Like Rock Salt

Who takes a break from writing, to write? I do. 
While working on one of my websites, 
I thought to link some tools, re-doing my footer. 
So the guy who made those tools has a YT channel
(which is where I first heard of the guy).

He has a site where he explained how he set the tools up.
He runs the tools off a threee part thing.
The front end, the backend, and an AI API key.

The front end is just the UI, user interface.
The back end is the script with the prompt
that sends the requests over the API.

Then the results display in the UI.
From the AI API.

It's so cool! That the tech exists.

And he runs his tools on credits.
He sells his credits to use the tools. 

I'm still learning how it works, 
but I was curious about that.

It's PHP script through an API.

I might have my own tools down the line, 
but, I still have a lot to set up, edit, etc.


The PDFs I wrote, I'm cleaning those up, 
then I'm going to re-do my download pages.

Some of the code I'm using for the site, 
I want to see if I can animate it somehow, 

with entrance animations etc.

It'd just be timing, it'd just be
appear on the timing. 
Fade in. 

Maybe make it make some sounds lol. 

If I could pull that off, I'd love it.

Also I saw that it's possible to have a chat bot
run on a WordPress site without any plugins. 

It looks pretty complicated to set up, but if I could 
really sit down and focus on just that, maybe.

There are a bunch of things stopping me
from being clear headed enough to focus
on actually getting it set up.

It's all the things I have to get done.
That I get anxiety thinking about
even having to do, still. 

So I just think to when I want to
just add it on or refine it, or re-do it.

Once things are set up the way I want them...
Then I can do some more stuff.

Mostly experiment with some stuff.

There's a bunch of stuff I'd like to do, actually. 

I have a lot of ideas bubbling around up there lol. 

Stuff I can't really get into. 

Been burning myself out, a bit.
I get so anxious I need to sleep.
For a couple hours here and there.
Otherwise I've got a lot of stuff on my mind.

Projects, stuff I want to get done, etc.
And urgency on some stuff.

Gotta keep better tabs on my medications.
It's easy to run out and feel like crap. 

Ever had a sleep that your brain feels like rock salt?
But felt so crappy you needed to try to "sleep it off"?

How easy is it to just "sleep it off"
when you feel like that?

Makes it even harder to focus. 
To get anything done...
To get out of bed...
To go pick up your medication...
To do a bunch of things...

Things that it would be awesome
to feel well enough to do
because they are wellness-related.

Still trying to just feel decent enough.
To go do that one thing. 

That I have to do, today. 
Sooner the better.

It's barely visible today. 
Snowing. 

I feel like I should wait a bit. 
But not too late.
Still early. 

Been like this the last few days. 
I kept forgetting that I was running out
and then I ran out, 
and got sick.

Because when you have it, 
it's not on your mind that you'll run out.

Not sure why TP was the consideration
during covid, lots of other things
to run out of, eh?


Kind of like when we had that storm
and a part of the city was hit harder than others...

AT THE ONLY MALL WITH POWER
IN THAT AREA,

ALL THE BREAD SHELVES WERE EMPTY
VERY QUICKLY.

HADN'T SEEN THAT BEFORE.


The postal strike is nuts.

Business owners are having a hard time
because of the cashier's cheques etc.

DELAYED IN THE MAIL.
THAT HAS TO GET SORTED OUT
AS SOON AS THEY RESUME WORK.

IF THEY HAVE A JOB TO GO BACK TO.
BECAUSE THEY COULD GET LAID OFF.

A BUNCH OF THINGS.
NOT JUST PACKAGES DURING THE HOLIDAYS.

THAT'S THE OBVIOUS ONE DURING THE HOLIDAYS, 
BUT A LOT OF OTHER STUFF.

Haven't heard how much longer it's expected to continue.

Was trying to say, last time I wrote about it,
that essential services should have treated
as a government service, not a business. 

LIKE THE ESSENTIAL SERVICES.

Someone was making a point to me about how
the Canadian Health care system is partly the way it is
BECAUSE IT'S UP TO THE PROVINCES,
NOT THE COUNTRY. 

Because each province has their own systems. 

Seems crazy to me that Quebec is the only province
that has their own political party. 

If we let each province have their own party,
they can look out for their best interests
LIKE QUEBEC DOES.

SEEMS FAIR?

SEEMS THAT MAYBE
WE SHOULD LET ALBERTA
TAKE THE HELM.

JUST MAKE THE WHOLE COUNTRY
INTO THE NEW PROVINCE OF ALBERTA.
JUST AMALGAMATE EVERYTHING.

MAKING O-TOWN THE EX CAPITAL.
GIVING IT NO POWER TO DECIDE ANYTHING.

SINCE TOO MANY PEOPLE IN POLITICS
CAN'T GET THEIR HEADS OUT THEIR @SSES.


Firstly, we're headed to an economic nightmare.
Our real estate market'll crash, again. 

Anyone remember when Greece had an economic emergency?
Anyone remember what happened that caused that?

Same is about to happen, here, 
and I would not be surprised if other countries
were just waiting for our economy to decline
and destabilize to a point
that we couldn't recover, ourselves.


To swoop in for our natural resources.
Canada's been sitting on what we've got. 

1) TOO BUSY SPENDING ON THINGS
THAT WE DON'T NEED 

2) NOT BUSY PROTECTING WHAT WE HAVE

3) EVERY COUNTRY WHO HAS EYES
CAN SEE WHAT STATE WE ARE IN.

Gee, if only our country was being run by economists!
Not just that, but other things, too. 

Is the finance minister an economist?
SHE WAS A JOURNALIST.

AND SHE SAID HERSELF
THAT THEY'D BE CAPPING THE DEFICIT
AND SHE COULDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION
OF WHAT THE ATIONAL DEFICIT IS, NOW.

IF IT'S ABOVE OR BELOW
60 BILLION.

Just to ANSWER if it's ABOVE OR BELOW!
And we haven't even got our FALL report, yet. FFS.

And will it say above or below?
Something saying to me, it probably won't be below.

Will we ever know who's Maserati?
Or above or below 60 Billion?

Or when WAGES WILL INCREASE
TO MEET THE COST OF LIVING?


The thing is that if the companies have to pay more
to the workers, they will likely charge more.

WHICH WON'T HELP US VERY MUCH.

Instead of what? REALIZING
IF IT WASN'T FOR THE WORKERS
THE SERVICES WOULDN'T BE PERFORMED.

But if they want to take away BENEFITS
FROM THESE WORKERS
TO WHAT? DISRESPECT THE WORK THEY DO?
THEIR LOYALTY?
MAKE THEIR STANDARD OF LIVING EVEN LESS?

Can't expect them to not want to strike. Y'know?

Just not the people expecting packages in the mail...
The mail's still used for other stuff.

And all the packages etc being delayed right now,
that has to be sorted out. 

AND FAIR AGREEMENTS FOR WORKERS.

A lot of the workers get into the work FOR the benefits.
Just ask the office people I've cleaned up after
about their workplace benefits.

and they just came to expect it, I guess.
And to be cleaned up after.

Like the dude who crapped in the sink.

There was another guy...
He put his snot in the keyhole for the dispenser
for THE TOILET PAPER.
INSTEAD OF USING TOILET PAPER
FOR HS SNOT.
AND THE SNOT WOULD HARDEN.
MAKING IT HARD TO GET THE KEY IN.
SO I COULD CHANGE THE ROLL. FFS.

WHY DO THAT?

WHY GO OUT OF YOUR WAY?
NOT TO USE THE TP RIGHT F*CKING THERE.
FOR YOUR USE FOR THINGS SUCH AS THIS...

JUST TO MAKE IT HARDER
FOR ME TO DO A JOB
FOR A COMPANY
THAT HIRED SOMEONE LIKE YOU?

And when I worked at the hotel, 
my boss wasn't taking into consideration
THAT I WAS CALLING TO SAY
I COULDN'T ACTUALLY WORK
BECAUSE I WAS ACTUALLY SICK

WANTED ME TO GO IN
JUST TO EXPLAIN TO THEM
WHAT I DO ON MY SHIFT...

WHILE PAUSING TO PUKE
LIKE EVERY 5 MINUTES
BECAUSE I WAS F*CKING SICK FFS.

Well if she's well enough to do that, 
she can still work?

TF OUTTA HERE!!!!
SLAVE DRIVING B@ST@RDS!

I wasn't well enough to do that.
I had to go down town. 
To the hotel. Puking.


Anyway, I'm tired, tonight.
Still gotta go there and do that.
Still don't feel great. 

But if I just go do that, 
I won't have to do it tomorrow
and I need it anyway.

Probably should get some fresh air.

I went out one night,
a white car pulled over when I reached the street,
just sat there.

Couldn't see who was in it, 
but they could likely see me.

When I crossed the street,
the car just took off.

Just was weird. Felt weird.
Why'd they stop when I got outside?
Why'd they stop, there?
Why'd they peel off when I left?
Why'd they have dark windows?

LIKE THE DUDES THAT TRIED
TO LURE ME TO THE CAR
AFTER I CROSSED THE STREET.
BECAUSE THEY TRIED CUTTING ME OFF
AT THE SIDE WALK.
MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS.

The audacity to try to do that.
And I put the distance for a reason.
My gut told me to do that.

I knew something was up. 
People don't just do that.

They thought they could, but no.

That, you cannot f*cking just trust mofos out here.
Mofos be wildin'. FR. FFS.

WHAT P*SSES ME OFF
BEING A CANADIAN,
PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN JUST COME OVER HERE
AND DO SH*T LIKE THAT.

AND ALSO, IT'S EASY TO MISTAKE ME
FOR SOMEONE MUCH YOUNGER.

WHO'D FALL FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

When I was younger, I used to do a bunch of stupid things.
I learned from said stupid things. 

Things are different than they used to be.
Or maybe I was just very lucky things weren't worse.

THAT SH*T ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

BUT YOU'D THINK YOU COULD
BE JUST ABLE TO WALK ALONE
WITHOUT THAT BS HAPPENEING, AT ALL.

That's not why I've been staying inside more these days, though. 
It's because I have some stuff to work on and I just want to get it done.

I'm not even really guaranteed anything for finishing it.
I guess, for my own sake, I just want to finish it.

Just for something, for myself. 

You know that feeling where you sometimes feel like:
"But I might not get to do xyz..." I get that.
It makes me want to try to do xyz.

Even if I don't get to, I can at least try a few things. 

Like coding. I didn't know that I liked it until I tried it.
Blogging (even though I just write about random stuff)...
I didn't know that I liked it until I tried it.


Knitting, crocheting, reading, writing, piano, guitar, 
I didn't know I liked it until I tried it.

I still feel weird if anyone hears me play, though, lol. 
But to play, feels kinda nice.

I went to an open mic thing, once. 
It was weird because they were listening to me play.
I was nervous. I'm thinking about going, again. 

Just, I dunno... But I did it! I did it, once!

Thought about going to some poetry nights or whatever.
There's also a theater I've wanted to go to.

Should I go?

Been meaning to go out dancing with a friend. 
We went for his birthday, one year.

One of the guys we were talking to, there, 
assumed my friend and I were "together"
and looks at my friend's crotch
and then at me and says:
"I feel bad for you."

First, why assume we were "together"?
He's not the only one who assumed that about me
just being around a male aquaintance.

Second, WHY LOOK AT HIS CROTCH?

IS HE THINKING: WHY ARE THEY 'TOGETHER'?
IT MUST BE "THIS"?

WTF.

My friend thought it was f*cked up, too.

JUST SOME PEOPLE ASSUME AN AWFUL LOT
ABOUT ME IN PARTICULAR IT SEEMS.

Not sure if that's part of the reason I mostly
STICK TO MYSELF THESE DAYS.

AMONG OTHER WTF SH*T.

BUT COULD HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.

Anyway, I'm just going to go out there, and do that thing.
The thing I need to do.

And I might pick up a Tiger Malt.
And try to whip myself into 'work mode.'

At least I'm feeling better.