some time a couple of weeks ago...
I had bought some biscuits to share around.
A neighbor I hadn't met before, came up to talk
to one of the neighbors I know...
He introduced us. I gave her some biscuits.
Things were alright between us.
Anyway, she decided she was going to get a coffee
and offered me a coffee.
So I said, sure.
She said she wouldn't be long.
She didn't come back for hours.
I waited for as long as I could and left.
Over an hour.
Probably closer to two hours.
The coffee shop, was like not even 3 blocks away.
Pretty sure she's lived here longer than me
and even I know where it is.
I'm only saying this because the next time I saw her
SHE WOULDN'T EVEN LOOKED AT ME
ACTED AS THOUGH SHE WAS IN A HURRY
AND SAID SHE GOT LOST.
SHE MAY HAVE GOTTEN HIGH
AND FORGOT AND IN THAT CASE,
SAY AT
BUT HARD TO BELIEVE SOMEONE
WHO'S BEEN HERE LONGER THAN I HAVE
"GOT LOST" GOING TO GET COFFEE
LESS THAN 3 BLOCKS AWAY.
Maybe she ran into someone she knew...
Whatever.
But to lie and say she got lost?
Right when she was leaving,
some guy who lives here was being a weirdo
and grabbed my hand and kissed it...
In front of her.
I never asked the dude to be weird.
Anyway, it was just a coffee.
It just bugs me waiting for someone
who obviously fked off.
And then lied to me about it.
If it was more than like 5 blocks away, maybe.
But that was the "best" excuse she had.
When "sorry," would have been okay.
It's not like I asked her to get me a coffee
because she was going.
She offered me one because I gave her those biscuits.
And I gave them to a bunch of people.
They were to share.
Just for the sake of sharing.
To lie because she thought I'd be mad?
Over a fkn coffee? LOL.
The only thing that bugged me
was waiting for her, and her lying.
No way she could have gotten lost.
It's literally one right and a left.
And she's likely been there plenty of times.
Since she's lived here longer than me.
I tried sneaking into the building
through the back the other day...
Going through the front,
people want me to stop, hang out, etc.
Want to talk all night...
When I've got the time, okay,
but I've got stuff to do.
The only way through the back
is through the basement...
Well, another backdoor,
but can't get to it from the street behind ours,
can only get through the garage through there...
Anyway, a guy was coming in, too...
The door was broken and we couldn't open it,
he climbed the fence to get to the other back door.
I went around to the front, as as usual, they wanted to hang out.
Just would be nice to just walk in, and go home lol.
Anyway, while we were out there a neighbor mentioned a guy
who busted his leg and he has a cast,
but they wouldn't give him crutches.
When I got mine, I had to pay for them.
The hospital sold them to me.
Injuring myself, accidentally,
cost me $120.
For the crutches and the splint.
So our health care isn't 100% free....
Isn't as insane as in the USA,
but not 100% free.
AND HOSPITAL PARKING FEES ARE NUTS.
Anyway, so I had kept my crutches...
Because... I paid for them,
And... Someone was gonna need them, eventually.
Better to have a pair and not need them
than to need them and not have a pair.
And even if I wasn't going to be using them,
maybe someone would need them.
So I brought them with me when I moved here.
Fast forward to sitting out front with the neighbors...
The guy with the busted leg got brought up...
So I decided the crutches should be community crutches.
When that guy's done with them,
someone else might need them etc.
I stopped using them when my knee was still
messed up...
They hurt my armpits.
Anyway, my mom called to invite me to dinner.
I was sleeping, and she was in my dream lol.
I was dreaming that, for whatever reason,
her phone number changed, and nobody told me
so I went to her place to ask her wtf...
And she called me and woke me up.
I can only try to sneak out the other back door,
but it doesn't lead to the other street like the garage.
I'd still have to go around the side
and they can mostly see me from the front
coming around the side.
So I liked being able to duck out the back.
A whole street away
from whatever's going on in the front.
Avoiding the drama if anything's going on lol.
And all the questions about where I was etc.
Mostly have nothing to hide about where I go,
because I write about it....
Not like anything exciting's going on, in my life.
Helping my neighbor with a fishing blog. We're starting it.
Been on a couple of fishing trips, already.
The digital camera I've been using...
Having a hard time getting the data
off the SD card, but it's on there, at least.
It's just getting the footage off of it,
uploaded, etc.
I've talked to him a bit about affiliate marketing.
And there are fishing companies that have
affiliate programs.
I'm trying to get him to record his knowledge.
Like write it down, what he knows,
so I can help him post it on a site.
I picked up two domains.
One he picked and one I picked.
So I asked him the other day how his writing is.
So he can write it and I'll likely type it.
I've got a bunch of things on the go.
Usually do.
When he sees that it can bring in some money,
then what I've been talking about, for months'll
make some sense (cents).
I bring it up from time to time....
But not many people listen.
That's why I don't, as much, anymore.
Like I don't even get to talk about this stuff.
It gets pretty interesting.
Because it doesn't just work for only one niche.
The guy loves fishing.
So why not at least try to make some money
just talking about stuff that he already knows about?
And when he already knows about it, and enjoys it,
talking about it's not so bad, eh?
Just need a better camera, and gotta replace this computer.
It still crashes frequently.
Annoyingly.
And Windows 10 is going to be phased out this year.
This current machine doesn't have the capacity
for Windows 11.
That gives me until October to replace it,
but considering I'm still using it
because I've had to replace the replacements....
I don't want to just get ANY laptop, again,
only for something to happen...
Anyway, he wants to get a body cam for fishing.
Which would be good for solo trips,
because I won't be going fishing every day
or even every other day, this year....
What we'll do, is we'll set up the written parts,
the design, the videos we can do about lures,
and he wants to make videos
teaching how to tie flies, etc.
The body cam is good for solo trips or whatever,
but I stand, next to him,
but film so that I catch his casts...
Because that's part of it.
I couldn't cast worth a sh*t....
And if you get a vantage point
where you can watch the person fishing
AS THEY ARE FISHING,
CASTING, REELING, ETC...
That's where some of the action is.
Of course, the most action's when you catch something...
And some people dgaf about the casting and reeling...
Because they already know how to do that.
But for those who don't, watching it is...
Something.
And if you're watching from that vantage point
it gives you more of a feeling of being there.
At least, in my opinion.
Which is why I was filming like that.
Anyway, I'd bought a digital camera,
then I lost it somewhere.
Probably in my apartment.
I thought I put it back in the box, but I hadn't.
The digital camera he has, has actual batteries
so we can replace those, easily.
Still uses an SD card.
It's from 2010 lol. 15 year old camera lol.
Oh well. The one I was using's around the same age.
The new one I got is newer, because I bought it new.
Gotta start somewhere, right?
Footage is footage.
Content is content.
I'd be crazy if he went viral lol.
And ended up with thousands of dollars
off just talking about fishing,
and the videos we're making.
I have plans for my own thing, too.
Just been helping everyone else with their stuff.
But I like seeing people succeed.
Being part of that is nice.
Just a hella lotta work.
When I have my own stuff, too.
Like I took like a week off my thing,
Because I went on 2 fishing trips...
My neighbors have wanted me to hang out etc....
And I just want to spend at least a day or 2
to myself to work on my stuff...
That's why I've snuck out the back door,
until the handle broke
and has to be fixed, now...
I don't like avoiding people,
but I know that if I don't,
they'll want all my time and energy.
And it takes time and energy
to work on stuff.
And when my stuff is complete,
up to the point I need it to be,
then I'll have plenty of time to just chill...
I have been taking breaks,
here and there, but I just can't
take the entire summer off to just
chill out front with "the gang" every day.
I mean, they do it, because they have zip else
going on.
EVERY DAY.
PRETTY MUCH ALL DAY.
That's why I sneak out the back door.
Feels like I can breathe lol.
Anyway, they aren't "bad" people.
Just don't have much going on.
But I have some goals.
That I can't just sacrifice
for hanging out, out font.
And hard to balance that out,
because I'm not avoiding everyone
ENTIRELY.
JUST NOT ENGAGING EVERY DAY.
BECAUSE I WANT TO DO OTHER STUFF.
WHICH IS FAIR.
There's a guy in this building who dresses like a female.
To each their own.
He actually makes some females jealous
because of his toned, definition stuff...
He's a muscular guy....
Tanned af.
Those females couldn't pull off
the clothes he wears lol.
Anyway, the other night....
He was actually dressed like a dude...
Did a double take lol.
Same eyes, same voice, same bicycle,
chill out front with "the gang" every day.
I mean, they do it, because they have zip else
going on.
EVERY DAY.
PRETTY MUCH ALL DAY.
That's why I sneak out the back door.
Feels like I can breathe lol.
Anyway, they aren't "bad" people.
Just don't have much going on.
But I have some goals.
That I can't just sacrifice
for hanging out, out font.
And hard to balance that out,
because I'm not avoiding everyone
ENTIRELY.
JUST NOT ENGAGING EVERY DAY.
BECAUSE I WANT TO DO OTHER STUFF.
WHICH IS FAIR.
There's a guy in this building who dresses like a female.
To each their own.
He actually makes some females jealous
because of his toned, definition stuff...
He's a muscular guy....
Tanned af.
Those females couldn't pull off
the clothes he wears lol.
Anyway, the other night....
He was actually dressed like a dude...
Did a double take lol.
Same eyes, same voice, same bicycle,
just dressed like a dude!
I guess I got used to him wearing
his revealing clothes,
that show his butt and legs.
Not that I've scoped him out, like that...
Just saying that when he dresses like a female,
he likes to show off certain parts.
Like bathing suits that show his @ss cheeks lol.
Like you don't have to be looking AT his @ss
to see his @ss.
He was telling the other girls, out front,
that he came across some dudes who were
"homophobic" or whatever.
"Eeeewwww! What are you?"
He said they said that to him.
And that they kept circling the block
watching to see what he was doing etc.
Why be all "concerned" about what he's doing?
Don't you have your own life?
Anyway, people who dress like that,
get that a lot.
YET THEY CHOOSE TO DRESS LIKE THAT
THINKING NOBODY WILL SAY ANYTHING.
OF COURSE THEY WILL.
Even in Canada where we're supposed to be
"inclusive."
I dgaf if he wants to dress like a female,
but at least have some class and not show your @ss.
SHOWING YOUR @SS...
IS JUST LIKE WHAT I SAID...
I guess I got used to him wearing
his revealing clothes,
that show his butt and legs.
Not that I've scoped him out, like that...
Just saying that when he dresses like a female,
he likes to show off certain parts.
Like bathing suits that show his @ss cheeks lol.
Like you don't have to be looking AT his @ss
to see his @ss.
He was telling the other girls, out front,
that he came across some dudes who were
"homophobic" or whatever.
"Eeeewwww! What are you?"
He said they said that to him.
And that they kept circling the block
watching to see what he was doing etc.
Why be all "concerned" about what he's doing?
Don't you have your own life?
Anyway, people who dress like that,
get that a lot.
YET THEY CHOOSE TO DRESS LIKE THAT
THINKING NOBODY WILL SAY ANYTHING.
OF COURSE THEY WILL.
Even in Canada where we're supposed to be
"inclusive."
I dgaf if he wants to dress like a female,
but at least have some class and not show your @ss.
SHOWING YOUR @SS...
IS JUST LIKE WHAT I SAID...
DON'T HAVE TO BE LOOKING AT IT
TO SEE IT.
AND NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO SEE IT.
That's as polite as I can be about it:
"Not everyone wants to see it."
"So don't look at it..."
THE THING WAS I WASN'T LOOKING AT HIS @SS!
IT'S JUST HANGING OUT THERE
FOR EVERYONE TO SEE.
A neighbor makes jokes all the time.
He once told a female:
"You mind telling your breasts
to stop staring at me?"
It was kinda like that.
His @ss was staring at everyone.
Anyway, was the first time I saw the dude
dressed like a dude.
WITH PANTS ON!
Maybe someone said something
about his bootie shorts. I dunno.
But, as a female, I wouldn't dress like that.
Have enough issues just being a female.
Like some dudes thinking they can just
talk me into stuff...
EVEN AFTER I SAID NOT INTERESTED.
DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT.
DA FUQ?
WHY WOULD I WANT THAT?
I HAD TO TELL THE DUDE WHO SHOWED ME
HIS PEEN
THAT IT WASN'T COOL OF HIM
TO SHOW ME HIS PEEN.
SAME DUDE WHO WAS TRYING TO SHOW ME
A VIDEO OF SOME RUSSIAN CHICK
M@STUB@T1NG. FFS.
WHY THE FK WOULD I WANT TO SEE THAT?
BUT WHY WOULD HE WANT ME TO SEE THAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?!
SO I TOLD HIM THAT THIS WARNING
IS HIS SECOND WARNING
AND LAST ONE.
DON'T BRING UP S#X TO ME,
IN ANY FORM.
AND DOING IT IS FKN SELFISH.
AND IT'S GETTING PERVERTED.
SHOWING ME HIS PEEN?
I WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE HIM TODAY.
BUT AFTER THAT, I REALLY DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.
THE TIME BEORE THAT WAS WTF, TOO.
BUT THIS TIME?
EVEN MORE BOLDER?
AFTER I ALREADY SAID NO?
TO SEE IT.
AND NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO SEE IT.
That's as polite as I can be about it:
"Not everyone wants to see it."
"So don't look at it..."
THE THING WAS I WASN'T LOOKING AT HIS @SS!
IT'S JUST HANGING OUT THERE
FOR EVERYONE TO SEE.
A neighbor makes jokes all the time.
He once told a female:
"You mind telling your breasts
to stop staring at me?"
It was kinda like that.
His @ss was staring at everyone.
Anyway, was the first time I saw the dude
dressed like a dude.
WITH PANTS ON!
Maybe someone said something
about his bootie shorts. I dunno.
But, as a female, I wouldn't dress like that.
Have enough issues just being a female.
Like some dudes thinking they can just
talk me into stuff...
EVEN AFTER I SAID NOT INTERESTED.
DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT.
DA FUQ?
WHY WOULD I WANT THAT?
I HAD TO TELL THE DUDE WHO SHOWED ME
HIS PEEN
THAT IT WASN'T COOL OF HIM
TO SHOW ME HIS PEEN.
SAME DUDE WHO WAS TRYING TO SHOW ME
A VIDEO OF SOME RUSSIAN CHICK
M@STUB@T1NG. FFS.
WHY THE FK WOULD I WANT TO SEE THAT?
BUT WHY WOULD HE WANT ME TO SEE THAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?!
SO I TOLD HIM THAT THIS WARNING
IS HIS SECOND WARNING
AND LAST ONE.
DON'T BRING UP S#X TO ME,
IN ANY FORM.
AND DOING IT IS FKN SELFISH.
AND IT'S GETTING PERVERTED.
SHOWING ME HIS PEEN?
I WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE HIM TODAY.
BUT AFTER THAT, I REALLY DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.
THE TIME BEORE THAT WAS WTF, TOO.
BUT THIS TIME?
EVEN MORE BOLDER?
AFTER I ALREADY SAID NO?
THINKING THAT'S OKAY TO DO
ON SOME LEVEL OR WHY DO IT?
TO ME, BECAUSE I CAN THINK OF
AT LEAST ONE PERSON
HE WOULDN'T DO THAT TO.
WANTING XYZ FROM/WITH ME
DOESN'T MEAN IT'S COOL
TO JUST SHOW ME YOUR PEEN.
THE WAY HE DID.
HE KEPT TRYING TO PULL ME OVER TO HIM
BEFORE HE DID THAT.
WHICH I DIDN'T LET HIM DO
BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE NO REASON
TO WANT TO BE ANYWHERE
THAT CLOSE TO ANYONE.
APARENTLY, HE HADN'T BEEN
WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR
UNDER HIS LONG T-SHIRT.
IT TOOK SO LONG FOR THE ADRENALINE TO WEAR OFF.
FROM THAT.
JUST WANTED OUT OF THERE.
SO I WARNED HIM TODAY, NOT TO DO THAT.
AFTER WARNING HIM, BEFORE,
NOT TO TRY TO GRAB ME AND PULL ME.
LIKE WTF?
DO I DO THAT SH*T TO YOU? NO?
MAYBE REASONS WHY I DON'T DO THAT.
WITH TWO WARNINGS.
I THINK I'D BE JUSTIFIED
NOT TO WANT TO WORK WITH THE GUY ANYMORE.
I'M ALREADY JUSTIFIED NOT TO WANT TO.
IF I WANTED TO, I WOULD HAVE GONE, TODAY.
I DON'T.
"WHY DOESN'T SHE WANT SEX?"
BECAUSE I FKN DON'T!!!!!!!!
AND ALREADY SAID I DON'T!!!!!!
AND I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT IT.
SO EITHER RESPECT IT OR FK OFF.
I sent the email this morning and haven't checked to see
if he replied to it.
I dgaf at the moment.
If I didn't fkn say anything
ABOUT HOW UNCOOL THAT WAS
HE'D THINK IT WAS OKAY
AND HE'D JUST TRY SOMETHING ELSE
NEXT TIME.
I SHUDDER TO THINK
ABOUT HIM DOING THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE, TOO.
AND IF I DO STOP WORKING WITH THE GUY,
WHICH I PROBABLY ALREADY SHOULD HAVE
OVER THAT WTF.
I'D BE WITHIN MY RIGHT TO DO THAT.
JUST BECAUSE HE'S A H0RNY OLD MAN
DOESN'T MEAN I SHOULD EVEN
WANT TO HAVE S#X WITH HIM.
LIKE HE SHOULDN'T EVEN EXPECT ME
TO LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THAT SH*T.
AND I PUT IT IN WRITING.
TWICE.
POLITE THE FIRST TIME,
NOT AS POLITE THE SECOND TIME.
THE THIRD TIME, IF HE GOES ANY FURTHER...
AFTER I WARNED HIM TWICE...
AND EVEN THE FIRST TIME...
BUT THE LAST TIME?
HOW BOLD DO YOU HAVE TO BE
TO SHOW SOMEONE YOUR PEEN?
AND WHAT IS THE POINT OF IT?
BRAVO YOU HAVE ONE? DA FUQ?
EXPECTING ME TO CLAP FOR IT?
LIKE WHAT'S THE THOUGHT PROCESS?
ABOUT SHOWING PEENS?
ESPECIALLY TO A CHICK
WHO ISN'T LETTING YOU
PULL HER TOWARDS YOU?
WHO SAID NO. I DON'T WANT TO.
SHOWING YOUR PEEN IS SUPPOSED TO DO WHAT?
SHOULD I GO AROUND SHOWING MY BEAVER?
WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT IN THAT?
"No, I don't want to."
*Flashes it*
Didn't I already tell you
WHEN YOU BROUGHT IT UP
SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE?
THAT I'M NOT INTERESTED IN THAT.
IF I WAS, WOULD HAVE ALREADY TAKEN HIM UP
ON THAT, RIGHT?
THEN WHY KEEP FKN TRYING?
LIKE, EVENTUALLY....
YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND
AND I'LL HAVE YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU
BECAUSE I'M A GREEDY
SELFISH
PERVERT
WITH NO CLASS
AND NO RESPECT.
NO. I WON'T BE CHANGING MY MIND.
I'M NOT INTO OLD PERVERTS.
THEY CREEP ME OUT.
IT'S GROSS, TOO.
NOT JUST CREEPY.
IT'S GROSS.
AND YOU'D THINK
THEY'D UNDERSTAND
HOW CREEPY AND GROSS IT IS
ANY WHY.
ENOUGH THAT THEY DON'T
WANT TO GROSS AND CREEP YOU TF OUT.
But that's way too much to ask for, right?
FOR THEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT?
JUST ENOUGH FOR THAT?
like they get so h0rny
THEY CAN'T FKN THINK AT ALL.
AND THAT ISN'T MY FKN FAULT
THAT THEY NEED SELF CONTROL.
AND I DON'T EVEN DRESS "LIKE THAT."
IF I DID, IT'D BE WORSE.
SOMETIMES IT IS FLATTERING,
BUT MOSTLY IT'S CREEPY AND GROSS.
LIKE 0.1% FLATTERING,
99.9% CREEPY AND GROSS.
But when it gets persistent, like that...
it starts to p*ss me off
and only so "polite" I'll be about it.
SPENDING MORE TIME TOGETHER
DOESN'T MEAN THAT THERE'S A CHANCE.
Like the neighbor I'm helping with the fishing site...
He's made his advances, too.
I don't think he'd go as far as to show me his peen,
thankfully...
He still wants casual hugs from me,
and if I was a dude he wouldn't.
Most dudes don't hug other dudes.
In general.
But want an excuse to touch me?
I don't get it.
And I don't like it.
If I wanted a hug, I'd ask for it.
Only one I want to hug's my kid.
But I was going somewhere with this...
After one of the fishing trips,
we were walking back, along the canal,
to avoid going up lots of stairs...
Anyway, we were walking along the canal
and nearly every bench along it
was occupied.
And we passed a couple
who were obviously a couple.
And he says: "I miss dating."
And one of the female neighbors
asked me if he was my "main squeeze"
just because we hang out.
"Give me a break! He's the same age as my mom!"
He is.
Which is why I was disappointed when he was drunk
one night and brought up s#x.
Why would someone
OLD ENOUGH TO BE
YOUR DAUGHTER
WANT TO HAVE S#X WITH YOU?
One guy...
HIS DAUGHTER
WAS THE SAME AGE AS MY MOM.
AND AS A FEMALE,
YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO TRUST PEOPLE.
WELL ANYONE SHOULD WANT TO
BE ABLE TO.
BUT WANTING TO ISN'T THE SAME
AS BEING ABLE TO...
Anyway, I was going to say that I'd like
to be able to trust a guy being "nice" to me
because he wants to be "nice" to me.
Not because he has other "motives."
Like to get me alone to try to pull something on me
like showing me their peen...
OR THE FIRST THING HE THINKS IS
HE WANTS S#X
BEFORE HE EVEN KNOWS MY NAME, EVEN.
Y'KNOW?
WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING PEOPLE, FIRST?
A PERSON WHO MIGHT NOT BE INTERESTED
IN ENGAGING IN ANY KIND
OF S#XUAL ACTIVITY.
AND SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO JUST NOT BE.
AND HAVE THAT RESPECTED.
BUT "DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?"
LIKE NOT HAVING A BOYFRIEND
MEANS I WANT TO FK EVRYONE? DA FUQ?
Do I owe everyone their fantasies? No.
Does anyone owe me, mine? No.
Even my wildest? No.
It's so creepy to be a female sometimes, though.
And being careful like...
Being polite even when you're creeped out
so people don't get mad that you got creeped out.
Because sometimes they do.
But not only did they not get what they wanted
and were trying to get by showing their peen
or whatever bs thing they did...
BUT THE FACT YOU GOT CREEPED OUT BY IT?
1)NOT ONLY DID THEY NOT GET WHAT THEY WANTED....
2) YOU'RE CREEPED OUT
3) CHANCES (EVEN AT LESS THAN ZERO) GO DOWN EVEN MORE
4) DON'T LIKE REJECTION.
EVEN WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE A RIGHT TO BE LIKE:
"NO THANKS."
AND THEY GET MAD.
So not only are you creeped tf out, grossed out,
then deal with their reaction to your reaction
to their unwanted advances.
DOES THAT MAKE YOU WANT IT
ANY MORE
THAN YOU ALREADY DON'T?
Because that's how I feel about it.
Maybe my secret fear is that I'll get so grossed out
or keep getting grossed out,
until I cannot be turned on, anymore,
ever.
I mean, it's one thing to be turned on
and "I like what I see" or whatever,
but it's another thing thing to be grabby
and show your peen.
TO SOMEONE WHO ALREADY
EXPRESSED NO INTEREST IN IT.
When I was with my friend, last,
he was drunk and trying to talk me into
an arrangement.
AND TRYING TO USE WHO I USED TO BE
(WHEN I WAS DRUNK)
AGAINST ME.
WHAT BUGGED ME IS THAT I SAID NO,
BY NOT GOING ANY FURTHER ETC.
AND NOT SHOWING INTEREST
WHEN HE BROUGHT IT UP.
WHAT BUGGED ME WASN'T THAT HE BROUGHT IT UP.
IT KINDA BUGGED ME,
BUT WHAT BUGGED ME MORE
WAS THAT HE KEPT TRYING TO TALK
ME INTO IT.
"IT'S GOING TO DRIVE ME CRAZY
BECAUSE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT
FOR A LONG TIME."
WHAT ALSO BUGGED ME
IS HOW HE BARELY TREATED ME
AS A FRIEND FOR YEARS...
AND THINKS I WANT TO
HAVE AN ARRANGEMENT?
A GUY WHO "I FORGOT YOU WERE HERE."
A GUY WHO WOULD FKN SAY THAT
WAKING UP, NEXT TO ME FFS.
EVEN AFTER GETTING WHAT
HE "WANTED" FFS.
WHAT SAYS "S#XY" ABOUT THAT?
ABOUT ONLY BEING LOOKED AT
AS "I THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR A LONG TIME."
IF IT WAS A MUTUAL THING, MAYBE.
BUT IT'S NOT.
LOTS OF THINGS I DON'T FIND ATTRACTIVE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT IN A POTENTIAL PARTNER.
BECAUSE I'M DONE WITH IT ONLY BEING
ABOUT THAT. ONLY.
LIKE THAT'S ALL I'M GOOD FOR? NO.
NOT ALL GIRLS WANT TO SCREW
EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING
THAT'LL SCREW THEM.
SOME GIRLS WOULD RATHER JUST BE
TREATED AS A PERSON, A NEIGHBOR...
NOT "I'D SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HER"
XYZ DIRTY THOUGHT CENTRAL.
HOW SELFISH DOES SOMEONE HAVE TO BE
TO TREAT A PERSON LIKE THEIR
PERSONAL *FANTASY*
AND KEEP PUSHING LIMITS
AND BOUNDARIES
INSTEAD OF A PERSON
WHO HAS LIMITS
AND BOUNDARIES
FOR REASONS SUCH AS THAT?
That's what I'm saying.
Why would that level of selfishness
BE ATTRACTIVE?
AND HORMONES AREN'T EXCUSES
FOR FKED UP SH*T, EITHER.
MANNERS SHOULDN'T BE OPTIONAL.
AND MANNERS ARE ATTRACTIVE!
LIKE NOT SHOWING YOUR PEEN!
TO A GIRL WHO ALREADY TOLD YOU
SHE DOESN'T WANT S#X.
OR A FKN M@STURB@TION VIDEO FFS.
LIKE NOT BRINGING IT UP AT ALL
UNLESS SHE DOES.
AND IF SHE DOESN'T,
JUST FKN DON'T!
AND IF YOU DO AND SHE SAYS
SHE DOESN'T WANT IT,
ACTS DISINTERESTED,
LEAVE IT AT THAT.
AND NEVER BRING IT UP, AGAIN, EVER.
IF I BROUGHT IT UP,
AND THE DUDE DIDN'T WANT TO,
I'D BE TOO EMBARRASSED TO FKN BRING IT UP AGAIN.
IT'D PROBABLY BE TOO AWKWARD TO BE AROUND EACH OTHER
AFTER THAT.
FOR ME, AT LEAST.
AND I DEFINITELY DON'T EXPECT ANYONE
I EVER WANTED TO,
TO WANT TO.
BECAUSE WHAT? THEIR CHOICE!!!!!
AND IF I WAS BEING CREEPY AND GROSS
I CAN'T EXPECT THEM TO WANT TO.
AND COULDN'T BE MAD ABOUT IT,
EITHER.
LIKE WHEN I'M 80...
I CAN'T BE GOING TO SOMEONE
HALF MY AGE AND EXPECT THEM
TO WANT TO.
SO WHY DO THEY THINK I DO?
IF I DON'T SEE YOU "LIKE THAT"
I JUST DON'T.
THAT'S NOT SOMETHING
THAT I'LL JUST CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT.
AND AM I EVEN LOOKING AT ANYONE "LIKE THAT"?
NO.
JUST SAYING THAT NOT EVERYONE
WHO EVER LOOKED AT ME "LIKE THAT"
GETS TO JUST GET WHAT THEY WANTED
OR WHATEVER
JUST FOR WANTING IT.
I EXPECT THAT TO GO FOR OTHERS, TOO.
LIKE I DON'T GET TO HAVE XYZ
JUST FOR WANTING IT.
But yeah, nobody owes me any fantasy.
I don't owe anyone's either.
If a person can't "control" themselves
it's their own fault, nobody else's.
Yes, some level of control has to be taught.
But there's a level of control
that only you can have.
AND SHOULD HAVE.
AND 100% YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
TO HAVE.
BUT HAVING MANNERS IS LIKE A BASIC THING.
HAVING MANNERS AND USING THEM.
SHOULD BE A BASIC LEVEL THING.
My neighbor just called and asked if I want to go fishing.
Tonight.
In a couple of days would be better if it doesn't rain.
But you make time for people, they want more of it and more of it.
And then, barely any for yourself, to just think,
and write, and other stuff.
Making plans to go fishing is one thing,
but to put me on the spot about going tonight?
Don't like being put on the spot.
Because if I went tonight,
he'd try getting me to drop stuff
to go when he wants to, again.
Not that I'm doing something *important*
just I'd be okay with a weekly thing.
Because I have other weekly things.
Some Mondays are the knitting group meetings,
we're off for the summer right now...
Tuesdays... I try to save for appointments
or errands.
Wednesdays... I'd like to get out by myself.
Thursdays would be ideal for fishing.
Fridays I try to keep flexible
so that I can meet up with friends sometimes
Saturdays... A good day to get cleaning and stuff done.
Sundays are good chill days.
I don't really "like" fishing, but I know he does.
He was saying going with someone
is better than going by himself etc.
He seemed disappointed that I'm not
just dropping everything to go tonight...
And he could still go if he wanted to,
but he's "holding off" until I go with him.
I kinda don't want people getting too used to me.
Because when I want to go do something,
I'm not going to be around.
Already sneaking out the back door.
I'M ALREADY JUSTIFIED NOT TO WANT TO.
IF I WANTED TO, I WOULD HAVE GONE, TODAY.
I DON'T.
"WHY DOESN'T SHE WANT SEX?"
BECAUSE I FKN DON'T!!!!!!!!
AND ALREADY SAID I DON'T!!!!!!
AND I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT IT.
SO EITHER RESPECT IT OR FK OFF.
I sent the email this morning and haven't checked to see
if he replied to it.
I dgaf at the moment.
If I didn't fkn say anything
ABOUT HOW UNCOOL THAT WAS
HE'D THINK IT WAS OKAY
AND HE'D JUST TRY SOMETHING ELSE
NEXT TIME.
I SHUDDER TO THINK
ABOUT HIM DOING THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE, TOO.
AND IF I DO STOP WORKING WITH THE GUY,
WHICH I PROBABLY ALREADY SHOULD HAVE
OVER THAT WTF.
I'D BE WITHIN MY RIGHT TO DO THAT.
JUST BECAUSE HE'S A H0RNY OLD MAN
DOESN'T MEAN I SHOULD EVEN
WANT TO HAVE S#X WITH HIM.
LIKE HE SHOULDN'T EVEN EXPECT ME
TO LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THAT SH*T.
AND I PUT IT IN WRITING.
TWICE.
POLITE THE FIRST TIME,
NOT AS POLITE THE SECOND TIME.
THE THIRD TIME, IF HE GOES ANY FURTHER...
AFTER I WARNED HIM TWICE...
AND EVEN THE FIRST TIME...
BUT THE LAST TIME?
HOW BOLD DO YOU HAVE TO BE
TO SHOW SOMEONE YOUR PEEN?
AND WHAT IS THE POINT OF IT?
BRAVO YOU HAVE ONE? DA FUQ?
EXPECTING ME TO CLAP FOR IT?
LIKE WHAT'S THE THOUGHT PROCESS?
ABOUT SHOWING PEENS?
ESPECIALLY TO A CHICK
WHO ISN'T LETTING YOU
PULL HER TOWARDS YOU?
WHO SAID NO. I DON'T WANT TO.
SHOWING YOUR PEEN IS SUPPOSED TO DO WHAT?
SHOULD I GO AROUND SHOWING MY BEAVER?
WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT IN THAT?
"No, I don't want to."
*Flashes it*
Didn't I already tell you
WHEN YOU BROUGHT IT UP
SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE?
THAT I'M NOT INTERESTED IN THAT.
IF I WAS, WOULD HAVE ALREADY TAKEN HIM UP
ON THAT, RIGHT?
THEN WHY KEEP FKN TRYING?
LIKE, EVENTUALLY....
YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND
AND I'LL HAVE YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU
BECAUSE I'M A GREEDY
SELFISH
PERVERT
WITH NO CLASS
AND NO RESPECT.
NO. I WON'T BE CHANGING MY MIND.
I'M NOT INTO OLD PERVERTS.
THEY CREEP ME OUT.
IT'S GROSS, TOO.
NOT JUST CREEPY.
IT'S GROSS.
AND YOU'D THINK
THEY'D UNDERSTAND
HOW CREEPY AND GROSS IT IS
ANY WHY.
ENOUGH THAT THEY DON'T
WANT TO GROSS AND CREEP YOU TF OUT.
But that's way too much to ask for, right?
FOR THEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT?
JUST ENOUGH FOR THAT?
like they get so h0rny
THEY CAN'T FKN THINK AT ALL.
AND THAT ISN'T MY FKN FAULT
THAT THEY NEED SELF CONTROL.
AND I DON'T EVEN DRESS "LIKE THAT."
IF I DID, IT'D BE WORSE.
SOMETIMES IT IS FLATTERING,
BUT MOSTLY IT'S CREEPY AND GROSS.
LIKE 0.1% FLATTERING,
99.9% CREEPY AND GROSS.
But when it gets persistent, like that...
it starts to p*ss me off
and only so "polite" I'll be about it.
SPENDING MORE TIME TOGETHER
DOESN'T MEAN THAT THERE'S A CHANCE.
Like the neighbor I'm helping with the fishing site...
He's made his advances, too.
I don't think he'd go as far as to show me his peen,
thankfully...
He still wants casual hugs from me,
and if I was a dude he wouldn't.
Most dudes don't hug other dudes.
In general.
But want an excuse to touch me?
I don't get it.
And I don't like it.
If I wanted a hug, I'd ask for it.
Only one I want to hug's my kid.
But I was going somewhere with this...
After one of the fishing trips,
we were walking back, along the canal,
to avoid going up lots of stairs...
Anyway, we were walking along the canal
and nearly every bench along it
was occupied.
And we passed a couple
who were obviously a couple.
And he says: "I miss dating."
And one of the female neighbors
asked me if he was my "main squeeze"
just because we hang out.
"Give me a break! He's the same age as my mom!"
He is.
Which is why I was disappointed when he was drunk
one night and brought up s#x.
Why would someone
OLD ENOUGH TO BE
YOUR DAUGHTER
WANT TO HAVE S#X WITH YOU?
One guy...
HIS DAUGHTER
WAS THE SAME AGE AS MY MOM.
AND AS A FEMALE,
YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO TRUST PEOPLE.
WELL ANYONE SHOULD WANT TO
BE ABLE TO.
BUT WANTING TO ISN'T THE SAME
AS BEING ABLE TO...
Anyway, I was going to say that I'd like
to be able to trust a guy being "nice" to me
because he wants to be "nice" to me.
Not because he has other "motives."
Like to get me alone to try to pull something on me
like showing me their peen...
OR THE FIRST THING HE THINKS IS
HE WANTS S#X
BEFORE HE EVEN KNOWS MY NAME, EVEN.
Y'KNOW?
WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING PEOPLE, FIRST?
A PERSON WHO MIGHT NOT BE INTERESTED
IN ENGAGING IN ANY KIND
OF S#XUAL ACTIVITY.
AND SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO JUST NOT BE.
AND HAVE THAT RESPECTED.
BUT "DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?"
LIKE NOT HAVING A BOYFRIEND
MEANS I WANT TO FK EVRYONE? DA FUQ?
Do I owe everyone their fantasies? No.
Does anyone owe me, mine? No.
Even my wildest? No.
It's so creepy to be a female sometimes, though.
And being careful like...
Being polite even when you're creeped out
so people don't get mad that you got creeped out.
Because sometimes they do.
But not only did they not get what they wanted
and were trying to get by showing their peen
or whatever bs thing they did...
BUT THE FACT YOU GOT CREEPED OUT BY IT?
1)NOT ONLY DID THEY NOT GET WHAT THEY WANTED....
2) YOU'RE CREEPED OUT
3) CHANCES (EVEN AT LESS THAN ZERO) GO DOWN EVEN MORE
4) DON'T LIKE REJECTION.
EVEN WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE A RIGHT TO BE LIKE:
"NO THANKS."
AND THEY GET MAD.
So not only are you creeped tf out, grossed out,
then deal with their reaction to your reaction
to their unwanted advances.
DOES THAT MAKE YOU WANT IT
ANY MORE
THAN YOU ALREADY DON'T?
Because that's how I feel about it.
Maybe my secret fear is that I'll get so grossed out
or keep getting grossed out,
until I cannot be turned on, anymore,
ever.
I mean, it's one thing to be turned on
and "I like what I see" or whatever,
but it's another thing thing to be grabby
and show your peen.
TO SOMEONE WHO ALREADY
EXPRESSED NO INTEREST IN IT.
When I was with my friend, last,
he was drunk and trying to talk me into
an arrangement.
AND TRYING TO USE WHO I USED TO BE
(WHEN I WAS DRUNK)
AGAINST ME.
WHAT BUGGED ME IS THAT I SAID NO,
BY NOT GOING ANY FURTHER ETC.
AND NOT SHOWING INTEREST
WHEN HE BROUGHT IT UP.
WHAT BUGGED ME WASN'T THAT HE BROUGHT IT UP.
IT KINDA BUGGED ME,
BUT WHAT BUGGED ME MORE
WAS THAT HE KEPT TRYING TO TALK
ME INTO IT.
"IT'S GOING TO DRIVE ME CRAZY
BECAUSE I THOUGHT ABOUT IT
FOR A LONG TIME."
WHAT ALSO BUGGED ME
IS HOW HE BARELY TREATED ME
AS A FRIEND FOR YEARS...
AND THINKS I WANT TO
HAVE AN ARRANGEMENT?
A GUY WHO "I FORGOT YOU WERE HERE."
A GUY WHO WOULD FKN SAY THAT
WAKING UP, NEXT TO ME FFS.
EVEN AFTER GETTING WHAT
HE "WANTED" FFS.
WHAT SAYS "S#XY" ABOUT THAT?
ABOUT ONLY BEING LOOKED AT
AS "I THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR A LONG TIME."
IF IT WAS A MUTUAL THING, MAYBE.
BUT IT'S NOT.
LOTS OF THINGS I DON'T FIND ATTRACTIVE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT IN A POTENTIAL PARTNER.
BECAUSE I'M DONE WITH IT ONLY BEING
ABOUT THAT. ONLY.
LIKE THAT'S ALL I'M GOOD FOR? NO.
NOT ALL GIRLS WANT TO SCREW
EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING
THAT'LL SCREW THEM.
SOME GIRLS WOULD RATHER JUST BE
TREATED AS A PERSON, A NEIGHBOR...
NOT "I'D SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HER"
XYZ DIRTY THOUGHT CENTRAL.
HOW SELFISH DOES SOMEONE HAVE TO BE
TO TREAT A PERSON LIKE THEIR
PERSONAL *FANTASY*
AND KEEP PUSHING LIMITS
AND BOUNDARIES
INSTEAD OF A PERSON
WHO HAS LIMITS
AND BOUNDARIES
FOR REASONS SUCH AS THAT?
That's what I'm saying.
Why would that level of selfishness
BE ATTRACTIVE?
AND HORMONES AREN'T EXCUSES
FOR FKED UP SH*T, EITHER.
MANNERS SHOULDN'T BE OPTIONAL.
AND MANNERS ARE ATTRACTIVE!
LIKE NOT SHOWING YOUR PEEN!
TO A GIRL WHO ALREADY TOLD YOU
SHE DOESN'T WANT S#X.
OR A FKN M@STURB@TION VIDEO FFS.
LIKE NOT BRINGING IT UP AT ALL
UNLESS SHE DOES.
AND IF SHE DOESN'T,
JUST FKN DON'T!
AND IF YOU DO AND SHE SAYS
SHE DOESN'T WANT IT,
ACTS DISINTERESTED,
LEAVE IT AT THAT.
AND NEVER BRING IT UP, AGAIN, EVER.
IF I BROUGHT IT UP,
AND THE DUDE DIDN'T WANT TO,
I'D BE TOO EMBARRASSED TO FKN BRING IT UP AGAIN.
IT'D PROBABLY BE TOO AWKWARD TO BE AROUND EACH OTHER
AFTER THAT.
FOR ME, AT LEAST.
AND I DEFINITELY DON'T EXPECT ANYONE
I EVER WANTED TO,
TO WANT TO.
BECAUSE WHAT? THEIR CHOICE!!!!!
AND IF I WAS BEING CREEPY AND GROSS
I CAN'T EXPECT THEM TO WANT TO.
AND COULDN'T BE MAD ABOUT IT,
EITHER.
LIKE WHEN I'M 80...
I CAN'T BE GOING TO SOMEONE
HALF MY AGE AND EXPECT THEM
TO WANT TO.
SO WHY DO THEY THINK I DO?
IF I DON'T SEE YOU "LIKE THAT"
I JUST DON'T.
THAT'S NOT SOMETHING
THAT I'LL JUST CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT.
AND AM I EVEN LOOKING AT ANYONE "LIKE THAT"?
NO.
JUST SAYING THAT NOT EVERYONE
WHO EVER LOOKED AT ME "LIKE THAT"
GETS TO JUST GET WHAT THEY WANTED
OR WHATEVER
JUST FOR WANTING IT.
I EXPECT THAT TO GO FOR OTHERS, TOO.
LIKE I DON'T GET TO HAVE XYZ
JUST FOR WANTING IT.
But yeah, nobody owes me any fantasy.
I don't owe anyone's either.
If a person can't "control" themselves
it's their own fault, nobody else's.
Yes, some level of control has to be taught.
But there's a level of control
that only you can have.
AND SHOULD HAVE.
AND 100% YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
TO HAVE.
BUT HAVING MANNERS IS LIKE A BASIC THING.
HAVING MANNERS AND USING THEM.
SHOULD BE A BASIC LEVEL THING.
My neighbor just called and asked if I want to go fishing.
Tonight.
In a couple of days would be better if it doesn't rain.
But you make time for people, they want more of it and more of it.
And then, barely any for yourself, to just think,
and write, and other stuff.
Making plans to go fishing is one thing,
but to put me on the spot about going tonight?
Don't like being put on the spot.
Because if I went tonight,
he'd try getting me to drop stuff
to go when he wants to, again.
Not that I'm doing something *important*
just I'd be okay with a weekly thing.
Because I have other weekly things.
Some Mondays are the knitting group meetings,
we're off for the summer right now...
Tuesdays... I try to save for appointments
or errands.
Wednesdays... I'd like to get out by myself.
Thursdays would be ideal for fishing.
Fridays I try to keep flexible
so that I can meet up with friends sometimes
Saturdays... A good day to get cleaning and stuff done.
Sundays are good chill days.
I don't really "like" fishing, but I know he does.
He was saying going with someone
is better than going by himself etc.
He seemed disappointed that I'm not
just dropping everything to go tonight...
And he could still go if he wanted to,
but he's "holding off" until I go with him.
I kinda don't want people getting too used to me.
Because when I want to go do something,
I'm not going to be around.
Already sneaking out the back door.
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