One Hand Clapping

I don't know if I ever wrote about this before, 
but there was a guy I knew
who brought me to a place
to see his friend...

And his friend said something to me, once.

He asked me: "What's the color of one hand clapping?"
I had no idea. 

So he says: "What's the sound of one hand clapping?"
He let me think about it.

And he says: "One hand can't clap."
He let me think about it some more.

And says: "Sound of silence."
Then: "Silence is golden... Thus...

The color of one hand clapping is gold."

Granted, we were high. 

But this was over 20 years ago.
More like 26 years ago.


But when you can speak on it
AND CHOOSE NOT TO, 
THAT'S GOLDEN. 

ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY KNOW
THAT YOU CAN. 

YOU COULD SPEAK ON IT
UPSIDE AND DOWN.
AND IT'D BE THE TRUTH.
THEY KNOW THIS.

BUT DO YOU HAVE TO REACT?
TO ANY OF IT?

EVEN IF THEY REALLY WANT YOU TO?
ESPECIALLY IF THEY WANT YOU TO?

NO? WHY? BECAUSE ONE HAND
CAN GO "CLAP" BY ITSELF.
IT CAN'T. But it can try.


Just one of those things I still think about...
26 years later...

That's around the time I was squeegying.
And I shared a corner with a guy. 

Who introduced me to that guy.

And when he introduced me to his mom, 
she said she wanted to have a chilli restaurant.

I remember her.

I was trying to get into the school he went to.
They wouldn't accept me
because my grades were too high.
A couple of schools wouldn't. 

IT P*SSED ME OFF
BECAUSE WHY WOULD THAT HAVE
BEEN SOMETHING THAT 
WOULD HAVE EXCLUDED ME?

The school I graduated from
was pretty much the only school
that accepted me that I applied to.

SHOULDN'T BE AN ISSUE IN HIGH SCHOOL. 

MOST HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS
DON'T EVEN WANT TO GO.

I didn't really want to go, either, 
but just wanted to be done. 

I was pregnant in high school. 
Y'think I wanted to get up early to go to school?
But did I? Yes.
All the way to my last credit.

I went to a school that was close to where I lived. 
Made for a short walk home lol. 


Back when I lived with my mother, 
I was going into the 7th grade...

We lived literally next door to a Catholic school. 
And we had just bought my uniform, 
getting registered for school...

And they wanted me to pay a FEE
BECAUSE I'M NOT CATHOLIC. 

WELP, MY MOM LOST IT.
BECAUSE THAT'S BS.

NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT 
I DIDN'T GET TO GO TO THAT SCHOOL. 


But that would have been the closest. 

I knew a girl who literally lived across the street
from the school we went to. 

Was neat visiting her there.

Was a crappy day, today.
I took my medication, but I felt sick.

Been crashing around mid-day, 
waking up at night. 

Still don't feel good, I'll probally finish this post
and I'll go back to sleep. 
Or try to. 

I really don't feel good.

I'll cut this short.