Ghetto Pizza

Welp, I went to "reward myself" with a Tiger Malt
for getting a few things done today...
For the first time, they were OUT.
They have other malts, BUT NO TIGERS, GRRR.

But I did pick up some ghetto pizza.
By ghetto pizza, I mean...
A loaf of bread, cheese, pizza sauce.

BECAUSE F*CK PAYING $40/PIZZA.

Even more from some other places. F*CK THAT.

So I make CHEAP ghetto pizza.
Because why? I'M F*CKING BROKE NOW.
I SPENT ALL MY SAVINGS TO PAY A BILL.
MONEY I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS, 
ALL MY SAVINGS, GONE.
AND I'M STILL LIKE A MONTH BEHIND, 
BECAUSE I OPENED THE MAILBOX TODAY, 

AND LOW AND BEHOLD...
OR LO...

ANOTHER BILL. 

I'm lucky I got what I have.
Or I'd have to build an igloo LOL.

Not a lot of snow on the ground, now
BUT IT'S FKN FROSTY!!!!

A lady asked me if I wanted a drive home.
She lives around the corner.

I'm glad I went to a meeting today.
I haven't slept yet, btw...
Probably be a "longish"" post.

The guy at the store, the employee...
He is deaf, I didn't know until he pulled out a thing...
He motioned for me to speak into it.

I told him they are out of tiger malts.
They had 3 Tings. I was upset I couldn't buy a Tiger Malt
so I bought 2 of the 3 Tings
And left one of the 3...

FOR SOMEONE WHO NEEDED TO SUBSTITUTE IT.
FOR A TIGER MALT LOL. 

So I at least have a couple of Tings. NOT the same thing, 
but good enough. 

Today, the host of our meeting...
She always makes such great treats, cakes etc
for our meetings...

She showed us the cross stitch her mother-in-law did...
She just took whatever yarn she had and cross-stitched
a mountain scene she saw in a magazine...

She used lots of different shades, and purples
for the shades of the mountain, just amazing...

Speaking of amazing... I actually got to see... A relic...
I'm talking about from 1791...

A tapestry done by our oldest member's great-great-great-great 
grandmother. At least 4 greats, maybe up to 7, I dunno.

Anyway, this tapestry was HAND SEWN.
YOU'D NEVER SEE ANYTHING LIKE IT, 
ANYWHERE EXCEPT A MUSEUM. 

The lady brought it to show us, in a frame...
She had it framed, laid on velvet, 
in a frame with heat-protected glass.

Most of us have never seen anything from the 1700s.
LET ALONE SOMETHING HANDMADE.

THROUGH GENERATIONS... Was so cool to see.

And she was telling us... She used to be an organist...
She worked for a woman who is a famous pianist.

Well, the pianos she plays were handcrafted
by an Italian guy who is famous for his craft, 
making pianos. 

He supervises every part of the construction
of the piano and the pianos are made of wood
from certain trees from a certain forest...

And another lady said she had just watched a "special"
about those very pianos.

Apparently, there's an enchanted piano forest...
Somewhere in Italy, south of Rome.

And... Apparently they rebuilt the cathedral in France.
That's where that tapestry was made...

A female governor of France, there is a word, a female version
of governor...

Anyway, she was escaping France during the revolution. 
And she was the one who designed the tapestry. 

The tapestry was on the back of a diningoom chair...
Originally. And there were 8 of them. 

I have such a headache, the kid upstairs
ALL THE KID DOES IS SCREAM ALL DAY.
and all the parents do is boink all night.

Sometimes I feel like going upstairs
and pounding on their door to just walk back down here.
They wouldn't even know it was me, 
since the stairs are right next to us lol. 

JUST TO GET THEM TO STFU.
FOR AT LEAST A MOMENT.

Just a pause. For the cause.

Good thing my meds knock me tf out.
I'D NEVER GET ANY FKN SLEEP
LIVING UNDER THESE PEOPLE...

But yeah, my brain's fried.
"Brain on coding..."
I almost fkd up my whole document today...

For some reason my file I was working on, 
it closed... As I was working on it,
I had another file in the editor, that I thought was mine,
I mean, they both are mine, but I meant
the one I was working on...

I was thinking the code looked different...
And when I searched for the part I was working on
with that find feature in the text editor, 
It didn't turn up any results...

I was like "Did I accidentally DELETE that?!"
Nope, was the wrong file.

The part I'm working on involves javascript.
The button I added is supposed to open up
a column of other buttons, 
because I couldn't fit them all on the "card" thing.
I had them opening or expanding on hover, 
so I'm trying to turn it into a button that opens the thing
when you click on it, but it's not opening, yet.

Have I mentioned that I dislike javascript?
It's cool, has functionality stuff, but I don't like it
because it turns my brain into soup. 

Well, pretty sure it hasn't really not been soup
for a really long time, now, but...

Just hurts my brain to try to think so hard
ON HOW THE DAMN BUTTON IS SUPPOSED TO WORK.
"SUPPOSED TO WORK."

Just like they were "supposed to have" Tiger Malts...
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
THEY SELL TIGER MALTS.
KINDA HARD TO DO THAT
WHEN YOU'VE GOT NONE LEFT!

MEANWHILE THERE'S PROBABLY
CASES OF IT IN THE BACK OF THE STORE...

I feel bad for people who read lips during covid...
THE ONE THING THEY RELIED ON
FOR COMMUNICATION, 
THEY HAD TO COVER UP...

At least that guy had the speech-to-text thing. 
THERE WAS A TIME WE DIDN'T HAVE THAT...

WHOEVER THOUGHT OF IT, 
MUST BE ROLLING IN IT...

It's one thing to think of it, 
but it's another thing to actually do it.

THAT'S THE THING ABOUT THE IDEAS I GET.
IT'S LIKE I HAVE TO SIT ON THEM
FOR A REALLY LONG TIME, 
BECAUSE, I, BY MYSELF
CAN'T DO A DAMN THING WITH MY IDEAS.

I WISH I COULD, BUT WHO EVEN TAKES ME SERIOUSLY?
Enough to help me with anything?

Oh wait. I forgot...
I only ask for help if I wanna "bone" someone.
*Sarcasm*.

Have to clarify it's sarcasm because...
Seems the only TIME anyone takes me seriously
IS WHEN I'M BEING SARCASTIC...

Smack ya upside the head with a brick o' cheese
then we'll know who's leaving
with a pocket full o' puddin.'

Pocket full of puddin' came from my brain...
I was thinking: Put it in your pocket
combined with that dude who answered PUDDING
when the guy asked:
"Name something that is PLUMP."

And the guy says pudding because he admitted
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE WORD
PLUMP MEANT...

AND MISTOOK PLUMP FOR PLUMB.
"THE P IS IN THE PUDDING."

And we were talking about cooking and baking today.
A lady in our group taught ESL.
English as a Second Language.

And she was telling us that she had to explain
what certain words meant.

Like "I had to show them what a "pinch" was.
So she brought in sugar to the class
and showed them what a "pinch" of sugar was...

And the difference between a dollop and a dab... Etc.

But she was saying that her students felt more "Canadian"
using the words we take for "granted."

Nobody's really using these words.
I haven't heard the word dollop used in decades lol. 

Anyway, just all these stories etc...
From these ladies.

We get to see all the work brought in. 
Some people don't come to our meetings, 
they just get one of the ladies
to pick up stuff from them... 

So we're always getting new donations to look at.
Very talented people... 

I keep saying that I'm going to get these done...
These ones that I have to sew the "ends in."

So I have two that I need to sew.
They are completed, joined etc...
Just have to sew the ends in. 

Like if I join a new color... 
I'll leave some hanging out
to sew in later...

Easier to do that, I guess...
A lot of people actually crochet OVER the ends
to have them tucked into the stitches
instead of sewing them in.
BECAUSE SEWING IN ENDS IS A PITA.

IT'S USUALLY THE LAST PART OF A THING, 
SEWING THE ENDS IN...

Then it can be complete and TF AWAY FROM ME.
BUT IT'D BE COOL IF WHOEVER ENDS UP
GETTING WHAT I MADE, 
THAT THEY ENJOY IT.
APPRECIATE THE TIME IT TOOK
TO MAKE IT....

BECAUSE EVERY STITCH IS HAND MADE.

THAT'S WHAT'S SO AMAZING ABOUT THE TAPESTRY.
EVERY STITCH. HAND STITCHED.
FROM 1791!!!!!

WHERE ARE YOU AND WHEN ARE YOU
EVER GOING TO HAVE A CHANCE
TO SEE SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!?!

AT A MUSEUM. IT'S LITERALLY ART.
Well, to call it "art" is kinda insulting, actually. 

It's a masterpiece. 
Specially, hand-crafted... Exceptionally well done.

You'd never get to see that. 

Back when people used to do that type of stuff.

Then we got "ruined" by society
that prioritizes fkn tik tok bs...

OVER THE FINE ARTS.
AND A LOT OF SKILLS
ARE DYING WITH THE GENERATIONS.

I'm likely not going to have a daughter
TO PASS DOWN ANYTHING TO...

MY SON TOLD ME HE DOESN'T WANT
MY FATHER'S GUITAR.

TOLD HIM I FOUND A COPY OF HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
HASN'T CALLED ME.
IT'S LIKE I'M "DEAD TO HIM" AGAIN.
BUT WHAT'S NEW?

BUT THERE COMES A TIME THAT I'LL HAVE TO
STOP TRYING TO BE IN HIS LIFE.

I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SEE HIM GRADUATE HS.
HE DID, BUT HE DIDN'T TELL ME UNTIL A COUPLE YEARS
AFTER THE FACT.

HE HAS HIS OWN LIFE.
"I HATE YOU FOR GIVING BIRTH TO ME."

Nothing says "I love you" more
THAN HATING THE PERSON
WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOU
FOR GIVING BIRTH TO YOU...

Just toss me to the tigers, they'd be more MERCIFUL FFS.

They'd let me crochet them some tiger socks or something.
And we'd just nap together...

If all went well with the tiger socks...

And they'd be like "We wish we had thumbs to crochet like you..."
"Awww! Thanks, Tiger buddies! But please don't eat my pigeons!"

And they'd be like "No problem! We'll eat the raccoon that came
and ate the pigeons' eggs."

And I'd be like: "Okay, but don't tell them I sent you."

Ever see that movie called Ants?
Not that cartoon one with the z...

The one they had to spell with the z
because a movie called Ants already exists.
THAT one... Was filmed in the 70s pretty sure...

Anyway, it's about a hotel that was built
ON A HUGE @SS ANT COLONY...

AND THE ANTS WERE P*SSED ABOUT IT...
AND THEY WERE THE K*LLER, SWARMING KIND....
AND THEY ATTACKED THE HOTEL
K*LLING PEOPLE...

Anyway, I just had weird "I didn't get any sleep yet"
thoughts about if the raccoons invaded my building...
Because the tigers wanted to eat the one
that came up here to eat the pigeon eggs.
RIGHT OFF MY BALCONY FFS.

Like can't I have ONE thing? ONE FKN THING? ONE?!
They are back because the fkr is hibernating.
It took them over a year to come back.
Didn't think they would.

I brought the babies indoors in their temp nest for the night, 
that night. They didn't like it, 
but I didn't want them to get snacked on.

they just stayed in there, all night.
I put them back outside in the morning
for when their parents came back.
I had to try to "swoop" in and "save" them... 

They would have saved me, right? 

I have thoughts of them somehow
finding me when I have to move.
Because it'll be eventually.

Maybe even this year. Who knows?
THEN I CAN REALLY HAVE AN EDGE
ON THIS WHOLE
STARTING MY LIFE OVER THING...

This year is supposedly going to be really good.
Maybe there's some sort of "karma" for me
HAVING BEEN THROUGH
THE UTTER BS I'VE BEEN THROUGH...

SOMETHING JUST NICE, SIMPLE, EASY...
Wuld be nice, eh? Sure would.

But until then I have... Stuff.
Coding, crocheting, writing, knittng, reading, walking...
Sleeping if that is a thing that exists anymore.

Someone once "invited me" to take a nap.
And I was like: "An invitation?!" *intrigue.*

He wasn't physically here, to have one with me.
He knew I'd been up for a couple of days...

The thing is, I feel pretty decent for a bit...
And then, I crash pretty hard.
And that feels, sh*tty.

For the lack of a better descriptive word.

But there are times I felt out of it today.
Like when I went to the mall, 
I guess I was feeling relieved that I paid that.
One less thing on my mind, 
and the book bus...
The lady took me to the book bus...
On the way home. 

So another less thing to think about.
Two things crossed off my list.

I have something important coming up, 
and I have that thing tomorrow...
But after tomorrow...
I probably won't have to see him for a week or so...
His website is paid up so we don't have to
worry or anything about that.

I have a domain that I need to renew soon. 
And my hosting bill to pay this month, too. 

I had to get some type of "food" though.
Whatever's left in there goes towards the hosting fees.
And I won $4 so there's THAT and...
Cans and bottles to take in soon. 

Which reminds me to take a peek for more, tonight.
Plus, there's recycling days...

There are always ways to get a few bucks, legally. 
NOT EVERYONE LIKES TO DO IT,
NOT EVERYONE WILL,
AND NOT EVERYONE WILL RESPECT YOU FOR IT,
EITHER.

But a lot of other things I could be doing... Just saying.
One dude, I told him I'm into web stuff. 
He thought I was talking about OnlyFans FFS.

Nope, my tiger's in my pants
WHERE IT BELONGS.

Not for EVERYONE TO SEE.

At least I lost enough weight to see it, lol. 
Not that I was trying to... My bones jut. 
There've been times I've cried because it just seems
like I can't put on any weight, anymore. 

And these people (almost wrote chonkers) on my 600LB Life...
HOW TF CAN THEY AFFORD TO EAT LIKE THAT?!?!?!

THEY EAT IN A MEAL WHAT I EAT IN LIKE A MONTH.
THEY ARE LITERALLY CARRYING ONE OF ME ON THEM.
Actually 2 or 3 of me...

Last I weighed in, under 120lbs...
And they are 600lb +
so 5 of me...???
At least 4.

Sometimes only one of me is enough to carry.

Like that dude who lost 600lbs...
He had a growth on his leg for like 10+ years
that weighed like 65lbs.

He said it felt weird after it was removed, 
couldn't feel it like rubbing against his other leg... 
Well... Guess not, they took it out...

But when you get so used to something...
AND THEN IT'S GONE!

LIKE THAT FKN CYSTIC ACNE I HAD...
WHAT A NIGHTMARE.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?!"

I should have pretended not to know LOL.
"What do you mean I'm black? Does Dad know?!"

From See No Evil, Hear No Evil. 
Or whatever that movie was...

Two guys witness a m*rder, but one guy is deaf, 
the other guy is blind. 

The guy who's deaf, saw the woman...
The guy who's blind, heard the shot.

And they pair up together, 
to try to catch the "bad guys."

Pretty funny movie. An oldie n' goodie.

I hear sirens, would make sense if it was an ambulance
since I live "close" to a hospital...

Anyway, now that it's "night time"
I should probably try to wind down. 

If I even look at my file, I'm going to want to
TACKLE THIS FKN BUTTON ISSUE TOGGLE WHATEVER TF IT IS.
UNTIL I SOLVE THE ISSUE.

AND IN THAT TIME, I'LL BE EXHAUSTED.

AND ALL WORK AND NO PLAY
MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.

Haven't been remembering my weird dreams lately. 
It's mostly being in a "building" like a school
or a hospital, but a LARGE building like that...
And we're all trying to escape something...
I have a lot o dreams like that
that I'm running from stuff. WEird, but truth.

Ever been so tired you felt like you were sleeping
while you were awake?

I get that, a lot, actually. 
Makes me want to curl up under my blanket
with my pillow, and just...

TRY TO DROWN OUT THE UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS.
UNTIL I'M SNORING AND CAN'T HEAR SH*T.
AND IF I CAN, IT BECOMES
PART OF MY DREAM SOMEHOW.

One time, the building people had an inspector 
check the apartment units for something.
I forgot they were supposed to be coming by...

I was sleeping and didn't hear them knocking, 
I woke up to some lady stepping out of my bathroom....
It freaked me tf out.
Didn't know who she was or why she was here, 
I was sleeping like half naked. Don't judge.
She saw she scared me and left.

But yup, just assumed I wasn't home
because she knocked and I was sleeping
so she let herself into my apartment...

Good thing I wasn't "boning" one of my neighbors
when she let herself in, y'know? LOL. As. If.

"Better watch out for A***! She'll try to "bone" ya."
Maybe when I used to be into that stuff...

Seen too much to even be interested...
Dude thought I was on OnlyFans?
WOULD I BE EATING GHETTO PIZZA
IF I WAS? PROBABLY NOT.

IF I HAD SAVED ANY MONEY...

IF WISHES WERE FISHES...

IF, BUT ONLY TO DREAM.
WOULD A DREAM, BY ANY OTHER NAME
BE AS SWEET?

Now my mouth is watering for that sweet chilli heat.
Those doritos or whatever tf they are...

Get your minds out of the gutters, folks!

Or I'll have to slap you upside the head with a block o' cheese.
And we'll be seeing who'll be leaving
with a pocket full of "plump: puddin'

I won't wanna, but I'll hafta.
Don't make me hafta do it. M'k?