Not What I Needed

I went into the rabbit hole that is FB.
There's some good stuff on there. 
For the first time, I saw these deer hunter dad jokes guys. 
They're pretty good. 

They turn red trying not to laugh. 

Telling dad jokes like:
What do you call a lazy Kangaroo?
A pouch potato. 

Stuff like that.

Also, there was a photo of Tonya and Nancy.
They were in a picture captioned
"If jealousy was a picture."

Supposedly, it wasn't her that attacked her.
Some were saying that it was her bf's uncle.
Something like that. 

She got a lifetime ban on figure skating. 
I don't know if she faced charges. 

Pretty sure that happened in the 90s. 
In '92, I was in the second grade.
I don't remember what year that happened. 
Can you?

It's a thing in hockey.
I can't remember when it happened. 

One player purposely cut another player, 
right above his skate...

I forget who the players were in this incident.
But, totally on purpose.

Because he could have just kept his skates on the ice.
He cut him with his skate.
Those skates are SHARP.
He knew what he was doing. 

The hockey joke is:
"I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out."

There was a huge brawl in one game, way back. 
I only caught a clip of it.

Both teams were going at it.
The crowd chanting: We want hockey! We want hockey!
It was wild!

I think it went down as the biggest hockey brawl in history.

But, yeah, he totally wanted to incapacitate his competition. 
Just like Tonya did. 

A chick named Tonya in the comments...
Was saying: That was the only time people spelled my name right lol. 

Had a teacher in grade 5, wasn't my teacher, but she did recess duty.
NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TOLD HER MY NAME, 
SHE KEPT CALLING ME BY ANOTHER NAME.

I was sleeping next to a dude who woke up calling me his ex's name.
Like wtf! 

Just would be nice to be called by my name. 
My own name.

EVEN THOUGH MY NAME SOUNDS WEIRD.
When I say it, it just sounds... Weird.

I picked up a couple of cans of tuna. 
It's "flavored" tuna so I thought I'd just test it.

"You won't know if you like it if you don't try it."

I said that to a girl I knew.
I was like "What if you like it?"
She was saying "What if I don't?"

Well, if you don't, at least you know. Right?
My son, as a kid, he hated mayo.
BUT HE LOVED DEVILED EGGS.

He used to call it MaNayNays.

My cousin's husband hated vegetables.
He was over at my Grandparent's place.
He was really enjoying the soup.
He ate 4 or 5 bowls of it.

"The soup's really good! What's in it?"
Vegetables! He was so mad that we "let him" eat it.
Because he hated vegetables...

Like what did he want us to do?!
"Noooooo! You MUST not eat the soup!
WE'RE SAVING YOU FROM THE VEGETABLES!"

He was liking it, enjoying it, so we "let him" eat it.

Another cousin doesn't like her food touching other food on her plate.

You know those plates that have sections? She uses those.
So her food won't touch the other food.

My uncle said to her:
"You know it touches the other food, in your stomach, right?"
It's true, it does.

But "let her" think what she wants.

Thanksgiving was pretty much the only time
that our "family" got together.

Aunts, Uncles, cousins... 

My mom and her husband took their puppy to "meet the family"
my stepfather's family. 

They f*cking spoil that dog. Like a baby.
The puppy was a birthday gift to my mom. 

And they registered her as a "service dog"
with the vest and certificate.

She's probably one of the youngest and smallest
service dogs in Canada.

The "background video" tonight is another crime
type of video. 
The guy sh0t and k1lled his gf and her son.

Kinda sick of hearing about "Black Friday" sales.
It's so crazy that people literally got trampled to death...
OVER WHAT? A SALE? GET REAL PEOPLE!!!

How can people be THAT materialistic?
AS TO LITERALLY TRAMPLE SOMEONE TO DEATH!!!!

I don't think we have "Black Friday" here.
I think it's just a "thing" in the US.

We have "Boxing Week"
They figured they'd stretch it to a week. 

Back before we got the new food court at the mall, 
the food court couldn't "seat" all the people.
Some people sat on the floor with their trays on their laps.

It was one of the last big malls to get a bigger food court.
The one in the east side, already had a big food court. 

One of the first malls in O-town, they said they want to tear it down. 

The other small mall, near here, it had a Walmart.
Then the Walmart just moved to this mall, only bigger.
The space was already ready for the Target we were going to get...

It sucked for the small little stores, that were there.
Like the shawarma guy... He was good. 

Then they built a building next to the Wendy's...
The one that they had to rebuild. 

A guy they fired, came back and burned it down.
Supposedly the guy put lighter fluid in the deep fryer...

He also burned down his house.

It was said he was on Zoloft. Not surprised.

And a place near here, a guy got st@bbed for whistling. 
By a roommate. 

JUST FOR WHISTLING. 

O-town has its things and stories.

And another thing going on...

There was a fire at a house that was previously owned
by some ganster thugs...

I'm thinking that whoever started the fire
THOUGHT THEY STILL LIVED THERE.

One person who lived there, died as a result of the fire.
At the hospital. 
They are calling it a homicide.
Which means it was arson. 

There was a fire here, once, 
well the biggest that I know of, 
in the time I've been here.

A woman died in the fire and it was arson. 
Her son set the fire and let her burn. 

She couldn't get out because she needed help
to get into her wheelchair. 

At the time, I didn't know this.
It was on the first floor, so close to an exit. 
So I assumed everyone got out, but I didn't know.
I said "Where's my marshmallows?" 
Just to be "funny" to the neighbors, I didn't know.

The next day, I got a call from someone
to check up on me
because news had already broke, I guess.
They told me the lady died in the fire. 

Maybe they were checking to make sure it wasn't me.

After that, the lobby got renovated, and they turned that apartment
into a storage area. 

There used to be a "drive through thing" 
where car could pass from the front of the building to the back.
They got rid of that, and made the lobby bigger.
THEN CHANGED THE NAME OF THE BUILDING
So they could say that it wasn't THAT building, I guess.

THE NEW PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT.
ONLY THE PEOPLE WHO WERE HERE BACK THEN. 
AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT HERE.

There are some gossipers who gossip about everything. 
Only have to tell ONE of them something
AND IT HAS A WAY OF GETTING AROUND. 

LIKE MIRROR SMASHER. 
THE NEIGHBOR MOVED OUT AFTER THAT.

THE GUY'S BEDROOM IS "NEXT" TO MINE, 
LIKE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL. 
Separating our apartments.

I feel bad, about that, but I wasn't the one
who smashed the mirror.

One of the "flavored" tunas is a spicy Thai one. 
Holy! It's dang spicy!
Came with a pepper on top lol. 

I'll know for next time that it's too much heat for this girl.

There's a guy I've met, a young fella. 
I wanted to surprise him with a gift for his birthday.
Canada has a postal strike going on. 

I wanted to get him a bottle of hot sauce.

Maybe I could get him something digital. 
I've got some ideas, but I'll have to see.

Plus, he's going to be graduating soon. 

I'd like to help the kid out. 
He's been studying super hard. 

And just trying to make his life better.
And for those around him... 

He's a good kid.

Wow! That is SPIIIIIICY! The tuna. 
I have more to make another sammich, 
but I need to get more bread.

Someone was saying about the cricket farm...
IF WE WERE MEANT TO EAT BUGS...
THE LOCUST PLAGUE
WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN A PLAGUE.
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOOD FROM THE SKY LOL. 

But in some countries, they do eat bugs...
Which is fine, but... Yuck.

When I was a kid, I used to get yucky and lucky mixed up.
I remember wanting to say that I was lucky
to be on a swing... But I said yucky lol. 

I don't know why I remember it.
I remember that park, but forgot where it was.
But I had a rubber iguana thing, 
I used to feed it ants lol. 

That whole area changed, a lot. 
Other than the "'burbs" type houses
THEY BUILT IN THE FIELD WE HAD THE FAIR, 
THEY BUILT CONDOS ON THE OTHER SIDE,
WHERE THE ROW HOUSES USED TO BE.

Barely recognized the place last time I was around there.
That was the time, that I tripped over the uneven sidewalk. 
I flipped off the sidewalk lol. 

And it was embarrassing, a bunch of construction guys
saw me trip and drop my walkman lol. 

At least I didn't have a "wardrobe malfunction."

WHOOPS! BOOB POPPED OUT.
IT WAS A "MALFUNCTION."

Once when I went swimming with a male friend, 
a boob wanted to escape my bathing suit. 

He didn't have his glasses on and said he didn't see.

Boobs are annoying. They are.
They get sore and when you're being active
like jogging or skipping, you need to wear a bra
that doesn't let them flop around. 

I had to go to the boob clinic, before.
When I first found that lump in my boob, 
that was all I could think about...

So they "monitored" it and I had to get my boobs
squished in a machine that took photos or whatever.
They said that it's benign and wasn't growing. 
Called it a cyst. 
Fibercystic anoma or something like that.

It's not "fun." I'll say that.

A part of me thinks that if I had cancer, 
I'd rather not know about it.

My father's brother and mother had cancer.
I often think that's why he k1lled himself. 
Maybe he found out he had cancer
and just... 

Sometimes I think that it's easier to think that.

Nobody told me that my uncle and grandmother died. 
I found their obituaries online. 

I found my uncle's on my father's birthday.

His mother was from Finland. 
She told me about the wooden shoes
and at Christmas they used to get candies
in their wooden shoes. 

I don't know much about Finland, 
but it doesn't have the issues Canada has.

Is Trump "suggesting" a 25% tarrif on Finland?

ALL THE MONEY GOING OUT...
I MEAN THOSE $250 CHEQUES...
THOSE ARE GOING TO BE ADDED TO OUR DEFICIT. 

There's supposedly going to be a huge tax hike.
Next year. In April. 

Instead of taking the tax off chips and alcohol, 
MAYBE THEY COULD PUT THAT TOWARDS....
BORDER CONTROL!

Do we need to learn border control from other countries?
If Trump wasn't "promising" the tariff, 
THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!

Taking the tax off alcohol... 

Anyway, about the stalking...
I probably wouldn't have noticed if she didn't come at me.
I typically don't have some random chick trying to verbally assault me.

AND I TOLD HIM THAT, WHEN I GOT TO HIS PLACE.

It wasn't just her, though.
Because of the spying, too. 

BECAUSE HOW WOULD SHE HAVE KNOWN
THAT I WAS ON MY WAY TO SEE HIM?

By reading our messages!

So I know it wasn't just his ex, it was her, too. 
And whoever else...

They gave themselves away.
Because they couldn't contain themselves
OR Y'KNOW... MIND THEIR BUSINESS.

But I'm the one who's a "psycho." M'k.

AND IF HE HAD F*CKING LISTENED TO ME.
WHEN I F*CKING TOLD HIM...
AND DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT, 
WHEN IT F*CKING STARTED....

Why did they want to compete with me SO BAD?!
Because they saw me as a "threat."

OR THEY WOULDN'T.
THEY'D BE AND STAY IN THEIR LANE.
AND STAY TF OUT OF MINE.

It was up to him to do something about it!
I could have done something about it.

I kicked him out because of the interjecting etc.

Why live with someone you can't talk to
or do anything with without someone
texting him like 50 times
WHEN SHE IS TOLD THAT HE WAS TALKING TO ME...
OR WE WERE WATCHING A MOVIE.
OR WE WENT FOR A WALK. 

We went for a walk, once, and his phone died.
SHE ACCUSED US OF SCREWING.
JUST BECAUSE HE COULDN'T ANSWER HER TEXTS
BECAUSE HIS PHONE WAS DEAD.

That says everything right there.

If everything else wasn't enough.
It would have been enough
If I WAS DOING IT TO HER.

If they somehow found my blog, 
which is possible since she got my email address...
Maybe she's been spying on me on here, too. 
DGAF though.

If she's so jealous she's reading everything, she may as well.

Texts, emails, messages on FB messenger.
She may as well be reading this, too. 
AND SHE CAN GO F*CK HERSELF.
AND ANOTHER CO-WORKER
WHILE SHE'S AT IT.

She had no right to have any of my info.
JUST LIKE I DON'T HAVE A RIGHT
TO HAVE ANY OF HERS AND I DON'T WANT IT.

He told me he just gives her what she wants
TO SHUT HER UP.
AND SHE DOES IT
BECAUSE HE DOES IT.

BECAUSE ALL SHE HAS TO DO
IS JUST HAVE A TANTRUM
AND HE JUST GIVES HER WHATEVER IT IS.
TO SHUT HER UP.

How about you TELL HER TO GO F*CK HERSELF. 
TELL HER DADDY TO GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS.

Anyway, bugs me how spoilt BRATS manipulate
TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.

AND PROJECT AT ME.

That video from the other day, the OF "model"
HER F*CKING MELTDOWNS.

IF HE HAD TOLD HER NO
AND WALKED TF AWAY FROM HER,
HE'D BE ALIVE AND PROBABLY IN A BETTER RELATIONSHIP.

What made her think she had the right to just do that?

BUT IT WENT ON FOR A LONG TIME BEFORE THIS.
HE COULD HAVE WALKED AWAY
MULTIPLE TIMES.

JUST LIKE MIRROR SMASHER
COULD HAVE WALKED AWAY MULTIPLE TIMES.

EVERY TIME SHE CHEATED ON HIM,
AND ONCE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH.

That's why I told him, it wasn't about him. 
It was actually about "winning" over me.
"Defeating" me etc.

She literally went behind his back to try to get him
locked up in the hospital when he was here.

Gee, didn't do that when he was with his brothers?
Only when he was here? Funny that, eh?

Didn't want ME to be happy. 
BECAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE THEM MISERABLE.

WHY SHOULD I BE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY, EH?

But we were going to work on something. 
We were going to do some stuff.

BUT GEE, WHY COULDN'T WE EVEN
TALK IN THE SAME ROOM?

Would you want to live like THAT?

DIDN'T WANT US TO BECOME CLOSE
LIKE WE WERE BEFORE HE MET HER.

BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A DISASTER FOR HER.
BECAUSE HE WOULD ACTUALLY LISTEN TO ME.
NOT HER PROJECTING HER SH*T AT ME.

Anyway, I'm not bothering with the BS anymore.
I spent too much time. 

I'm not getting any younger, y'know?
NEITHER IS HE.
SHOULDN'T HE GET TO MOVE ON?
IF HE F*CKING WANTS TO?

I'm moving on, because I want to.
Whether anything is made fair for me, 
that's yet to be seen. 

BUT AT THIS POINT, I DO NOT GAF.
BEEN TOO MUCH BS
AND IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN OBVIOUS.

I told him about it all. 

WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT
FOR HER TO TRY TO MAKE HERSELF "SEEM"
BETTER THAN ME?

I expected that kind of crap in high school. Y'know?
And at a certain age, you're grown tf up.

GAMES ARE FOR KIDS.

And the lies, though! I hope she raises a flag
up the flagpole of a nose.
Should be long enough by now.

LOL! I just thought of a clothesline
between apartments across the street.

HANG YOUR CLOTHES ON YOUR NOSE!

Why would she be watching me if there was nothing to "see"?

Nobody can "hurt" me in ways they think they can.
They can try, and they do try...
Which is funny to me.

Funny, but it's SAD, for THEM.

As though they think I "need" whatever
they were trying to "take" from me. I don't. 
The truth is, I never did.

If they didn't, they wouldn't have gone out of their way.

And it has more to do with money and "control"
OR WHY TRY TO CONTROL ME WITH THREATS?
BETTER MAKE IT A PROMISE.

She was having a meltdown wanting to physically fight me ffs.
BECAUSE SHE WANTS CONTROL. 

OVER ME, OVER HIM, OVER THE SITUATION
BUT NOT OVER HERSELF.

Funny she has to LIE about me, but I could destroy her
with the truth. 

Something about don't try to destroy someone with a lie
when you can be destroyed with the truth.

I bet you're sick of hearing about it.
I'm just getting it off my chest.

I do have other things on my mind. 
A lot of other things. Some things I can't talk about.

Mostly because it's too personal.

And although I've been a pretty open book, here.
Nobody needs to know every detail of my life.

But at least I'm not too proud to admit things I've done.
I'm not going to pretend that I am perfect.
I know what my faults are.

WOULD SHE EVER ADMIT SHE WAS SPYING?
OR STALKING? OR THREATENING?
OR WHY SHE WAS DOING IT?

But overall, if I were to have a PARTNERSHIP.
I WOULD REQUIRE MATURITY.

SEEMS TO BE IN SHORT SUPPLY THESE DAYS.

KINDA SHORT ON PATIENCE, THESE DAYS.
NOT THAT I'M UNWILLING TO WAIT FOR WHAT I WANT,
JUST LOSING MY PATIENCE
WITH HAVING TO SHOW RESTRAINT.

ABOUT THE BS.
AND WITH PEOPLE WHO UNDERESTIMATE ME.

Because if I really wanted to, I could do the same sh*t.
If they really want to see "psycho" I could do that.
I just don't have the desire or time for it.

AND I DON'T WANT TO BE FAKE.
SOMETHING I'M NOT.

NOT EVEN TO "PROVE" A POINT.

The point being that I could have "lost my sh*t"
a long time ago, like they wanted me to.
To go: "See?! I told you she's crazy!!!!"

BUT WHY DIDN'T I? THAT IS THE POINT.

Not just because I didn't have to...
THAT'S ONLY PART OF IT.
NOT ALL OF IT.

I SAW THAT GAME A LONG TIME AGO.
WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL. 

THAT'S WHY THEY WANTED ME TO FIGHT.
THAT'S WHY THEY INSTIGATED.
TRIED TO GOAD ME INTO FIGHTING.

JUST TO SAY "SHE'S CRAZY."
JUST FOR PEOPLE TO THINK THAT.

And who would want anything to do with a "psycho"?
Because I could be dangerously "psychotic."

Nope. People who do that stalking, spying, threatening sh*t...
If they are willing to do that, 
what else are they willing to do?
What other lengths are they willing to go?

JUST TO HAVE THEIR WAY!!!!

And if you give someone something, 
give them their way
just to shut them up...
YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

Parents who do that sh*t.
INSTEAD OF TEACHING THEIR KID "NO!"
ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.

Because if her PARENTS didn't do that, 
DIDN'T GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS
TO SHUT HER UP...
SHE WOULDN'T F*CKING ACT LIKE THAT!!!!

SHE SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED!!!
HER PARENTS, TOO.

ANYONE WHO EVER ENABLED
HER TANTRUMS AND MELTDOWNS.

Even coming at me for kicking him out?
I WAS NEVER OBLIGATED
TO GIVE EITHER OF THEM WHAT THEY WANT, PERIOD.

Were either of them obligated to give me what I want?
But I'm "crazy" so why not just disrespect tf out of me, eh?

AND JUST TALK ABOUT MY REACTION
TO THEIR DISRESPECT, RIGHT?

NOT THEIR DISRESPECT, 
JUST MY REACTION TO IT.

Gee, why did I kick you out?
I COULD HAVE KICKED HIM OUT THE FIRST F*CKING TIME.
I KEPT LETTING HIM STAY.

EVEN AFTER HIM THREATENING
TO GET 6 CHICKS TO COME HERE
TO "GANG ATTACK ME" OR WHATEVER.

There was never any "Thank you A***, 
FOR BEING HERE FOR ME, 
HELPING ME GET OFF DRUGS ETC."

It was more like "F*ck you, A***, 
I don't gaf about you or anything you ever did for ME."

AND IT SEEMS I GET THAT FROM MANY.
NOT JUST HIM. 

But if you give me reasons not to gaf, either...
THEN DO NOT BE SURPRISED WHEN I STOP.
BECAUSE I CAN.

Do I like turning my "heart" off? And stop caring?
About someone I cared about? Why would I like it?

BECAUSE I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BE LOVED
BACK. WITH THE SAME.

And the problem was that SHE didn't want him to.
And thought she should have her way
just like she always has.

BECAUSE OF PEOPLE WANTING TO SHUT HER UP.
LIKE A BABY GIVEN A PACIFIER.

When I was a baby, I looked at my mother.
I told her I didn't need my pacifier anymore.

I probably didn't say it in those exact words, 
but I recognized that I didn't need it.

There's a lot I don't need.
And I am HAPPY that I didn't get what I thought I wanted, at the time.

Because it's not what I ever needed. It's not.