Off Night Shift Mode

Well, since it gets dark so early
around this time of year, 
it's easier to feel like it's later than it actually is. 

I have to kind of gauge it as "the sun's been setting at 4-ish, 
by the time it's 5, it's already dark."

Is it dark out? Then it's after 5. 

When I used to work nights, 
it was dark getting to work, 
because my shift started at 11pm. 

But often, it was still kinda dark
getting off work.

When I took my bike to work, 
Was like a 30 min bike ride to work. 

Anywaym in the morning, it was so cold
that I couldn't unlock my bike for a while.

The lock itself had to warm up enough
for me to be able to unlock my bike. 

But it was so close to home, it was a decent shift.
The company that my company was working for, 
they actually went under.

And I'm talking like investments were lost, all of it.

People who'd invested everything into it, 
and lost it all, they were jumping. 

I mean, actually jumping. 

Someone told me about that.

What comes to mind is don't be so fast
to put all your eggs in one basket. 

Even the "pretty little Easter basket
that supposedly holds the golden eggs."

The place was doing well, at one point. 
I don't know the story of what happened to the company. 

Let's just say that it was a telecommunications company. 
It had global investments.

Then, whatever happened.... Happened. 
Everyone who'd invested got fooked. 

Anyway, that's one of the places that I worked, 
for however long that was.

At some point in time within the last 20 years.
But definitely over 10 years ago.
Possibly over 15 years ago. 


Probably the closest I've been to a job...
Actually, scratch that.

There were houses in the area
who's company that rents them out
had hired my boss's company
to clean the houses and get them ready to
rent out again. 

I did a few of them. 

It wasn't a bad job, but that boss...
I think he was trying to hold it together.

But for whatever reason, he wasn't giving me
much work, and still wanted to keep me hired.

Saying something like, if I get more work
I'll need to have you there
because we don't have anyone else, yet.

But go for weeks without anything. 
How was I supposed to continue like that?

Between those two fields, it was just...
Felt unfulfilling. Unrewarding. 

Got stuck in a rut between those two fields.

Took time off working to try to figure out
WHAT I WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE.
OTHER THAN STAY STUCK WHERE I WAS.

I know what I enjoy doing. 
But I'm not making a living doing it. 
As of yet.


Just been feeling pretty burnt out the last few days.

Maybe an emotional drain, drains my energy.
But yeah, been cold and not really wanting to go anywhere.

Maybe I should make a point about going out. 

My step father told me about a place
that they sell discount stuff that were returns to Amazon. 

And each day, they put the price lower. 

The lower they go, the faster it goes.

He said the place is before the boulevard
where my old school was. 

I could go check it out. 
I like going to the art store, just to look around.

I went to a store that sold all kinds of miniatures. 
I only got to go there once and never got to go again. 

It was so cool! 
Anything you could think of dollhouse size.

Just to get out would be the point. 
So drained, still. Getting back to waking up in the mornings, though. 

Was waking up around 6pm and was up all night.

Night's easier to focus on work, but...
Have to do day time stuff. 

I had to sleep again after I woke up
to get back on the right track, again. 

It's hard to break that. "Night shift mode."
And I'm going to have to get some other things back on track.


Starting soon. My energy's been very low.
Exhausted all the time.

Seasonal depression, maybe.
Probably some other stuff, too.

It's been a long 8 years, I guess.