On Top Of It

There's a saying that goes:
Don't interrupt your enemy when they're making a mistake.

As for enemies, I don't have many.
Not out there actively making any.

I'm not like those GOING OUT OF MY WAY
TO DO SH*T THAT'S BEEN DONE TO ME.

There's consequences for that.
Even when you think there's not.
Universe sees it all.

AND THE REASONS BEHIND IT.

But yeah, the stalking and sh*t...
ALL of that energy coming at me
GOES WHERE?
RIGHT BACK TO THEM.

SO WHERE WOULD THAT ENERGY GO
IF I WAS PUTTING IT OUT?
RIGHT BACK TO ME.

Not hard to figure it out.
Only has to blow up in your face ONCE.
JUST F*CKING ONCE
IN THE MOST HONEST, TRUEST WAY.

FOR ANYONE TO SEE IT.
THAT IT WASN'T A GAME.

THAT CERTAIN LINES
SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN CROSSED.

The universe sees those lines.
Those very fine lines.

Sees who crosses them and why.
Pays close attention to why.

Because of cause and effect.
If YOU are the cause, you'll be affected.

Because that's how it works.

Nobody is exempt from the effects
of their own BS.

No matter how they want to try to spin
the narrative.
No matter how they want to try to LIE
ABOUT THE FACTS.

OR DENY ANY RESPONSIBILITY
FOR THEIR OWN SH*T.

Universe sees the projections
and reflects those back.
Kind of like a mirror.

But DON'T COME BACK TO ME
WHEN ANYONE REALIZES SOMETHING
ABOUT ME THEY COULD HAVE REALIZED
A REALLY LONG TIME AGO.

Because I gave the TIME AND OPPORTUNITY
TO DO THAT. HAD THEY WANTED TO.

But all they had to do was understand
why they were literally stalking and spying etc.

BECAUSE SOMEONE DIDN'T WANT THINGS
TO BE FAIR FOR ME.

But the only one who is going to, is me.
Why count on anyone being fair? To me?
EVEN WHEN I WAS BEING MORE THAN FAIR.

I just won't go out of my way to prove myself to anyone.
WHERE DID THAT EVER GET ME?
DID IT GET ME RESPECT?
DID IT GET ME ANYTHING?

Only thing it got me was to a point where I don't know
WHY I EVEN F*CKING BOTHERED
HELPING ANYONE 
WHO WOULD TURN AROUND
AND GO OUT OF THEIR WAY...

Because it was in me to GIVE?
What? My heart? My time?
Patience, chances, opportunities etc.

WAY MORE THAN I EVER NEEDED TO GIVE?

But it WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH
FOR THE RIGHT PERSON, CORRECT?

And hopefully they'd see and know
WHERE IT WAS EVEN COMING FROM....

AND ACTUALLY APPRECIATE IT.
FOR WHAT IT IS.

BUT SHOULD I BE HOLDING MY BREATH
FOR ANYTHING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED
TO HAPPEN?

And why would anyone want people to see it
FOR WHAT IT IS?

But do I have the time for that kind of sh*t?
Would you waste your time on that sh*t?
For that sh*t? Let alone more of it?
Probably not.

They can watch me, if they're going to do it anyway...
Because they wanted to try to force how people look at me...
Why would they want someone to see me
in a way that would take anything "away" from them?

I'm not even trying to be all like "this is who I am."
If they can't see it, should I shove it in their face?

Seems people don't like things shoved in their face.
EVEN THE TRUTH.
EVEN THE FACTS.

ESPECIALLY IF THEY DON'T WANT TO FACE IT.
WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO?

But they don't like it when they can't control me
OR WHAT I THINK OF MYSELF.

It doesn't matter how much they try to convince anyone
OF ANYTHING OTHERWISE.

The truth's still the truth.
And it doesn't stop being the truth
just because someone wants it to.

This is why I don't get jealous.
I used to, when I thought I was missing out.

I can understand FOMO, but I'm not missing out
ON BULLSH*T.

Even in a friendship, not worth it.
BUT DEFINITELY NOT IN A PARTNERSHIP.

And IF I was looking for anything, that'd be it.
A PARTNERSHIP.
IN BUSINESS AND OTHERWISE.

But if you f*ck up, makes it hard to
NEGOTIATE WITH ME.

LIKE YOU COULD HAVE, HAD YOU NOT.

And that's what needs to be understood about me.
I get it, not everyone will want you to be
in a position to negotiate with me.

And if you took that into consideration, 
I wouldn't seem so 'crazy' after all...

Was a gamble they took.
A risk they took.

Risked any negotiating power, with me.
By letting someone try to keep me out.
By letting someone try to block me.

They let someone block them by blocking me.
With lies lol. 

And all they had to do was talk about that. All of that.

But I'm allowed to be happy OUTSIDE ALL OF THAT.
BECAUSE IT SHOULDN'T HAVE MATTERED
AS MUCH AS IT APPARENTLY DID.

BECAUSE IF IT DIDN'T,
THIS WOULDN'T HAVE GONE THIS FAR.

I'D JUST HAVE BEEN ALLOWED
TO JUST BE APPRECIATED
FOR WHAT I DO HAVE TO OFFER, 
BUT FOR WHO I AM.

TO BE CARED ABOUT.
RESPECTED.
APPRECIATED.

Anyway, harder with all kinds of BS.

But when the TRUTH comes out, 
don't bother coming to me to say SORRY to me
WHEN YOU COULD HAVE TALKED TO ME.
ABOUT EVERYTHING BEING SAID ABOUT ME.

TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.

The only ones who would do that sh*t
WERE THE ONES WHO STOOD TO LOSE.
IF I GAINED.
BY MY OWN MERIT.
BY MY OWN CHARACTER.

THAT'S WHY THEY WANTED TO TRY
TO CUT ME DOWN TO EVERYONE.

TO TRY TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE
SOMETHING I NEVER WAS.

But by doing that, they show who they are.
Says nothing about me, at all.

That's high school sh*t. It really is.
Mostly females doing it to other females
INSTEAD OF STEPPING ASIDE.

TOO MUCH EGO TO JUST STEP ASIDE, 
AND NOT GO AFTER ANYONE
WHO'S JUST LETTING YOU
IMPLODE... 

BECAUSE COMING AT ME
is like imploding or why bother?

For an ego trip?
People who go on ego trips
TEND TO TRIP OVER THEIR EGO.

THEN THEY HAVE TO PICK THEMSELVES UP
OFF THEIR FACES.

Because when the truth comes out, 
they will try to 'save face,'
BUT THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO.

I DON'T HAVE TO SHAME ANYONE,
THEY SHAME THEMSELVES
BY TRYING TO SHAME ME

FOR WHAT?
BEING SOMEONE I'M NOT?

But I am not wasting any more TIME
TO TRY TO EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS
TO ANYONE WHO REFUSES THE FACTS,
THE TRUTH ABOUT THE FACTS,
THE TRUTH ABOUT ME...

But when someone doesn't want someone to
NEGOTIATE WITH ME, 
THEY'LL GO OUT OF THEIR WAY
TO TRY TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.

And when they can't SEE THAT,
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM?
ANYTHING I HAVEN'T ALREADY TOLD THEM?
MORE THAN ONCE?

But I guess it would have to take
them seeing much more than just that.

MUCH more than just that...

Now that THAT isn't my problem, anymore...
And I have all of my things going on, 

WHY SHOULD IT MATTER NOW?
It doesn't in the way that it used to.

All I'm saying is that the facts are still facts.
About me, about what happened, and why.
About all of it and facts don't stop being facts
just because anyone wants them to.

Do I have reasons to be ANGRY? Yeah?
AND IF I WERE TO IMPULSIVELY
AND OBSESSIVELY ACT OUT
ALL THAT ANGER...

I WOULD BE THE "CRAZY" ONE.
Instead of what? Taking the high road?
Instead of not being "involved" in their sh*t?

People can literally play themselves
RIGHT OUT OF SOMETHING GOOD.

SOMETHING THAT WAS RIGHT THERE.
THE WHOLE TIME.


But that was the opportunity.
And someone let someone manipulate them
OUT OF THE OPPORTUNITY.

DO I HAVE TO GIVE THE SAME OPPORTUNITY TWICE?
DO YOU?

NO, WE DON'T.
But to try to control me with threats? 

Reminds me of the part of the movie
where Kevin Costner was explaining
the difference between a threat and a promise.

Would they have threatened me if I wasn't a threat?
If I wasn't on their 'radar'?

WAS I THE ONE STALKING AND THREATENING?
Sure, I called a lot of sh*t out.
But if there was nothing to have an issue with, 
there wouldn't be anything to call out.

THEY WOULD HAVE ISSUES WITH ME
IF I WAS THE ONE DOING THAT SH*T.
WHO WOULDN'T?

Yet what am I doing?
LETTING IT BACKFIRE
AND BLOW UP IN THEIR FACE.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
IN CASES LIKE THESE.

And I don't enjoy it when it happens.
I take some pleasure (if you can even call it that)
that sometimes the PERSON who was innocent
THE WHOLE DAMN TIME
GETS TO WIN SOMEHOW, 
IN THE END.

By winning, I'm writing my own story.
My "success story"
where I right the wrongs 
SINCE I AM NOT COUNTING
ON ANYONE TO DO IT FOR ME.
OR BECAUSE OF ME.

OR REMEMBERING ANYTHING ABOUT ME.
BECAUSE IF THEY DID
NOTHING ANYONE WOULD SAY ABOUT ME
WOULD STICK,
BECAUSE THEY'D REALIZE
THAT NOBODY KNOWS ME.

Since nobody knows me, 
how can they say anything about me?

Wouldn't the smart thing be
to realize and recognize that?

The reason for any of that?

But really, SHOULDN'T ADULTS BE MATURE
ENOUGH NOT TO DO THAT SH*T?

ADULTS!

And at the end of it, that's not what I even WANT.
Someone who can't see that sh*t?
NOT EVEN WHEN I'M TELLING THEM?
Literally refusing to see it, though.
Is that attractive? At all?
Or is that seen as a waste of time?

It'd be like if my ex contacted him
to threaten him because he felt threatened.
AND WENT OUT OF HIS WAY
TO DO ALL THE BS THINGS
THAT SHE DID TO ME.
TO HIM.

How would he look at THAT? AT ME?
For allowing that sh*t?
Even excusing it?
To "justify" that sh*t?

AND REFUSING NOT TO.

BUT THEN SHOULD I GASLIT THEM ABOUT IT?
ON TOP OF IT?

Tell me how that sounds like a dream come true?