Granny Squares

I just got back from a knitting meeting, today.
It's always nice to see what others have made to donate
and are working on...

I told them I don't mind joining squares
so they gave me a bag of squares to join. 
Beige, brown, and orange.
They look like they were made in the 70s
and were just stashed in someone's basement
for decades lol.

Someone donated a huge stash.
I guess the stash was her mother's stash.
The squares must have been from that stash.
Lots of unfinished sweaters with the needles still in.
And they are pinned together.

The squares they gave me came with a hook.
And extra yarn. Probably to make more squares with,
but I'm just using it to join the squares together.

It's one of those "lap" projects.
Because you can just put it on your lap to work on it.

One thing I love about the group is that they provide snacks.
Fill up on snacks and won't be hungry again
until the evening.

I have soup left and some noodles.
If anything, I can just get more sauce when I need it.
Otherwise, I should be good for a few days at least.

I don't like grocery shopping.
So when I go grocery shopping, 
I'll pick up a ting or a tiger malt.

I like the pink ting, it's grapefruit.
I haven't tried the green ting, yet.
I suspect that it's also citrus.

The tiger malt is sweet.
It has a caramel type of taste to it.

I think that Tiger tail ice cream is only in Canada.
It's an orange flavor with "stripes" of black licorice.

The Tiger malt is a non-alcoholic beer.
It has a unique taste. It's from Barbados.
It's imported here and distributed by a Canadian company.

It's sold by the bottle and it's 87 cents.
So getting just one won't break the bank.

Tiger malt won a gold medal, actually.
I find it pretty sweet so just one is 'enough.'

Tings are just under $2. 
Just under $2.50 per bottle.

I really enjoy it, but switch it up.

I haven't gone back to that pub since I last went.
They have chicken wings and I've been a few times.

Speaking of sweet, the lady who hosted today, 
she baked dozens of cookies and other stuff.
She also had crackers and cheese.

Of course, there's tea, too.

So that's been my day, so far.
Other than that, I need to fix the posts
on my other blog because I've been re-doing some images...
The featured images that go above the posts...

I like WordPress for some things, 
but other things are kinda annoying.

I had a good start on my blog page for that site.
But when I went to look at it, 
the posts weren't showing up, at all.

So I'm trying a post grid plugin. 
It uses shortcode.
So when I make any changes to the template
or the grid (or whatever it's called)
the changes update automagicallly.

So that's something... And can filter by category.
I still have to clean up, a lot of stuff.
Because I started doing stuff with it a few years ago.
And now, well, it's slowly getting done.

Hard to believe I've written over 4k posts on here.
That's over the span of 20 years, though.

20 years of ruminating on stuff.
I probably wasted over a third of that time.
Just in ruminating...

I think the last bout of ruminating...
Reflecting back on how much of it I actually did...
Instead of just walking away
AND NOT GIVING A BILLION CHANCES...

A BILLION CHANCES
FOR SOMEONE TO GIVE ME JUST ONE?

TF I NEED TO BE DOING THAT FOR?

I read a post in one of my groups on FB.
Not MY group, just one I'm in...

A woman was asking for advice about a guy
who kept breaking up with her for other women
and he'd come back to her, wanting another chance...

AND THEN DO IT AGAIN.
MORE THAN TWICE.

And everyone said, in the comments, 
that it was clear that the guy was just using her.

And she had written in her post that he'd tell her
that he'd sleep over at his friend's place
and forget his phone in the car etc.

So people were telling her that it seems he's been cheating.

Thing with me is that most of my friends are male.
They are platonic friendships.

Mostly, I tend to get along better with males.
I feel weird being around other females.

At the knitting group, it's okay
because all we're doing is just knitting
and talk about knitting and crochet.

The other ladies talk about their trips.
One lady went to Finland.

There are two countries I'd like to see, one day.
Finland and Scotland.
Maybe England, too.

Could I ever be as lucky to get to go to all 3?

I am lucky to have been able to go to Niagara Falls.
Fall is the perfect time of year for Niagara Falls.

I went in th winter, once, and it was my birthday.

My son and I were going to go celebrate our birthdays.
Together, in Niagara Falls... 
The bus crashed on the way there.
We were catapulted up the aisle toward the front, 
made it almost half way up.

Our seat actually came apart.
Everyone else was okay.
Because theirs didn't...

My back hit an armrest thing.
It was so f*cking painful to be able to just sit.

Anyway, that was the last time we tried to go.
And my son said he hates traveling, anyway.

Maybe I'll get to go, again, some time.
It's kinda sad, though, 
because the tourists mostly stay close to Clifton Hill.
That's the district that has museums, restaurants, etc
on both sides of the street.

When I took my son, I told him to pick 4 or 5 things he wants to do.
Because it's easy to overspend there and I only had saved so much.

But it was nice, to be there, together.
A few times he seemed disappointed
that we didn't get to do everything. 

We got to go to a nice sushi place near the motel.
That's the day that 217 started.
Because after we were given room 217, 
it followed me everywhere.

Even to McD's.
Those order numbers...
I got 217 TWICE. What are the odds of that?
Once, let alone twice...

That room had a strange chem smell.
Like it had to have been cleaned with something...
Well, of course it was cleaned...
Just that it was a different smell that came with it.
Hard to explain it.

So it made me wonder if someone had died in it.

I remember this one video I saw...
A woman had stripped naked and went right over the falls.
She did it on purpose.

A lot of su!c!des in the falls...

Definitely something different about that place.

Well, I was saying that it's sad that the tourists
stay just close to the water falls and stuff
because the rest of the 'city' looks abandoned.
With places boarded up etc.

The government giving millions away to useless studies...
And can't take care of our own backyard...

Another thing I noticed was the population of stray cats.

I stayed at the hostel when I went by myself.
Ended up playing some pool with a guy from France
on my birthday that year.

So the casinos and the big chain restaurants
seem to be the only ones profiting from the tourism.

Maybe they should consider investing in Niagara Falls.
Since it's already a tourist destination...

So is this city, but take one look at downtown...
"Zombie walk" they call it.
When the junkies are lit like Christmas trees...

But the way they are bent over like that...

Or government needs a good 3k border security officers...
Just for bare min border control...

Pretty sad when ya can't just be happy with a joint.

And my stepfather was saying that they do it
just to 'escape' their 'realities.'
Because a lot of them don't want to actually be here.

I can understand that sentiment.

But my stepfather was saying that someone told him:
"I can't understand why anyone would do that..."

My stepfather kinda got mad at him
because considering what some people go through
and have gone through...

I'll be honest. I've thought about it plenty of times.
Been in the hospital after attempts.

Spent my 15th birthday at a hospital...
That's the birthday my uncle came to see me
to give me my father's guitar...

I remember my father wrote a song for me
but I didn't get to hear it.

Anyway, I wrote a couple of songs.
Some songs I wish I recorded
that I wrote on the fly, that I forget now.

If I 'sing' at all, it's when I'm completely alone lol.
I used to 'sing' at Church and I did a few songs in the choir.
My Grandmother took me to the choir with her.

And then there was Christmas caroling.
Which doesn't exist anymore.

Because why would anyone
who doesn't celebrate Christmas
want to hear Christmas music?

It was mostly to "spread' "Christmas cheer."

Christmas is supposed to be more than
the fact it's a 'holiday."

But yeah, has to do with religion. 

I'm not totally against religion. 
I'm not crazy about what people do
in the name of religion. 

What bugs me is stuff like blocking streets to pray.
I'm not against praying.
Just that they have Mosques. 
They have other places to pray.

Blocking streets is just...
Like holding people hostage.

If they are allowed to do that,
we should be allowed to sing Christmas songs
AND O CANADA IN SCHOOLS.

These squares... The wool that came with it
has labels on it that say Eatons lol. 

Not sure when Eatons went out of business, 
but the last Eatons here, was turned into Nordstrum. 
But they didn't do as well as they'd hoped.

Same with Target. We were supposed to get one
at the mall, but it was pulled out before they opened
and we got a Walmart instead.

How much are the plastic Walmart bags going for?
I have a bunch of them lol.

Would have saved Zellers bags if I knew
that we'd phase them out...

Didn't see it coming, but kinda glad it did.

The only thing is that bags went from 5cents to 30cents.
But if you remember to bring a bag, bonus. Less waste.

Food went up over 30% here.
Did wages increase 30%? Or did they stay the SAME?
And what happened to rent? Went up over 50%.

People working 2 jobs just to afford rent ffs.

And then there are people telling me
that their food goes to waste.
GIVE IT TO ME DAMMIT.

Instead of letting it just go to waste...

When I volunteered in the soup kitchen, 
a lot of the food went to waste.

There was enough food to give people double.
But we have to make sure there's enough to go around.
Which there is.

One thing I liked about volunteering there
is that at the end of the shift, we got to eat
and there were times I did take some food with me
because it'd end up in the garbage.

One time Chef got mad at me for doing it.
I told him it was going to go in the garbage.

He doesn't seem to get it.
Why would anyone who can afford to eat well, get it?

The ladies in the knitting group, 
99% of them are married.
Never had to worry about anything, 
and go on TRIPS all the time...

At least once a year.

I'd like to just get my sites set up.
A few moves I'd like to make, soon. 

The "less fortunate." Have nots...

But, never know.
Things can change. For the better.

That's what I tell myself:
There can be good surprises, too. 

Not just things that are like punches to the gut...
When you've had so many of those, in your life,
it can be hard to actually get yourself to believe
that good things can happen, too.

Usually when we least expect it.

So many punches to the gut and slaps in the face.
Figuratively, but I'm sure you already got that.

It also bugs me how Canada's been imploding...
Shouldn't take a rocket scientist to know what the issues are.

I had a chat with chatgpt about politics
and chatgpt came up with an analysis and a "plan."
Pretty funny when AI knows exactly what I'm saying.
And why I'm saying it.

And all the issues need to be fixed together
because the issues all impact the other issues.

It's not about fixing one issue, 
EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED.
WENT UNADDRESSED FOR TOO LONG.
A LOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE
THAT I TRIED TO ADDRESS
THAT I WASN'T "ALLOWED TO" ADDRESS...

BECAUSE EACH TIME I DID, 
NOBODY WANTED TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY.

If my ex wanted to take accountability, 
he would have just done his work.

LIKE I ASSUMED HE WAS DOING
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE WERE THERE FOR
AND GETTING PAID FOR.

And I had to take the HIGH ROAD
DEALING WITH ALL KINDS OF BS
I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR...

Am I supposed to PROVE MYSELF TO EVERYONE?
BECAUSE OF LIES AND BS?

People literally went OUT OF THEIR WAY.
TO TRY TO PROVE SOMETHING
THAT WAS NEVER EVEN TRUE LOL.

But does anything really change when the truth comes out?

And if I was going to lie about myself,
I would actually think I was better than everyone.
I'd be full of sh*t and not telling the truth lol. 

Or making sh*t up when I f*cking couldn't, if I tried.
Why do you think I ask chatgpt to write prompts for me?

Most of it I'd rather be making up than admitting any of it.
Because I wish a lot of sh*t hadn't happened.
At all, let alone, to me...

But maybe it was supposed to be for whatever "wisdom" attached.
From reflecting on stuff like that...

But I think my biggest test is anger.
Because a lot of sh*t... Shows me...
HOW MUCH F*CKING RESTRAINT
I ACTUALLY HAVE...
LET ALONE SHOWN...

WHEN THEY COULD HAVE JUST RESPECTED ME
ENOUGH NOT TO DO WHAT THEY CHOSE TO DO.

People I never had to show ANY mercy.
Most people wouldn't. 
THEY probably wouldn't.

AND IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT COMING FROM ME.
I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SHOWN
ANY MERCY.

NOT FOR PUTTING THEM THROUGH
ANYTHING THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO.

AND THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE.
INCLUDING THINGS WE'VE DONE, OURSELVES.
Y'KNOW, ACCOUNTABILITY.

*hands revealing a rainbow while saying*
AC-COUNT-ABILITY.

Notice how the word and many others end with the word ability.

I put those squares away for today.
They are totally 70s though...

Beige, dark brown, and that 70s orange lol.
I got a central block of 9 joined, 
and joining a border of squares around it.

That makes a block of 9 with a border of 16.

And I have more, to add, and more beige...
There's always something to work with.
Something to finish, squares to join. 

Also got some more squares that will go
with squares I already made for another 'thing.'

Haven't really been working on my own projects
except the website stuff.


And writing here.

But I have a lot of wool to use up
and whenever that happens, they have stashes donated.

Whenever that happens because I likely have enough
for a lifetime, already, but I've been using it more, lately.

Over 20 years of adding to my stash...
Probably like 30 years...

There's always going to be a surplus of yarn.
There are warehouses of just yarn sales.

Eye candy like that... 
That's what it feels like when the donated wool comes in.

Every meeting I seem to bring something with me.
And haven't made my way through that yet, 
let alone stuff I already have.

And the ladies who store the group's stuff.
One lady storing the main stash.
Another lady storing the needles and hooks.
Another lady storing the buttons lol.

Well, the buttons come in handy.
One lady donated a bunch of unfinished sweaters.
I guess she liked knitting them, but not sewing lol.

So the sweaters needed the sleeves sewn in, 
buttons sewn on, pockets stitched etc.

The ladies who know how to do those
volunteered to do those.


Been thinking about making more socks.

Maybe keeping myself busy is to try to get
all those gut punches and slaps in the face
a bit further from my mind.

Because that inner rage bubbles up when I think about
ALL THE TIMES PEOPLE WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY
WHEN THEY DIDN'T F*CKING HAVE TO
BUT DID ANYWAY.

There's trying to be patient...
AND WASTING YOUR TIME
WAITING FOR NOTHING BUT MORE BS.

Then someone saying that they don't know why anyone...
If they were treated like that...
WOULD THEY WANT TO KEEP LIVING
THINKING THEY WEREN'T WORTH
NOT BEING ABOUT THAT BS
FOR?

FOR THE SAKE OF ANYTHING?

But nope. And that was their chance to choose.
And the people who didn't want anyone to choose me
HAD TO LIE ABOUT ME
INSTEAD OF LEAVING ME TO MY LIFE.

BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT
IF I DID THE SAME SH*T TO THEM...

Then I'd just be crazy? Still? 
Easy to shut someone down by telling them they're crazy
INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO THEM.

But there couldn't be ANY reason I said what I said?
No reason I was pointing out what I was pointing out?

Because what do I know?
"Where's your success story?"

People who actually ask me that sh*t are PART of it.
My success story is waking up each day.
Pushing through those insulting slaps in the face....

But I shouldn't have to push through those.
IF THEY HADN'T GONE OUT OF THEIR WAY....

DID I GO OUT OF MINE?
TO DO THAT TO THEM?

OR CAN THEY EVER SAID I EVER DID?

THEY KNOW I DIDN'T BECAUSE I WOULDN'T.
THAT WOULD BE DISRESPECTFUL. CORRECT?
THAT WOULD BE SOME BS COMING FROM ME.

So why wouldn't it be some bs coming from them?
AND THEY KNOW IT IS BS
BUT CHOSE TO BE ABOUT IT ANYWAY.

But cool if everyone misjudges me, I guess.
So that they could just get away with doing that...

AND IF IT HAPPENED TO ME,
IT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE.

And of course, I can't say all my problems
are the worst, ever, etc.

Not asking for a tiny violin, here.

Sometimes I think karma's been kicking my @ss around.
And sometimes I think it's almost time that it'll stop.

There's a saying about luck.
It goes like this:
"There's no run of luck that doesn't run out."

That ties in with what I was going for
when I was saying that good surprises can happen, also.

Bad luck runs out same as good luck.
Run of bad luck, run of good luck.

In the tarot, the wheel of fortune card
is about the wheel of fortune turning
and those who were at the top, finding themselves on the bottom
and the ones who were at the bottom, rising to the top.

Don't underestimate the 'under dog.'
Remember that show? Dog Eat Dog?
It was some sort of competition show.

When I was at my mother's
there were a bunch of game shows I never saw before.
I don't spend my time watching many shows.

My main concern has been this website.
To try to do a bit each day.

But my writing project is still waiting for me.
I don't know why I take on so much.

Probably so I don't ruminate so much...
BUT COULDN'T ANYONE SEE ME?
Why does it feel like they can't?

Because if they did, would they have 
GONE OUT OF THEIR WAY TO GO THERE?

I DON'T SEE THEM DOING OTHER PEOPLE LIKE THAT...
PEOPLE THEY ACTUALLY CARE
ABOUT HOW THEY LOOK TO THEM...

Because how SHOULD that look?
How would it look on ME?

Y'know something? I don't have to be
giving ANYONE the opportunity
to be or have any part in my life.

I could be giving myself opportunities, instead.
To accomplish what I want to, in my lifetime.

And anyone who doesn't want that, for me, 
then... I don't know what to tell 'em.

But anyone who judged me based on what I have
and what I don't...

I don't NEED material things to show anything.
People who only look at other people who have money...

It's shallow.

And other things of value someone was actually OFFERING.
But takers will only take.

But how can anyone GET my perspective
when they don't WANT TO listen?
LET ALONE CONSIDER WHAT I WAS SAYING?
OR WHY I WAS SAYING IT?

We can't take everyone with us.
When we want to follow our dreams, 
Why let anyone stop us?

I did that before. I even let myself stop myself lol.
All that time I ruminated.... I could have spent on other stuff.

Where would or could I be if I had?