Bazaar Blunder

Today, I was going to go to the bazaar with my mother.
I made a mistake about the time.
I thought it started at 1pm, but it ended at 1pm.

I guess people are up at 9am on a Saturday lol.

So we went to a thrift store. 
I got matching pillow cases.
And a "fabric" that I haven't decided
what to make from it... Yet.

I made a bunch of squares and I put them aside.
I have to find them and make some more.
I think I need 7 more.

Then join them together.

Other than that, I'm working on a couple of scarfs.
Made a hood and a hat I can donate for next time.

There's a lady in the group who has a spinning wheel.
I'm thinking about getting one, someday.

But... A friend said he was wondering if I could "spin"
his dog's fur into something I could work with.

I already knit him a couple of things.
Well, one was for him, but he saw something I made
and asked if he could have it so I gave it to him. 

That's kind of what happened with the blanket I made
that I gave to my ex when he and I were together.
I wasn't intending on giving it to him. 

I've always wanted to make a blanket to raffle off.
He said he liked it and wanted it so I gave it to him.

I have a few blanket projects on the go.
It's a good "winter" project
because you can have it on your lap while working on it.

The one I gave my ex took me over a year to finish.

The other ones I'm working on (on and off) are taking a while.
Not really in a hurry with these.
And making other stuff in between.

Mostly been writing, reading, knitting, and crochet.
Keeping it pretty simple.
I don't really need very much.

My mother told me that she felt someone (or something)
tap her on her foot in the middle of the night.

She thought it was her husband trying to wake her up, 
but he was asleep next to her.
It freaked her out.

So my stepfather told me about what happened
when they were living at the last place, 
before they moved where they are now...

He said he'd keep getting little kid handprints
on the windows at the apartment...
And after a while of that, 
they were on their car.

My mom says that she wants him to get rid of it.

It was a gift for her, but she had her license revoked
for medical reasons the day her husband made the final payment.

She has a mobility scooter thing.
My stepfather found a bmw emblem thing
and glued it to the front of it lol.

About the paranormal stuff, my stepfather was saying
that he tries to just chalk it up to the imagination
to keep himself from crapping himself.

Also, he was at home by himself, the dog was asleep
and he heard someone (or something) run into the closet.
Moving the clothes, the hangers on the bar.

Doors slamming, stuff like that.

I had my own stuff. 
Sometimes I get spooked here.
I have heard a voice literally right in my ear
sounding ancient af waking me up.
Saying "Wake up."
RIGHT. IN. MY. EAR.

I'm a bit spooked writing this and it
suddenly feels weird in here. In this room. 
As though I'm being watched or something.

I get that feeling sometimes...
Do you ever feel it?

As though there's someone (or something) there?
Because you can "feel" it?

But it's like even thinking about it
is like sending it energy or something.

When I was in the basement of a house I used to go to...
Where someone I dated lived...

I definitely felt "something" there.
And I allowed for whatever it was to "talk" to me.

And at first, when I first started picking up on stuff, 
I used to think it was my imagination. 

But then I got confirmations that it wasn't.
It's hard to explain it so I don't even really try to.

When I allowed "it" (the energy) to "speak" to me,
was basically "told" that he got sh0t in the head, in the driveway.
And that it was over drugs.
I didn't get the person's name or anything else,
because I'm still kinda new at this stuff...

But I was talking to someone a year or two after this...
AND I HADN'T TOLD ANYONE.
BECAUSE THEY'D THINK IT WAS CRAZY
OR JUST MY IMAGINATION, RIGHT?

Well, the guy told me that someone did get sh0t there.
And that it was drug related.

That was the only information that I got about it
and still, I haven't looked it up
to see if I could find anything.

I "saw" some things. Premonitions.
That actually came to pass.

But you try to tell someone you "saw" something...
And try to explain that to them.

I don't usually touch on any of that stuff much.
After some pretty nutty things, it's easy to feel nutty.
And easy to be seen as nutty
about these types of things

that are hard to put into words.
Because they can literally speak INTO MY EAR
WITH A DISEMBODIED VOICE.

WHAT ELSE CAN THEY DO?
That's the thing.

Like that dream I had where I was at the threshold
of a dark room that I feel has "energy" in it.
I guess all rooms do, because it's everywhere...

I digress...

In the dream, I was standing right at the door.
The door was open, and the room was dark.

I say: "I'm not afraid of you!"
And a light turned on in the room. 

And that was enough to say:
"Imagine what else I can do."

And that was enough to instill some apprehension. 

My stepfather was saying not to be afraid of that stuff. 
It is very freaky, sure.
But to be afraid of it?

Someone told me it tries to "steal" whatever energy it can. 
Whether it's from you mentally, emotionally (fear, anger).

Always lived in places that "had" something.

I tend to feel it in other places, too. 

Like when I'm at my folks' place...
The last one, too...

It was like if my folks were chilling in the living room, 
the "energy" was mostly "contained" to another room. 

I get that not everyone believes in this kind of stuff.
To each their own, 
but I saw what I saw, I heard what I heard, 
I've felt what I've felt, etc.

A friend of mine, when he used to live in the west end...
He let me stay at his place when he wasn't there.
Because he knew I wasn't going to do anything...

But when he wasn't there,
it definitely felt like there was something there.

Mostly a "watching" something or other.
That heavy feeling, kind of makes the air
feel "thick," and a bit "sticky."
Like an icky sticky...

Can't really put it into words.
Kind of like residue or something, 
but like a feeling that makes your stomach feel weird.

Not like a "I'm f*cking terrified" feeling, 
but the "stuck in yuck" feeling.

Sometimes it feel like a "drop."
Because the energy can just "drop."

But when it "drops" it kind of feels
like a "suction" to the "drop."

The only other way I can describe it is like when your ears "pop"
but it happens to your body, then it "pops out"

Not saying it pops into your body. 
It's kind of like your body pops like how your ears pop, 
And taking a "deep breath" type of feeling
like you're getting "sucked in" a bit.

It's a gross feeling.

That's why, when I feel it, I know what it is, 
but I try not to pay it heed,
because when or if I do, 
it's like funneling "concentrated" energy over to it.

and the air can get pretty "dense" with it.
"THICK."

Another way I can put it...
Humidex.

The summers can get humid here.
My theory is that the rivers create a "dome" effect
and the city is in the valley...

But it can get very humid here.

And a few summers ago, when it was smokey here, 
THE AIR WAS THICK.

It feels so thick like you could swim through the air.

Okay, so imagine THICK air like that.... Like humidity...
BUT CHARGED... 

WITH ALL KINDS OF STUFF ATTACHED TO IT.

AND WHEN YOU GET A TASTE OF THAT, ONCE.
IT ONLY TAKES ONCE
TO KNOW THAT IT'S NOT LIKE
ANYTHING YOU EVER FELT BEFORE.
BECAUSE IT'S... SOMETHING.
It's not nothing.

No matter what anyone tries to tell me...

But yeah, it's not all the same, though.
Some of it is "lighter" than the "rest"
and it's not like a vine trying to choke everything else out.

Like DSV. It's called Dog-Strangling-Vine.
But people just call it DSV. It's a weed, but a vine.

When I volunteered at the wildlife center place...
We were taking care of the butterfly meadows
and pulling the DSV by the mound. 
And we'd plant stuff the butterflies like.

It's a way-station for the monarchs when they migrate.
I have only seen a few other types, but in the spring...
And some of the summer, there are butterflies there.
Next to the amphibian pond. 

Anyway, it's kind of thick like "brush" but "vines"
Vines describes how it can "creep."

Not sure how to word it, and I don't usually
even talk about it.

But I know there's something to it, 
had my own "proof" because I heard WORDS
SPOKEN INTO MY EAR.

YOU CAN'T MISTAKE THAT
FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT.

But yeah... My grandparents' place had something.
Whether it followed any of us or is still there, I don't know.

I always had to have the basement door closed when I was there
by myself. My mother was the same way, 
but we hadn't had a conversation about it.

As though having the door closed
somehow made some sort of difference.

What made a difference was staying in the room
that was added to the original house.

The original house, had a backdoor that led out from the kitchen.
The room added to the house was like walking out into the backyard, 
but into the new room instead of the backyard.

It was already built by the time I was born, 
but the point was that because it wasn't part
of the original house
it seemed to be exempt or a "safe" place.

Like whatever it was couldn't enter that room
for whatever reason. 
Like it was only contained to the original house.

I had a couple of friends over, once,
when I was staying there... My grandmother was in the hospital
and I didn't want to be there by myself...
So a couple of guys came over.

And one of them DEFINITELY felt it.
He felt whatever "watching" him.
And another guy said that, too.

There was a guy I'd met, traveling back to this city...
I told the guy he could come back to the house with me, 
stay the night, grab a shower, etc.

(No we didn't hook up).

But he told me he felt it, too.
And he actually wanted to leave because of it.

I saw him again a few years later, 
and he and I were walking by the lake
and a huge heron flew right over our heads.

But yeah, people who don't believe in it, they don't.
And that's fine. I won't try to convince them, 
or whatever. I just know from my own experiences...
That there's something to it.

I don't "touch" on it very often, though.
It's not something I get to talk about.

My mom showed me the side road that goes to her "neighborhood."
They've only been there for 5 years or so.
But it doesn't "feel" like a place
that anything crazy would happen.

Says a person who knows that crazy things can happen
just about anywhere, at any time.

Whether you're ready for it, or not.

A lot of stuff I really wasn't prepared for. 
But a lot of things it sucks to even think
that one should be prepared for.

Some say: Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
And even if the worst doesn't happen, you're prepared?


Speaking of being prepared...
My stepfather was talking about why he went to get 
one of those naloxone kits.

A guy was freaking in a parking lot
LOOKING FOR ONE OF THOSE
BECAUSE HIS GF WAS OVERDOSING.

I've only seen one person overdosing.
The guy in the park me and a guy thought was passed out, drunk.
Thought he had been drunk
because he puked all over himself.

But in actuality, he'd overdosed, intentionally, 
and I guess he had second thoughts.
Tried puking it out, all night.

But nobody had stopped to check on him.

And speaking of crazy things happening...
Where I live, there was a guy...
I met him in the laundry room and he had invited me
to chill with him sometimes and I did.

The last time I was at his place...
He had a block of knives on the counter in his kitchen.
For whatever reason, I got a bad feeling and I left.

The chick he was seeing and talked to me about...
He invited her out to celebrate her new job.
I don't know what led up to it, 
and even if anything did, 
it was...

He cut her throat to the point
that her vocal cords were severed...

And someone found her at the same park
that I found the guy who'd overdosed.

And people have literally overdosed on the bus...
(That's another story).

So yes, crazy things do happen in this city.

I remember one story... It will stick with me...
I took a forensics class...
They showed real photos...

I don't know when this happened, what I'm about to write...
A guy, I don't know his name, but...
He took a chainsaw to his own throat.

His mother was trying to stop him from doing it
but he chased her away with the saw.
Then went back in the house and did it.

That happened in this city.
There were a few classes we saw crime scene images.
Images you can't get out of your head, ever.

And the photos obviously don't compare to being there.
I knew a couple of people who did crime scene cleanups.
Cleaning up after... investigations were over etc.

And bodycam videos... It gives a bit of a perspective, 
but doesn't show everything
and a lot of stuff has to be censored, for a reason.
The images we saw in class weren't censored.

So pretty much the only thing to "prepare" someone
is to witness what craziness can actually happen.

And things do happen here,
whether or not it's being spoken about.

The real, raw, uncensored reality of it.
Because that's what it is.

It's definitely not candy and rainbows.
It's undeniable.

Anyway, just lots and lots and lots of things
that I don't really get to talk about.

But I try not to think about it, too much.
The paranormal stuff...
Is somehow linked to that stuff...

Because what could "drive" someone
to take a chainsaw to their own throat?

Wanted it to be quick, I guess.
That would do it.

And a guy I used to talk with told me
that his mother's mother cut her own head off
with a table saw, on purpose.

What would "drive" someone to do that?
That would do it, too.

But how does someone just wake up one day and
just decide to do something like that?

And some people think about it for a while
before actually doing it.

And some people have second thoughts.
Like that guy I found at the park, covered in puke.

I didn't have one of those kits.
I told the guy I was with to call an ambulance
for the guy...
He really looked in bad shape, 
almost at death's door.

I asked him if he could hear me.
And I put my leg there so he could lean against it.
So he couldn't roll onto his back.
Because he'd been puking...

Anyway, I have a kit thing and I should put it in my bag.

I'll always remember the time I was looking for a place
to smoke a joint, before it was legal
and I went to the little island thing, 
and it was springtime...

The water was rising, from the river and we commented on it.
We ended up sitting on one of the benches, passing the joint.
Talking.

He told me that he overdosed at a gas station.
And they were able to save his life.
AND HE WAS ANGRY AT THEM
FOR SAVING HIM.
BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE HERE.

Imagine saving someone's life
only for them to be angry at you that you did...

Anyway, I should get something done tonight.