supposed to have a bbq next week.
Will be interesting, I guess.
There's still lots of people I haven't met, yet.
But sometimes the less you know, the better.
Lots of room for drama, gossip, etc, here, right?
What else do people really have going on, here?
If they don't have that...
It's almost like some people think or feel
like they are "nothing" without their BS.
AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO THINK
I'LL BE JUST "LIKE THEM"
AND WANT ME TO THINK "LIKE THEM."
I already see that with some people.
LIKE: "YOU SHOULD BE WEARING SHORTS."
WHY SHOULD I BE?
BECAUSE ALL GIRLS SHOULD BE SHOWING SKIN?
ALL SUMMER LONG?
JUST BECAUSE YOU'D LIKE TO SEE IT?
My neighbor told me that he was standing behind the guy,
and on his phone... He was looking at pics of young-ish girls...
"Of age" but barely... Wearing really revealing clothes...
Pictures and pictures of them...
Also, someone said that the guy stalked a girl who used to live
in this building.
I only heard a bit about that, didn't hear much, didn't ask.
But "you should be wearing shorts" was him checking out
WHAT I WAS WEARING
AS THOUGH IT "MATTERED".
WHY SHOULD IT?
IF IT'S CLEAN? PRACTICAL?
SHOULD IT MATTER THAT I'M NOT "IN STYLE"?
OR THAT I HAVE MY OWN "STYLE"?
THAT I DRESS TO BE COMFORTABLE?
NOT FOR THE COMFORT OF OTHERS?
It shouldn't matter...
But I guess it matters to people
who think I should be wearing xyz...
"As little as possible" ummm no.
I'll dress the way I feel comfortable dressing.
And it's guys who think like that:
Having expectations for how girls should dress...
That... Get me feeling weird about dressing
in any way that shows certain parts of my body.
THINK I WANT TO BE SHOWING MY LEGS
TO GUYS WHO'D BE LOOKING?
AND THEY'D BE LOOKING
JUST TO SEE "SKIN"
NOT BECAUSE IT'S ME.
AND FOR WHAT A LOT OF GUYS DO SAY
THERE'S STUFF THEY THINK
THAT THEY DON'T SAY.
THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE,
BUT SPECIFICALLY FOR GUYS
WHO SAY THINGS LIKE:
"YOU SHOULD BE WEARING SHORTS."
He was looking at my legs to notice
that I wasn't wearing shorts.
I look, sure, but I don't make comments.
To myself, afterward, maybe....
But not to them. About them.
I, like most, appreciate "eye candy"
BUT WHY BE WEIRD ABOUT IT?
OR GROSS ABOUT IT?
I had a weird dream, once,
I was at a table with a few people,
and I got up, left to use the washroom
and heard someone comment
to someone else about my @ss.
When I came back, I walked up to the guy
and said to him in front of his buddies...
"I heard you liked my @ss."
Just to totally throw the guy off,
mess with his head, call him out
for being a pervert
in front of his friends.
HE WAS SO EMBARRASSED
HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
AND WOULDN'T LOOK ME IN THE EYES.
That's the point of embarrassing people
who do that.
So that they'll be so embarrassed
they'll think about it.
And even stop being like that.
Because until they are embarrassed,
they'll just be about that.
UNTIL IT'S EMBARRASSING.
EVEN UNTIL THEY ARE MAD AT THEMSELVES
FOR EMBARRASSING THEMSELVES.
sometimes they'll try to act like someone else
is trying to embarrass them
when they are actually doing it to themselves.
Like how mirror smasher kept trying to
turn it into it being about me "immasculating" him
EVERY TIME IT CAME DOWN TO ME
NOT PUTTING UP WITH HIS BS.
IF YOUR BS IS WHAT "MAKES YOU A MAN."
MAYBE RETHINK THAT.
BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE
YOU'D BE MORE OF A MAN
WITHOUT IT.
BUT TELL SOMEONE
THEY'D BE MORE OF A MAN
WITHOUT THEIR INFLATED EGO LOL.
I even asked him, once:
"Does telling you what I want and don't
make you any less of a man?"
He said no.
So what was the problem with that?
DON'T WANT TO BE TOLD?
HOW TF YOU GONNA KNOW IF I DON'T TELL YOU?
BUT A LOT OF SH*T
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL
ANYONE.
COMMON FKN SENSE.
THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T
EVEN HAVE TO BE FKN SAID!!!!!
LET ALONE "UNDERSTOOD."
OR FKN "EXPLAINED"
AND HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU
EVEN GOING TO BOTHER TO TELL
ANYONE
XYZ?
WHEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO
FKN SAY IT?
AT ALL?
LET ALONE HOW MANY TIMES?
HOW MANY?
I learned, after wasting time,
that it probably wasn't the wisest thing
for me to be doing, let alone keep doing...
YOU CAN'T GET TIME BACK.
YEARS. GONE.
YEARS OF TRYING AS HARD AS I COULD,
GETTING NOWHERE.
REALLY PUSHING ME, THE WHOLE WAY.
AND WHAT?
I DIDN'T HAVE TO LET HIM?
THE VERY FIRST TIME
HE EVER SLAMMED THE DOOR
IN HIS OWN FACE,
IT COULD HAVE STAYED SLAMMED.
NEVER HAD TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE
AFTER THAT.
LET ALONE HOW MANY?
THAT HE JUST KEPT
TAKING ME FOR GRANTED?
SO HE CAN BE LEFT TO WHAT HE CHOSE.
I HAD TO CHOOSE, TOO. MYSELF.
HE CAN GO FK HIMSELF, NOW.
HE COULD HAVE LEARNED SOONER.
I COULD HAVE, TOO.
BUT I DID.
EVEN IF HE DOESN'T.
It was a weird one.
Was no rain, but WIND.
Couldn't watch the storm rolling in, though.
It was blowing the top layer of sand off the beach
into anyone's eyes, trying to watch it.
People were telling people not to stand under
the trees.
And getting people out of the water...
In case they could have gotten zapped...
But how windy it got, fast...
And it didn't last long.
But obviouly, they didn't want
anyone trying to take shelter
under trees because the wind
could have easily snapped branches...
People were running to the trees anyway.
The guy next door came out on his balcony
last night when I was on mine,
with my neighbor...
My neighbor was like:
"He's listening to us."
Said: "I dgaf."
What's he going to hear us saying?
Talking about fishing?
Talking about weed?
Talking about website stuff?
The guy who lives next to him...
Has the same name as him...
Anyway, I was in the elevator
with my neighbor and he was in it...
After my neighbor got off on his floor,
the guy who lives next to the guy
who lives next to me...
"You should be wearing shorts."
Should be!!!
Covering my skin
means it doesn't get burned.
And around here...
Even on the hottest days,
I don't like showing much skin, if I can help it.
BECAUSE APPARENTLY
I SHOULD BE WEARING SHORTS!!!
FOR WHO, THOUGH?
FOR GUYS WHO WANT TO SEE MY LEGS?!
No, thanks.
My neighbor was saying:
Be careful who you get close to, in here.
He meant in the building.
That female who wanted to come with us
to get coffee and didn't actually want any...
She was sitting out front with us...
I wasn't paying any attention to what she was saying...
When I'm out there, I'm mostly stoned lol...
I bring my knitting to do something with my hands...
I bring some bird food, too.
I put the seeds under the trees.
It doesn't take them long to eat it.
I put some in a few spots,
because sometimes they fight.
The males get annoying to the females.
The females just show up to eat,
but one male, in particular...
He puffs himself up and bugs the females.
Been feeding the squirrels, too.
A female comes along.
We know she's a she because we saw her nipples.
Males have such small ones that they can barely be seen.
Also, you'd see its "nuts" before seeing its nips.
Anyway, there's a hut thing that is for dropping off food
from different places that are too close
to expiry dates... To sell,
they donate it to the hut thing...
The hut thing has shelves and a fridge in it.
So people drop stuff off there.
Anyway, there's often stuff from a coffee type of shop.
Like bakery stuff...
Anyway, pretty sure there's a family of bunnies living under it.
About the truck in the backyard, across the street.
My neighbor was saying that the guy's likely hiding it.
He said it'd been parked on the street for a week or so...
And it's from out of the province...
He said it's likely close to getting repossessed.
Hence why he's hiding it in the backyard.
Must have been hard to even get it back there...
Not a lot of room between the houses...
They might have to take the fence apart
to get it out...
Doesn't seem like it's moved at all
since they put it back there...
A big, bright red truck
in a tiny backyard wasn't hard to see.
Not like a drone wouldn't be able to.
Got some more solar-powered lights for my balcony.
First time owning any.
They're fun.
Not expensive, either.
And they'll last a while.
A friend's coming to spend the night
tomorrow night.
Yesterday, the power was out...
Because they're replacing the generators.
The "grid" thing for the building.
I woke up in a "mood" because I didn't know it was out
and trying to figure out why
something I had plugged in wasn't working...
The building had sent notices about it...
But then, sent notices that it'd be out
on another day
(it will be, again)...
So a lot of people thought that it was
being rescheduled...
But they were warning us
about next week, too.
I also got a light for the bathroom
which would have been on had there
been any electricity, but it wasn't,
and that didn't clue me in, I guess...
It was off pretty much all day...
The construction dudes...
They're making progress...
They poured the concrete for the second part already...
C**** abstains from smoking until they've gone.
Something to do with them being the same religion as her...
She sent me over to them with a bag of "stuff"
I didn't see what it all was, but some of it was root beer.
She's been crushing on them and a security guy LOL.
L****'s been out there, with her, usually...
L**** asked me if I was dating my neighbor lol.
NO! Not dating anyone. I'm cool with that.
I bet most people have been wondering...
Not that it's anyone's business...
That guy who was being weird and kissed my hand...
He's gone from being all 'extra' to ignoring me
with weird vibes.
I saw him in the elevator, said hi, ignored me...
Really weird vibes from him, now.
And that girl... Before I went on that tangent...
She was sitting out front with us...
I was mostly just chilling and C**** talks my ears off.
So I was mostly listening to her talk...
And you have to listen closely, because she has
a thick accent.
Anyway, he told me, later that night...
THAT SHE CALLED HIM A TRAITOR!!!
Apparently she was referring to him
hanging out with me.
I didn't hear her say it because I wasn't listening.
But he told me that she looked right at him and said it.
Twice.
I'd seen them hanging out, in the front a few times.
And thought nothing of it.
I just figured she just moved in, after I did,
and he was being neighborly,
like he was being, with me.
And maybe he was even crushing on her.
And if that was the case,
would it have been any of my business?
Unless he told me about it...
And even then...
What I did notice, is she seemed to be
"trying too hard" like inviting herself
on the coffee run...
BUT THE LOOKS SHE'D GIVE ME....
IT HAD EVERYTHING
WRITTEN ALL OVER HER FACE.
And this is why I don't tend to have
many female friends.
And when she was "around" I let her
have all the attention she could "grab."
It's nothing to me.
I don't hang out for attention.
I just hang out to hang out.
But I also like having some quiet time,
TO MYSELF.
DISAPPEARING TO WATCH VIDEOS
ABOUT TURTLES OR WHATEVER.
I watched a few, today.
It's a turtle rescue habitat place doing videos for YT.
I swear that turtles can smile. She looked very happy.
Checking out her new place for the first time.
Her skin was in bad condition, her nails,
her eyes could barely open....
The guy in the video explained all the treatments
they did on the turtle's skin...
With special cream, etc.
The turtle had spent 50 years in captivity.
When they get their "enclosure" thing, it's outside...
But they did it in stages, for her.
She had an indoor enclosure while she recovered.
They gave her an outdoor "play pen type of thing"
to get her used to going outside and getting sunlight...
Even her natural coloring was all washed out...
They fed her cat food!!!! The ones who took her
out of the wild and kept her for 50 years...
Should have seen her eat a worm for the first time
in dacades!!!!
Anyways, I don't mind being by myself.
Watching turtle videos or whatever else.
Kinda needed today just to... Breathe a bit.
Yesterday, I was with my neighbor most of the day.
And today would have been a long day, with him.
It's not that he's hard to get along with,
he just likes to talk, a lot.
And it's extra effort to process everything,
all day long...
So busy processing everyone else's "stuff"
that I just need time and space to "think"
"breathe" "be."
Just to "be" without any "need" of anything.
So glad the weather's warmed up.
So much nicer, for going outside...
For night walks...
Haven't been back to the open mic thing, yet.
It was good last time...
Haven't gotten my guitar restrung yet, either.
Should, soon.
Might go out tonight, by myself.
I feel the need for "alone" time.
Just to walk, just to think, to be, and breathe.
Away from here and away from other people.
I found a new "circuit" and it's been very mellow.
The best times to go out
are when the birds are just going to bed,
and when they are just waking up.
Early, before the sun rises...
It's JUST almost getting light outside.
When all you can hear are the birds...
Still dark-ish outside...
QUIET, OTHER THAN THE BIRDS...
THAT'S... A GOLDEN HOUR.
BECAUSE, YOU CAN HEAR...
YOURSELF THINK...
THE BIRDS...
LIKE YOU'RE WALKING THROUGH
A PARK OR A GARDEN,
NOT A CITY.
YOU LEAVE ALL OF THIS.... CRAP...
TO ITSELF...
AND YOU'RE ON ANOTHER STREET,
IN ANOTHER NEIGHBORHOOD...
SEEMINGLY FAR REMOVED
FROM MATTRESSES
ACROSS THE STREET,
JUNK13S AND TW33KERS ETC...
And the nights I only make it as far
as my balcony, I can turn the lights on,
and imagine I'm far away from this... Crap...
But the nights, in those neighborhoods
where I can pretend I live in that "part" of town,
for a while...
Or just enjoy people's gardens from the sidewalks...
Getting away from here, sometimes... Is needed.
Like people "talking" and "suspecting"
there's anything going on with my neighbor and I LOL.
One of the neighbors, the females...
She was sitting outside, next to me...
A guy has a big cute mutt for a dog...
She didn't want the dog near her.
The dog went and sat next to her.
"Can you get him away from me?!"
To me, as though that was my job to do
just because she sat next to me.
She's always got something to say
about what everyone else is doing.
About feeding the birds...
"What they don't get, attracts rats...
But you can feed them if you want to..."
She said it so that I wouldn't.
Or why say it at all?
I try to be polite to her, but I just...
Don't have much to say to her or to most people.
My building's supposed to have a bbq next week.
Will be interesting, I guess.
There's still lots of people I haven't met, yet.
But sometimes the less you know, the better.
Lots of room for drama, gossip, etc, here, right?
What else do people really have going on, here?
If they don't have that...
It's almost like some people think or feel
like they are "nothing" without their BS.
AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO THINK
I'LL BE JUST "LIKE THEM"
AND WANT ME TO THINK "LIKE THEM."
I already see that with some people.
LIKE: "YOU SHOULD BE WEARING SHORTS."
WHY SHOULD I BE?
BECAUSE ALL GIRLS SHOULD BE SHOWING SKIN?
ALL SUMMER LONG?
JUST BECAUSE YOU'D LIKE TO SEE IT?
My neighbor told me that he was standing behind the guy,
and on his phone... He was looking at pics of young-ish girls...
"Of age" but barely... Wearing really revealing clothes...
Pictures and pictures of them...
Also, someone said that the guy stalked a girl who used to live
in this building.
I only heard a bit about that, didn't hear much, didn't ask.
But "you should be wearing shorts" was him checking out
WHAT I WAS WEARING
AS THOUGH IT "MATTERED".
WHY SHOULD IT?
IF IT'S CLEAN? PRACTICAL?
SHOULD IT MATTER THAT I'M NOT "IN STYLE"?
OR THAT I HAVE MY OWN "STYLE"?
THAT I DRESS TO BE COMFORTABLE?
NOT FOR THE COMFORT OF OTHERS?
It shouldn't matter...
But I guess it matters to people
who think I should be wearing xyz...
"As little as possible" ummm no.
I'll dress the way I feel comfortable dressing.
And it's guys who think like that:
Having expectations for how girls should dress...
That... Get me feeling weird about dressing
in any way that shows certain parts of my body.
THINK I WANT TO BE SHOWING MY LEGS
TO GUYS WHO'D BE LOOKING?
AND THEY'D BE LOOKING
JUST TO SEE "SKIN"
NOT BECAUSE IT'S ME.
AND FOR WHAT A LOT OF GUYS DO SAY
THERE'S STUFF THEY THINK
THAT THEY DON'T SAY.
THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE,
BUT SPECIFICALLY FOR GUYS
WHO SAY THINGS LIKE:
"YOU SHOULD BE WEARING SHORTS."
He was looking at my legs to notice
that I wasn't wearing shorts.
I look, sure, but I don't make comments.
To myself, afterward, maybe....
But not to them. About them.
I, like most, appreciate "eye candy"
BUT WHY BE WEIRD ABOUT IT?
OR GROSS ABOUT IT?
I had a weird dream, once,
I was at a table with a few people,
and I got up, left to use the washroom
and heard someone comment
to someone else about my @ss.
When I came back, I walked up to the guy
and said to him in front of his buddies...
"I heard you liked my @ss."
Just to totally throw the guy off,
mess with his head, call him out
for being a pervert
in front of his friends.
HE WAS SO EMBARRASSED
HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
AND WOULDN'T LOOK ME IN THE EYES.
That's the point of embarrassing people
who do that.
So that they'll be so embarrassed
they'll think about it.
And even stop being like that.
Because until they are embarrassed,
they'll just be about that.
UNTIL IT'S EMBARRASSING.
EVEN UNTIL THEY ARE MAD AT THEMSELVES
FOR EMBARRASSING THEMSELVES.
sometimes they'll try to act like someone else
is trying to embarrass them
when they are actually doing it to themselves.
Like how mirror smasher kept trying to
turn it into it being about me "immasculating" him
EVERY TIME IT CAME DOWN TO ME
NOT PUTTING UP WITH HIS BS.
IF YOUR BS IS WHAT "MAKES YOU A MAN."
MAYBE RETHINK THAT.
BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE
YOU'D BE MORE OF A MAN
WITHOUT IT.
BUT TELL SOMEONE
THEY'D BE MORE OF A MAN
WITHOUT THEIR INFLATED EGO LOL.
I even asked him, once:
"Does telling you what I want and don't
make you any less of a man?"
He said no.
So what was the problem with that?
DON'T WANT TO BE TOLD?
HOW TF YOU GONNA KNOW IF I DON'T TELL YOU?
BUT A LOT OF SH*T
I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL
ANYONE.
COMMON FKN SENSE.
THINGS THAT SHOULDN'T
EVEN HAVE TO BE FKN SAID!!!!!
LET ALONE "UNDERSTOOD."
OR FKN "EXPLAINED"
AND HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU
EVEN GOING TO BOTHER TO TELL
ANYONE
XYZ?
WHEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO
FKN SAY IT?
AT ALL?
LET ALONE HOW MANY TIMES?
HOW MANY?
I learned, after wasting time,
that it probably wasn't the wisest thing
for me to be doing, let alone keep doing...
YOU CAN'T GET TIME BACK.
YEARS. GONE.
YEARS OF TRYING AS HARD AS I COULD,
GETTING NOWHERE.
REALLY PUSHING ME, THE WHOLE WAY.
AND WHAT?
I DIDN'T HAVE TO LET HIM?
THE VERY FIRST TIME
HE EVER SLAMMED THE DOOR
IN HIS OWN FACE,
IT COULD HAVE STAYED SLAMMED.
NEVER HAD TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE
AFTER THAT.
LET ALONE HOW MANY?
THAT HE JUST KEPT
TAKING ME FOR GRANTED?
SO HE CAN BE LEFT TO WHAT HE CHOSE.
I HAD TO CHOOSE, TOO. MYSELF.
HE CAN GO FK HIMSELF, NOW.
HE COULD HAVE LEARNED SOONER.
I COULD HAVE, TOO.
BUT I DID.
EVEN IF HE DOESN'T.
IF HIS LIFE HAS TO GET WORSE
WITHOUT ME IN IT
FOR HIM TO SEE ANYTHING, IT DOES.
IF HE HAS TO RUIN HIMSELF,
COMPLETELY,
WITHOUT ME IN HIS LIFE
HE CAN SEE IT WASN'T EVER ME
DOING ANYTHING TO HIM.
IT'LL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME
BECAUSE I'M NOT EVEN "AROUND".
AND I'M NOT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE,
ANYMORE.
FOR A MIRIAD OF REASONS.
AND MAYBE HE CAN THINK ABOUT
WHY I WAS EVEN THERE, AT ALL.
"WISH I HAD JUST LISTENED.
AND NOT TREATED HER AS THOUGH
SHE WAS THE ONE RUINING MY LIFE
WHEN IT WAS ME RUINING IT FOR MYSELF,
AND FOR HER. SHE JUST GOT TOO TIRED
OF MY BS."
TO THE POINT SHE JUST WANTS
TO BE BY HERSELF. HAPPIER.
Anyway, just that...
Happier without anyone's BS? Yes.
I've got enough of my own BS.
Otherwise, it'd be nothing more than what?
MORE BS.
IT WOULDN'T STOP
UNTIL I STOPPED DEALING WITH IT.
DID I NEED TO BE?
OR DID PEOPLE NEED TO FK OFF
WITH IT?
TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE.
TO SOMEONE ELSE.
WHAT THEY DIDN'T KNOW/SEE
OR WANT TO ADMIT
IS THAT I CAN HAVE A LIFE
WITHOUT THEM IN IT.
WHICH I AM DOING.
LIVING MY LIFE.
WITHOUT THEM IN IT.
WHICH I COULD HAVE BEEN DOING
THIS WHOLE TIME.
BUT APPARENTLY IT TAKES FOR ME
TO REACH MY LIMIT
AS TO WHAT I WON'T TAKE.
AND GET P*SSED
FOR BEING PUSHED TO IT...
EVEN PAST IT...
FOR ME TO DO IT
WITHOUT BEING SORRY FOR DOING IT.
BECAUSE WHY "INCLUDE SOMEONE"
WHO WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY
TO GO AS FAR AS THEY "COULD"?
AND WHY BE "SORRY" FOR NOT WANTING TO?
I DID, UNTIL I DIDN'T?
SO WHY BE SORRY FOR THAT?
SUCKS WHEN THEY CHOOSE TO SACRIFICE
WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
AND WOULD HAVE BEEN
HAD HE JUST BEEN...
LOYAL, TO ME.
CONSIDERATE.
RESPECTED ME.
TOOK ME SERIOUSLY.
WAS HIS CHOICE,
LET PEOPLE GET IN HIS HEAD
ABOUT ME,
WAS HIS CHOICE TO DO THAT, TOO.
OR NOT.
BECAUSE I HAD THE SAME THING.
ON MY END.
JEALOUS GUYS.
TRYING TO TURN ME
AGAINST HIM.
BECAUSE HAD WE BEEN LEFT ALONE
BY EVERYONE,
WHO KNOWS?
BUT THAT WAS THE THING.
HE COULD HAVE TOLD THEM ALL
TO FK RIGHT OFF.
BUT WHAT DID HE DO?
LISTENED TO WHOEVER
WHO DIDN'T WANT HIM
HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME
OR HE'D HAVE NOTHING TO DO
WITH THEM.
THAT'S WHY THEY SAW ME AS A
"THREAT"
AND HAD TO "THREATEN" ME.
But my neighbor is now a "traitor"
because he doesn't want to hang out with her?
He already had been! Though.
Or how did he know she's a junk13?
Anyway, has nothing to do with me
other than he says he chose me over her
and now she sees him as a "traitor"
over me. Wild.
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