I Should Try

Well, I've been up all night, again.
Not like I have any "appointments"
And it's Saturday...

Remember Saturday cartoons?
I don't know if you remember this, 
but the NKOTB had their own cartoon lol.

It was mostly them getting chased by fans lol.
In cartoon form.
And about them escaping crazy throngs of crazed fans...

Must be hard getting that much attention...
I don't care if I'm behind the scenes my whole life.
I'd rather be, anyway.

I don't like attention for the wrong reasons.
And anyone thinking the wrong things about me...
But I am not in charge of what and how people think.
You know how exhausting that would be?

Heck, most people aren't in charge of their own thoughts.
I know that feeling, 
but if I took charge more often, 
I probably would ruminate less.

Brooding, ruminating capricorns...

There's two sides...
The emotional "almost drowning" 
or barely keeping my head above water side...
And the side that wants to climb the f*cking mountain.

But not just climb it, move it.
Maybe to use that mountain to climb another one...
Like a step ladder, to the bigger one...
Not all that scared of a challenge.

Just probably need clear and concise action steps.

But that's what being in charge of your thoughts
is supposed to be about.

Creating those "plans of action" one thought at a time.

I heard somewhere that each thought
brings 7 more just like it...

THAT IS HOW PEOPLE CAN SPIN OUT.
IF THEY DON'T TAKE CHARGE.

I also heard that if you let your mind
be like an untrained puppy, 
your mind will act like one.

Even puppies need rules.
No biting... No crapping on the carpet...
No chewing the slippers...
No pee'ing on Christmas trees...

That one's from Rodney Dangerfield.
It was his real voice, in a cartoon dog form.
Been years since I watched it.
Decades.

Just as much a part of my childhood as Darkwing Duck.
"Let's get dangerous!"

I still find it funny that the NKOTB had a cartoon.

I think the band broke up because one of them went to jail.
And that was pretty much the end of their "career"
but I think they did a comeback concert or something.

Lol my cousin listened to them...
I did too, when I was 8 years old lol.
"Hanging tough."

My neighbor was into Vanilla Ice.
We had a wooden fence in our backyards.
And he put a piece of plywood across the corner of the fence.
We'd sit up there, listening to music.

He's probably still in jail. 
I forget what exactly he did, 
but he escalated to that...
Cops were always bringing him home...

That little "block" where our houses were...
Got kinda crazy sometimes...

I remember a huge fight between neighbors.
One neighbor was having an affair with another neighbor
and all h3ll broke loose.
It was an epic fight with hair-pulling and the whole 9 yards.
They moved after that.
It sucked because my neighbor was my friend.
And I still think about him sometimes.

We used to climb the trees behind our houses.
And one day, in a tree, he taught me "the voice."
My brother wanted me to teach it to him, I did.

And he used "the voice" to train his dog.

I miss the guy, but I never knew his last name.
I'll still have the memories, though.
I'd like to say those were easier times...
Maybe easier in some regards, 
but like a slow-leak kind of nightmare in other regards.

Maybe like letting all the air out of a balloon...
If it just popped, it would have ended sooner.

But it seemed like once one stopped, another'd start.
BUT it could have been worse and I remind myself of that.

As hard as it was... Living like that. Don't have to, now.
Still struggle sometimes.
But that's life, not perfection.

If it was perfection, would there be any reason to reflect?
To learn? To grow? To change?

Would we even be truly satisfied?
If we didn't know anything but perfection?
Would we ever appreciate it for being perfect?
If we didn't know what slaps in the face felt like?

For being pwoifect?

Sometimes I have such a good day, 
that I feel like it couldn't have been better.

Like when I go to the lake...

One time, there was a woman jogging.
I guess the turkeys came out of nowhere
and she got scared and dropped her water bottle
and she was too scared to get it back...
Scared of the turkeys...

So I walked up, picked it up for her.

No sense being scared of the turkeys.
They don't want to be bothered
or bother anyone.
They are too busy just doing turkey stuff...

Baby turkeys are called poults.
One time I counted 17 of them.

There are lots of wildlife in there...
Different types of birds and mammals. 
Even reptiles...

I once saw a huge turtle. More like a tortoise...
It was just walking along the path
near the raspberry patch...
Probably was eating the berries that fell to the ground.

Some people spread out unpopped popcorn for the geese.
Just to keep them off the road...

The road leads to the water treatment plant. 
And people who work there want the geese off the road.

I once saw a turkey trying to get on a bus.
The driver closed the doors so it couldn't get on the bus.
I wouldn't be surprised if they hitch rides around the city somehow.
If they rode on the roof of the bus, nobody would know.
Never seen that happen, but if it ever did, 
nobody would know. Unless they see it.

And turkeys are smarter than given credit for.
Probably smarter than chickens.

I heard that chickens can drown in the rain.
Because they look up at the sky
and the rain goes into their nostrils on their beaks.

Something like that. Not sure how true it is.

But I don't think turkeys would do that.
And not sure what they do during the winter...

Freaking turk-sicles...

There is a big gaggle of them
near where my mom used to live.

She didn't want to take her dog over there
because the dog was kinda freaked about the turkeys.
What makes them seem so intimidating?

Maybe they want revenge for getting eaten on holidays...

I know geese can be vicious, but never seen a turkey on a rampage.
Have you?
Wouldn't blame them if they ever did...

But they are mostly busy doing turkey stuff...
Like geese are busy doing goose stuff...
One's a goose one's a gander.

And female cats are called queens.
And contrary to popular belief, 
male cats are actually called rams.

I forget how they got to be called tomcats.
But there is a story to it.
I just forget what the story was.

There are a lot of cool birds, though.
I once saw a heron catch and eat a fish at the lake.
Was pretty cool. 

At the time, I was stuck in my head, lamenting.
Looking back, I spent too much lamenting.
About mirror smasher.
And being treated like crap.
Not just by him, but by many.
But especially him...

But I already explained a lot about that.
There was a time I wrote about him every day, 
for like a year...

And wrote letters to him, almost every day.
Most of them I tore up, tossed away.
Not like any of my words made any difference.

Just some kind of entertainment...
Was funny and fun playing in my face.
OR WHY DO IT?!

Anyway, I know it was just a bunch of stuff
TO LEARN FROM
AND MOVE ON FROM
TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE REST OF MY LIFE.
WITHOUT HIS BS...
AND HER BS...

"Be careful what you wish for" applied to that.
And there was a reason it didn't go anywhere.

Probably because that's not the direction meant for me.
And that's somehow easier to accept than...
Feeling how I've felt about it...
Even being angry about it...

Not that often I come up with some good ones...
But when I do, I do.
(And I'm proud when I do lol).

I'm starting to fade finally.
If I take my medication now, I'll be down.
9:30?! I'll be waking up at dinner time at this rate...
Not that I have a lot to do today.
So once a week, can't be that bad. Can it?